


The Left Hand

by EmpressNoire



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:30:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 53
Words: 151,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7023118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressNoire/pseuds/EmpressNoire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY DOMESTIC ABUSE, DUBIOUS CONSENT, TORTURE. </p>
<p>Modern A/U with Noire Hawke trying escape a corrupt Chantry official. Anders, who also hates the Chantry, is a politician trying to disband the religion. Characters include Sebastian Vael's father, I named him Phillip, Sebastian, Dorian, Varric, Zevran, Isabella, Leandra, Carver, Bethany, Fenris, Cullen, Sampson, Meredith, Lelianna and Orsino.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire Hawke falls prey to a man she has seen for several months at her new job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MATURE FOR SEXUAL THEMES

** Chapter 1 **

**The Fall**

It’s said one’s life flashes before their eyes in the moment of death. In my case that moment seemed to last forever. I saw the gun, threw myself in front of my lover, then white, hot pain. As quick as the pain came, it was replaced by numbness. I crumpled to the ground and I felt my love’s arms embrace me. I saw my former boss and lover get tackled by my friends.

 

I heard voices, but I couldn’t understand the words. Darkness was closing rapidly around me. My last conscious thought was of regret. Regret that I had not walked away from the offer I had accepted 7 years prior. Regret I had once loved the man that had killed me. Allowed him to take away the happiness I had finally found. Too soon, I couldn’t die like this.

 

Poor Varric and Zevran, I never meant to involve them. I didn’t mean to involve anyone in this power struggle. At least I saved the Divine and my heart, Anders, before I died.

 

I whispered, “Anders,” then the world faded away.

 

But, I am getting ahead of myself. My death will come later. To understand why I was bleeding out, you need to know the whole sordid story. I did many bad things. All because I believed a lie from a charming sociopath. Foolishly, I thought I had escaped his grasp. How wrong I was. I knew how cold he could be. How stupid was I in thinking I could leave without repercussion?

 

To explain my death, you must first learn about my life. I was the eldest of three. Born to Malcom and Leandra Hawke. My mother had been raised an Amell noble in Kirkwall. She stunned everyone by ditching her fiancé and running off with a blue collar worker from Ferelden. I never knew her family as they had cut her off. She lost her trust fund, and status. A year after I was born, she had twins. Carver and Bethany. My Father was so happy. He had a beautiful wife, and three children.

 

There was one major issue, money. With three kids, his salary was barely enough to cover our expenses. The romantic notion of leaving her status behind quickly faded for my Mother. She started to become cold and bitter. Always resenting my Father because he couldn’t give her the lavish lifestyle she was accustomed to.

 

He avoided home as much as possible. He started volunteering at the Chantry. He was soon hired to do odd jobs. When I was about ten, I would go with him to work these odd jobs. I became good friends with the Revered Mother, Dorothea. She was kind, and sweet. Dorothea made feel good about myself. She encouraged me to be a top student to get a scholarship. Dorothea explained that would be my way out.

 

I took her advice to heart. School came easily for me. I skipped two grades. I graduated High School at sixteen. I received a full scholarship to Starkhaven University. My father was ecstatic. Being of humble means, he knew he couldn’t afford to send me to a real college. My mother, who came from wealth, had become bitter at our lower class status. She was only mildly happy for me. Jealous I would be around the High born in Starkhaven.

 

About the time of my graduation, Dorothea became the Divine of the Chantry. It was bittersweet for me. I knew she would make an excellent leader, but my access to her would almost be cut off. She made me promise I would write her every week. It was one promise I managed to keep. The Divine promised me a trip to Orlais and the Grand Cathedral when I finished college.

 

I had been at school for six months when I was called home to devastating circumstances. My beloved Father, Malcom, was dead. Sudden heart attack. My Mother blamed me. He had taken on a second job, plus his Chantry duties, to send me money each month so I could work minimal hours. If I had known he was doing that, I would’ve worked more.

 

I did believe it was my fault. My younger brother screamed I had ruined the family. Mother refused to speak to me. I went back to school with only my sister, Bethany’s, love.

 

Less than a month after the funeral my mom, called all frantic. She had run through the life insurance, and was looking at losing the small home we had. She demanded I come home to work, and forget my education. I opted for another path.

 

A newly found friend offered to help me with my plan. He made fake ID’s and sold them to cover his schooling. Zevran, was an art major, but he excelled at forgery. I got an ID saying I was nineteen so I could become a dancer. Scratch that, dancer is just a euphemism for stripper. 

 

The first night, I was scared to death. I figured embrace the fear and channel it into power. I dressed in all black, and looked every inch a Dominatrix. Unlike the other girls, I never went topless, or completely nude. I carried a whip, and could wield it well. When I gave Lap dances, I never touched the man directly, unless it was to grab a collar, or tie. I didn’t grind against them either.

 

It was a risk that paid off. My look but don’t touch rule drove men wild. Every week, they would hope I would show a bit more skin. Perhaps sit in their lap. I never did. My dances changed each week as did my music. That unpredictability made up for me not showing it all. I am limber, so I used the pole inventively. I will never forget the night I slid off the pole and into a split. That was a good tipping night.

 

I took belly dancing classes so I could shimmy my ass better. It also helped me rotate my hips in a very sexual manner. All in all, I was content with my job. I didn’t feel slutty since I did keep covered. I also ignored the offers of money for sex, or requests for dates. The tips I earned were more than I could have imagined. I just kept picturing the day I wouldn’t have to be a sex object. It kept me going.

 

I sent enough funds home to keep my family fed, housed and clothed. I saved every sovereign I could. Knowing I would need it when I graduated to stay in Starkhaven.

 

I noticed a certain man was there every Friday evening. He never asked for a lap dance, or paid much attention to any dancer. Yet, his eyes were always on me. When I was on stage, he would lean forward and watch me intently. As I wandered the floor performing lap dances, his eyes followed my every move. He sometimes had guests with him, but he rarely engaged in banter with them. I made a nickname for him, The Silent One.

 

 Zevran accompanied me to work every week, posing as my personal stylist. That’s what I told my Manager anyway. Zev took the opportunity to lure the dancers into his web. He loved sex. Men, women or both at the same time. His philosophy was sex was exceptionally enjoyable if you had no boundaries.

 

Zevran told me I should introduce myself to the Silent One. I laughed him off. Something about that stranger’s gaze warned me he wouldn’t take my efforts well if I were the forward one. Call it intuition, but I felt he would approach me when he was ready. So, week after week I did my performances and waited.

 

Later I learned, he watched to see if I ever went home with any of the men that propositioned me. He investigated who I was, and knew I was under age. He had planned to approach me as soon as I turned of legal age.

 

If I had known the lengths he took to find out every detail about my life, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen into his grasp. It is human nature to second guess decisions when things go wrong. I believe that is a pointless exercise. Decisions are made in the moment, based on the knowledge we possess at the time. A person can try to fast forward as to what the consequences could be, but in reality it is impossible to know all outcomes.

 

The night of my eighteenth name day it happened. If I had bothered to think, I would’ve seen this could be no coincidence. After my first stage performance, I went out to offer my up close services. Before I could approach someone, I saw him wave me over. I won’t lie, I was beyond nervous. I felt like I was going to faint my heart was beating so fast.

 

As I approached him, he stood up. He was impossibly tall. I wore very high heels. I usually could look men in the eyes with the heels on. But not him. I felt small, and almost helpless under his intense gaze. His eyes were blue, deep blue. His hair was dark brown, with a bit of red. He had a few grey hairs by the sides of his face. I think I fell for him in that moment.

 

“I’m Noire, would you like a dance?” My voice came out husky and breathless.

 

He smirked as he replied, “I don’t want a dance, but I do want you. May I take you to dinner? Oh, my name is Phillip.”

 

I just gaped up at him. I was excited by the brogue in his accent. He was so handsome. It seemed words had fled my mind. I knew saying no would be the prudent choice, but I didn’t want to say no. I wanted, well honestly I hadn’t the foggiest idea what I wanted, I just knew going with him would change my life.

“What’s the matter? Where is the confident, sexy Dom I see every week?” Phillip leaned down and whispered in my ear.

 

I shivered at his breath in my ear, “I’ve never fraternized with a client before. I don’t sell bedroom services if that’s what you’re after.”

 

His hand tilted my chin up so he could see into my eyes. I felt like prey trapped in the web of his stare.

 

“I want more than sex, Noire. Come with me and I’ll show you. If you decide you want to part ways at any time, you can leave and I won’t bother you again.” Phillip’s voice was soft and silky, completely opposite of the intensity in his look.

 

I nodded so I didn’t risk stumbling over my words. I went to the changing area and made myself presentable. I picked up my things and went back out. I saw Phillip speaking with my boss. My Manager was informed I wouldn’t be coming back.

 

Zevran grabbed me and wished me luck. Eliciting the promise, I would give all the details later. Phillip turned and took my hand. That slight touch nearly brought me to my knees. I had never had a boyfriend, never touched a man. I was terrified of the thought of kissing him. Mostly because I was worried I didn’t know how too.

 

I wasn’t shocked to see he had a limo waiting for him outside. While I had grown up poor, I knew wealth when I saw it. Those with money carried themselves a bit differently. How wealthy he was I wouldn’t hazard a guess. As I climbed into the fancy car, I felt a chill. Something in the back of my mind was warning me off. Before I could consider that feeling Phillip had climbed in and put his arm around my waist.

 

I trembled against him. He lightly brushed his lips against my ear. Softly telling me to relax. He planted feather kisses down my neck. I closed my eyes and drifted away on sensation.

 

We arrived at our destination in what seemed like only a short ride. Being consumed by this man, I was unable to discern complex things like time. Phillip guided me out of the car, and into a very expensive high rise. As we ascended in the elevator, that warning was coming back. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I was ready to change my mind, it felt like I was getting an omen I had to acknowledge.

 

Even as I was trying to think of a polite way to back out, this man threw me off balance. Phillip took me in his arms, and simply held me. He never touched me inappropriately, just held me. His smell was intoxicating. The dark thought fled, or maybe just got drowned out by my bodies’ reaction to him. I shyly wrapped my arms around his neck, just to anchor myself. My legs were jelly, and I feared I would collapse.

 

I started as the doors opened. Phillip chuckled, and then lifted me in his arms and carried me across the threshold into a penthouse. He strode into the room and gently set me on a plush sofa. He sat next to me, and motioned to the coffee table in front of us.

 

“Please, have some treats. Would you like red wine, or sparkling white?” Again, that voice, so smooth but commanding all at once, I had to obey.

 

I avoided his eyes, lest I get tongue tied again, and rasped, “Sparkling please.”

 

He rose and went to a wine fridge. As he opened the bottle, and grabbed some flutes, I made a little plate. The food was all gourmet. Fresh fruits, fine cheeses, caviar and fancy crackers. I had never tasted anything so decadent. My eyes tracked him under my lashes. I set my food aside as I was too nervous to eat much.

 

As he strolled over to me I was struck by his air of confidence. Phillip looked granite strong, and like a natural leader. I could try to deny it, but I knew I wouldn’t be a virgin for much longer. I wanted to tell him, but I feared what he might say. It seemed surreal that I ached to give myself to this stranger.

 

“Why so thoughtful, sweet one?” He asked as he sat back down.

 

I took the glass he offered, and drank to moisten my throat to reply. “I, I need to tell you something.”

 

I felt my cheeks grow pink, and he reached over to stroke my hair. “You can tell me anything. Don’t fear me, I want to know everything about you. There isn’t anything you can say that would shock me, or scare me off.”

I finally met his eyes. He had a slight smile, and was patiently waiting for me to continue. I set down my glass, and took a deep breath.

 

“I am not experienced, romantically. I have never lain with anyone, or even kissed someone before. I have no idea how to satisfy you. If you want me to go, I will. I just thought you should know now.” I closed my eyes and waited for the rejection.

 

“Look at me,” He caressed my cheek and waited for me to open my eyes again. “I already know you’re pure. I will do nothing that makes you uncomfortable. I just want to please you tonight. That will satisfy me. If you’re willing, later, I will educate you in the art of love.”

 

My eyes started to well up with tears, I had no idea why. “May we go slowly? I want to learn, but I admit I feel overwhelmed.”

 

Phillip pulled me to him and tilted my head up, “We will take all the time you need. How about we drink our wine, enjoy the spread and talk?”

 

“I’d like that,” I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

He asked me about my job. Phillip was curious why someone who had avoided dating and sex would become an exotic dancer. I told him of the financial difficulties due to my Father’s death. I needn’t have bothered, he already knew. I think he was seeing how honest I would be with him.

 

He kept my glass filled. The sparkling tasted wonderful. I wasn’t a drinker, so I started to feel it’s effects quickly. I decided I better slow down. I asked him for some water. Phillip was very accommodating. I don’t think he wanted me impaired, just relaxed. The wine did calm me somewhat.

 

“So, what do you study?” He was sitting back, even in a relaxed state he looked so refined.

 

Again, another question he already knew the answer to. I believed he really wanted to learn about me. My inexperience made me an easy target. Later, I would come to recognize how calculating he could be. A successful, powerful business man never went into any encounter without knowing facts that could be easily hidden.

 

“I have a dual major. Music, and Business Administration. I play piano and I sing.” I didn’t elaborate, it was a miracle I could speak.

 

 I may have stopped shaking, but I was still horribly shy. At the club I could pretend to be in control and powerful, but sitting next to this man I knew what real power was. Phillip carried himself as only one that knows what real success and power is.

 

“I would love to hear you play and sing sometime. I’ll get a piano in here. Would you like that?” His eyes twinkled as he winked at me.

 

“I, uh, you would do that?” My brain was having trouble comprehending what was happening.

 

Phillip set down his flute, and gently took my right hand. He lightly caressed my palm before he brought my fingers to his lips. His eyes were focused on mine as he watched my reactions.

 

He finally answered, “I can do anything you’d like. I know what I want in life. I want you, here. You have had a tough life so far. I think you deserve happiness, and to be taken care of Noire. You shouldn’t have to work in a place where you’re treated like nothing more than an object. I knew the first time I saw you, you deserved better.”

 

This time tears spilled over and my voice wavered, “I am trying to survive. I just want to make sure my family is taken care of. Sorry, I don’t mean to get emotional. You’re just being so kind.”

 

I was frustrated at my show of emotion. Those that knew me best, knew I hid my emotions well. For me to cry, especially in front of someone I didn’t know, was totally out of character. I quickly wiped away my tears.

 

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t be embarrassed. You should be able to let some of your tears out. Let me take care of you. I’ll make sure you have all you need to take care of your family. You should only worry about your education. Let me love you, Noire. I want to love you, you deserve it.” His pulled me close to him as he spoke.

 

His lips lightly touched mine as he finished speaking. He gave me sweet little pecks at first, then he pressed more firmly. Phillip maneuvered me onto his lap. One arm hugged me around my waist, the other grasped the back of my neck. I felt his tongue against my lips, and I parted mine. Phillip went slowly, subtly teaching me how to kiss him. I was quaking as he pulled back to take a deep breath.

 

“Come, my beautiful innocent. Let’s retire to my bedroom.” He must have felt me tense up, “I swear I will only go as far as you allow. I won’t push you. But, it will be more comfortable.”

 

My mind tried to get me to see the danger of this man. My body was overriding any rational thought. I told myself it was the fear of taking the final step into womanhood. I refused to listen to the shadow in my subconscious.

 

I offered no resistance as he stood us both up and led me to his bed. Phillip smoothly sat me on the edge. He gracefully dropped to one knee and removed my shoes. He then took his off and climbed on the bed. Slowly he laid me down beside him. For the first few moments he gazed at me, and lightly touched my face.

 

“You are exquisite. I feel lucky a beauty such as yourself is in my arms.” Phillip kissed me passionately after that.

 

He was hypnotic. All the words one longs to hear, he said. My body longed for his touch, even as he took his time. Still, I did freeze when I felt him unzip my dress. Subtle touches, and the fact he made no effort to remove my clothing calmed me.

 

After a few intense minutes, he whispered to me. “Noire, may I remove your dress? I have seen you in less many times. Again, I will only go so far as you want.”

 

I felt a blush rising again, even as I knew he spoke the truth. I nodded yes. I had again forgotten how to speak. When I was freed of my dress, he then removed all clothes but his briefs. I tried not to stare at his arousal, but my gaze was transfixed. He chuckled again, and pulled my body against his.

 

There was no gentleness in his kiss now. It was pure fire. His skin against mine was heavenly. In that moment, nothing else mattered. I let him lead me into pleasure. While I can’t recall every intimate thing he did, I do recall the feelings. His touch was silky; he took his time exploring me. I almost couldn’t process the passion he was building in me.

 

He brought me to climax before he took me. I had no idea a man could use his lips and tongue to pleasure a woman. As I was still quaking with desire, he claimed me. Phillip kissed me deeply as he took my innocence. It hurt, briefly. He kept kissing and reassuring me as my body adjusted to his. When I had calmed a bit he then began to move.

 

Phillip stoked a fire within me I couldn’t have imagined existed. From that moment on, I was his, body, mind and soul. I knew he was to be my world.

 

As I climaxed again I screamed, “I love you!”

 

“I love you too,” Phillip whispered.

 

I was so naïve. I mistook sex for love. I was willing to do anything he asked or desired. I believed I had found true happiness at last. I let him clean us both. I was briefly embarrassed until Phillip told me all virgins bleed the first time. He was so sweet as he gently cleansed my body.

 

He cradled me in his arms and we both dozed off. Sometime later I was awakened by Phillip caressing me. No words were spoken. He took me much faster than before. He turned us so I was on top. Phillip grasped my hips, and directed my movements. Once I understood the rhythm he wanted, he let me ride him. I felt consumed by how he watched me.

 

 It wasn’t long before I felt the heat building in me. Phillip grabbed my hips and thrust into me much harder. I cried out as my pleasure crested. He followed me into bliss.

 

After we both caught our breath, he took me into the bathroom. We showered together. His assurances made me comfortable with being naked in front of him. After drying off, he gave me one of his t-shirts. He pulled on some pajama bottoms. This time we went to bed and didn’t wake until late in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. A Tangled Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip Takes Noire shopping, and his dark side starts to emerge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE BE AWARE IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY DOMESTIC ABUSE, STOP READING

** Chapter 2 **

**A Tangled Web**

 

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee, and cooking. I briefly panicked at being in a strange bed, and then the memories flooded back. I closed my eyes, and tried to calm my rapid pulse. In the light of day, I was overwhelmed by my actions. Growing up a good Chantry girl, my conscience told me what I had done was wrong. Yet, my body remembered the feelings Phillip had awakened in me.

 

I considered what he had said to me the night before. He implied he wanted me to move in with him. It was tempting, oh so tempting. Could he really have meant it? My rational side thought he may have said that to get me in bed. After getting my warring emotions under control, I decided to face my future. It was blasphemous, but I did say a quick Hail Andraste that Phillip wanted me to stay.

 

As I rose, I noticed some of my own clothes were laid out on the end of the bed. I was confused. I hadn’t packed this change of clothes before I went to the club. It was one of my favorite outfits. Black leggings, a long grey and black stripped short sleeve shirt slit high up each side. My knee high leather riding boots were also there. The bra and panty set were not mine, but they were new and were my size.

 

I quietly opened the closet saw my meager wardrobe hanging next to Phillip’s. My shoes, and everything from my dorm room were there. I tip toed over to the dresser and checked one row of drawers. Sure enough, my underwear, bras and lounge clothes were all there.

 

Once more the eerie feeling gripped me. The only way those items could have gotten there was someone had gone to my dismal dorm room and retrieved them. I dressed quickly, not easy to do since I was shaking so much. When I went to use the bathroom, my cosmetics and hair brush were laid out on the counter.

 

It was at that point I knew I needed to leave. This went beyond controlling, it was a total violation of my privacy. I quickly combed my hair, and packed up what I could, figuring I could ask Zev and his buddies to come get the other items. I took a steadying breath, and walked out to face Phillip.

 

“There’s my girl. I have coffee for you, and breakfast is ready.” His smiled looked almost predatory.

 

I cleared my throat and steeled my will to leave, “I appreciate the offer. However, I need to leave. I’ll call a cab outside.”

 

That stopped him in his tracks. His smile froze, and I saw a flash of something in his eyes. He set the food aside and moved toward me. I took an involuntary step backwards. He held up his hands in a gesture meant to seem friendly.

 

His face softened as he spoke, “This is about your personal items isn’t it? I see now that was a mistake. I thought it would be romantic if you woke up, and your items were moved in for you. I admit, I got your dorm number from the Dean of the University. He is an old friend of mine. I over stepped, and I am sorry. Please don’t leave. I swear I won’t do anything without your knowledge again.”

 

His voice was soft and pleading. I felt my resolve weakening. Perhaps I was being paranoid. He did seem genuinely sorry. I didn’t move away as he drew close. He reached out and took my bag and set it aside. Phillip pulled me into a warm embrace. When his arms went around me, my mind stopped all coherent thought. His web was strong, and I was becoming hopelessly trapped.

 

“I’m sorry, it was sweet of you to go through the trouble.” Why was I apologizing?

 

I think back on that moment, and wish I had more strength. I didn’t think to question why he was insistent I get moved in so fast. Later, I would wonder if he knew that was my prized outfit. Oh, so many things I should have wondered, and ignored.

 

 He kissed me lightly and led me to the table. I let him do most of the talking. I wondered if I would ever stop losing my speech around this man. So lost in thought, I hadn’t realized he had stopped talking. I looked up and Phillip was looking quizzically at me.

 

“Where did you drift off to sweetheart?” There was amusement in his tone.

 

I tried to laugh, but it resembled a cough, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drift. I want to stop being so shy, but, I don’t even know your last name.”

 

His eyebrows rose at that admission, “You really don’t know who I am do you? Well, that is a surprise. That is actually a wonderful thing. I know for sure you are attracted to me, and not my status. Have you heard of Vael Enterprises?”

 

I nodded yes, and he continued, “I am Phillip Vael, head of Vael enterprises and newly appointed Left Hand of the Divine.”

 

I choked on my coffee, and croaked out, “Sweet Blessed Andraste! Wait, aren’t you married?”

 

Phillip flinched at my question, “Yes, but we have been legally separated for over ten years now. Divorce is not a thing to be taken lightly for a man in my position. Don’t worry about it sweetie.”

 

“Don’t worry about it? Are you insane? I was saving myself for the man I would marry! Now, I am not only a whore, but an adulteress. That’s what people will say, that I’m your slag.” I shoved my chair back, and went to retrieve my bag.

 

Phillip came up behind me as I was waiting for the elevator. When he tried to pull me into an embrace, I shoved him back.

 

“Don’t, just don’t! I get it, you used me. Congratulations, you deflowered a virgin. What kind of twisted are you to treat someone like this? Granted, I made it easy. I flirted with you from a distance these past few months. I built you up as some romantic Hero that would rescue me from my lousy job. I feel for your act, completely. I expect my items returned by the end of the day.” My voice hinted at my tightly controlled fury.

 

The doors opened, and before I could step in, Phillip wrapped me in a bear hug, and used his considerable strength to hold me in place.

 

“You’re a great girl Noire, but shut up and let me clarify the situation.” Although he wasn’t yelling I sensed he was as angry as I was.

 

“Since I thought you knew who I was, I assumed you knew about my marital arrangement. Most people do. My wife lives with a Nobleman in Orlais. This is how marriages usually end up when they are meant to carry on bloodlines. I have never loved her. She was a means to an end. My Father had arranged this coupling when I was a young man.” He paused and relaxed his grip a bit. “I do plan to ask the Divine for permission to dissolve the marriage. Until I get permission I can’t get formally engaged. I meant everything I said last night. I intend to care for you, always. Now, I am going to release you and we are going to finish our breakfast. I have a wonderful day planned for us.”

 

Phillip’s explanation was completely logical. I was ashamed at my outburst. I often found myself in a fix because of my temper. Still, I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of him having a wife. But, like the rest of Thedas, I knew Nobles often treated marriage like business arrangements.

 

I turned and met his eyes, and my voice was filled with humility, “I apologize. My temper has been known to get me in trouble from time to time.”

 

“All is forgiven. In truth, I should’ve talked more about myself last night. That was my fault.” Phillip hugged me and led me back to the table.

 

When we finished, he told me we were going for some retail therapy. I admit I was ecstatic. We went to stores I had never gone into before. The kind of stores where I wouldn’t have even been able to afford a pair of socks. Inside our first stop, it was then I realized what sort of reputation Phillip had.

 

We were taken upstairs to a salon of sorts. As we sat on what I assumed to be a very expensive settee, we were offered sparkling wine, or fancy coffee. Before I could answer, Phillip said we’d both have the coffee. The Manager came over and asked what we were looking for in clothes. Again, the focus was solely on Mr. Vael.

 

After Phillip had chosen a third outfit, I decided if I wanted something that didn’t look so formal I’d have to speak up.

 

I stood and went over to the wall with more casual clothes. I pulled out several outfits that suited my personality. The Manager looked towards Phillip before taking the items from me.

 

“Give my girl what she wants, Bruce.” Phillip had a small smile as he watched me.

 

After my items were paid for we left to hit up more stores. If I had been told one could get tired of shopping, I would’ve laughed. Having been poor since I was born, a shopping trip like this had been a fantasy. I lost track of how many stores we went to. Phillip never batted an eye at the staggering amount of money he was spending. We even went to a furrier, one of the few still in business. He insisted I have a mink coat and a stole. I decided to keep my feelings on owning fur to myself. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for all this man was doing for me.

 

Finally, the last stop. An Orlesian jeweler. He told the man he wanted to design an engagement ring. He said he wanted an emerald to match my eye color, surrounded by diamonds. When the artist found out my name, he decided he would put black diamonds in the ring as well. I was about to add my input when I felt Phillip grip my hand and squeeze very hard. I was a little worried that interjecting my opinion at the other stores had tried his patience. It was his money; I should’ve just let him pick everything out. I chose to remain silent.

 

I got up to use the powder room, and when I came back Phillip was holding a large bag. I was told my ring would be ready within the week. We went to the car, and I will admit I was very tired. Who knew shopping could seem like work.

 

“Where would you like to eat sweetie?” Phillip had his arm around me and I had my head resting on his shoulder.

 

I sighed and spoke, “Can we do take out? I am so tired.”

 

Phillip kissed my forehead and took out his phone. I heard him order, speaking Orlesian. Even eating in wouldn’t be less than the best. I couldn’t help but smile that it appeared my days of going to grab a slice of pizza, or a greasy burger were over.

 

My phone rang right as we walked in the apartment. It was Zevran, demanding to know what happened and why my dorm room was empty. I giggled and told him I was at my new place. He naturally asked me highly inappropriate questions about sex. I switched to Zev’s native tongue of Antivan. I confirmed I was no longer a virgin, and changed the subject. Zev sensed I wasn’t able to talk as I side stepped every question and talked about an upcoming final. Phillip was watching me closely, and I could sense he was irritated. I told Zev I would call him back later. When I ended the call, I saw the first glimpse of my new lover’s temper.

 

“So, were you lying about never kissing a man? I know you were a virgin, but what other filthy things have you done?” His accent was more pronounced in his anger.

 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me against the wall. “Well? Tell me! What slutty things have you done?”

 

He grabbed my chin and touched my lips. “What have you used this mouth for? Did this Zevran character use it? Did he teach you how to give head?”

 

“I swear, Zevran and I are just friends. He has never touched me. No man has but you! I am not even sure what “giving head” means. Please, Phillip, you’re hurting me.” I had started to shake, and was afraid of what he might do.

 

He moved one hand to wrap it around my throat, and grabbed my hair at the base of my neck with the other.

 

“No one, and I mean no one will ever touch you but me. If I find out you have lied about your so called friend, or if I catch you so much as looking at another man you will face a harsh penalty,” Phillip’s voice was deadly soft as he whispered the threats in my ear. “I waited for you to turn of legal age Noire, you belong to me. I swear I’ll kill any man that touches you, do you understand?”

 

His hand tightened around my throat until I was gasping for breath. It was at that moment the food delivery arrived. He released me and went to pay the delivery man. I sagged against the wall, reeling from the sudden shift in Phillip’s demeanor. It was then I realized walking away from him would not be an easy thing to do.

 

I covered my mouth to stop a sob threatening to break free. Hot tears flooded my eyes, and I started trembling. Phillip finished dealing with the food and walked back to me. I flinched as he reached for me. He firmly pulled me to his chest and began caressing my back.

 

“Shush, sweetness. I am sorry if I scared you. I have wanted you for so long, the thought of another touching you just made me lose it. I would never intentionally hurt you. I am tired as well, and my temper gets short when I am exhausted. Please, don’t be afraid of me. Come let me fix you a plate and then I will give you a soothing massage.” His voice had turned back to the sweet one I had first heard the night before.

 

People always wonder why a woman stays with an abuser. I can’t answer for others, but in my case I believed people were inherently good, and made mistakes. True, his violent outburst should have made me run out and never look back. However, I was not raised around violence. I didn’t know that his reaction would turn into something much worse. I was so young, and inexperienced. I had grown up believing forgiveness was only granted by the Maker, if we learned to forgive each other. So, I acted on what I believed.

 

“It’s ok, Phillip. I am sorry for worrying you. I should have let you know Zevran and I were close friends. He is dating a prominent business man right now, and I think he wanted to talk about it.” I tried to sound meek, hoping he would remain calm.

 

That earned a laugh, “Oh, now I am embarrassed! He is gay. Noire, spend as much time with him as you like.”

 

I hugged Phillip back and decided to not correct his assumption. If he found out how broad Zev was in his sexuality, I feared Phillip might hurt him.

 

The dinner was fantastic, of course, and the wine he picked paired perfectly. He asked me what were my favorite clothes he bought me. I loved the long, black leather trench. I also had to admit I adored the red lingerie outfit he had picked out. He just smiled indulgently while I kept saying which clothes I would wear first.

 

My fear started to fade under Phillip’s charming demeanor. The wine was getting me a bit tipsy and I chose to believe his outburst was of no concern. Men get jealous, and he had just spent thousands on me, so I blamed myself for not letting him know how close Zev and I were.

 

I offered to clean up while he went to change. How he could stand wearing a suit all day was beyond me. When he came back, he had on a blue silk robe, and matching boxers. He was carrying the bag from the jewelers. H called me to him.

 

As he towered over me he gave me instructions, “Get undressed. When you are naked, close your eyes.”

 

I looked down as I started to disrobe, cursing my blushing cheeks. Phillip reached for my face and made me meet his gaze. I was trembling slightly. His hold on me seemed to be getting stronger by the second. When I finally had everything off, I closed my eyes as directed.

 

I heard the bag rustle, and what sounded like the opening of a box. I felt something cold, and weighty get clasped around my neck. It felt like a choker. He moved to my wrists and I felt the same sensation on each. His hands caressed my body as I felt him pulling on what felt like a chain around my middle. Once that was done, he bent down and pulled me into a passionate kiss.

 

We broke apart and he told me to do one last thing, “Look in the mirror gorgeous.”

 

I turned and faced the framed mirror over the fireplace. I was adorned in more diamonds than I had ever seen. My necklace looked more like a collar, not a choker. My wrists we encased in platinum and diamond cuffs, they resembled handcuffs. Hanging low on my hips was a long diamond and gold body chain. Phillip reached around and grabbed the slack running down my left thigh. He gave a little tug.

 

I turned back to him, his voice was husky with desire as he spoke, “Follow me, my little captive. Time to teach you how to pleasure a man.”

 

I felt a shivered run down my spine at the word “captive”. That is what I was. He now could control me completely. Somehow my brain got it’s wires crossed and the thought made me melt, and not be fearful. Or maybe the fear was being mistaken for desire. I cannot say. That night, that very night, my staying meant years of abuse, fear and self-loathing to come.

 


	3. Captivated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire learns Phillip can cause pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DUB/CON, DOMESTIC ABUSE

Chapter 3  
Captivated

Phillip was very thorough in his training. He took his time teaching me how to use my mouth, my tongue and lips on him. He explained in time I would lose my touchy gag reflex which would make things easier. While I knew he was close, he chose to withdraw from my mouth, not wanting to finish too quickly. 

He pulled me up next to him and laid me on my back. From under his pillow he pulled out a silk sleeping mask. Before I could ask what that was for, he shushed me. He gently covered my eyes. I felt him move my arms above my head. He kissed each palm, and then crossed my hands. I felt soft material get tied around my wrists, just below my new bracelets.

I felt the rest of the material get tied to the head board. I was starting to get a little panicked. Phillips kissed me and whispered for me to relax. I tried, but I couldn’t stop the trembling of my body. 

“Open your mouth, sweet thing.” I obeyed.

I felt my mouth stretch over a ball. Phillip then buckled a strap behind my head pulling the gag tight against my mouth. I let out a whimper at being so helpless. Phillip place soft kisses on my face, and started to caress my skin.

He leaned close to whisper in my ear, “You’ve had quite the day. You tried to leave me this morning, and you shoved me. At the first store it was obvious you didn’t like me picking out your clothes. You sounded like an ungrateful whore. Then you forgot to tell me about your male friend. I don’t like secrets, Noire. Nor do I care for dramatics. I will grant you anything you wish, but I require obedience. Now you have to learn what happens when you try my patience.”

I frantically pulled at my bonds, and moaned around the gag. “It will be worse if you fight me, precious.”

His voice had turned dark and dangerous. I stopped squirming, but I couldn’t help the frightened shiver running through my body. Phillip flipped me over, and caressed my backside. I let out a shocked sound when he struck me the first time with his hand. I tried to twist away from him. Phillip grabbed my hips hard enough to leave marks and held me down.

“Don’t fight me, and I will go easy on you sweetheart.” The tone of his voice was hard, and cold. 

I didn’t even try to keep track of how many times he struck me. There was no gentleness in his touch. I knew I would be bruised he was striking me so hard. I tried to hold back my sobs, but eventually that became impossible. After I had been weeping for a short time, the blows stopped. My body ached from holding still and taking his punishment.

Phillip switched to his care giver role and threw me off balance yet again. He caressed the bruised flesh of my back side. He made soft cooing noises to quiet me. His hands that had just been used to torture me, began massaging my tense neck and back muscles. I didn’t want it to feel good. I wanted to, I didn’t know what, but I just didn’t want him to be so sweet and tender after the abuse he had doled out. I squirmed under his touch, in a futile effort to pull away from him. Bad call on my part.

He rolled me over, and removed the gag, and the make shift blind fold. He then untied my wrists. I winced at how chafed they were from the material. I tried to roll away from him and get to the bath room but he was ready for that. He pinned me down and forced my legs apart. Phillip entered me without warning. His hands were digging into my flesh, bruising my body even more. I strained to get away from him, and that just made him treat me more harshly. 

“Are you going to keep resisting me? I want to be gentle, yet you aren’t letting me.” Phillip’s voice was tight as he slammed into my body.

I cried out for mercy, I was nearly screaming at him, “Please, please it hurts! Phillip, stop! STOP!”

As I was choking on my sobs, Phillip reached up and covered my mouth. He stopped his motions long enough to hiss angrily in my ear.

“You will address me as Sir when being disciplined, and ask me nicely for what you want. I will NOT tolerate a raised voice demanding I obey you!” When he finished speaking his hand moved to my throat and tightened just a bit in warning.

“Ye-yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. I am so sorry; I didn’t mean to yell. Please, forgive me.” Although I wanted to scream, my tone was barely above a whisper.

I was still tender from the night before. Tears streaked down my face as he started moving again. His hand tightened on my neck as he went faster and harder. He held his head up and smirked at seeing my desperate state. Despite the pain, arousal creeped in. Soon, I was moaning for more. I felt my body cresting, when Phillip called out one command.

“Come.” His voice was harsh.

As if on que, my body shuddered on his order. He came almost as soon as I did. He collapsed on top of me, breathless. He kissed my neck, my tear stained face, and finally my mouth. After a bit he rolled off me, and gathered me in his arms. I hurt, and wanted to curl up in a ball and forget this horrible experience.

His fingers massaged my scalp as he spoke, “You did well young one. I hope I never have to do that again. I hate seeing you in pain. Please know, I am trying to help you be a better person. You’re forgiven, and I think you’ve learned your lesson. We don’t have to discuss this anymore. It’s been a long day, and we have Mass in the morning.”

“Thank you, Sir. I will do my best to make you happy.” My voice broke as I finished speaking.

He kissed my head and fell asleep fairly quickly. I quietly stole out of bed to deal with my wounds. I removed the jewelry, and put some aloe lotion on my wrists and my bruised buttocks. I carefully crawled back next to Phillip so as not to disturb him. I laid awake trying to unwind the situation I was in. As soon as I got the chance, I’d go have coffee with Zev and see what he thought. I had no idea if this were normal in a relationship or not. I fell asleep wishing I had never gotten in his car twenty-four hours earlier.

It occurred to me later, all I had to do was leave when he had fallen asleep. The would’ve made sense, right? Given what was to happen later, I feel so stupid at not seizing the obvious opportunity I had. Despite me being describe as strong, and brave, I was a coward in my early days with Phillip. 

I didn’t see I was adrift due to my Father dying. I had stepped into the provider role for my family before I had even begun to deal with the tragedy that had befallen us. My personality had always been tenacious, but I had never faced a foe like Mr. Vael. He had a natural ability to read a person’s weaknesses and exploit them. I was no match for him then. It was only much later, after I had found my soul mate, did I gain an advantage against Phillip.

I awoke early and slid out of bed. I took a quick shower, and threw on a robe. I padded out to the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee. I opened the fridge, and decided on an easy breakfast of fresh fruit, and toast. I prayed to the Maker it would make Phillip happy. What I didn’t realize at the time was my conditioning was well under way. I was already trying figure out what would please him.

I heard the shower going, and walked back to the bedroom. I sat on the end of the bed waiting. I winced and realized sitting on a hard pew in the Chantry was going to suck. I heard the water stop and schooled my expression into what I hope looked like one of adoration. Phillip soon appeared wearing only a towel. I stood up as he approached me. My heart was pounding afraid of what mood he was in. He smiled at me and drew me close for a deep kiss.

“Is that coffee I smell?” He purred in my ear.

I shyly peeped up at him, “Yes. I also have fresh fruit and toast ready if you would like.”

He kissed my cheek and turned to grab a pair of silk lounge pants from the dresser. “I am so proud of you, sweetness. You learn quickly. Let’s eat and then I’ll pick out suitable clothes to coordinate with mine for the services.”

I must admit, the thought of going to the Chantry didn’t thrill me. It was bittersweet since it reminded me of my Father’s death, and that it wouldn’t be Dorothea leading the service. Phillip was the Left Hand of the Divine. What that meant, I had no idea. I assumed it was an ambassador type of position. We probably would be at the Chantry more than once a week. I swallowed a sigh and followed my keeper to the table.

He pulled out my chair, and sat across from me. He poured us both a cup of coffee. I waited until he tasted it before touching mine. He grimaced and set the cup down.

He then addressed me, “I appreciate your efforts, but I am particular about my coffee. This is brewed with too much water. Come, I’ll show you how I like it.”

His tone wasn’t angry, but strangely neutral. He dumped out the pot, and showed me exactly how he wanted the coffee prepared. Phillip spoke to me as if I were a young child. He had me repeat the directions back word for word. While we waited for the new pot to brew, he put his arms around me from behind.

He began to lightly kiss my neck, and his hands parted my robe so he could caress my bare skin.

I moaned at him, “Phillip, please, I don’t think we have time for this.”

I attempted to pull away, when his arm tightened into a steel like grip around my waist.

“Am I mistaken, or did you just refuse me?” Phillip had the dark edge back in his voice.

Cursing my idiocy at opening my mouth I quickly tried to dispel the situation, “No, never! I just, here, let me take care of you. I don’t want to make you late; I know how important your position is.”

Before he could respond I turned in his grip and slid down his body. When I was on my knees I freed his manhood, and looked up for permission. He gave me an arrogant smirk and entwined a hand in my hair. 

I used everything he had told me he liked. I took a deep breath and forced my body and my gag reflex to relax. I was able to take him all in. His shocked sound relieved me. Phillip started praising my mouth, my obedience, and my beauty. He pulled back when he was close and instructed me to take a deep breath. He then pushed down my throat and I felt him release. 

As he slowly pulled out of my mouth I gasped for air. He pulled me into his arms and stroked my hair.

“Thank you, love. You are such a good girl. I promise to return the favor when we return from the Chantry.” Phillip sounded appeased, for which I was grateful.

With the coffee brewed correctly this time, we sat down to eat. Phillip had a long list of things he wanted me to remember. How I was to walk, talk and sit next to him. I was informed I wasn’t allowed to speak unless he nodded his assent. I had to be the perfect trophy on his arm. 

“There is going to be a very special guest at the Chantry today, so how you look will be a direct reflection on me. I need you to act like you are already Mrs. Vael. Do you understand?” Again, the condescending tone was back in his voice.

“Yes, Philip, uh, I mean Sir. I will do as you ask.” I was so frustrated my normal confidence had disappeared.

He smiled a beautiful smile as he stood and reached for my hand. “Sweetheart, call me Phillip. Sir is only when I have to discipline you. Since you are learning so quickly what I expect from you, I doubt you will need to call me Sir very often.”

I grasped his hand and returned his smile with a shy one of my own. He led me to the bedroom. He slipped my robe off, and proceeded to gather my clothing. I was given a matching emerald green bra and panty set to start with. Next came a pair of black, thigh-high stockings. While I put the intimate clothing on, Phillip went to the closet. He pulled out a suit in the same green color with black accents. Although he said he wanted me to look conservative, the skirt was a bit above my knees and the jacket had a low cut sweetheart neckline. 

I pulled my hair back and did a simple braid. My hair was very long, and jet black. As Phillip went to get his suit, I decided to put my face on. I did very minimal make up. Black eye liner, light blush but I did indulge myself with deep red for my lips. Fortunately, I looked older than eighteen. I went back out and stepped into a pair of four inch, stilettos with a one-inch platform in the front. They were black satin, with crystals on the heels. I turned and waited for my man to finish dressing.

He dressed in a black, double breasted suit with black shirt and a tie the same color as my outfit. I watched in awe as he put on emerald cuff links, a Rolex watch, worth more than my Mom’s house probably, and an onyx tie clip. He topped off his look with a green hanky in his top left pocket, and a platinum and emerald bracelet. 

I admit my heart fluttered at how handsome he looked. I felt privileged to be with him. All my angst from the night before fled my mind. My breath stopped when he turned to scrutinize how I looked. Besides the intense look in his eyes, I found I couldn’t read his expression.

“Sweet Maker, you are the most stunning creature I have ever seen. Noire, love, you look perfect. I didn’t even need to tell how I wanted your hair or make up done. I will be the envy of every man today. Close your eyes, I have something special for you.” He had that excited, sweet voice again.

I closed my eyes and waited. I felt him put a necklace on me. He clasped a bracelet on my wrist. He then kissed my ring finger and I felt a heavy ring placed on my hand.

“You’ll have to put the earrings on sweetie. I hope you don’t mind my deception, but I had the ring all along.” He gave me a peck on the check as he put the matching studs in my hand. 

I looked down and gasped. The ring was exquisite. The emerald had been cut and faceted to resemble butterfly wings. It was set in platinum that had been cast to look like vines and leaves. Diamonds adorned all the foliage, with small emeralds scattered in. The studs were two carrot emeralds surrounded by diamonds. When I got them in, Phillip turned me toward the mirror. We matched, perfectly. I give him props for his taste. It reeked of class and refinement.

He handed me a black clutch, already full of what I needed and we went down to the car. As the driver headed toward the Starkhaven Chantry, I began to get nervous. I would not just be seen by the elite; I would be introduced as a married man’s paramour. I doubt anyone would dare make rude comments to Phillip, but there was bound to be gossip. I closed my eyes and steeled my will for what I would face. I went over all the instructions I had been given. I would make Phillip proud, I had too.


	4. the Divine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip shows his true colors after being introduced as the Left Hand by Divine Justinia. Noire starts to fear for her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC ABUSE, MENTAL ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE

** Chapter 4 **

The Divine

 

The ride to the Chantry seemed too short. My nerves were frayed by the realization of what I would be walking into. I was determined to be a most dutiful partner, just like a wife would be. I may be an adulteress, but I would bring no further controversy upon Phillip. He was too important to be brought low by a nobody like me. My self-esteem was already fading into nothing.

 

We arrived at the back entrance that was reserved for only high up Chantry officials. Phillip put my hand on his arm, and escorted me inside. There seemed to be an awful lot of guards. They nodded to the Left Hand as he passed. A few eyes lingered on me but I kept my gaze focused on Phillip or my feet. I was terrified he might think I was flirting.

 

We stopped at the door to the Grand Cleric’s office. Guards flanked each side. Phillip greeted them, and then ushered me into the office. Several of the Chantry Brothers, the Mother and Grand Cleric were surrounding what I assumed to be a prominent figure.

 

“You’ve done well so far. Don’t embarrass me now. I must get permission to formally file for divorce, so if you want to become my wife, you will behave.” Phillip’s voice had turned frosty.

 

I merely nodded and allowed him to lead me forward. The Chantry folk parted and I was able to see this special guest. It was Dorothea, now known as Divine Justinia. She shook Phillip’s hand and then turned to me.

 

She gasped, then her face broke into a genuine smile. “Noire! What a wonderful surprise! I am so happy to see you my dear.”

 

She pulled me away from Phillip and into a warm embrace. “I happy to see you as well your Eminence!”

 

“Oh, Noire, don’t stand on ceremony. You know you’re like a daughter to me! Everyone, this is Noire Corrine Amell Hawke. She attended services at the Lothering Chantry from the day she was born. I have never known a finer young woman.” She beamed at me while everyone stepped forward to greet someone so dear to the Divine.

 

“Phillip, this is a remarkable surprise. Thank you! I haven’t seen her for almost two years. I owe you a debt of gratitude.” Dorothea hugged Phillip believing he had set up the surprise meeting.

 

“Your welcome, your Grace. Might I have a private word with you and Noire?” He sounded humble and respectful as he spoke to her.

 

Everyone else filed out and it was just the three of us. Phillip explained his wife wanted a divorce to marry an Orlesian Noble, and that he wanted to marry me. Aunt D, as I thought of her, kept her kind face on but I knew her well enough to know she wanted to throttle Phillip. She agreed that his divorce would be granted. Then requested he step out of the room so she could talk to me privately.

 

Phillip bowed, and as he turned to leave I saw the flash of anger in his eyes. I had no doubt I would be in a world of hurt when we went home.

 

“Noire, are you certain this is what you want? I ask because in spite of how much good Phillip has done for the Chantry, there have been some rumors he mistreated his wife.” D watched me closely. “In addition, I know your name day was only three days ago, did he pursue you while you were underage?”

 

I took a shaky breath and explained all that had happened since my Father’s death. Including using a fake ID to dance in a strip club. The Divine had tears in her eyes and called my Mother a bitch for her treatment of me. I reassured her that Phillip hadn’t touched me while I was still seventeen. I left out the part about Phillip physically hurting me. I was ashamed, and felt I had deserved what he had done to me. She made me promise that if Phillip did anything to wrong me I would call her and she would shuttle me to safety. I took a card with her private number and waited for her to call Phillip back in the room.

 

She took one of Phillip’s hands in hers and gave him her decision. “I approve of your choice for a new wife. But, I think she is a bit young right now. I will be happy to perform the Marriage Ceremony in the Grand Cathedral if you wait at least a year. Is that agreeable to you?”

 

Phillip bowed, and flashed one of his winning smiles. “Thank you your Grace, thank you! I swear she will be cared for tenderly. I love her, and will protect her with my life, the same way I am sworn to protect you.”

 

She nodded, smiled and dismissed us. We walked out and went to the main part of the Cathedral. With the Divine granting permission, Phillip introduced me as his fiancé. I smiled and nodded and didn’t speak a word. He seemed to relax as it became clear I was following all the directions he gave me perfectly.

 

We sat on the dais behind the Divine while she performed Mass. At the end she introduced Phillip as the Left Hand. He rose and gave a wonderful speech quoting from the Chant of Light in many spots. He spoke of how Divine Justinia was refocusing Chantry efforts to help anyone in need, either physically or spiritually. Phillip highlighted the importance of love for our fellow man. He was eloquent, and moved the audience to tears a few times. He ended the service with the traditional prayer, and I silently thanked Andraste it was over.

 

Phillip stood next to the Divine and greeted scores of people. I stayed a polite distance behind him. This was his big day, and I didn’t want to risk interfering. After what seemed an eternity we were finally leaving. The Divine came over and hugged me one last time in front of the whole of the Chantry elites. Whispering in my ear to call her if I was in trouble. I nodded and tearfully pulled away from her. She asked Phillip to take good care of her girl, and with that she was gone.

 

I was very tired from the events of the day, and sitting still while my backside ached from the hard chair. I breathed a sigh of relief as Phillip helped me into the car. When he climbed in next to me, I felt a shift in his attitude. He rested his hand between us and turned to stare out the window. I could feel the anger radiating from him. I knew home wouldn’t be pleasant. Despite my best efforts, I started shaking. By the time we reached the High Rise, I was nearly in tears. Phillip grabbed my arm painfully and practically drug me into the elevator.

 

Once inside the penthouse Phillip turned me to face him. He didn’t speak, and when my lips parted, his hand went over my mouth to silence me. I whimpered under his scrutiny. 

 

“You are quit the puzzle, Noire. You openly talk about how you became a stripper, and the fact you used a fake ID to do so. But, you somehow forgot to mention you were extremely close to Justinia. For months I watched you. You never accepted offers for companionship. Yet, despite your innocence, you readily agreed to come with me. Gave me your virginity. You seemed so sweet and pure. Then, for reasons I don’t understand, you turned cold because I moved your belongings into my home. You said you loved me. Wanted to be with me.” Phillip’s voice was growing louder.

 

He moved his hand to my throat and pressed forcefully, “Just when I think your dramatics are over, you rage at me for who I am. I think you knew exactly who I was. You knew I was married. I was honest with you; I do love you. I fell for you the first time I laid eyes on you. By the way, I know Zevran isn’t gay, bisexual yes, but not gay. Do you really expect me to believe he never touched you? Tell me, how much were you and that friend of yours going to blackmail me for? I imagine less than what I spent on clothes for you yesterday. Is that what this is? Enticing me into your web of lies, and expecting a big payday to shut you up. Or is it a set up to threaten my standing with the Divine? Are you a pawn of Tevinter, Ferelden, or one of my business rivals?”

 

I was stunned. He was ranting these paranoid accusations, and I had no idea what to say that could diffuse the situation. The warnings I had ignored crashed into my brain. Phillip Vael was a very disturbed man. Dorothea had warned me, and I was just starting to grasp how much danger I was in. I tentatively reached up to touch his shoulder. Phillip released my neck, and back handed me before I could touch him.

 

The blow was so strong I fell to my knees. Before he could grab me again I rolled away and fled to the bedroom. I managed to lock the door before he could enter behind me. Again, my temper got the better of me. Seeing Aunt D brought me back to the girl I once was. Strong willed and independent. If Phillip wanted a punching bag, I decided I wouldn’t be it. He was mentally ill. I knew I needed to get away, fast. I quickly changed into jeans, a t-shirt and went to find my combat boots.

 

As I reached for them, the door burst open and Phillip came at me. He had me cornered in the closet. I hid one of my heels behind my back figuring I could use it disable him.

 

“Come here, cunt.” I blanched at the word and his tone.

 

I drew myself up, and smirked at him, “Fuck you, asshole. I’ve had enough, you will NOT touch me like that again. How would the Divine take the news that you beat me I wonder?”

 

He laughed, actually laughed at my threat, “You won’t ever get a chance to call her. Did you think I wouldn’t check your purse? I found Justinia’s card. Only myself and the Right Hand know this number. That’s what this is isn’t it? Lelianna, you work for that ginger bitch, don’t you? When I finish with you, I will bury her!”

 

My heart sank as I saw he held the card Dorothea had given me in his hand. He pocketed the card and advanced on me. I readied my improvised weapon. As he drew close I lunged forward and tried to stab him with my shoe. He caught my arm in a vice like grip. Phillip squeezed me so hard the shoe fell from my grasp.

 

I wasn’t going down without a fight. I kicked, scratched and screamed as he battled to get me under control. He was so strong, but I was determined not to make it easy to subdue me. I managed to land a couple of good blows close to his groin. Instead of slowing him, it seemed to make him stronger. It wasn’t long before I was overwhelmed. Phillip got me in a choke hold, and I passed out.

 

I came to on the rug in the living room. My hands and ankles were bound, and my mouth was gaged with what felt like a belt from one of Phillip’s robes. He was lounging next to me, stroking my hair as if this were the most natural situation to be in.

 

“You’re awake, good. We are going to have a little chat, and then we will move past this unpleasantness.” Phillip’s voice was soft, but lacked any warmth. “Despite all you’ve done, I still adore you. I won’t lose you Noire. You will become my wife, and we will be happy.”

 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed inconceivable to me I had gone from a student eking out a living, to being trapped in an abusive relationship in just three short days. The worst of it all was my warring mind. Part of me was still very much attracted to this man. If my Father were still alive I knew this would never have happened. Between his death, and how ugly my relationship had become with my Mother and Brother, it had created the perfect storm for me to be claimed by a sociopath.

 

Phillip leaned over and freed my mouth. “Do you know what the Left Hand does Noire?”

 

“No.” I rasped.

 

“I’m in charge of the Divine’s security. I also spy for the Chantry. We keep watch on the governments of southern Thedas. I can blackmail officials if need be. I also remove threats to Justinia’s life.” He was strangely calm as he explained his job. “That means I can have people disappear Noire. Now, you believe you have control because the Divine has a soft spot for you. Let me clarify how this works. If at any time you attempt to contact her Grace behind my back, it won’t be just you facing harsh treatment. Your sister, Bethany, for instance. How would you feel if some tragedy befell her? Or what if one of Tevinter’s attempts on the Divine’s life were successful? You wanted some semblance of control Noire, and now you have it.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare, you prick!” I was mortified at his threats.

 

Phillip put a hand around my throat hard enough to constrict my air and continued, “I would and I will if you don’t fall in line. Call me a filthy name again and it won’t just be Bethany and the Divine in danger of dying.”

 

I gasped, and started pleading with him, “Phillip, I swear I would never blackmail you, or anyone! I will do anything you ask, just don’t hurt Bethany, or Dorothea! Please, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I do love you, let me prove it, please. Tell me what I need to do to protect them and I’ll do it.”

 

With that he knew he owned me completely. He laid down next to me, and lightly touched the bruise forming on my cheek. His hand then caressed the marks on my neck. I silently cried. My tears causing my eyeliner to leave streaks down my face. I closed my eyes, and Phillip grabbed my hair.

 

“Look at me.” It was an order, not a request.

 

I obeyed instantly. His eyes pierced my soul. He continued his gentle touches, and held my gaze. He leaned over and gave me a light kiss. He brought his left hand up to my cheek again. This time he kissed me harder, and maneuvered me onto my back. I forced myself to not shy away from his touch. Finally, he broke the kiss.

 

“I promise not to touch your face again. I don’t care for seeing you bruised like this. I won’t spank you since you need time to recover from last night. But, you do need punishment sweetness. Believe me, this is hard for me to do. I care for you so much. It makes my heart break that you are forcing my hand. I think you push me intentionally for attention.” As he spoke I started to feel guilty for making him mad.

 

That’s how an abuser controls their prey. They are very adept at twisting events around so the victim feels responsible for the aggressor’s actions. I felt my face blush with shame.

 

“I shouldn’t have cursed at you, and attacked you. You’re right, I pushed you and I am so sorry. Please, let me show you I can do better.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

 

My apology earned me a warm smile, “You forgot to call me Sir, but I’ll overlook it, this time. Thank you for apologizing, love. Taking responsibility is a good step. As for your discipline, it will hurt, but I hope it will serve as a permanent reminder for you to control yourself.”

 

He removed my bonds, and began to undress me. Once I was naked, he rolled me on my stomach. He tutted at my bruised derriere, and tenderly massaged my low back. I started to relax under his attentions.

 

“Noire, lay perfectly still. What I am about to do will be intense, but will last only a few seconds.” His tone was overly sweet, and only served to make me even more nervous.

 

I turned my head and watched him lean towards the fireplace. He gripped the handle of one of the tools that had the end resting in the fire. I was confused until I saw what it was. The end of the tool was shaped into elaborate letters. **PV,** for Phillip Vael **.** I felt my heart sink. My brain refused to accept he would even consider branding me.

 

Phillip straddled my thighs, and sat up on his knees. He caressed a spot low on the middle of my back. I tried to hold very still. I believed if I didn’t struggle he would draw back and not mar my skin.

 

“Remember, try not to move, darling. If you move squirm too much, it will make an ugly brand, and I’ll have to try again in another spot.” He sounded almost aroused as he prepared to cause me agony.

 

A searing pain slammed into my back as he brought the heated metal down on my skin. I heard screaming, and realized it was me. Phillip used all his strength to keep me immobilized to make sure the brand would become a deep scar. When he pulled the tool away, I wailed. My body started to shake from the shock of what Phillip had just done.

 

I felt him rise and go into the kitchen. He came back with some sort of cream, a bandage and an ice pack. He murmured reassurances as he tended to my wound. Phillip pulled me to my feet, and then lifted me in his arms when my legs started to give out. He carried me to the bedroom and laid me on the bed. I felt him push the ice pack under my back to help numb the pain.

 

I heard him undress, and then enter the bathroom. The water ran briefly and he came back and knelt down next to my side of the bed. Phillip tenderly wiped my face with a cold wash cloth. He cleaned away the smeared cosmetics, and my dried tears. He tossed the rag in the laundry basket and laid down next to me.

 

I was in so much pain, and emotional turmoil, I didn’t attempt to speak. Phillip ran his fingers through my hair and started humming to me. It relaxed me more than I care to admit. I drifted off to sleep after a few minutes.

 

****


	5. The Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is bested by Phillip in every way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMOTIONAL ABUSE, MENTAL ABUSE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE

Chapter 5  
The Abyss

I awoke several hours later, with a quilt covering me. I sat up and winced. My body ached from the wrestling match I had engaged in, and my low back felt like a thousand hot needles were stabbing me. I stretched, and unclenched my jaw. I was thankful I hadn’t sustained more serious injuries. I slowly stood and shakily made my way to the bathroom.

I sighed as I looked in the mirror. I had a large bruise on my right cheek, and welts around my neck. I changed positions so I could see the brand on my back. I carefully removed the bandage, not wanting to damage the skin even more. Phillip had done what he promised. His initials were a clear, and permanent reminder of his ownership. I put the bandage back on, and took a quick sponge bath.

I put on my face make up to see if it could hide the marks Phillip left me. It hid them well, and I was relieved. I went out to the dresser and grabbed a pair of leggings, and a tank top. I wondered why Phillip hadn’t come in to check on me. As I walked into the living room, I saw he wasn’t home. 

My adrenaline kicked in and I hurried to grab some shoes, my phone and my ID. I didn’t care about the rest of my material possessions. When I went to the closet, not one pair of my shoes were there. My phone, ID and purse were also missing. I frantically started looking all over for a pair of shoes, something. Of course Phillip would plan ahead. It wasn’t an ideal plan, but I was going to leave in just what I had on. Zevran would come get me, I just needed to get to a phone.

I ran back out to the main room, and that’s when I heard the elevator. I froze in place. Before the doors opened I took a deep breath and moved to the sofa. I curled up, and pretended to be watching the fire. 

Phillip was whistling as he entered. He was carrying a bag from a Nevarran restaurant, and a beautiful bouquet of roses. He glanced at me and smiled. I stood up and walked to the kitchen.

I hoped I sounded demure, “May I help you with anything?”

Phillip glanced up and asked, “How long have you been awake sweetheart?”

“I just got up a few minutes ago. I did my cosmetics to look pretty for you.” I tried to lie, but at that point in my life I wasn’t adept at it.

“Hmmm, you sure that’s your answer? Do you have anything you’d like to tell me?” He had stopped plating the food and his eyes were boring into mine.

I started to panic, and cursed inwardly as my voice shook, “N-no. I was just waiting for you to come home.”

“I see.” Phillip wiped his hands and advanced on me. 

I forced my body to not pull away from him. In for a copper in for a sovereign. He couldn’t possibly know I tried to escape. He put his arms around me and kissed me. My body relaxed, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The part of me that was still attracted to him took over. 

He broke away with a look I couldn’t decipher. “Noire, are you certain there isn’t anything you want to tell me?”

“Nothing I can think of.” I was breathless, and craved Phillip’s body against mine.

“Let me show you something.” He reached for his cell, and pulled up a video. “Interesting video isn’t it? Looks like my little girl was trying to run away.”

It showed me after I woke up, and it was obvious I had been searching for my personal items. My stomach dropped. How could I miss the obvious? Phillip was paranoid, of course he had video cameras recording everything. He set his phone down, and grabbed my ponytail. I didn’t even try to fight back, I resigned myself to my fate. He yanked my hair hard enough to force me to my knees.

“Crawl to the bedroom.” By now I recognized that tone of voice, and I was resolved to be as obedient as possible. 

If Phillip had branded my skin, what else did he have in store for me? I didn’t want to guess. What I needed to do was stop fighting against Phillip. I would never get out of this situation until I convinced him I was his perfect little woman. I stopped at the end of the bed. I remained on all fours, with my head bowed trying to look suitably subservient.

I remained stoic as he sat down, and tilted my chin up so he could make eye contact. It became impossible to keep from fidgeting with the way he studied me. My heart felt like it was trying to beat out of my chest.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Noire. I do believe you care about me, but your mood swings are tiresome. I spoke with a Psychologist friend while I was out. He believes you haven’t properly mourned your Father’s death. You lash out, lie and attack me because you’re angry at your Father for dying.” Phillip paused and sighed. 

“This is partly my fault. I should’ve consulted a professional after your first outburst. Fortunately, I think we came up with a plan to rehabilitate your mental state. I have a prescription meant to calm mood swings. I would like you to take it. My friend is also willing to treat you. I’ve arranged for us to see him twice a week. Are you prepared to accept our help?” He looked at me, and raised an eyebrow when I didn’t respond right away.

I briefly closed my eyes. He wanted me to admit I was mentally unfit. I started to shake, if I said no, would I live through the night? Survive, I just needed to survive, my mind was playing those words on a loop. I opened my eyes and met his gaze with an intense one of my own.

“Yes, I will accept your help, Phillip. You’re probably right. I am still angry about my Father dying. If I have hurt you, I’m sorry. Please, don’t give up on me. I can do better.” I prayed he would accept what I was saying as truth.

He smiled his sweet smile, and patted the bed next to him. I climbed up and let him embrace me. He kissed me slow and tenderly. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I think we should consider this a fresh start.” He breathed into my ear as the kiss ended.

“I’d love that, my Liege.” I forced down a laugh as I said the title. 

Zevran knew I called people “My Liege” when they pissed me off. If I couldn’t openly fight back, I’d be passive-aggressive. 

“I like that title. You can use that or my Lord if I have to reign in your behavior again. Let’s go have a nice dinner. Afterwards, I believe I owe you for your lovely gift to me this morning.” I didn’t realize what he actually meant about owing me, another missed sign that would prove disastrous for me.

I offered no resistance as Phillip led me to the dining table. He handed me a glass of wine after he set out the food. Before we ate, he grabbed my hand and bowed his head to pray. He asked the Maker for strength to help me with my emotional problems. Begged for patience in dealing with my erratic outbursts. Then asked Andraste to bless our union so it would be as beautiful as the one she shared with the Maker.

It was a sincere sounding homage. I suppressed a shudder as I realized Phillip felt all of the physical abuse was my fault. Tears welled in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away. Phillip brought my hand to his lips.

“Shush, love, don’t cry. We will get you all healed up. Now, take this pill and let’s enjoy our evening.” He placed the pill in my palm and I dutifully swallowed it. 

I’ll admit, I drank more wine than usual. I was hoping it would dull the pain. About half way through the meal, my body started to feel like it was floating. My aches and pains seemed distant. I stopped eating, I had lost my appetite. 

Phillip noticed the medication was kicking in. He helped me up and guided me to bed. I tried to ask him what he had given me, but I couldn’t form the words. I felt him open my mouth, and put something gritty on my tongue. He had me drink more wine. He repeated the action several more times until I blacked out. I recall nothing from that point on.

I woke to bright sunlight on my face. I felt sick, like I was horribly hung over. When I tried to move, I realized my wrists were bound. I looked down and saw I was strapped to a hospital bed. I started to panic. I heard someone clear their throat and noticed Phillip was at the foot of the bed watching me with a strange little smile. I began pulling on my bonds. I managed to slip my right hand free. I frantically began unbuckling the other manacles. 

“You just don’t get it yet Noire. This is a fight you will never win.” Phillip sprinted to the door, opened it and yelled for help. “Doctor? Doctor! Come quick! She’s awake and trying to get out of her restraints!”

After I had been with Phillip for several years, he would taunt me with the fact he loosened the buckle on my right hand so I could attempt to escape. That man was an artist at villainizing people that angered him.

Before the Doctor came, I had freed myself, and ran to yank open a window. I was on the ground floor, so I knew I could make a run for it. As I started to climb out, Phillip grabbed me. I fought him tooth and nail. He didn’t use his full strength, just enough to prevent me from escaping. I managed to scratch his neck and draw blood. All of it ended up being a masterful charade. As the Doctor, and some orderlies arrived, Phillip released his hold on me and I took the opportunity to slap his face. 

As I turned to ask for help, I saw the scene Phillip had set up. The Doctor was telling me to calm down, Phillip had tears in his eyes as he begged me to stop fighting. I noticed the syringe the Doc was trying to keep hidden. It was now or never.

I flung myself through the window and ran as fast as I could. I was in an unfamiliar part of the city, and had no idea where I was heading. A phone, I needed to get to a phone. Words that rang in my head like a mantra.

In retrospect, I played right into Phillip’s hand. I was dressed in a hospital gown, had bare feet and looked like a hot mess. As I rounded a corner, I ran straight into one of Phillip’s body guards. He yelled for help, and two more men materialized. They managed to hand cuff me. They each grabbed an arm and directed me back towards the building. 

As I was being escorted back, I saw the name of the facility, Starkhaven Psychiatric Hospital. I stopped dead in my tracks. The Guards tried to pull me forward, but I refused to move. I fought back, and screamed for someone to help me. One of the men grabbed me under the arms, the other gripped me around the knees and they carried me the rest of the way. I bucked, twisted and managed to break their hold more than once. I was hysterical by the time we arrived in the lobby.

Phillip was waiting next to the Doctor as we entered. His eyes were red and he looked genuinely distraught. 

“Noire, please, don’t do this! We are just trying to help you.” His voice wavered as if he were fighting back tears.

“No, no, no! Get him away from me! He did this to me! Please, doctor you have to listen to me. He’s the mentally ill one. Phillip is evil! He’s a demon. He beat me, threatened to kill the Divine, and my sister. Please, help me.” My voice was getting horse from yelling.

I watched the Doctor glance at Phillip and moved over to me. “Miss Hawke, I believe you are in danger. I am here to make sure you remain safe.”

Finally, it seemed someone was going to listen, “Thank you, Doctor! Just don’t let him near me.”

I had failed to notice the syringe as the Doctor spoke. “You can let her go, I’ll take care of her.”

As soon as I was freed, I clung to the Doctor like he was a life preserver. He patted my shoulder, and then I felt a prick in my hip. As I glanced down I saw the now empty needle being pulled back. Again, my reaction just served to confirm the narrative Phillip had been feeding the medical staff. I screamed in rage as I was grabbed again by Phillip’s men. 

“NO! Let me go, I AM NOT CRAZY! Please, it’s Phillip. He’s deranged! I swear by the Maker, he’s a violent sociopath!” I may as well have been yelling into the void itself. 

My hand cuffs were removed as I was thrown into a padded room. I banged on the door, yelled, screamed and finally crumpled to the floor. My head was pounding, my body felt like I had been beaten with a baseball bat, and my brand throbbed. It wasn’t long before the drug that had been forced into my system caused me to pass out.

I opened my eyes sometime later. I couldn’t move my arms, and I realized it was because I was in a strait jacket. Whatever they had given me was strong. I was so groggy. Without windows, I was unable to determine how long I had been locked in the room. I was still in a major amount of pain, and I really needed to pee. When I finally managed to get into an upright position, I tried calling out.

My voice was raspy, and my throat hurt. “Please, I need to use the bathroom. I won’t fight anymore, just please let me use the bathroom.”

The door opened, and a Nurse entered accompanied by two orderlies. “What do you want, Miss Hawke?”

“I really need to use the bathroom. I won’t fight you anymore, but please let me use the restroom before I wet myself.” I kept my demeanor as demure as possible.

The Nurse directed the orderlies to help me up. “No tricks, Miss Hawke. I am going to let you out of the jacket. As long as you remain calm, we won’t restrain you again. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” I remained perfectly still while the jacket was removed.

Flanked by the orderlies, the Nurse led me back to my original room, and pointed at the bathroom. I wasn’t allowed to shut the door all the way, but she did dismiss the men, and turned her back to give me some privacy.

I don’t think I have ever been more grateful for such a common comfort in my life. I washed my hands, and splashed cold water on my face. I still felt like crap, but my head was clearing. I asked the nurse if she could help me shower. She said yes. A fresh change of clothes had been brought to the hospital for me. The nurse carried them in. Thankfully, she allowed me to wash myself. Her only job was to make sure I didn’t try and hurt myself. 

When I had finished dressing, I realized the nurse had the door partially closed and was listening to a conversation. I stayed behind her, and strained to hear what was being said.

“Mr. Vael, don’t blame yourself. People mourn in different ways. She is obviously having a dissociative episode. This happens in younger patients sometimes. When the mind refuses to deal with loss, it can cause the patient to become erratic, delusional, suicidal or, as in the case with Miss Hawke, all three. I also have seen evidence of other self-inflicted injuries. You say she got a job as a stripper with a fake ID, and that’s how you met her?” The Doctor was trying to comfort Phillip, and I wanted scream.

“She was a burlesque dancer, and didn’t take all her clothes off, but yes Doctor, that’s how we met. I didn’t know her real age until the other night. She got fairly intoxicated as we celebrated her name day and she informed me she had just turned eighteen.” I was floored, he was such a fucking liar.

“Her ID said she was in her mid-twenties. I love her so much, but when this gets out I am ruined. I was just formally introduced as Left Hand to the Divine. Justinia herself gave consent for us to be married! I wouldn’t have laid a hand on her had I known her real age.” Phillip’s voice cracked and he sounded as if he were crying. “What am I going to do? Even if this doesn’t become public knowledge, I can’t watch her every second of the day! If she really wants to kill herself, I may not be there to stop her. Even worse, I just got word, her Mother, Brother and Sister were killed by a drunk driver last night. If she can’t deal with her Father’s death, how will she survive this?”

I don’t recall much, other than being blinded by rage. My family was dead; I knew Phillip had killed them. I tried, I really tried to control my anger. That didn’t happen. I was told later I had thrown the Nurse out of my way, burst out of the bathroom and jumped on Phillip. It took the Doctor and three others to pry me off him. Last thing I remember was the prick of a needle and the jacket being forced back on me.

I woke again in the padded void, as I had come to think of it, and wondered how in the Maker’s name I ended up here in the first place. The last thing I recalled, before waking in the hospital, was thinking Phillip and I had reached a truce. I remember taking the mood stabilizer, and eating. There was no way one pill could have impaired me so strongly. The truth raged inside my head as I curled up into a fetal position, and sobbed. The wine, he had spiked the wine. Once I had been disabled, he forced more drugs into my system to make it look like a suicide attempt. 

As soon as I had realized how Phillip had manipulated the whole situation, the rest of the conversation I had heard sunk in. My family, they were gone. It may have been a coincidence my family died not long after Phillip threatened them, but I doubted it. Besides the Divine, I only had Zevran and Phillip left in my life. I resolved not to contact Zev. No more people would be put in danger because of my relationship. 

I didn’t see the door was partially open, and I was being watched. My crying had alerted the men outside I was awake. I heard the Doctor assure Phillip my presence at the hospital would be covered up. Phillip said he had made arrangements for a three-week sabbatical. I heard the medical professional give Phillip slips for prescriptions, and directions for their use.

“You may go in and speak with Miss Hawke. Take all the time you need. She may be resistant to your comfort if she is still in the midst of her delusions. If she does resist, just keep a low, reassuring tone with her.” I saw him shake Phillip’s hand and walk away.

I didn’t look up as I heard the door shut behind my tormenter. I closed my eyes, and tried to stop crying.

“Noire? Sweetheart? It’s me, Phillip. Are you ok love?” He sat down next to me, and wiped some of my tears away. “Say something, please. I have been so worried about you.”

It was obvious he knew the padded rooms had video cameras. He played his role to perfection. Phillip was right, this was a fight I’d never win. Fresh tears poured from my eyes, and I lost it completely.

“I, I wa-want to go ho... I want to go home.” My voice sounded so weak.

Phillip pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. “We’ll leave soon, sweetie. I’ll inform the Doctor you are lucid. I love you, and I will never let you go. You’ll get better, I promise.”

With that my fate had been sealed. I offered no resistance as I was discharged into Phillip’s care. I passively let him lead me to where his men were waiting. His guards led us out a back door, and saw us safely into a waiting SUV. Smart, Phillip was using a different vehicle so it was less likely he’d be recognized.

He told the driver to take us to the High Rise, but use the garage entrance at the back. He gingerly held me, and I closed my eyes. I couldn’t stop the tears, but I didn’t sob. I was broken, and Phillip knew it. No one would ever believe my accusations since it appeared I had attempted suicide, tried escaping from a mental Hospital wearing only a gown, and then violently attacked Phillip in front of witnesses. 

Dorothea would even doubt my sanity after this. I was certain Phillip would inform her of my “mental issues” and ask her to pray for me. If the Divine checked out her Left Hand’s story, it was obvious the Hospital would confirm his account of what happened. 

Too soon we had arrived back to what I felt was my prison. My legs refused to move once I had climbed out of the vehicle. Phillip just picked me up and entered the private elevator leading to his penthouse. When we entered the apartment, he set me down and I let myself tumble to the floor. Phillip sighed and began pacing around me as he loosened his tie. 

“Look at me.” I was so tired I just ignored him. “Noire, do we need to take you back to the Hospital?”

“Why, why are you doing this? I am a nobody. You could have any woman you wanted. Why me?” As hard as I tried, I couldn’t prevent a shrill tone from creeping into my voice.

Phillip stopped his pacing, and took his time in answering me. “You are correct; I could have any woman in Thedas. But, I want you. The first night you appeared on stage, I knew you were mine. You are a rare beauty Noire. You are also one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Brains, beauty and completely untouched. I never settle for less than the best, and you meet my standards. Or, you would meet them if you quit fighting me.”

“I have the means to shower you with anything and everything you could dream of. I don’t want to see you in pain. Let me love you, guide you and I swear I will make sure you’re safe and happy. Everything from this point on is your choice. Will you be a good girl? Will you let me take care of you?” He knelt down as he asked his questions.

I had two options, continue to resist him and probably end up dead from an alleged suicide, or survive. Maybe it was the all the drugs that had been forced on me, or just pure grief at being so alone, but I didn’t answer him, I just wept. 

Phillip debased himself enough to lay on the floor and gather me to him. There was a war raging inside me. Part of me didn’t care if he killed me, I just wanted to try and destroy him first. The other half of my consciousness wanted to just give myself over to Phillip completely. I thought back on my actions, and my weaker side was ashamed at how I lost control at the Hospital. 

Could Phillip be right? Was I the one who was sick? I had been doing things that were out of character since my Father’s death. With my family gone, and having been cut off from communicating with Zevran, or Justinia I had nothing. This man, holding me, was my only life line. The part of me that wanted to fight, disappeared in that moment. It would be some five years before it would be awakened again.


	6. The Indoctrination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip convinces Noire he is her Savior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Chapter 6  
The Indoctrination

The man that would eventually try to save me from Phillip explained something I hadn’t known about my captor. Phillip had stalked me. Several years before he had been recruited to serve the Divine, he had visited Lothering on business. He had seen me at Mass, and decided I would be his. For three years Phillip had people watch me. He knew everything I liked, hated and also the dynamics of my family. 

That explained why he moved me in so quickly. As soon as I was no longer jail bait, he couldn’t wait to capture me. It also accounted for why he became enraged so easily. If didn’t live up to his fantasy scenario, he would do anything to force me into his mold. When the intimidation stopped working, he made it look like I was insane. 

Since Phillip knew everything about me, he knew how to shade things to make me doubt myself. He pushed my buttons so that my temper would cause me to act irrationally. I started to believe I really was mentally impaired.

“Phillip, am I crazy? I don’t remember anything past sharing dinner with you. The next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital.” My confusion was genuine. “What did I do? How did I end up in the hospital? Did you drug me?”

Phillip threaded his fingers in my hair and asked, “Do you remember what you did before dinner Noire?”

I recalled trying to stab Phillip with a stiletto heel and the violent altercation that ensued.

The memory caused a fresh batch of tears to spill down my face. “We fought and I tried to stab you with a shoe. You made me drop it, and then choked me, I think. I remember being livid because you threatened to kill Justinia, or my sister.”

He was brilliant, he had me questioning my memories. Again, the doubt creeped in. Could I have truly had a psychotic break and imagined it all? Phillip held me, and didn’t talk until my crying quieted down. 

“My precious girl. I would never threaten your family or Justinia. I took a sacred oath to the Maker to keep the Divine safe, even if it means my death. I promised you I would keep your family from financial ruin.” He kept his voice soft and soothing. “The Doctors at the Hospital believe the reason everything has happened is because you haven’t dealt with your Father’s death in a healthy manner. Ignoring intense emotions can make a person become paranoid, and imagine all kinds of things. That’s what happened on Sunday. After we got home from Mass, you became agitated and violent.”

“How long? How long have I been in the Hospital?” Fear had clutched my mind, and bled into my voice.

“Noire, beloved, you’ve been there for five days. You were comatose for almost seventy-two hours.” I gasped, and Phillip briefly pressed his lips to mine. “I blame myself for not hiding the prescription from you. We were in the middle of a romantic dinner, when you excused yourself. I asked if you were feeling alright, and you giggled, topped off your wine, and told me you’d be right back after changing into something sexy. I waited for almost thirty minutes and you didn’t reappear. When I found you, you were unconscious. The pill bottle was next to you, and the wine glass was sitting empty on the dresser. They had to pump your stomach at the emergency room. The hospital said you came within minutes of dying. It is only by the Maker’s grace I found you in time to save your life.”

At this point, I still had an unshakeable faith in the Chant of Light, Andraste and the Maker. That blind faith was not doing me any favors. Phillip was a devout Andrastian himself. My belief that people were by default good and kind led me to believe Phillip just might be telling the truth. I thought about his speech at Mass, the prayer he had said over dinner. Nothing made sense. How could a spiritual man be so demented? My mind was crumbling, but I did have a brand on my back. That knowledge kept me from succumbing to his lies completely.

“Phillip, I want to believe you, I really do. But, you branded me. How can I trust what you are telling me, when I know you have intentionally hurt me?” It took every ounce of my courage for me to ask that question.

“Is that what you really think? By the Void, how could you even picture me wanting to disfigure you? You branded yourself. I tried to stop you, but you threatened to use the brand on your face. You were hysterical, screaming you were going to prove you loved me. I was at a loss; it was a situation I didn’t know how to handle.” Phillip buried his face in my hair, and I felt his body shudder as he broke down and whimpered. “Maker help me, Noire, you are the only woman I have ever fallen in love with. I could never do anything so hideous. Sweet heart, I think I need to take you back to the hospital. I don’t know how to deal with these delusions.”

I felt terrified at the prospect of another stint in the padded room. “No, Phillip, please don’t! I am just trying to understand what happened. Most of my memories from last weekend are of you inflicting pain on me. Did I really fabricate all those things in my mind?”

“Yes, and no. I did tie you up and spank you, but at your request. You had a curiosity about BDSM play, and I obliged. That was a very poor decision on my part. I think you were already in the midst of a breakdown when you expressed an eagerness to try rough sex. I am so sorry I didn’t understand what was happening.” Phillip sounded distraught as he described his version of events.

“Andraste preserve me, I fantasized everything didn’t I? You don’t deserve this, Phillip. Maybe you should’ve let me die.” Those words that fell from my lips cemented the deception in my mind. 

“Don’t talk like that! I can’t picture a world without you in it. This is not your fault, Noire. You’re sick, and when a person gets sick they seek treatment and get better.” Phillip spoke in a hushed tone that soothed my nerves. “I swear by Andraste, I will not risk losing you again. You are a precious gift granted to me from the Maker and his Bride. I have the next several weeks to devote to your care. Let me help you, please, baby girl.”

Traumatic events can have devastating effects on someone’s emotional state. The mind can change memories to hide pain, or even put up barriers to prevent an individual from remembering the dire circumstances surrounding the original issue. With Phillip, my naivety led me to believe his story. This man had vast experience in annihilating enemies. I proved to be no match against his demagoguery. 

My fingers tightened their hold on his shirt, and my voice sounded frail, “Help me. I can’t lose you, I don’t know what I’d do. I want live. I promise I won’t hurt you anymore. Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, sweetie. I know how kind and loving you are. I just wish I could take away your pain. Let’s focus on getting you healthy, and leave this episode in the past.” Phillip Vael, you knew the right words to bind my heart to yours.

One last question remained, and I was leery about asking it. It was an issue that had to faced, no matter how painful it might prove to be.

“Is it true? Is my family dead? Or did I imagine that also?” My voice sounded small and frightened.

I felt him grimace before giving me a carefully worded answer, “The Psychiatrist warned me about discussing this with you. He is afraid it will cause a complete mental break. One that you may never recover from. But, I can’t lie to you, love. A drunkard crossed the center line and hit them head on. No one survived the accident.”

Torturous pain shot through my heart. I couldn’t cry, and I had trouble catching my breath. Gone, they were gone. The room went black. 

My eyelids felt almost too heavy to open. The disorientation I was experiencing took its time fading. Eventually, the fog started to lift. I was in Phillip’s bed, and it was dark. I heard low voices coming from the other room.

“Phillip? Phillip, are you here?” My voice sounded panicky.

I heard footsteps rush into the room. I was briefly blinded as a lamp was lit. I felt Phillip sit next to me, and grasp my hand.

“Noire, sweetie, are you ok?” Phillip sounded like the perfect doting lover.

“What happened?” I could barely communicate my head was so fuzzy.

I glanced up and noticed Phillip look at a man standing in the door way before answering. The man nodded to him and Phillip turned back to me.

“We had been talking after we got home from the hospital, and you asked about your family. I explained they had been in an accident, and you fainted.” Phillip had begun to caress my cheek. “I was worried, so I called my friend, Dr. Raleigh Sampson, and he came over to give you a sedative. He is the one that has agreed to council you twice a week.”  
Raleigh Sampson, that name would haunt me until the day I died. He was just as cruel as Phillip, and totally corrupt. Zevran, Varric and Anders would be the ones to uncover that not only did he give Phillip the drugs to fake my suicide attempt, but he helped get them into system. He also had told the Hospital he witnessed me waving the fireplace tool around after I had branded my lower back. 

Phillip was a truly an evil genius. He made alliances to further every awful thing he did. His partnership with Sampson accounted for numerous murders, a massive drug ring, extortion schemes, false imprisonments and a money laundering business. I was glad that I got to witness Phillip’s destruction before he killed me. I will always be grateful to the Maker for that. 

Sampson stepped forward. “Hello, Noire. I look forward to our sessions. Phillip and I have been discussing where to start. I added a third prescription to the two the hospital gave you. It is my belief that you can be weaned down to just a mild anti-depressant in time. The next few weeks are critical in your treatment. Phillip will be away on Chantry business soon, and we need to be assured that you won’t hurt yourself if you’re left alone.”

“Thank you Doctor.” I didn’t bother trying to say anything else.

“Phillip, she should rest until our first session on Monday. Mass would be the only thing I would take her to. She needs to keep some semblance of normalcy. Maker keep you both.” Dr. Sampson really seemed to care about my wellbeing.

Phillip stood and escorted Sampson out. I heard him confirm the time we’d be meeting him. He came back to me and gently held my hand. 

“Are you hungry, precious? You need to eat something.” He watched me nod yes. “Good, would you like me to help you to the other room, or would you rather eat in bed?”

“May we sit by the fire?” My tone was hesitant.

Phillip leaned down and kissed me chastely. “I’d love that. Come, let me carry you.”

Phillip settled me on the sofa, and wrapped me in a comfy blanket. I watched the flames, and felt empty. I was crazy, and a lot of people knew it. I felt so ashamed. The prejudice of mental illness ran strong among the Chantry parishioners. If you had the Maker’s blessing, you couldn’t become depressed.

Tears streamed down my face as I came to the conclusion that everything that had happened was because I ignored the Maker’s teachings. If I had not went to work in a strip club, The Maker and his Bride wouldn’t be punishing me now. I accused an innocent man of awful deeds, and the Maker allowed my family to die.

I barely noticed Phillip set our plates on the coffee table before pulling me onto his lap. “Noire, love, why are you crying?”

“It’s. It’s my fault. I, I killed them. I told lies about you, and tried to hurt you. The Maker has left me.” My teeth chattered, and I trembled from cold despite being held and wrapped in a blanket. 

“Shush. Calm down sweetie. If the Maker hadn’t been watching over you, I would be planning your funeral pyre. Don’t feel ashamed at being sick. You’ll get better, I’ll make sure of it. Please don’t blame yourself for your family. It was a drunk driver who was at fault.” Phillip started rocking me in his arms. “You are the gentlest of souls. That’s not a sin, it just made you vulnerable when you lost your Father. Between his death, and your Mother’s lunacy, you sank into a deep depression. You have been alone, it’s a miracle you didn’t snap before now.” 

My voice cracked when I responded. “You really don’t think I’m evil?”

I felt feather light kisses on my face before he answered me, “I know you’re not evil. I will spend the rest of my days showing you how much you mean to me. Do you still want to marry me?”

I peeped up at him, and felt my heart flutter at his question. “Yes. I promise I will be a good wife. I will make you proud.”

This time my tears were from joy. In spite of all that had happened, this Knight in Shining armor still wanted me. I silently thanked Andraste for the gift of this man.

Phillip was so tender that night. He fed me off his plate, since my appetite hadn’t completely returned. After dinner he guided me to the bathroom and we showered together. I let him clean me, and then he dried me off. He tucked us both in, and held me close. The feel of his naked flesh against mine was soothing. I drifted off to sleep knowing I was luckiest girl in all of Thedas.


	7. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip starts to destroy Hawke's sanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTREME EMOTIONAL ABUSE, VIOLENCE, ADULT THEMES. DON'T READ IF TRIGGERED BY DOMESTIC ABUSE

** Chapter 7 **

The First Step

 

When I woke on Saturday morning, Phillip was already up and dressed. I made my way to the bathroom, and was shocked at how I looked. Deep circles were under my eyes, I had numerous bruises all over my body, and the word Vampire sprang to mind with how pale I was. I washed up, brushed my teeth and started to put my make up on.

 

Phillip came in to check on me, “Sweetie, if you’re worried about how you look, don’t. You just look tired, which is understandable.”

 

I shyly smiled, and answered, “I will feel better if I do this. Would you please pick me out something to wear? An outfit you like. I want to look good for you, Phillip.”

 

Pathetic, giving Phillip the power to control everything. I felt almost happy back then with him having that authority. It meant I didn’t have to think. He smiled, and went to make his choice.

 

When I finished my cosmetics, I went to the clothes laid out on the bed. A see through black bra and panty set, black jeans, and a long sleeve black angora sweater with a deep V neckline. I noticed no socks, shoes or slippers were to be found.

 

For brief moment, my mind whispered that Phillip had taken those items. I shook my head to clear it. I’d have to ask Phillip what happened since I couldn’t trust my memories from last Sunday on.

 

After dressing I went out and saw Phillip cooking me breakfast. I leaned against the wall and watched him for a bit. He hadn’t noticed me. I recognized the song he was humming as one I had danced to at the club. I was a bit surprised he knew it so well. I hadn’t danced to it more than twice.

 

Phillip looked so handsome, and relaxed. Rest assured, I would come to recognize this mask. For the moment, I thought he was the most patient person I had ever met. How could he be so happy after what I had put him through? I vowed to myself I would do everything I could to get healthy for him.

 

He finally glanced up, noticed me, and whistled. “You look exquisite, Noire. Come here and give me a kiss.”

 

I made my way over to him. He pulled me close, and I sunk into his warm embrace. He pulled back briefly to turn off the stove so the food wouldn’t burn. Phillip lifted me up and sat me on the counter, and stepped between my legs.

 

I wrapped my legs around his back and pulled him closer. Phillip’s hands wandered under my shirt, and I shuddered at his touch. I clung to him, and began to moan as he slipped a hand into my bra. When I was aching, he stopped kissing me.

 

“Baby girl, I shouldn’t be doing this. Sampson said sex might complicate things.” Phillip was breathing hard, as he rested his forehead against mine. “Maker, I want you so badly. But, I can’t.”

 

“Please, Phillip, please. Make love to me. I know what I am feeling. I need you, please.” My voice came out throaty and full of desire.

 

After a very passionate kiss, he stepped back. He was struggling to control himself. Phillip took a few deep breaths, and finally looked at me.

 

“Sweetness, I want you more than you could guess. But, I swore I would do everything in my power to get you healthy. If it means I can’t be physical with you right now, then I will pray for strength to not give into temptation.” He took one more steadying breath, and helped me off the counter.

 

I felt guilty when he asked me to go sit at the table. How could I be a good partner if I wasn’t able to satisfy Phillip? When I sat down, I put my head in my hands. The shoes, ask about the shoes. The thought was getting louder. My hands started to tremble with fear. Could I trust that part of my memory? I didn’t want to falsely accuse Phillip, but I had to ask.

 

My thoughts were interrupted as Phillip arrived with the food. “Noire? Sweetie? Are you ok?”

 

“I, think so, yes, I’m ok.” I tried to smile, but it failed miserably.

 

Phillip knelt down next to me after setting the food aside. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

 

His hand was resting on my shoulder, and I avoided eye contact. Even though I was still shaking, I reached up and rested my hand on his. I closed my eyes, and decided I should speak up.

 

“I, um, I can’t find any shoes, socks or even my slippers. I remember they were missing after I thought you branded me. Did you take them?” My words sounded clumsy and hesitant.

 

“Why are you doing this again? WHY?” Phillip’s demeanor changed in an instant.

 

He slammed his other hand down on the table so hard it knocked over a craft of orange juice. I released his hand, and jumped out of the chair. I moved away slowly as he rose up and headed towards me. The look on his face was shuttered. He stalked towards me as I kept moving back, trying to make my way to the fireplace tools.

 

I saw the realization flash in his eyes when I was almost close enough to grab the poker. Phillip moved with lighting speed as I dove towards the make shift weapon. He got me around the waist, and dragged me towards the bedroom.

 

“No, no! Please, Phillip, please. Don’t hurt me!” I started to hyperventilate I was so scared.

 

Phillip stopped, and forced me to look at him, “Hurt you? Noire, I am begging you, stop! This is my fault, I should’ve woken you up sooner and given you your medications.”

 

I blinked in confusion. His voice, was soft and loving. His faced showed nothing but concern. He tenderly stroked my hair and I saw tears forming in his eyes. He hugged me close, and wept.

 

“Oh my sweet baby girl. I would never hurt you. I wish I could heal you, take away your fear and delusions. I am not angry, love. I know you can’t help imagining things. Please, you need to take your medicine. Can you do that, for me?” He sounded so crushed, and I felt sick with guilt.

 

“What’s happening to me? I thought you were going to hit me. Maker, I was going to try and strike you with the poker. Blessed Andraste help me, please.” My voice was barely a whisper.

 

That moment is when my mental torture began. Phillip would set up these scenarios. They all ended the same way. His subduing me and begging me to take the drugs prescribed for my illness. In time, he broke me down to the point I had no desire to be anywhere but at his side. I couldn’t trust myself. There would be several more “suicide attempts” to come. But, I am getting too far ahead of myself.

 

I let Phillip guide me to the bathroom, and I took my pills. He settled me back at the table. When I tried to help him clean up the mess, he kissed me and told me he was doing his job as care giver.

 

By the time Phillip sat down to eat, the meds were kicking in. My thoughts were slow, and I could barely communicate. He took my hand and said another beautiful prayer. He finished his food and noticed I was having trouble feeding myself. Phillip took my fork, sat next to me and fed me. I am unsure as to what I had taken, but it was strong.

 

When I had eaten all I could, he helped me to the sofa and turned on the television. He put it on the Chantry channel and I was able to watch Dorothea perform Mass. I heard him phone Sampson, but he went in the other room so I couldn’t listen to the call.

 

I fell asleep, passed out more like, and when I woke up my head was resting in Phillip’s lap and he was caressing my back. He had switched channels to BNN (business news network) and they were showing a story about Vael Enterprises. It was an interview with Phillip, and how his accepting the position of Left Hand to the Divine would affect his company.

 

He laid out the plans for the upcoming fiscal year, and explained he was grooming his youngest son, Sebastian to share responsibilities of CEO. It was a bit of a shock to hear his youngest was twenty-two years old. His oldest was twenty-six. The interviewer asked Phillip if he felt Sebastian was perhaps a bit young for CEO. He laughed and explained he was a Father at twenty, and took over Vael enterprises the same year his oldest was born.

 

Since my brain was clearing, I realized Phillip was forty-six. He was twenty-eight years older than myself. I bit my lip as I realized what that must look like. It could be said I was a gold-digger, or that Phillip was sick for wanting someone so young.

 

I remembered the hospital, he told the Doctor he had starting dating me months ago and believed me to be in my mid-twenties. Remember, he lied. The thoughts were coming back. Telling me I needed to run. I put a hand over my eyes and took a steadying breath. I had to stop letting these thoughts control me.

 

“Hello, sleepy head.” I glanced up and saw him sweetly smiling at me. “are you feeling better?”

 

I turned so I was on my back and could see him easier. “I, think so. Did I try to attack you this morning?”

 

My memory of breakfast was jumbled and I was unsure of what was real, and what was imagined. Phillip opened his mouth to answer then looked away.

 

He sighed as he made eye contact, “You had a panic attack of sorts, sweetie. Nothing too serious. I spoke with Sampson, and he dropped off another medication while you were asleep.”

 

I could barely look at him; I was so ashamed at my behavior. He had his brave face on, but his smile was strained.

 

“Phillip, you don’t have to help me. I can, um, I could go stay with Zevran. You don’t need someone like me hurting you all the time.” I closed my eyes, not knowing if that was what I wanted, but afraid Phillip wanted to be rid of me.

 

“Shhh, Noire. I am fine. I know you aren’t doing this intentionally. It’s a learning process, for both of us. I figured letting you sleep was more important than taking your pills at the scheduled time. Sampson told me not to do that again. He also said, my denying sex this morning may have contributed to the problem. We were both worried physical intimacy would be difficult for you. But, as long as you don’t want to be bound it should be fine. So, we can make love if you’re feeling better.” He pulled me up onto his lap and kissed me.

 

“Would you like that, baby girl? Do you want me inside you?” Between his accent in my ear, and having been denied earlier, I was putty in his hands.

 

I moaned, “Yes.” And his lips claimed mine again.

 

It was intense and passionate. I felt loved, desired, and at peace. We fell asleep holding each other. I woke before Phillip, and went to wash up. I didn’t hear Phillip come in to the bedroom. He was standing in the doorway and when I turned to exit the bathroom I jolted in surprise.

 

“Maker, you scared me.” I let out a breathless laugh.

 

Phillip wasn’t smiling. His look was cold, and he didn’t move. He stared at me and I started to panic again.

 

I gave him a weak smile as I spoke, “Are you ok, Phillip?”

 

He moved into the bathroom and into my personal space. I stepped back thinking he may just want to use the sink.

 

“What’s the matter Noire? Couldn’t wait to wash me off you? I give and give and give, and you treat me like a piece of trash. How much do you expect me to take?” He was yelling accusations and I had no idea what I had done wrong. “I will teach you to respect me even if I have to scar every inch of your body. No man will ever want to touch when I’m done!”

 

He picked up a heavy crystal water glass and slammed it into the mirror. I covered my face to protect it from the flying shards of glass. I felt Phillip grab my wrist and I tried to pull away. I didn’t see him swing, but I felt his fist slam into my head. The world tilted upside down, and went black.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Descent Into Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sampson and Phillip Break Noire's psyche.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, EMOTIONAL TORTURE, ADULT THEMES DON'T READ IF THOSE ARE TRIGGERS

** Chapter 8 **

Descent into Madness

 

 

I felt something cold being pressed on my head and it hurt. I weakly tried to swat away whatever it was. My arms wouldn’t move. I pulled again and knew I was tied down. I whimpered, and opened my eyes. The light hurt so I shut them again.

 

I heard voices, one was Phillip’s I couldn’t quit place the other one.

 

“She’s coming round, Sampson. Are you certain we shouldn’t take her back to the Psychiatric Ward?” Phillip sounded so worried.

 

“We can, but do you really want to put her through that again? She hadn’t taken the sedative, correct?” Sampson sounded concerned as well, I wondered what had happened.

 

“No, I was going to give it to her tonight before bed. Hoping she would wake up calm, for Mass.” Phillip sounded lost.

 

I heard Dr. Sampson sigh, “That may be possible later. But, I think you need to give her those three times a day, for now. Her mind is fractured, Phillip. It needs time to heal. If you want, I can sit with her tomorrow while you’re at Mass. She may be too weak to attend.”

 

“I think Mass would help her, but I don’t know if I can trust her to not have a dissociative incident at the services.” His voice cracked, and I wanted to comfort him.

 

“Phillip?” My voice was scratchy.

 

“I’m here, sweetie.” He held my hand and when I opened my eyes I saw he had dimmed the lights.

 

I looked at him, and burst into tears. His hand was bandaged, and he had some shallow cuts on his face.

 

“Phillip, did I do that to you? Why am I tied up?” My voice was so horse.

 

He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and let Sampson answer for him. “You had an episode, worse than at breakfast Noire. Unfortunately, when you went to use the bathroom while Phillip was asleep, you suffered a hallucination. He woke up when he heard you break the mirror. You are restrained because you took a piece of the mirror and had slit one wrist before Phillip got to you. The bump on your head came when you hit the counter as you fainted. Can you tell me what you remember?”

 

“I, I remember Phillip coming into the bathroom and threatening to scar my body. I saw him break the mirror, grab my wrist, and then hit me, I think.” I started to shake, as Phillip stood and ran out of the room.

 

I could hear him weeping, and I looked at Sampson, “Doctor, please help me.”

 

“That’s why I am here, Noire. What do you need at this moment?” Sampson had moved to sit next to me.

 

“I want to apologize to Phillip, please.” His cries were agonizing, and I had to comfort him.

 

“I think that’s a good idea. The more you accept that you are prone to hallucinations, the less likely you are to turn on Phillip.” Sampson leaned forward and untied my hands.

 

Thankfully, I was dressed. Sampson put his arm around me to steady me, and helped me out to Phillip. He was hunched down on the sofa, one hand over his eyes the other holding a glass of scotch.

 

After setting me on the sofa near Phillip, Sampson walked into the kitchen to give us more privacy.

 

I tentatively laid a hand on his arm before addressing him, “Phillip, I am so sorry. I, I know you could never hurt me. Please, tell me how I can make this better. I will do anything you ask, even if, if, even if you want to take me back to the Hospital.”

 

I looked down at the floor when he didn’t respond, and allowed my tears to flow freely. I felt him move his arm so I withdrew my hand. When I attempted to rise, he set down his glass and wrapped his arms around me. We didn’t speak, just held each other for a few moments.

 

My words came out awkwardly and I stuttered a bit, “Please, Phillip, for-fo-forgive me. I, I, wa-want to get better. I swear I will do anything you ask.”

 

He kissed my cheek, and then spoke, his voice rough with emotion, “My sweet darling girl. You have no need to apologize. We will get through this, the Maker and his Bride will give us the strength. I regret keeping you in the Hospital. I think locking you in the padded room made you worse. I will not put you through that again.”

 

“If I may interject an idea Phillip?” Sampson called from the kitchen.

 

Phillip sat up, but kept an arm around my shoulders, “Please, we will take any advice you have to offer.

 

He walked out and sat in a chair across from us. “We set a firm schedule for the meds. Phillip, that is your job. Keep to the schedule no matter what. Noire, I want you to agree to have Phillip stay at your side at all times. If he’s sleeping and you want to use the bathroom, watch television or get a drink of water, you have to wake him. It is invasive I know. But, if you have him next to you, you’ll be less likely to imagine he’s hurting you.”

 

“Can you do that for me, baby girl?” He looked at me with hope in his eyes, and I nodded yes.

 

“Good, that’s settled. If you both are up to it, I’d like to hear about what has happened in the last seven months or so.” Sampson looked at Phillip and waited for his answer.

 

“I think that would help me. Noire, love, can you handle talking about this?” I looked at him and nodded.

 

Sampson stood and poured himself a scotch and topped Phillip’s glass off. “Noire, how close were you to your Father?”

 

“Very, he meant the world to me. My Mother resented that I was more like him, shared his interests. My Dad is the reason I strove so hard in school. I wanted the scholarship at SU, so he wouldn’t feel bad about not having enough money to pay for college. He worked at the Chantry several times a week, and for six years I went with him every day he worked there. He and Dorothea, I mean the Divine, were my only two friends, besides my sister Bethany.” I shuddered when I finished, not wanting to think of Bethany being gone forever.

 

“I see. Were you at home when he died?” Sampson’s voice was calm and soothing.

 

“No. It was a sudden heart attack. When I got home my Mother said I killed him because he took on more work to send me extra money. Her and my brother refused to speak to me after his pyre. I came back to Starkhaven. After I had been here a month or so, my Mom called and wanted me to come home and work full time. She spent the life insurance on a car, clothes and Maker knows what.” I took a deep breath so I didn’t break down again.

 

Phillip began rubbing my tense back and kindly said, “You’re doing great, baby girl. Let it out, you’ve carried this too long on your own.”

 

“I am proud of you, Noire. Take your time, steady your nerves.” Sampson sat back and waited for me to continue.

 

I straightened up and continued, “I couldn’t go back. I know it was selfish, but I just couldn’t. My friend, Zevran, made me a fake ID and helped me get the job as a stripper. I made enough to pay the mortgage, and utilities for my family. This last month was very difficult. Bethany sent me a letter saying she wasn’t allowed to talk to me anymore. My Mother told me not to bother coming home for my name day. She didn’t want to see the one who had killed her husband. My grades have slipped from a 4.0 to 3.7. I feel like I failed everyone. If I hadn’t been so ambitious about SU, maybe my Dad will still be here. Zev is the only person I had left that I could call a friend.”

 

I broke down, I couldn’t speak anymore. Phillip and Sampson just let me cry it out.

 

“Noire, I think I know why you’ve been accusing Phillip of trying to hurt you. May I tell you? I don’t wish to cause you anymore distress.” Sampson watched me carefully.

 

“Please, I’m ok.” I leaned on Phillip and he held me close.

 

“It’s more than just grief at his loss. He was your lifeline, your rock. When he passed to the Maker, your Mother placed the blame squarely on your shoulders. Then, in her selfishness, she demanded you take his place as the head of the family. Most people wouldn’t be able to function, let alone work, stay in school and pay someone else’s bills. With your family cutting ties, you now believe anyone that anyone who loves you will either hurt you, or abandon you. Phillip loves you, but I think you believe you don’t deserve to be loved. That’s when your mind splinters and you think Phillip is trying to harm you. Your subconscious takes over and you hurt yourself. Deep down part of you really wants to die because that’s all you deserve, death. It’s why you think the Maker has left you. You can’t feel his love, because you think you’re evil.” Phillip was paying rapt attention, and I was getting confused.

 

“So, she hurts herself because she believes she shouldn’t be alive.” I was lost by this point, tired and achy. “Noire, this is fixable. We just need to get you to believe you’re worthy of love, right Sampson?”

 

“As if your whore were worth more than a sovereign, Phillip.” Sampson laughed an evil laugh, and I started to panic.

 

“Phillip, I, did Sampson just call me a whore?” I was shaking, and terrified.

 

“I am getting the anti-anxiety medication. Hold her still in case she snaps.” Sampson’s voice sounded tight with worry.

 

Phillip held me tight and talked calmly to me, “It’s ok baby, you’re ok. I’m here, I am not leaving you. You did the right thing in speaking up. I love you so much. Just be calm, we’ll get through this.”

 

“Phillip, I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die.” I clung to Phillip and tried to make sense of what was happening.

 

“You’re not going to die, sweetie. I won’t let you. Hold on to me, just hold on to me baby girl. I’ve got you.” Phillip started to hum a Chantry hymn, and rock me like a child.

 

As I was finally calming down, Sampson reappeared. “Hold out her arm Phillip, I am going to inject this dose. This will fuck her up, and you can sell her for five sovereign blow jobs. Such a trashy slut, Phillip, honestly, aren’t you afraid of catching something?”

 

“NO, no, no, get away from me! Phillip, please don’t let him touch me! Why are you letting him talk to me like that?” I squirmed in Phillip’s grasp and tried to get away.

 

I found myself thrown to the floor, and Phillip stood over me next to Sampson. I tried to crawl away from them both. My wrist was on fire, and I felt it start bleeding again. I look down and screamed at how much blood was on my hand.

 

A weight slammed into my ribcage, and knocked the wind out of me. “You stupid, fucking cunt. You will never escape. I own you, if I want to sell you I will!”

 

Phillip straddled my body and forced my undamaged arm straight out, as Sampson bent down with a needle, “Noire, baby, please come back to me! I love sweetie, I will always love you. I’m not leaving you. Maker please, Andraste please, I beg of you, help her!”

 

Again, his voice was loving and kind. I was terrified. Which was real, which was the hallucination? I couldn’t tell anymore.

 

The needle pierced my arm, and I howled. “Phillip, please, what’s happening, please! Don’t hurt me, I can’t take it anymore! I will do anything you want, please”

 

“Phillip, I need to deal with her wrist. She’s losing too much blood.” Sampson helped Phillip carry me to the bedroom.

 

Phillip laid me down, and I felt the drug start to cloud my mind. “Did we push her too far, Sampson?”

 

“Maybe. You cut her wrist pretty deep, Vael. She should probably get stitches, but I doubt you want to try and explain this. The Emergency room would insist on a three day stint back in the Psych ward. That’s too risky. The upside, it will leave a very visible scar, so everyone will think she tried to kill herself. If she isn’t broken after this, it won’t take much to finish the job.”

 

“It’s been easier than I thought. The hardest part is not laughing when she thinks she’s just had a hallucination. She is so willing to offer anything to make it up to me. She’ll be the perfect trophy wife, without the whole I have my own mind bullshit. Oh, and remember, you need to come talk to me just before services start tomorrow.” Phillip sat at the end of the bed and watched Sampson wrap my wrist tight.

 

Sampson glanced up and asked, “So, are your wife and her lover dead already?”

 

“Yes. The bodies will be discovered about eight am. You’ll be called around nine. Sadly, I’ll have to deal with the boys this week. Maker, Seb is the worst. So fucking devout, he makes me want to smack him. He has a great business sense though.” I wanted to ask why his wife was dead, I wanted to ask so many things but I was so high from what Sampson gave me I couldn’t speak.

 

Darkness swallowed me, and I figured I was going to the void.

 

 


	9. Blessed Be The Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip's hold on Hawke is strong. Sebastian meets Hawke. Zevran and Varric attempt a rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild Chapter, but still don't read if emotional abuse is a trigger.

** Chapter 9 **

Blessed be the Maker

 

I woke around six in the morning. I felt hung over and my body hurt in so many places I could barely move. I looked down and saw a tight bandage on my left wrist. It had a dried blood stain on it. Tears fell and I tried to piece together what had happened.

 

All I could think was I had lost my voided mind. How I ended up like this I had no idea. I began to question all my memories from my Father’s death on. How much of it did I imagine? I couldn’t trust myself and I knew it. I made to move to go wash up, when I recalled the instructions. Phillip, I had to wake Phillip before doing anything.

 

I reached out and laid a hand on his arm. He came to slowly, and rolled to face me.

 

“Noire? What do you need sweetie?” He caressed my face and waited for my answer.

 

“I, I need to use the bathroom and wash up. I’m sorry for waking you.” I was trembling, praying to the Maker I would remain lucid.

 

He stood up and came to my side of the bed. Phillip pulled back the covers and helped me stand. It was more difficult than I care to admit. He steadied me, and guided me to the wash room. He at least gave me privacy to use the toilet.

 

He came in while I was trying to wash my hands. I was swaying on my feet. The drugs were still affecting my motor skills. Phillip stepped behind me and helped me wash my hands. His touch was so soothing. He was humming again, a different Chantry hymn this time. I watched him in the mirror, he looked beautiful, and at peace. The little cuts on his face were not as noticeable and I blushed in shame that I had hurt him like that.

 

After he dried my hands, he eyes met mine in the reflection. He gingerly wrapped his arms around me.

 

He smiled, kissed my cheek and spoke, “I am so proud of you, sweetheart. You woke me up like you were supposed to.”

 

“Phillip, I want you to know. You are the best thing I’ve ever had happen to me. Thank you, for helping me. You saved my life, I still don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, but thank you. I love you so much. If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll make it up to you.” My voice quivered with emotion, as I clung to his arms.

 

“Baby girl, my sweet baby girl, you owe me nothing. When people truly love each other, they stand by each other no matter what. You are worthy of my love. You deserve to be happy. I will devote my life to you now, and always.” I watched him as he spoke and thought I had never seen someone so kind, and gentle. “Do you feel up to Mass this morning? It’s ok to say no, you have been through so much.”

 

“I want to go, Phillip. I’ll be ok.” I gave him a weak smile which he returned.

 

He helped me wash and sat me down while he washed himself. He gave me my pills, and had me rest on the bed, while he took some private time in the bathroom.

 

I dozed a bit as he got dressed. He never strayed far from my side, and would constantly kiss my cheek, or tell me he loved me. I’ll admit, it did feel good. I felt calmer than I had all week.

 

He gently shook me awake, “Sweetie, wake up. Time to get dressed.”

 

He guided me to the closet, turned to say something, but gasped when he saw my face, “Noire, baby, are you ok? Please, baby girl, talk to me. What’s the matter?”

 

I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, “My shoes, they’re all here. Have they been here all along?”

 

Phillip didn’t answer right away, he pulled me into his arms, “Yes, they have. Don’t worry about it sweetie, you weren’t feeling well. I am so happy you are totally lucid! This shows you have the Maker and his Bride’s blessing. Blessed be the Maker, Andraste and our Divine, Justinia.”

 

“Blessed be the Maker.” I whispered, and felt relieved my fears about Phillip were wrong.

 

He had me pick out my outfit. I chose a long sleeved, royal blue silk suit with a priest collar neckline. The skirt was long, and had a slit up one side. It matched Phillip’s blue suit perfectly. Phillip dropped to one knee, and slipped on matching, low heeled shoes.

 

He took my hand and led me to the dresser and opened a jewelry box.  He put a simple platinum chain on me, that had an enormous sapphire for the pendant. He placed a diamond and sapphire encrusted wide cuff, that covered the ugly bandage, on my wrist. He slipped my engagement on, and then put a square cut sapphire set in white gold on the middle finger of my right hand.

 

Phillip escorted me into the bathroom and brushed my hair. He left it down, parted on the side, like I usually wore it. He helped me with my makeup, and when it was finished I looked human again. He smiled and kissed the top of my head. He handed me a red clutch, and it held my phone and ID. I noticed there were no messages or texts. Zev probably thought I was too busy having fun and I’d call him when I took a break. The lack of texts from my Mom, caused my heart to constrict as I remembered they died four days earlier.

 

Phillip rubbed my back, almost as if he understood why I was melancholy. We ate a quick breakfast of coffee and Orlesian pastries. When we finished, he took my hand, and we went to the Chantry.

 

We arrived about thirty minutes before Mass. Fortunately, my meds weren’t making me drowsy, just very calm. I almost felt good. I was weak, and the meds did slow my mind a bit, but I felt better. As we stood by the seats, which were set apart from the rest of the congregation, I noticed a young man, who resembled Phillip approach.

 

He gave me a side long glance and reached out to shake Phillip’s hand, “Hello, Father. Who is she?”

 

“Seb, this is Noire Hawke. We are engaged.” Phillip had a friendly smile even though his son’s mouth dropped open in shock.

 

“You brought your Mistress to Mass? Are you insane? Maker take you for such blasphemy.” Sebastian hissed.

 

Phillip put an arm around me and his smile froze in place, “Just so you know, Son, the Divine herself granted permission for your Mother to dissolve our marriage. Justinia has known Miss Hawke for years, and gave her blessing to the union. The Divine has agreed to preside over the wedding next year, now apologize to my future wife.”

 

Sebastian, flushed with anger, turned to me. “My apologies, Miss Hawke. I wasn’t aware this had been blessed by our beloved Divine Justinia. I hope you won’t hold this against me.”

 

“No need to apologize, Mr. Vael. I would be thrown off balance, if I were in your shoes. Aunt D, I mean her eminence, was also concerned at first. She is very protective of me. But, she believes this is supported by the Maker, and so she agreed to the union. I will do my best to make your Father happy, and follow Andraste’s example of how to be a good wife.” I hoped Sebastian could feel the sincerity of my words.

 

“Mr. Vael is my Father, Miss Hawke, please call me Seb. I apologize for jumping to inappropriate conclusions. I look forward to getting to know you better.” Just as Sebastian finished speaking, Dr. Sampson rapidly approached us.

 

Phillip’s wife was dead, ran through my mind. How did I know that? I started to get scared I was going to have another episode.

 

“Phil, I need to speak with you, and Sebastian, now. Mass can wait.” Sampson nodded to me while he spoke.

 

“I’ll be back in a moment my dear.” I watched Phillip leave and thought I heard my name whispered.

 

I turned around and saw a familiar head of long blond hair hiding behind a column. I snuck a glance toward the front of the Chantry and saw Phillip, Sampson and his son heading outside.

 

I walked over, and Zevran grabbed me, and pulled me behind the pillar. “What the fuck is going on, Noire?”

 

“Zev, I haven’t been feeling well, I’m sorry I didn’t call you.” I felt bad he was upset.

 

“Noire, I called you over fifty times and sent Maker knows how many texts. You never ignore that many. I also attended your family’s funeral pyre last week, and you didn’t show up. Where in the void have you been?” I stared at Zev in shock.

 

“What do you mean the pyre happened last week? They just died Thursday. I haven’t even made arrangements yet!” I was stunned.

 

Zev pulled a long black cloak around my shoulders, and lifted a hood over my head. “I don’t know what that sick bastard has been up to you, but you need to come with me, now! Varric is waiting outside, and there are none of Vael’s guards by the exit we can take.”

 

I stood rooted in place. I couldn’t process what was being said. I started shaking and I backed away from Zevran.

 

“You’re not real, you’re not real. Please, Maker, not here, don’t let me hallucinate here, please.” Zevran reached for me and I twisted away before he touched me.

 

“Zev, what’s the hold up? We have to go, now!” I closed my eyes and covered my ears when I saw Varric.

 

“This isn’t real, this isn’t real. Phillip will help you, go find Phillip.” I was whispering to myself, fearing my mind would fracture inside the Chantry.

 

“Oh Maker, what in the void did he do to her?” Varric sounded panicked.

 

“I don’t know, but if we try to take her now, we could end up dead. Grab the cloak, and let’s get out of here.” The illusion that sounded like Zevran lifted the cloak and disappeared.

 

I opened my eyes, and saw I was alone. I had done it. I hoped Phillip would be proud of me. I suddenly felt dizzy, and I slid to the floor. I tried to stay awake, but I couldn’t and the darkness swallowed me again.

 

 

 

 


	10. The Abduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire and Phillip try to have a romantic date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STRONG LANGUAGE, MENTAL ABUSE, VIOLENCE

** Chapter 10 **

The Abduction

 

I woke up, and I was back in Phillip’s bed. I had no idea how long I had slept. It was still light outside and I heard raised voices coming from the living room.

 

“You have to, Father! She was your wife for twenty-seven years, you have to go to Mother’s pyre. You are from a Noble house, you’re the Left Hand to our beloved Justinia, and she is delivering the eulogy.” Phillip’s son, Sebastian, sounded so upset.

 

“We have been formally separated for ten years, Sebastian! What in the Maker’s name am I supposed to say? We were happy until she decided to whore around? She was a great companion to Gaspard de Chalons for the last decade? She publically bedded Empress Celene’s cousin, Seb!” I could tell Phillip was angry.

 

“Father, please do not speak ill of the dead! Mother is probably headed to the Void for her behavior, and I don’t want you to be condemned for blasphemy!” Sebastian sounded close to tears.

 

“I’m sorry, son. It isn’t fair to take my anger at what happened to my marriage out on you.” It sounded like Phillip sat down. “I tried Seb, I did try with her. She just didn’t like having to go through with an arranged marriage. It’s why I never interfered with what you boys wanted to do with your lives.”

 

“I’m know, Father. I am grateful you didn’t have any of us go through what you did.” Sebastian sounded so tired. “Trevor says he’s sending a wreath and a large donation from the Antivan Royal family, for the Chantry, but he can’t come. Snowden will be there, with his new boyfriend. I told not him to defile the Chantry with that blasphemy, but you know how he is.”

 

“Seb, nothing in the Chant says being gay is against the Maker. I am Left Hand now, meaning I have to follow what the Divine says. The Chantry has a more liberal view on homosexuality than it used to. Besides, it’s Orlais, there will be many just like Snowden in attendance. For once, could you please pretend to get along with him? It is your Mother’s funeral. I will go, and I will say a few words. Just don’t fight with your brother.” Phillip’s voice sounded strained.

 

I heard one of them sigh, and then Sebastian’s voice, “I won’t bring shame to our family. I know how it would look if the Left Hand’s sons were to fight in the Maker’s house. But, Father, should you really bring that woman to your wife’s funeral?”

 

I heard glass shatter, and Phillip yell, “Sebastian, she is going to be my wife! We have the Divine’s blessing, and are getting married in the Grand Cathedral in a year. You may not approve of her, but I love her very much. I don’t require you to treat her like a step Mother, but you will respect her.”

 

Phillip’s tone frightened me, but I liked that he was protecting my honor. I wanted to get up, but I figured I should give them some privacy.

 

“Father, calm down, please. I’m sorry. It is just a shock, that’s all. I had no idea you were even seeing someone. At least she respects the Maker and his bride.” Sebastian’s tone took on a humble, soothing tone. “May I ask her age? She looks very young. Not that there is anything wrong with that.”

 

That question made me feel guilty. How would Sebastian respond to his Father being engaged to someone who just turned eighteen?

 

“She is young, younger than you, but of legal age. That’s all I have to say on the matter.” Phillip’s voice made it clear he wasn’t going to tell him.

 

“I shouldn’t have brought it up, I’m sorry. How sick is she, Father? She looked so pale when we found her behind the pillar.” Seb sounded genuinely worried about me.

 

“She’s exhausted, that’s all. Noire has been through a lot the past year. Her Father died, her Mother cut ties blaming Noire for her Father’s heart attack. Noire’s Mother then made her sister and brother stop talking to her. Miss Hawke had to take a job that was beneath her because, even though her family wouldn’t talk to her, she was expected to pay the mortgage and other bills, all while taking a double major at SU. The family that cut ties, and used her for money, recently died when a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit them head on. I think it is only by the Maker’s grace she is doing as well as she is.” Phillip sounded like he admired me as he spoke.

 

 

“Seb, she didn’t even know who I was the first night I took her to dinner. When she found out, she believed she had sinned against the Maker because I was technically still married. She didn’t accept my proposal until she had conferred with the Divine privately. Noire is beautiful, smart, kind and a devout Andrastian. I feel blessed I met someone like her.” Phillip’s voice was soft, and full of love as he described me.

 

“Blessed Andraste, what a remarkable woman. She still has such faith after everything that’s happened. I apologize for doubting her character. I can see why you want her at your side. I have no further objections to her attending the pyre. I should probably leave, so you can tend to her. May the Maker and his Bride watch over you both.” Sebastian sounded suitably humbled.

 

“Thank you, Sebastian. I am sorry I was not able to make your Mother happy. May she be granted the Maker’s forgiveness, and find her way to his side in the Golden City. I’ll call you in the morning.” Phillip’s tone was kind, but dismissive.

 

“Goodbye, Father. Please tell Miss Hawke I will pray for her health.” I heard the elevator open, and Sebastian step inside.

 

I was feeling warm from the kinds words Phillip had said about me. Despite everything I had put Phillip through, he saw good in me. Zevran’s face flashed in my mind. A cold fear gripped my heart. I thought I had seen Zevran and my former boss, Varric, at the Chantry. I had a delusion in the Maker’s house. It seemed so real at the time. I felt Zevran’s touch, could smell his cologne. Remember the date. Ask about the date.

 

Not this again, I didn’t want to listen to my mind. It was making me question what was real, and what was false. His wife is dead; you knew she was dead before Sampson came to the Chantry. My hands shook and I was shivering. I felt like another episode was coming on. I needed to call Phillip.

 

“Phillip? Are you there?” I tried to keep panic out of my voice but failed.

 

Phillip sprinted in, “Noire? Thank the Maker you’re awake!”

 

I sat up, with Phillips help, “What happened?”

 

“You fainted before Mass sweetie. Sampson said the dosage on your medicine needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t happen again.” Phillip studied me before speaking, “Noire, I had some bad news this morning. My wife, and her lover, were killed last night in Orlais. Home invasion the police said. Her jewelry was missing, along with some gold coins and art.”

 

“I am sorry your wife was killed.” I had no idea what else to say considering how long they had been separated.

 

 

“Thank for your sympathy about Meredith. She may have hated me, but she was a loving Mother to my children. I need to leave for Orlais on Tuesday. I have to attend her pyre, with my sons. I am also expected to speak on behalf of our family. The Divine is going to perform the service since we were still legally married. You have been through a lot recently, and I don’t want to cause you any undue stress. But, I need you at my side. I’ll understand if you aren’t up to it. I can have Sampson stay with you until I return.” He was intently watching me as he spoke.

 

I closed my eyes and shuddered at the thought of being alone with Dr. Sampson. He frightened me. He called you a whore. He talked to Phillip about the murder. He said Phillip had cut you. My mind felt like it was screaming at me. Zevran was real, Varric was real, remember ask about the date. I shook my head to clear it.

 

When I opened my eyes, Phillip looked concerned, “Noire? Are you still with me?”

 

“Yes, I, yes, I’m ok. I’ll go to Orlais and stand by you as you have stood by me.” I looked at him and hoped he could see I was trying be strong for him.

 

“Thank you baby girl. I admit, this is a difficult situation for me. It will be a relief to have the woman I love at my side.” He gave me a sweet kiss, and smiled at me.

 

Phillip, held my hand, and in an especially calm voice asked me a question, “Noire, sweetie, when we found you, you were unconscious, behind a pillar, in the hallway out of sight from the congregation. Do you remember why you went back there?”

 

Zevran and Varric didn’t know they had been seen leaving the Chantry. Phillip had already prepared to counter anything they may have said to me. Including how long I had been in his grasp.

 

“Yes, I just, I had an episode at the Chantry this morning. I thought my friend Zevran, and my boss from the club, Varric, had come to take me away. I remember closing my eyes and telling the visions to go away, and they did. I passed out after that.” Some part of my mind was still trying to get me to believe the phantoms I saw were real, I ignored it.

 

“So, that’s why you were in the back hallway out of sight? You thought they were trying to take you?” Phillip’s voice had that neutral tone to it again.

 

I took a deep breath and continued, “Yes. I refused to let the hallucination control me. I prayed to the Maker for the images to disappear, and they did. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

 

 

“You’re already getting better. You successfully stopped yourself from giving into a delusion today. That is amazing progress, I am so proud of you!” He pulled me into his arms for a hug. “You didn’t embarrass me. It was obvious you were suffering from side effects of the medication. I told everyone it was exhaustion from dealing with your family’s death.”

 

“I just want to be normal again. I am so scared I’ll lose my sanity completely. I hope I can make you as happy as you have made me. Thank you, thank you so much for all you’ve done.” My voice wavered, but I didn’t burst into tears.

 

He pulled back and gave me a heartwarming smile, “Thank you love, your determination to get better is something to be admired.”

 

The date, ask about the date. I brought a hand up to my forehead and took some steadying breaths. I tried to make the questions in my mind go silent.

 

“Phillip, I, uh, how long have I been here? What is the date?” I couldn’t meet his eyes, part of me frustrated I let the question slip out.

 

“Baby girl, look at me.” I wouldn’t raise my head, so Phillip did that for me. “Noire, look at me, please.”

 

I finally met his eyes, part of me fearing what I would find in them, “Sweetie, this is difficult for me to say. Sampson said I should’ve told you the truth earlier, but I was so afraid it might upset you too much. Please know I thought I was protecting you.”

 

Phillip cleared his throat and continued, “You were in the Hospital for over two weeks. After you attacked me, you had to be dosed with tranquilizers almost twenty-four hours a day. Whenever you started to come around, you would become violent. They couldn’t risk you being so agitated. Your family’s pyre had to be held without you. I told you that when you were still in the Hospital, and you attacked me a second time.”

 

The truth was much different. It had been easy for Phillip to pay off the head of the Hospital to keep me comatose. Phillip was able to kill my family, hold the funeral and keep me away from Zevran and Varric. He couldn’t risk me coming in contact with anyone that would see what he was doing to me. I had to be programed before I could see my friends again.

 

“I don’t remember any of that, Phillip! I am sorry. Why, why do you still want me? I don’t deserve your kindness, or love. You should cast me aside.” I felt my stomach drop at the realization of how much time I had lost while I was imagining things.

 

“Never! I love you, baby girl, I love you. I want you because you’re smart, talented, gorgeous and kind. You have an illness that’s being treated. Nothing to be ashamed of. Please, stop saying I should be rid of you. Can you do that for me?” Phillip’s words warmed my heart, and made me feel special.

 

I nodded. My heart fluttered, I felt I was so blessed to have him.

 

He gave me a small smile, “Thank you love, thank you. We’ll be able to spend some time with Justinia while in Orlais. I think that might help you. She knows you have been in turmoil due to your family’s death, and is willing to council you if you’d like.”

 

“Does she know, um, does she know everything?” I was worried about her reaction to my violence.

 

“I just told her you have been depressed. I leave it up to you how much you want her to know.” His voice was comforting and I was grateful he kept my actions to himself.

 

“I, I don’t want to talk to her alone. Will you be with me when I see her?” I was terrified Phillip wouldn’t be there, and Dorothea would pry out of me all that had happened.

 

“Are you certain, sweetie? I won’t leave you alone for second if that is your wish.” Phillip stroked my hair as he waited for my answer.

 

After a deep breath I replied, “I am sure. I trust you, and I start to panic every time you’re not with me. I’ll try not to be so needy someday. But, I want to get better, I want to be better for you. This will help me.”

 

“Then it’s settled. We stick together.” He kissed me then continued, “Do you feel like going out for dinner? I would love to take you someplace romantic. See you dressed all sexy, making me the envy of every man that beholds the beauty I have on my arm.”

 

“I would like that, very much.” I smiled and blushed at his compliment.

 

“Great! Oh, let me get you your meds. Then we can change.” I took the pills Phillip gave me, and then followed him to the closet.

 

He chose a red corseted top, black lace bolero jacket, tight black jeans and red stilettos for me. He laced up the corset, then dressed in black jeans, black turtle neck and black casual shoes. This time he draped garnet and onyx jewels around my neck and wrists. A matching ring went on my right hand, and I was ready. He wore a platinum chain, and his Rolex.

 

He lounged against the wall and watched me do my cosmetics. “Baby, do that Smokey eye thing, and heavy red lipstick. I kind of miss the makeup you wore while dancing.”

 

I just smiled at Phillip in the mirror and did my face like I used to. I was tired of the pale, fresh faced, innocent look I’d been sporting recently. I loved to wear heavy cosmetics, and I was happy Phillip wanted to see me like that again. I put my compact and lipstick in the clutch I’d used at Mass and we were off.

 

My heart was beating a little fast as the elevator headed to the lobby. I was going on my first real date with my fiancé, and I was giddy. I said a quick prayer as the doors opened that I wouldn’t have an incident at dinner. We climbed in the limo, and headed to a four-star place. I didn’t care what kind of food it was, I just wanted to have a nice time. Phillip teased me the whole ride there so all I wanted was to go back home and make love.

 

“Geoffrey, pull around into the alley. We’ll take the back way in. I prefer not having to walk through the masses.” Phillip took my hand and asked, “Ready baby girl?”

 

“Ready.” Was all my lust filled brain could repeat.

 

We stepped out into the evening, and I was excited for my date. I didn’t notice the figures in masks round the corner as we approached the door, but Phillip did.

 

“Noire, get behind me!” He yanked me back.

 

“Get your hands up, now! Make one move and we’ll kill you.” I froze when I saw three guns leveled at us.

 

Phillip was tense, and barely containing himself as they approached. “Now, hand over that fancy watch, and your lady friend and we’ll be on our way.”

 

“Do you have any idea who you’re screwing with? I will find you, and destroy you.” Phillip’s brogue was strong, and his voice deadly soft.

 

One of the robbers laughed, “Sure, Vael, we know who you are. Now, be a good little Lord, or die. Makes no difference to us.”

 

Phillip threw the watch at them, “Take it, you fuckers.”

 

“Now, the girl. Hand her over and we’ll leave you be.” One of them moved towards me.

 

“You’re not taking my fiancé; you’ll have to kill me first. I’m guessing you won’t murder the Left Hand because the whole of southern Thedas will be out for your blood.” My man smirked, confident in the knowledge he wasn’t going to die.

 

“Fine, hand her over or we shoot your balls off.” The gun was cocked, and aimed at Phillip’s mid-section.

 

I yanked out of Phillip’s grasp and jumped in front of him. “I won’t let you hurt him! Shoot me, I don’t care, just don’t hurt him!”

 

“Noire, please, don’t risk it. It’s just a watch! They won’t shoot me, they can’t.” Phillip was trying to pull me behind him when two of them ran forward and forced me out of his arms.

 

“Get her out of here! He’s trying to stall us until his guards arrive! They are never far behind him.” The short, stocky robber yelled. “Don’t worry Vael, she’s insurance. Tell your guards to hang back, and you might see her again, unharmed. Depends on how nice she is to us.”

 

The tallest of the three threw me over his shoulder, like I weighed nothing, and hurried to the street. I struggled, but my body was so sore and my meds were slowing me too much to fight effectively. I screamed when I saw one the medium size man slam Phillip upside the head with the butt of a gun, and drop him to his knees.

 

I was tossed into a van, and I heard Phillip shouting for his men to follow us as it screeched away from the alley.


	11. The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire escapes. Phillip's head of security steps in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STRONG LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE

** Chapter 11 **

The Hunt

 

“Fuck! His guards are on our ass! What the hell are we going to do now?” A voice that sounded like Varric yelled from the driver’s seat.

 

“Calm down, just take the route I showed you, and we’ll lose them.” A voice that seemed vaguely familiar said.

 

“You calm down, Curly! I told you this was a bad plan!” The hallucination of Varric was flipping out.

 

I ripped off my jewels and tossed them at the big blond man in the passenger’s seat, “Just take my damn jewelry and let me out! I have nothing else that you want. If you’re planning on holding me for ransom, Phillip will find you before you get any money. Just take the gems and LET ME GO!”

 

“Does she not recognize any of us?” The blond man turned and I saw he looked like the bouncer at the club, Cullen.

 

“Noire, look at me. It’s Zevran, we came to rescue you. Vael is an evil man, he’s had you cut off from all of us, and I think he killed your family.” Zevran’s vision sounded like his usual direct self.

 

I closed my eyes and began to say the Chant hoping I wouldn’t keep hallucinating when I needed to remain lucid if I were to get away. “Blessed are they that stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.”

 

“Sweet holy Andraste, what the fuck did he do to her!” The voice of Cullen said.

 

“I don’t know, Cullen. Some sort of brain washing it looks like. Noire, stop, it’s really me. Zev, your Zev. Please, say something!” Zevran sounded so convincing, but I knew enough not to trust my mind.

 

“You’re not real, you are not real, SHUT UP!” I refused to let my mind snap while I was in danger.

 

“Flaming balls of the Maker, I am going to castrate that sick son of a bitch! Then take my time killing him.” Zevran’s voice was full of tightly controlled fury.

 

I turned my head and refused to look at any of them. It was too confusing. After a few minutes, Cullen said we’d lost Phillip’s men. The van slowed to turn into a garage, and I noticed the Zevran vision was looking toward the front of the vehicle. I dove toward the back door, but the Zevran illusion grabbed me.

 

“NOIRE! It’s me, you are not hallucinating, STOP!” The blond man held me down as I tried ignore what I was seeing.

 

I fought to get away, but I was too weak. My wrist felt like it was ripping apart. I kicked out, tried to scratch, hit, anything. The man had to lay on top of me to subdue me completely.

 

“Blessed Andraste, Bride of the Maker, please grant your strength to ignore these demons! Please, Maker, help me be lucid and not give into this madness! Let me get back to Phillip, Maker please!” I lost it, completely.

 

I closed my eyes and kept repeating the Chant of Light over and over. The van came to a stop at the bottom of the garage. I was hauled out by the large blond man and escorted to a waiting car. I saw the stocky driver throw some sort of grenade into the van and I watched it catch fire.

 

At the car, there was someone I didn’t recognize. He was tall, looked in his mid-twenties, and had messy blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. He had a haunting but beautiful face. At least I wasn’t seeing a face of someone I knew on this man.

 

“How is she?” The new man said.

 

“How is she? Watch.” The Varric like man replied. “Noire, it really is me, Varric. I’m with Zevran, and Cullen.”

 

“Silence demon! I will listen to none of your lies! Go back to the void!” I refused to look at any of them.

 

“Guys, you said she was confused, this isn’t confused, this is mind control! You can’t rescue someone this fucked up. We don’t have the resources or time to fix this. She won’t go willingly, she’ll fight. Every fucking cop will be looking for Vael’s fiancé!” The new man sounded upset when he spoke, “Maker, what the fuck happened to her? Look, her wrist, it’s bleeding.”

 

The new man grabbed my arm and ripped off the bandage. “Fuck me! Did she do that? It looks like she tried to kill herself!”

 

“I doubt it. My guess, it was Vael. She needs stiches, or something.” The Cullen demon said.

 

After some cussing the Zev apparition spoke, “Exactly where are we going to take her? Every fucking hospital, clinic and back alley Doctor is going to be watched. She will scream for help no matter what we do. Dammit! I told you we should’ve waited for my friends from Antiva to get here.”

 

“Calm down, I may be a Psychiatrist, but I know basic first aid. We need to get her someplace out of Starkhaven, and fast. We can’t let her get back to Vael, no matter what, and I mean no matter what. Can we take her to the Crows instead? They do have the ability to make people disappear, right?” The new man’s voice was soft, with an accent I couldn’t place.

 

Everyone turned as they heard a car screech into the garage. I kicked off my shoes, shoved the Cullen demon away from me and ran.

 

“FUCK! We need torch this car, and get out the back way! Zevran, don’t chase her, you’re no good to her if your dead! Blondie, Curly, wipe the prints off the doors and steering wheel. We need to leave now! Vael won’t arrest us, we’ll end up buried in the woods.” The stocky driver was barking out orders and I just kept running.

 

I stopped hearing them, but I didn’t slow down. I hurt, my feet were raw from the concrete, and my wrist was starting to bleed more heavily. I kept going, I had to.

 

The garage shook from two explosions, and I fell to my knees. I stood up, tried to run, but could only walk. I was moving slow, and was afraid I’d pass out. I looked down and limped forward. I had to get back to safety.

 

“Phillip, PHILLIP? Please, someone, HELP!” I was dizzy, and my body was getting weaker.

 

“Noire? Noire! Oh Maker, baby I’m here, I’ve got you.” I looked up and saw Phillip running toward me.

 

I noticed he had dried blood on his cheek and I felt awful he’d gotten hurt. I felt him wrap me in an embrace.

 

“My wrist, it won’t stop bleeding. Please, help me Phillip!” I sagged in his arms, and my body started shaking from the physical exertion.

 

I passed out briefly. When I came to, something was being pulled tight around my arm. When it was wrapped, Phillip lifted me in his arms. I’d never been more grateful to the Maker in my life. I had survived. I had remained lucid enough to escape.

 

He carried me to his waiting vehicle. His men held me while he got in the back of the SUV, then put me in next to him.

 

“To the emergency room, Sir?” His driver asked.

 

“No! I’ll have the Doctor come to my place. I won’t risk her being taken again.” Phillip already had his phone out calling the Hospital.

 

After making arrangements for my treatment, he turned his attention back to me. “Baby girl, did they hurt you? What did they want?”

 

“They, they didn’t want you to see me again. One of them said they should’ve waited for the Antivan’s to arrive. They talked about Crows, birds, something. The leader ripped the bandage off my wrist, and it started bleeding. He then said they needed to get me out of Starkhaven, that no matter what I wouldn’t see you again, ever. They were going to kill me!” I started sobbing hysterically, and couldn’t continue.

 

“You’re safe now baby girl, you’re safe. I won’t risk losing you again, I swear it!” He stroked my hair until I quieted down.

 

Phillip made one more call, “I found her. They threatened to kill her, to get at me. Noire said they talked about the Crow’s. You find out who hired them. If it was Trevor, kill him, and lose the body. My son threatened he was going take the Company, and if this is the game he wants to play, I’ll bury him.”

 

Phillip sent a couple of texts after he got off the phone. I didn’t see he was directing his goons to check out Varric and Zevran. Fortunately, they had planned ahead in case the rescue went south. Years later, Varric would tell the story with his flair, and it sounded hilarious. The four mighty Heroes, looking for a bus stop, and arguing over who fucked the plan up.

 

I dozed on the way back to my new home, but woke when Phillip directed the driver to use the garage. It was blocked, so we were forced to go in the main lobby entrance. There were cameramen and reporters waiting for Phillip to arrive.

 

“Fuck! Keep those damn vultures back when we get out.” Phillip was pissed.

 

Phillip jumped out first and lifted me gently into his arms. He ignored all questions, and his guards kept the reporters from getting near us. I buried my face into his shoulder. My memory already losing the grasp on what happened. Having been mentally broken, the experience served to fracture my fragile mental state further. My friends had unwittingly made my dependence on Phillip complete.

 

“Lord Vael, is it true someone tried to assassinate you? My Lord, how did you find your fiancé? Lord Vael, is Miss Hawke injured? Will this affect your wife’s funeral? My Lord…”

 

Phillip finally got us inside. As we entered the building I heard someone say Lord Vael would be down to make a statement later. For some reason, that was the first time I recognized I was engaged to a Noble. I had heard him introduced as Lord Vael by Dorothea, but it didn’t sink in. Funny, my grandparents had been nobility, and my Mother had married down. I was marrying back into my class, and I wished my sister were still alive to see it.

 

There were numerous guards inside the penthouse. Phillip carried me into the bedroom and set me on the bed.

 

“Noire, can you talk to my head of security? I know you’re in pain and weak, but we need details while it’s still fresh in your mind.” He was caressing my cheek, and I nodded yes. “Logain, she’ll see you now.”

 

I looked up as a very stern looking man walked into the room. He had black hair, and eyes the color of steel.

 

“Miss Hawke, can you describe any of the assailants?” He was direct, and his voice was pure ice.

 

“Um, yes, I think so.” I wanted to just say Varric, Zevran and Cullen’s descriptions, but something in my mind warned me not to. “The large man, he, he had brown hair. I think a tattoo on one of his hands. A bird, I, yes, a black bird. His eyes were, green, like mine. I remember thinking that was odd, my eye color is not common.”

 

 I ended up describing my brother, my dead uncle, who stole my Mom’s inheritance, and the last man took on my Father’s face. I still can’t explain why I didn’t give an accurate description of Anders. I knew Varric, Zevran and Cullen wouldn’t hurt me, so I didn’t want them to be falsely accused. I was also leery about telling Logain and Phillip I hallucinated a lot. I look back and realize my mind was helping me protect my friends. I may not be able to consciously resist, but my subconscious did when absolutely necessary.

 

“Miss Hawke, can you place the accent of the ring leader?” Logain was taking furious notes.

 

“I don’t think so. It’s one I’ve never heard before.” I couldn’t get the final man out of mind.

 

“Black bird tattoo, green eyes and an accent unfamiliar to someone from Fereldan. My Lord, this may be Tevinter trying to act. Green eyes, like Miss Hawke’s, are common up there. The intel we have gotten shows the Imperial Chantry is displeased with our Divine. What better way to get at her, than to remove the Left Hand?” I gasped when I realized what Logain was implying.

 

“Logain, find out what you can about Tevinter. Don’t rule out Antiva. I don’t trust Trevor for a second.” Phillip hand taken my hand, and was holding it tightly. “Noire, what did they say about the Crows? This is important sweetie, try to remember that part.”

 

“I, I, the one who hit you said. “I told you we should’ve waited for my friends from Antiva to arrive.” The leader asked if they could get me to the Crows and make me disappear. They were discussing you, and you were never going to be seen again, I think. They were fighting over where to dump my body. Oh, the one who hit you said they were going to, to castrate...uh cut you and then kill you slowly. I can’t remember much else. I’m sorry Phillip, I was just looking for a way to escape!” I closed my eyes, and let the tears roll down my cheeks.

 

“Thank you, Miss Hawke. You did better than most women would while being abducted.” He asked to speak with Phillip for a moment.

 

Phillip stood in the doorway while Logain gave him some more news. “I checked out the other lead you texted me. Isabella said they came to the club around eleven this morning, and had some big party. She said those two had gone to Mass to look for an extra dancer.”

 

“They haven’t left? Did she see them the whole time?” Phillip’s voice was low, but I could hear it.

 

“Better, Isa, gave me the code to the security feed. My guys went through the footage. They didn’t leave, and are still there now.” Logain sounded smug as he gave Phillip the news.

 

My future husband contemplated the news. “Hmm, ok. Tell Isabella to keep watching things. Have her text you if she hears any news. If they were involved in this stunt, make a brutal and public statement.”

 

“My Lord?” I heard a new voice.

 

“Come in Doctor. Noire, this is Dr. Orsino. He is going to examine you. Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside, ok?” I opened my eyes and nodded.

 

This Dr. had a kind face, and was older. I was grateful it wasn’t Sampson probing me all over. He took my vital signs, and asked where I hurt. After a few minutes he went to speak with Phillip who was hovering in the doorway.

 

“How is she Orsino?” Phillip’s demeanor was all business.

 

Lord Phillip Vael was known for his level headedness in any situation. It was how he took a small company and expanded it to a billion-sovereign enterprise. His ambition led him to be chosen for his position in the Chantry. I admired what I saw as strength. In time I would understand that strength was really lack of conscience.

 

Phillip didn’t waste time on second guessing any decision. He was ruthless, and didn’t hesitate to ruin anyone that pissed him off.

 

The kindly Doctor cleared his throat before answering, “It appears someone cut her wrist in an attempt to kill her. I will be stitching the wound closed. She is lucky she didn’t bleed out. If you hadn’t found her when you did, she would be dead. Her feet are raw, but if she stays off them for a few days they will heal quickly. There are multiple contusions on her body.”

 

“Maker, they really were going to kill her!” Phillip sounded worried with that diagnosis. “Was there any sign of sexual assault?”

 

“No. She has numerous bruises that are forming that lead me to believe they tried. It is obvious they forcibly held her down. She may experience some emotional trauma after this incident. I will leave you some sedatives in case she has trouble sleeping. If you have the time, I’d prefer you were in the room while I tend to her wounds. Given what happened, I have no desire to add to her turmoil by touching her without you watching.” Orsino sounded a bit nervous discussing what had happened to me.

 

Phillip nodded, and stepped back into the room. He gently moved me so he could sit against the headboard, and lay my body on his. He stroked my hair, and hummed while Dr. Orsino stitched my wrist, and wrapped my feet. He handed Phillip antibiotics, sedatives and was escorted out by Logain.

 

“Phillip?” My voice was nearly unrecognizable.

 

“I’m here, baby girl. What do you need?” His tone was soft and soothing.

 

“I, can I change? And wash up? I feel so grimy.” I wanted to burn the clothes I was in.

 

“Sure, baby. I’ll take care of you.” Phillip got up, told Logain he was tending to me and closed the door.

 

I was relieved when Phillip got me out of the clothes. He tenderly bathed my whole body, and then put me in a warm sweater and leggings. I felt more awake, probably because the meds were wearing off. He laid next to me, and pulled me into his arms. He kissed my face, and rubbed my back.

 

“Noire, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I should’ve taken our security more seriously. My hubris let this happen. I swear by the Maker, those that tried to kill you will pay. Just promise my one thing, baby girl.” Phillip sounded shaken, “Please, don’t ever jump in front of me again. It was brave, and I adore you for offering yourself to save my life. But, I can’t lose you, baby. Not ever.”

 

He paused to kiss my cheek before continuing, “Noire, you are one of the bravest people I have ever met. You got away. You fought them so you weren’t raped. You listened and gave us valuable information. What do you need from me? I’ll get you anything, give you anything you want.”

 

“I, I am hungry. I actually have an appetite. May we eat by the fire? Oh, and, I don’t want to seem greedy, but, the jewelry I lost was my favorite set, except for my engagement ring.” Despite the day, I was feeling the adrenaline still in my system.

 

Phillip let out a short laugh, “Oh baby girl, you are precious! All you want for saving my life, and getting away from dangerous kidnappers, is a meal by the fire, and some gems. We can do that. I’ll clear out most of the guards, then carry you to the sofa.”

 

Once settled on the sofa, Phillip just held me. Only Logain was left, and he was at the dining table texting, and making phone calls. I glanced up as I heard the elevator doors open. Sebastian hurried in. He was carrying bags of food, from multiple restaurants, and looked stressed out.

 

“Maker Seb! What did you get? It’s only going to be four of us eating.” Phillip was laughing at his over achieving som.

 

“Well, you weren’t specific, and I have no idea what Miss Hawke likes.” Seb seemed embarrassed.

 

I smiled up at Sebastian, “Thank you, Seb. Please, call me Noire. Miss Hawke makes me feel like a frumpy librarian or something.”

 

Phillip’s son chuckled at that, “Fine, Noire. However, I can assure you “frumpy” could never be used to describe you.”

 

My lover raised an eyebrow at the comment, “Why Sebastian, I’m shocked. I never dreamed you could look at a woman and find her sexually attractive.”

 

“I, it was meant to be a compliment! Just, I, wouldn’t, I mean. Never mind. I’ll go dish up some food.” Sebastian was beet red.

 

“Seb, it was a joke! Don’t be upset. I was trying to have a moment of levity. I figured Noire could use it after what happened today.” Phillip’s eyes still twinkled and he winked at me.

 

“Sorry Father. I apologize Miss, er Noire. What would you like?” I told Sebastian I’d have something from the Orlesian place.

 

Logain got his own food, ate at the table and didn’t interact with us. Phillip described what happened in the alley, and how I was abducted. Sebastian, was very worried by the boldness of the attackers.

 

“Father, the press downstairs were asking me if Noire was dead. They wonder why neither of you has made a statement yet. They have a point, no one knows what’s going on. I didn’t even know if she were still alive. Until you called me.” Sebastian seemed upset.

 

“Are you serious? My future wife was kidnapped mere hours ago. They attacked her, tried to rape her, and nearly killed her. They were arguing where to dump her body in front of her! Then describing how they were going to torture and kill me! Was I supposed to run down and chat with reporters while she was up here being treated?” Phillip was barely containing his temper.

 

“Maker have mercy! The blessed Andraste must have protected you, Noire. I am so sorry you went through that! It is a miracle you’re still with us!” Sebastian looked almost as angry as his Father.

 

“I wouldn’t call it a miracle entirely, Seb. That is one tough girl, your Dad is marrying. She fought back, kept them from sexually assaulting her, paid attention to details, and ran when the opportunity presented itself. The information she was able to give us is invaluable. You can’t train anyone to have that strength of will when faced with death. Most women would’ve died. I rarely use the term “brave”, but what she did was the very definition of courage.” Logain turned back to his phone when done speaking.

 

Sebastian and Phillip looked at each other and laughed. “What’s so funny?”

 

“Sorry, Noire. I don’t think I have ever known Logain to speak so highly of someone before.” Phillip looked happy with me.

 

“It’s true. He’s been head of my Dad’s personal security for over ten years. I haven’t ever heard him compliment someone before. He also doesn’t trust anyone, including me.” Sebastian was staring at me in awe.

 

“Wrong, Sebastian. I trust her.” Logain went quiet again.

 

Phillip and Sebastian cracked up again, “Baby girl, you have reached legendary status! The paranoid Logain has found someone he trusts.”

 

I looked over and watched Logain flip off his boss, which made Phillip laugh harder. It was wonderful to hear him laughing. It seemed like a breath of fresh air.

 

When Phillip had calmed down he spoke, “I suppose I need to face the press. Maker, I hate dealing with this crap.”

 

“Would you like me to go with you?” I tentatively asked.

 

Phillip looked surprised, “No, baby. I wouldn’t put you through that. They will ask intrusive and insulting questions.”

 

“I say she should go. Her and Sebastian. If they stand next to you, it sends the right message.” Logain rose and took a seat next to Seb.

 

“What do you mean?” Phillip was confused.

 

Logain looked down and spoke slowly, “The unsavory gossip since your wife died, the unflattering press about her age and the supposed rifts between you and your sons, all could be neutralized by Sebastian and Noire presenting a united front. I say make a brief statement, and let her answer the questions she wants. Let Thedas see she is smart and strong. Let them see Sebastian’s loyalty.”

 

“He’s right, Father. The more open you are right now, the more likely the rumors will die down.” Sebastian said quietly.

 

“Noire, this will be difficult. I leave this up to you. But, I will step in if at any time it becomes too upsetting.” Phillip was watching me intently.

 

“Please forgive my language, but those mother fuckers tried to kill me and were planning to kill you. I want them to know they didn’t break me. They can never break me, not with you standing by my side. Let the reporters ask their stupid questions, I’ll be fine.” I felt strong for the first time in weeks, and I was ready to fight for the man I loved.

 

“See? Brave.”  Logain nodded, but still didn’t smile

 

Phillip helped me change. I used cosmetics to cover the circles under my eyes, and give me some color. I chose a blue turtleneck, leggings, black running shoes, and my sapphire jewelry. I looked tired, but decent.

 

Phillip carried me until we had to walk out the door. My feet were tender, but no worse than dancing in high heels all night. I was on Phillip’s left, and Seb stood to his right.

 

The brief statement confirmed I had been taken at gun point, and that it had been an assassination attempt on my life, and Phillip’s. My fiancé gave an outline of how I escaped, and found me.

 

“I will let Miss Hawke take a few questions now.” Phillip smiled at me as I stepped forward.

 

The first question was a doozy, “Miss Hawke, what do you say to the accusations that Lord Vael arranged his wife’s death to marry you sooner, and that he has been accused being an abusive husband?

 

I let out a laugh before answering, “I may be young, but I have learned one thing when observing people. There will always be those that attack those who dare to succeed. Insinuations are always leveled against people who strive to help others. Lord Vael is an easy mark. He worked hard, built up his company and now serves our beloved Divine Justinia. I can assure you, Justinia wouldn’t have given her permission for our marriage if this man had the blatant character flaws you describe.”

 

“Miss Hawke, do you personally know the Divine, and is it true Lord Vael dated you while you were underage?”

 

“I was fortunate to have been raised in the Divine’s parish while she was a Revered Mother. I grew up calling her Aunt D, and she was a second Mother to me. She has always been extremely protective of me, and she gave me her personal blessing to marry Lord Vael. She would not have done so if Phillip had dated me while underage.”

 

“Miss Hawke, what do you say to those that question if you are staying with Lord Vael of your own free will? It has been insinuated you are a prisoner?

 

I paused before continuing, “Petty cowards, that offer rumor and innuendo yet no real evidence, are not worth listening to. I understand the press likes a good story, it helps ratings. But, trying to bring low one that gives of themselves freely, trying to discredit a man that is devoted to the Maker, Blessed Andraste and our Divine just gives justification for attackers to attempt what they did tonight. This isn’t a scintillating tabloid story. This is real, I nearly died. Those men plotted to killed Lord Vael. How dare each and every one of you feed into these fringe elements by repeating unfounded accusations. I say to members of the press, and those with influence, what you say, what you promote, does have real consequences. May the Maker and his Bride watch over our beloved Divine Justinia, her Right and Left hands, and all true Andrastians.”

 

I stepped back, and let Phillip dismiss the press, and we went back inside. When we all were seated Phillip poured some drinks.

 

I had been lost in thought, and when I looked up all three men were starting at me. “What? Did I do that bad? I’m sorry!”

 

“I doubt the most talented speech writers could’ve have written better answers, Noire.” Sebastian was looking at me in with respect.

 

“Told you, smart. You should always have her at your side.” Logain got up to refill his glass of scotch.

 

Phillip caressed my hair, and gazed at me, eyes full of love, “You were perfection. Not only did you address the insulting questions, you shamed every vulture in the media across Thedas. You showed everyone what faith in the Maker really means. I am a very lucky man.”

 

He leaned in and gave me a deep kiss. When we broke apart, Sebastian was blushing, staring at the floor, and Logain was just staring like he was watching paint dry.

 

“Seb, Logain, we are going to retire. I am delaying our departure until Thursday night. Tell the press we are still leaving Tuesday. Record the news shows for me. I want to see what they say about her now.” Phillip lifted me up and took me to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire recovers from her experience as preparations are made to go to Orlais.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE, MENTAL ABUSE

** Chapter 12 **

The Best Laid Plans

 

While I wasn’t present, Varric, Cullen, Zev and Anders told me what they discussed after failing to rescue me.

 

“Varric, you owe me! How much longer do I to have to bang that ice cube who runs Lord Asshole’s security?” Isabella was sitting in Zevran’s lap.

 

Varric sighed, but before he answered, looked up and noticed who was on television. “Curly, turn it up! Noire is next to Vael.”

 

Cullen raised the volume, and hit record. “That slimy, nug humping arse! All the leads we gave the press, Noire just eviscerated. Andraste’s flaming ass, how did he get her to do that?”

 

“Why did she answer the questions like that? There is no way she had any idea what was going to be asked.” Cullen was looking to Anders for the answer.

 

“Wait, rewind that!” Anders was leaning forward and watching my reactions closely. “Look, she keeps glancing at him, and as he nods she keeps speaking. That is not just mind control. She sees Vael as her savior. You told me she has a fierce temper, and is tenacious. Noire is protecting the one she believes loves her. Vael being the one to find her, didn’t help the situation. It just confirmed the lies he’s been feeding her. He is the only one that can protect and love her.”

 

Zevran slammed his hand on the table, “Well, Anders? How do we undo that? You’re the expert, how do we convince her Vael is evil?”

 

“We don’t. We can’t. Noire will have to convince herself. I knew I should’ve gone to the Chantry with you guys. If I had known how broken she was, I would’ve said no at attempting to rescue her.” Anders was staring intently at the screen.

 

“Miss Hawke was able to give detailed descriptions of the four assailants. They are considered armed and extremely dangerous. Please call the local police if you see any of the men in these composite drawings.” The reporter described hair and eye color to go along with the drawings.

 

“Wait, who in the void was she describing?” Cullen sounded confused.

 

“Son of a bitch! Hold on.” Varric ran to his office and came out with two photographs. “Dead men can’t be captured!”

 

Everyone gaped at the photos Varric had saved from Noire’s dressing table. One showed her brother and father, the other her mother and uncle.

 

“Well, I am shocked Logain didn’t call her out for lying. That man is a shark, and trusts no one to tell the truth. Noire is a good actress, I just didn’t think she was that good.” Isabella looked thoughtful.

 

“Why would Noire describe people who are dead, or don’t exist? That makes no sense.” Zevran was puzzled. “Even if she thought she hallucinated our identities, she could’ve described Anders, and she didn’t.”

 

Anders shook his head and spoke, “It’s an internal war. When a person gets brainwashed, there is always one part that stays intact, the subconscious. On some level, she wants to protect all of us. She is acting this way to survive. Given she could’ve described me, and chose not to, shows she knows, on some level, she has to protect her friends and anyone associated with you. I have been invited to Meredith Stannard Vael’s pyre. I am going to go, and offer my condolences. Her reaction to seeing me again will let me know what can be done to get her away from Vael.”

 

“What makes you so special to get invited to Orlais?” Isabella smirked at Anders.

 

Laughing Anders answered, “I am a Senator here in Starkhaven. Running for Chancellor. It’s kind of expected I would attend the funeral pyre for the Left Hand’s wife. I know, I hate the Chantry, but I still am bound to follow protocol. Especially, since I want to expose how corrupt the Chantry and Vael really are.”

 

“You want some back up? I have a few friends in the House of Repose. We could just kill him and be done with it.” Zevran had a gleam in his eye.

 

“Zev, killing Vael now will make him a Martyr. Noire wouldn’t forgive you. The goal is to dismantle the damage to her mind, not leave a trail of bodies.” Anders looked exasperated.

 

Cullen looked thoughtful, “Isn’t that a huge risk? I mean, what if she freaks out again?”

 

“I agree Blondie. If she flips her shit in front of Vael, you’re a dead man.” Varric was worried.

 

“I don’t think she will. If I can, I’ll talk to her, and plant the seed of doubt about Vael. I’ll be fine.” Anders was determined to meet me again.

 

What I didn’t know, what no one knew, Anders had a strong reaction to seeing me. He was attracted to me. Both of us would never be the same.

 

The next few days were a bit stressful. Chantry representatives, law enforcement officers, and Phillip’s private security team kept coming and going. It was a coordinated effort to assure Phillip’s, myself and the Divine’s security during the funeral on Friday. There was also an army of servants that came to clean, do laundry and prepare food for everyone.

 

All the important people I met, thanked me for standing up to the press. The media had made me into some sort of hero. Phillip’s popularity had never been higher. It seems I single handedly quashed all the ugliness surrounding my man.

 

I was still tired, but feeling much better. Sampson was already in Orlais, treating a private patient Phillip said. It was my fiancé’s choice to dial back my medication to once a day since I was staying lucid.

 

On Wednesday night, it was down to me, Phillip, Logain and Sebastian. It was a relief to have an almost empty house.

 

“Phillip, the gentleman is here. Sebastian, the guards are in place, let’s go eat and give them some privacy.” Logain got up and headed to the elevator.

 

“Um, ok. I’ll see you tomorrow Father, Noire. Maker keep you both.” Sebastian refused to look directly at us, embarrassed by what Logain had implied.

 

As the elevator arrived, the Orlesian jeweler stepped out. Logain had Seb wait until the man handed Phillip the bag he was carrying.

 

“As you requested, My Lord.” The man bowed and turned to leave.

 

“Thank you, my friend.” Phillip called as the doors closed and it was just the two of us again. “Here, baby girl. I’ll let you open this.”

 

I gave Phillip an excited smile and pulled out the first box. It was an onyx and garnet necklace. Much more elaborate than the one I lost. I noticed the garnets had been set to make the letters **P** **V** **N.**  Just like it was embroidery on towels married couples have. I was beyond touched. Phillip help me open the rest, since I was trembling a bit. Rings, tennis bracelets, long chains, earrings, I was amazed at everything he had given me.

 

“Phillip, I, I wasn’t expecting you to do all this! It’s too much!” I looked at him in shock.

 

He just gave me a small smile and caressed my face. “Noire, what you did. What you said to the press. There is no amount of money or objects that could possibly be paid that would match the value of what you have given me. I mean it when I say, I will never lose you. You are mine, and I will always fight for you. Fight to keep you safe and at my side.”

 

Phillip looked thoughtful as he continued, “I am jaded in a lot of ways. It sometimes colors my reactions. You, baby girl, are open, honest and a fighter. You have shown me how to see the good in life again. You have made my faith in the Maker stronger. A few paltry trinkets seem like a poor way to tell you how valuable you are to me. Simply put, I love you.”

 

I was almost embarrassed by his words, “Phillip, I didn’t say any of those things to the press to get paid. I said them because of you. I can’t think of a person I know that would’ve tolerated what I have put you through. You have stood by me when other men would’ve tossed me aside. I love you, and I will fight against rumors or anyone that tries to harm you.”

 

I was pulled into his arms. It was a shame I didn’t glance up and see Phillip’s expression in the mirror. He had an evil smile, knowing he had created the perfect follower. But, I would’ve thought it was a hallucination anyway.

 

Phillip made love to me that night. Slow, and tender. I admit, even now, the memory of his touch gives me an excited chill.

 

We woke around six-thirty when Logain entered. He made enough noise in the kitchen to wake the dead. Phillip and I looked at each other a laughed.

 

“Maker, does he always do that?” I asked.

 

Phillip stood up and said, “It’s his way to let us know he’s here without knocking on the door. Come, baby girl. Let’s shower together. That way he won’t hear your screams of passion.”

 

“Why Lord Vael, you sound like you have plans. Maybe I want to sleep a few more minutes.” I gave him a smirk, turned my back to him, and pulled the comforter around me.

 

“Oh, defying me are you? Well Miss Hawke, I’ll have to give you a taste of what you’ll be missing.” Phillip ripped the comforter back.

 

He playfully wrestled with me. Finally reducing me to breathless giggling by tickling me mercilessly. Then he kissed me. His hands teased me, until I was a puddle.

 

Without warning he stopped. “Well, I’ll be done in about ten minutes. Then you can have the bathroom.”

 

I jumped up and ran in behind him. He kissed me as he directed me to the shower stall. I doubt the running water drowned out my moans.

 

When we finally appeared, Logain was watching the news. The volume was turned way up, but he lowered it when we came into the living room. I blushed at the thought Logain had heard me.

 

“I hope I am not expected to sleep in the room next to you in Orlais.” I couldn’t tell if Logain were angry, or joking.

 

Phillip laughed, “No, you can park Sebastian next to us. Although we run the risk of him shouting the Chant of Light to drown out Noire. Might be a bit of a mood killer.”

 

“Phillip, I’m not that loud!” I was furiously blushing at this point.

 

“Miss Hawke, the Maker himself probably couldn’t ignore your enthusiasm.” Logain rose. “I have coffee and breakfast. You should watch the news, some interesting stuff on there today. It seems the Right Hand gave an interview and commented on your “quick engagement” and your lax security methods.”

 

Just then a red headed woman appeared, and began an interview. She implied Phillip and I had gotten engaged so fast because I was with child. Lelianna also questioned Phillip’s judgement regarding safety concerns. It was obvious she hated the Left Hand.

 

“Oh that bitch! Logain!” Phillip was fuming.

 

“I know, don’t worry, it’s all in hand.” Logain put a tray of coffee and croissants out, then sat down. “After this weekend, Lelianna will be a non-issue. Not to pry, but is there a chance Miss Hawke is pregnant?”

 

My eyes went wide as I realized the obvious. I hadn’t used protection once with Phillip.

 

“I had a vasectomy after Seb was born. So, no, Noire isn’t with child. Maker, I fucking hate Lelianna. Now I have to counter these insinuations and that always devolves into a shit storm.” Phillip grabbed his coffee and leaned back.

 

I thought for a minute than spoke, “Why would you even address what she said? The phrase, “Me thinks he doth protest too much” comes to mind if you go after her. Stay above the fray. Concentrate on being a supportive Father tomorrow, and let your actions speak louder than her words. The Right Hand is expecting a fight. Isn’t that the Orlesian way? The Great Game? Well, seems to me, one can’t play a game if no one else participates. Besides, can you imagine what the Divine is going to say? If you ignore this crap, Dorothea will back us both.”

 

Logain cracked half a smile, “Damn, Phil. The Maker broke the mold with this one. Noire’s right. Let the Divine answer Lelianna. The more loving and kind you are, the pettier the Right Hand looks.”

 

“Baby girl, I yield to your good advice. If you can cause Logain to strain himself to smile, then you’re onto something.” Phillip’s good mood started to return.

 

“Fuck you, My Lord.” Logain replied.

 

Phillip and I both laughed. I was starting to understand Logain. His humor was dry, and he was loyal. I had no doubt he would do anything to protect Phillip or myself.

 

Sebastian arrived few minutes later. “Good morning Father, Noire. Have you seen what the Right Hand is saying?”

 

“Yes. We just watched the interview.” Phillip watched his son sit down before continuing. “I am yielding to Noire and Logain’s advice. I will wait and let the Divine sort it out.”

 

“But Father! Lelianna implied Noire was a whore! She intimated the attack that took place was your fault. You can’t let this go unanswered! You have to say something!” I saw the same fiery temper in Seb that his father had.

 

Phillip grasped my hand and spoke, “Seb, I know what the Right Hand has done. I am not going to waste my breath fighting with her. Justinia is most likely taking Lelianna to task as we speak. The Divine adores Noire, I am confident Justinia won’t let these lies stand.”

 

Phillip’s cell rang just as he finished answering his son, “It’s Vael. Yes, your Grace. Yes, yes. No your Eminence. Yes, tonight around nine pm. Yes, yes, she’s right here. Of course. Noire, Justinia would like a word.”

 

I sighed and took the phone. I knew Aunt D was going to grill me. Talking to the Divine about my newly active sex life was something I dreaded.

 

“Hi D.” I didn’t bother with formalities. “Yes. Yes. No. I am certain I am not with child. No, but. Wait… No, but… I am positive. I know. But… Yes. Yes. No, I am not being held prisoner. Lelianna talked to the owner of the Strip Club I worked at? No. No! Phillip has been nothing but kind and loving. I was sick and couldn’t attend the pyre! Well, the Right Hand is wrong! I told you I would. D, listen. Aunt D, listen, please! Lelianna is lying. Yes. Yes. I love you, too. Do you want to talk to Phillip again? Ok, see you tonight.”

 

I looked up as three sets of eyes were staring at me. Logain had his usual bored look, Phillip had a quizzical expression, Sebastian was beet red and looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

 

I handed Phillip back his phone. “She said she’ll speak to us both tonight.”

 

“Miss Hawke, you worked in a strip club?” Sebastian sounded mortified.

 

“Oh, knock it off, Seb. Noire was a lady even while working there. She never exposed anything more than what a bathing suit would. Noire never touched the men, nor did she date anyone. Since you’re so concerned, she was a virgin when I started dating her. Hadn’t even kissed someone. Pure and innocent.” Phillip had put an arm around my waist.

 

Sebastian looked properly subdued, then realization dawned in his eyes. “Was a virgin? Father, how could you! That behavior is for married couples only!”

 

I looked at Logain, who was standing behind Sebastian, and he rolled his eyes. “We are engaged! What did you think we were doing? Kissing once in a while and then knitting sweaters for the poor? If I had been single, we would be married already. So, excuse me for acting like any normal male! It was a difficult decision for Noire as well. Stop judging her and me for being in love!”

 

“I am not judging! I, just, it’s, I am uncomfortable with the whole sordid situation. Living together out of wedlock. It sends the wrong message.” Sebastian was trying to reconcile his conflicted feelings. “You’re the Left Hand of the Divine. Should you be treating sexual intercourse so casually?”

 

“For the love of the Maker! Seb, stop, just stop! Justinia and I talked extensively about this. I am certain she will have more to say tonight. I never and I mean not one time did I step out on your Mother, until Noire. For over ten years I was a monk. Do I wish I would’ve have waited? Yes. But, what’s done is done. I am marrying a beautiful woman that was saving herself for the man she would wed. I am lucky enough to be that man. So, either accept it and move on, or leave. I won’t have you keep implying Noire is some sort of cheap hussy!” Phillip was exasperated by Seb’s prudishness.

 

Sebastian looked like he wanted to argue, but then he looked at me. “I, am sorry Noire. I don’t think you are a woman of loose morals.”

 

I smiled at Sebastian, “It’s ok, Seb. I grew up knowing I would wait until I got married for physical intimacy. I may have given in sooner than I wanted to with your Father, but he will be the only man that ever touches me. I am grateful I never kissed someone until Phillip. My Father raised me to believe I shouldn’t let anyone touch me until I was ready for commitment. So, I will act as if the marriage bond is in place, even though we are waiting a year.”

 

Phillip smiled at me, and gave me a quick kiss in the cheek. Logain smirked and sat down across from us.

 

“Well, I, um, I am sorry for my clumsy words. Your beliefs are exactly what Andraste preached. The commitment is more important than a piece of paper. I apologize Father. I won’t say another word on the matter, unless it’s to defend Noire’s honor.” Sebastian had a steely look of determination in his eyes.

 

“Thanks, Seb. I am so happy to have your approval to get laid.” Phillip’s voice dripped sarcasm.

 

Sebastian look exasperated, Logain actually snickered, and I slapped Phillip’s shoulder. “Phillip! Stop! Your poor son is trying to disappear into the floor.”

 

Phillip moved on like he didn’t just insult his son. “Did you bring your bags Sebastian, or do we need to get them?”

 

“They are in the car downstairs.” Seb’s voice was soft, and he was looking anywhere but at Phillip.

 

“Fine. Noire, we need to pack. Logain why don’t you and my son go shopping and pick up some gifts for the Divine, Empress Celine, Snowden and extras for other dignitaries.” Phillip stood, reached for my hand and waited until we were alone before we went to the bedroom.

 

In the bedroom, Phillip pushed me onto the bed. “Oh, again? My Lord, is that why you got rid of your son and Logain?”

 

I was smiling, and looking up expectantly. Phillip smirked and climbed on top of me. He kissed me passionately, and held me down. I was shaking with lust when he pulled back.

 

“Undress, baby girl. I have plans for you.” Phillip’s voice was quiet as he stood and started to disrobe.

 

When I was naked, I looked at Phillip expectantly. “Roll over, Noire. Time for something a bit different this time.”

 

I tried to peek at him over my shoulder, “Now, be a good girl and turn around. You don’t want to ruin your surprise.”

 

Phillip’s tone was commanding but husky with desire. He parted my legs, and settled between them. He caressed my thighs, and ass gently. He bent down and kissed my low back, as he dipped his hand between my legs. It wasn’t long before I was begging him to take me.

 

It was when I was at the point of orgasm, I felt Phillip sit up. “You struck me in front of Logain and my son. You told me what to do. Who the fuck do you think you are, bitch?” The belt struck the back of my legs without warning. I cried out as it hit me several more times in rapid succession. I reached back and grabbed the belt away from Phillip. I jumped off the bed, and waited for Phillip to come at me.

 

“Phil, Phillip? Why are you hitting me?” I looked at him and his face held a look of loving concern.

 

“Baby girl, please, stop hurting yourself!” Phillip looked and sounded distraught.

 

“Wha… What? Phillip you just hit me, didn’t you?” I was beginning to panic that I was starting to imagine things again.

 

He made his way around the bed and tenderly pulled me to him. “It’s alright sweetie. I’ve got you. I think I cut back your meds too soon.”

 

I began to cry, “I thought you were angry. I thought you hit me with your belt. Maker, help me please.”

 

“Shush baby girl. You’re fine. I think the stress of everything has gotten to you. Will you take your medication for me?” He was being so kind; I would’ve done anything he asked.

 

I nodded. I closed my eyes and prayed to Andraste to let me get better soon.

 

“Here, baby girl.” I swallowed the pills I was handed. “Can you tell me why you thought I was angry? It will help me to know what I might be doing wrong.”

 

“It… it wasn’t anything you did. I thought you were mad because I hit your shoulder and told you to stop teasing Sebastian.” I couldn’t even look at Phillip I was so ashamed.

 

“So, you thought I got upset because you told me what to do in front of others, and slapped my shoulder. Well, this should be simple to counter. Don’t tell me what to do, and avoid smacking me, in front of anyone, even if your teasing.” I looked up and Phillip smiled at me.

 

“I’m sorry. You’re right, I should be more respectful. Forgive me?” I watch him nod, and then pull me into an embrace.

 

Phillip made passionate love to me and I passed out afterwards. I was gently woken up, hours later, and told it was time to get ready to leave. Phillip helped me shower. Then just hugged me when I started crying at how bruised I was.

 

“Baby girl, don’t be upset. You had a minor incident. I am so happy you’re making progress! Your delusion lasted only a short time. Plus, we identified something you can do to prevent further episodes! I am very proud of you!” Phillip was being so kind and patient.

 

I gave him a weak smile, “Thank you, love, uh I mean Phillip.”

 

Lord Vael laughed and said, “Baby girl, you can call me love, or any term of endearment you want. Using my name all the time is so formal.”

 

I dressed in one of the outfits I had picked out when we went shopping. The knee high, lace up black leather boots were my favorite shoes. Black leather pants, and a red and black corset top covered in skulls. I donned the new black and red gems, did extra heavy cosmetics, and felt like my old self, confident.

 

I walked back in the bedroom and stopped as Phillip looked me over, “Damn, baby! Look at you! You are hot. Oh I can’t wait to get you alone in the room in Orlais. I am going to make you strip for me, nice and slow.”

 

I gave him a few hip shimmies and he came over and grabbed me. He kissed my neck, and ran his hands over my ass. We both straightened up as we heard a gasp.

 

“My apologies, Father. The plane is ready; we need to leave.” Poor Sebastian was a red as my lips and he scurried out like he had caught us both naked.

 

Phillip and I burst out laughing. “Coming, Seb.”

 

“Not yet she isn’t!” Phillip added.

 

We laughed harder as we heard Sebastian start reciting the Chant of Light. “Maker, thanks a lot guys. Now we have to listen to that the whole flight.”

 

Logain came in and grabbed the last of the luggage. Phillip helped me into my trench and we followed Logain out. We were both still giggling in the elevator.


	13. Orlais

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire, and the rest arrive for a meeting with the Divine, and the Pyre for Phillip's wife. Noire meets a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEXUAL THEMES

** Chapter 13 **

Orlais

****

The flight was only to take about an hour and a half, for which I was grateful. It was my first time on an airplane, and I was a little freaked out. Phillip had gone in the back with Logain to discuss the time line for the next few days, leaving me with Sebastian.

 

“Are you alright Noire?” Sebastian had notice me gripping my chair as the plane hit a little turbulence.

 

I gave him a shaky smile, “Not really! This is my first time in the air. Is the plane supposed to shake like this?”

 

I was starting to panic. Sebastian moved into a chair next to mine, and covered my hand with his.

 

“It’s normal. You’re going to be fine, Noire. Would you like to recite the Chant with me?” He was being very patient with my fearfulness.

 

“Sure, I guess. Will that help? Does the Chant have a part in it about plane crashes?” I tried to take a few calming breaths.

 

Sebastian took my hand between his, and bowed his head. He began to pray to the Maker and Andraste for a safe flight. He went on to ask for strength during his Mother’s funeral, and for Phillip and I be blessed in our relationship. He was still asking for forgiveness when Logain and Phillip walked back into the front of the cabin. Phillip looked at Sebastian holding my hand and raised an eyebrow. Logain poured a drink for he and his boss, then sat down shaking his head at Seb. Finally, the prayer ended, and Sebastian let go of my hand.

 

Phillip walked over, and stood above Sebastian until he moved. “Really, son. Do I have to worry about you with my future bride? Leave you alone for ten minutes, and it looks like you’re putting the moves on her.”

 

Logain snorted at that, “I doubt a prayer to the Maker is a good pick up line, but to each his own.”

 

“I wasn’t hitting on Noire, Father. I offered to recite the Chant, and then decided asking the Maker and his Bride for strength might calm her down.” Sebastian looked embarrassed.

 

“I was teasing, Seb. Maker, how did you end up such a prude.” Phillip downed his scotch and set the glass aside.

 

Phillip sat next to me, and gave my hand a kiss. “Are you scared baby girl?”

 

“A bit, yes. I have never flown before.” I was still shaking.

 

Phillip pulled me into his lap, and had me rest my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair, and rubbed my back. His touch calmed me down. He then began whispering all the things he was going to do to me later. We ended up kissing, and I forgot Sebastian and Logain were even there. After a few intense minutes, Sebastian cleared his throat and we broke apart.

 

“Oh, love! I got lipstick all over your face!” I gave a small laugh at what he looked like.

 

Phillip sat me back in my chair, and wiped his mouth on a napkin. “Me? Noire, you look like you just gave me a blow job!”

 

“By the Maker! Father, stop, please! I don’t want to hear that!” Seb looked like he regretted being on the same flight as us.

 

“You don’t want to hear that. Does that mean you approve of Noire using her mouth on me, so long as we keep quiet about it?” Logain burst out laughing at Seb’s expression.

 

“Phillip!” I was going to tell him to shut up, but remembered what happened earlier in the day. “Love, should I put my lipstick back on?”

 

“Depends sweetie. Are you going to go down on me during the limo ride to the Grand Cathedral?” I blushed, Logain laughed harder, Phillip smirked and Sebastian started repeating the Chant.

 

I fixed my face, and reapplied the blood red lipstick. We landed soon enough and headed to see Justinia. I admit, I was terrified. Aunt D had been more than a little pissed off on the phone that morning. I have no idea what Lelianna had said, but it was shaded to make Phillip a villain.

 

Phillip put his arm around me and pulled me close. “You’ll be fine, sweetie. Justinia loves you, and just wants to make sure you’re happy. Answer her honestly, and ignore Lelianna.”

 

“Wait, the Right Hand is going to be there?” I turned my head and looked up at him.

 

“Yes, she demanded to be there.” Phillip was tense.

 

“Well, I do have ammo of my own to throw at her if she attacks you again.” I was pissed at the prospect of seeing the redheaded bitch that was trying to ruin my reputation.

 

Before anyone could ask me about it, the car came to a stop by the living quarters entrance. We all piled out, and were escorted to the Divine’s sitting room.

 

“Phillip, Noire, lovely to see you! Sebastian, how are you?” Dorothea was her usual happy self. “Logain, glad you’re watching my girl.”

 

“Your Grace, may we have some privacy? I assume Miss Hawke would prefer to answer our questions in private.” The Right Hand drew forward and held out a hand to shake mine.

 

I raised an eyebrow, slowly looked her up, and down, refused to greet her then turned back to Aunt D. “I am perfectly fine with Sebastian, Phillip and Logain being present. Ask your questions.”

 

Lelianna’s face flashed shock then smoothed back into a smile. “Your Eminence?”

 

“Noire, my dear girl, I would like a word in private. If you don’t mind Phillip.” Dorothea smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

 

“Of course Your Grace.” Phillip bowed and exited with his son and body guard.

 

When they had left, I sat in a chair across from Lelianna and Aunt D. The Right Hand poured tea. While her and the Divine were distracted, I reached into my purse and hit Phillip’s speed dial number. I laid my purse to the side and held my phone upside down as I was handed a cup of tea. I set the cup in front of me, crossed my legs and waited.

 

“Noire, I am going to let Lily talk to you. Know I am only allowing this because I love you, and I am worried about the information she has uncovered.” Aunt D gave me a genuine smile and leaned back.

 

“Miss Hawke, your boss, Varric Tethras, contacted me through a mutual friend to say you had been taken by Phillip and held against your will.” Lelianna was studying me closely.

 

“Is there a question, or are you being coy intentionally?” I could be a bitch when I wanted to.

 

Outside the door, Phillip, Logain and Seb were crowded around his phone listening.

 

“I apologize for not being more forthright. Are you free to leave Phillip’s side?” I felt like I was being studied.

 

“Yes.” I didn’t feel I owed her any more than that.

 

“I see. Varric intimated the Left Hand has employed some sort of mind control to prevent you from going back to work. Is this true?” Again that intense stare directed at me.

 

I smirked and answered, “Oh, is my boss from the Strip Club upset I quit? Did he happen to tell you he knew I was underage and let me dance anyway? Did Varric explain I was the biggest money maker for him, and losing me means losing a good deal of money? Ask the questions a hundred different ways, my answer won’t change. Phillip loves me. I love him. I have no desire to ever set foot into that bar again. I wasn’t exactly dancing because I had much of a choice.”

 

“You haven’t seen or talked to your friends for over a month. That is very suspicious, Miss Hawke. Were you kept in hiding because of being physically abused?” Lelianna didn’t pull punches.

 

I shook my head in disbelief, “No, Phillip has been nothing but a gentleman.”

 

“Miss Hawke, you didn’t even attend your family’s pyre. You expect us to believe you aren’t being controlled?” Lelianna started to show emotion, and I knew I had the advantage.

 

“I was ill, is that a crime? You should know what constitutes a crime shouldn’t you.” I was smiling at her now.

 

“I am afraid I don’t know what you are getting at Miss Hawke.” Lelianna was doing her best to appear innocent.

 

I laughed at her comment, “Naturally not. A Bard that once worked for the House of Repose, Empress Celine and known only as the Nightingale would surely never have committed a crime. Lucky for you, your face is not recognizable. Does her Grace know about your past?”

 

“Lelianna, is that true?” Dorothea turned and glared at her Right Hand.

 

“I, yes your Grace.” Lelianna looked like she wanted to spit nails.

 

“Seems to me you have judged others by YOUR standards. You once lied, cheated, stole, manipulated and committed murder. Makes sense you assume others behave just as despicably as you have.” I kept my face serene as I finished destroying the Right Hand.

 

“My dear, I am sorry for listening to idle gossip.” The Divine called for Phillip to come back in.

 

“Phillip, I apologize for all the unpleasantness. It seems the information I was given has been tainted. I will personally see to it that Lelianna issues a retraction before the pyre tomorrow.” Phillip bowed, and kissed the Divine’s ring.

 

I stood up and went over to Logain and Sebastian. I put my phone in my purse and turned it off.

 

“Thank you your Grace. Lelianna.” Phillip stepped back and put his arm around me.

 

“Your Eminence, may I have your blessing?” Sebastian stepped forward and knelt before Dorothea.

 

The Divine rested her hand on his head, “May the Maker and his Bride protect and keep you and your family. Blessed be the Maker.”

 

All of us recited, “Blessed be the Maker.”

 

As we were leaving, I heard Dorothea start in on Lelianna. I smiled, I had been on the receiving end of her temper before. I knew the redheaded wench would be smarting when D got done with her.

 

No one spoke until we were at the hotel, and gathered in Phillip’s suite. We all shared some delicious sparkling. Again, the three men stared at me.

 

“Ok, seriously guys, you are going to give me a complex. What did I do wrong? Were you able to hear the entire conversation?” I took a sip and waited for a response.

 

“I am stunned the Right Hand is so corrupt. Surely the Maker put you in our lives to expose her!” Sebastian was amazed at how deceitful Lelianna had been.

 

“Noire, you did something I would’ve said was never possible. You evoked an emotional reaction from Lelianna. How did you know about her past? I have had her investigated, and didn’t turn that up” Phillip was looking at me in awe.

 

“Lelianna was in my parish when I was young. She used to come pray in the early morning for solitude. I loved to hide up in the balcony and watch people. I heard her many times ask for Andraste and the Maker’s forgiveness for all the sins she committed. Each week it seemed the list grew. She went by the name, Nightingale. I shouldn’t have listened in, I know. But, she fascinated me.” I shrugged when I was done.

 

“Heh, Phillip, this may be the most intelligent person I have ever met. You should put her to use. She’d be a killer in negotiations.” Logain raised his glass to me.

 

“Would you excuse us? We should retire. It will be a long day tomorrow.” Phillip didn’t even look at his son and Logain as the exited.

 

Phillip stalked towards me. His look was fierce. He pulled me to my feet, and caressed my cheek.

 

“Phillip, love? Are you ok?” I was getting nervous as he watched me.

 

“I believe you owe me a dance, baby girl.” He stepped back, and started to undress.

 

I pulled out my phone, a chose one of my slower songs. I hit play and turned my phone on speaker. Phillip dimmed the lights, and sat on the end of the bed.

 

I started moving very slowly, and began to remove my garments. I stopped at my matching bra and panty set. I gyrated over to Phillip, and stepped between his legs. He pulled me down on top of him. It was mere seconds and I was naked.

 

It was much more passionate than ever before. Phillip would get us both close, then change positions to keep going. I was nearly screaming for him to let me finish.

 

“Beg me, Noire. Beg for me to release inside you.” Phillip had me from behind.

 

“Please, please! Come inside me, love! PLEASE!” I was aching for him to finish.

 

Phillip flipped me over, and took me quickly. He thrust deep, and fast. Our pleasure crested and this time he cried out with me. We both took a while to catch our breath.

 

“Baby girl, you are incredible. I feel like I have waited a lifetime to have you in my arms. I will never let you go, you’re mine now and always.” He kissed me, and we both passed out.

 

A knock came far too early in my opinion. Phillip threw on a robe and let Logain in. The body guard was already dressed in all black, and had a cart full of breakfast, juice and coffee.

 

“Phillip? Can Logain wait outside for a second? Or did you pack my robe?” I needed to get to the bathroom.

 

Phillip smirked and said, “Baby, I’m sorry, I forgot. You may as well get used to this. Logain doesn’t care if your naked. So, feel free to do what you need to.” I got up and Logain looked at me with no more interest than if he were watching traffic.

 

I ran to the bathroom and started the shower. Phillip soon joined me. He was determined to not let me keep quiet. When we were finally finished, Phillip went out to grab our clothes for the day. Again I heard the volume raised high on the television. I inwardly sighed at the fact Phillip was a bit of an exhibitionist when it came to sex.

 

I wore thick cosmetics, and false eyelashes. It was common in Orlesian high society for women to be heavily made up. I dressed in an all-black suit. The jacket had a deep V neckline, and a peplum bottom. The skirt was short, and I wondered how I was going to keep my modesty if I had to sit on the Dais. It didn’t help that the stockings he had me to wear were thigh high. I didn’t see how they wouldn’t show when I sat down. I stepped into five-inch black suede Mary janes, and waited for Phillip.

 

He dressed in all black as well. The only color was a blue handkerchief in his pocket. It matched his eyes beautifully. He chose to have us both wear only diamonds. The only colored gems being in my engagement ring. Phillip pulled me next to him, and looked us over in the mirror.

 

“Perfect. You are absolutely perfect, Noire.” Phillip gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

 

“My Lord, here.” We turned and looked at Logain and he was holding out a large bank note.

 

Phillip laughed at him, “Donate it at the service, Logain.”

 

“What is that for?” I was confused.

 

“I bet your future husband a hundred sovereigns that you wouldn’t be the hottest woman at the pyre. I don’t need to see anyone else to know I was wrong.” Logain shrugged and tucked the bill away.

 

I blushed as I put what I needed into a crystal clutch. Then turned and let Phillip guide me out of the room behind Logain. Sebastian joined us in the hall. Seb wouldn’t look directly at me. I glanced up at Phillip and he winked. I felt awkward as I realized Logain had indeed put Sebastian next to us. That poor man, having to listen to his Father make love to a woman the night before his Mother’s funeral.

 

The atmosphere in the car became tense as we drew near to the front of the Grand Cathedral. Phillip leaned over and patted Sebastian’s shoulder.

 

“Maker give you strength, son. May the blessed Andraste continue to watch over us both. I don’t say it enough, but I am very proud of you and love you with all my heart.” Phillip’s voice was soft, and his eyes glistening as he told his son what he felt.

 

For a brief second, Seb grasped his Father’s hand and a few tears spilled from his eyes. “Thank you, Father. I love you and I am proud to be your son.”

 

They smiled at each other for a few more precious seconds. The door open and Phillip steeled his will as he stepped out. He turned and helped me out. I was followed by Sebastian and Logain. There was a crush of people and reporters behind barricades shouting questions.

 

“Lord Vael, is your fiancé pregnant? My Lord, why isn’t your oldest son here? Do you have any response to the Right Hand’s statement from this morning? My Lord will you ask for the Right Hands removal from her post? Lord Vael, is it true you paid for Miss Hawke’s kidnapping attempt? How do you answer the rumor that you got married to Miss Hawke secretly last night? My Lord, did you know your fiancé was a stripper? Did you meet Miss Hawke at the Hanged Man?” It was relentless, and disturbing.

 

I marveled at how intrusive the press was. Phillip stopped at the doors and turned around. He waved to the crowd then pulled me inside with him.

 

“I should have you answer the press later. Fucking bastards.” Phillip hissed to me.

 

I was taken up to the Vael family seats. I was relieved I would be in the balcony. I wouldn’t have to worry about being ladylike. I stood next to Seb and Phillip, while we watched the crowd below. None of us spoke. Phillip turned and kissed my cheek.

 

“Time to get prepared, baby girl. Snowden’s boyfriend will be up here so you won’t be sitting alone.” He gave me a small smile and left.

 

I stopped Sebastian, he turned and looked at me questioningly. “Seb, I know how difficult it is to lose a parent. If you ever need someone to talk to, please let me know. You have been so kind and gracious to me when most would’ve written me off as a gold-digging whore. I would be honored to give you any comfort I can.”

 

I was pulled into a warm embrace, and I felt a few tears fall on my neck. “Thank you, Noire. I believe the Maker gave you to my Father to help all of us. I am happy for my Father. He has been lonely for years, and you are good for him I think.”

 

He pulled away and followed Phillip. I sat down and continued to people watch. I looked up as an absolutely stunning man walked over and sat down. He had eyes the color of ages scotch. His dark hair and olive skin told me he had Tevinter in his blood. He wore a moustache, and was dressed impeccably.

 

“My dear Miss Hawke. Don’t you look like the sexy little vixen.” He winked and smirked at me.

 

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You know me, but would mind telling me who you are?”

 

“Really, sleep with the son of one of the most influential men in Thedas, and no one knows my name.” He sounded exasperated, but smiled. “My name is Dorian Pavis. Formerly Lord Pavis, until my Father cut ties because I wouldn’t marry some hag. I love men, why would I agree to marry some frigid bitch? It was too much I tell you.”

 

“Oh, hello Dorian. You are Snowden’s boyfriend. I was told I wouldn’t be alone up here.” I smiled and said, “I was just up here grading how people look. Care to join me?”

 

Dorian and I spent the next thirty minutes making snobbish remarks about the Orlesian gentry. I was instantly drawn to him. Dorian had my same sarcastic sense of humor, and was much more knowledgeable about fashion.

 

“You, my dear girl, look ravishing! I mean it, you have the perfect balance of class, refinement and sexy going on. Tell me, why aren’t you sitting next to Lord Vael?” Dorian threw out the compliments to soften his blunt question.

 

“Ha, that would be extremely awkward. Even if I had a decent length skirt on. It’s the funeral for Phillip’s wife. He still has to retain some respectability.  Besides Aunt D, I mean the Divine wouldn’t have allowed it.” I smiled and looked down at where Phillip and his two boys were seated waiting for the service to start.

 

“Aunt D, you call the Divine Aunt D? That is well, strange.” Dorian had an eyebrow raised.

 

“I’ve known her since I was born. She was the Mother for my parish. She kind of adopted me. My Mom wasn’t particularly happy in her life, so Dorothea stepped into the role. I miss seeing her every day.” I gave Dorian a watery smile, and he held my hand.

“Maker, Snowden’s brother is much better looking than him! Perhaps I need to trade up. What do you think?” Dorian said in a playful tone.

 

I shook my head, and stopped the laughter threatening to break free. “I can assure you, Sebastian is straight. So straight he didn’t want Snowden to bring you. He is also a tremendous prude. Phillip constantly torments him with tidbits about our sex life. It drives poor Seb to start saying the Chant of Light.”

 

I covered my mouth and bowed my head to keep anyone from seeing me laughing at such an improper time.

 

“Sweet Maker! How disappointing.” Dorian frowned.

 

“Oh, wait, you have to come to lunch with us, please! Hit on Seb, and see what he does. I would pay to see that.” We both devolved into a giggling fit.

 

Just then the music started that announced the Divine’s entrance. We both stood and turned toward where she would be. Dorian entwined his fingers with mine, and smiled at me. We were the odd men out. The partners that weren’t allowed to stand next to and comfort the men we loved.

 

“Noire, look third row, our side. Seat closest to us. That beautiful blond is staring at you and not the Divine.” Dorian whispered.

 

I froze as I made eye contact. It was him, the man from the garage. The one I hadn’t given an accurate description of. I felt like he saw right through to my soul. He gave me a half smile. I smiled back before I could stop myself. Naturally that was the moment Phillip glanced my direction. He followed my line of sight and noticed I was smiling at a very attractive man.

 

The man broke eye contact first. I looked over and saw Phillip staring at me. I could tell by his expression he had seen the unspoken exchange. I looked down until it was time to be seated. I felt awful for flirting during such a solemn ceremony.

 

Dorian patted my knee and whispered, “You have excellent timing. You flirt with a heartbreakingly beautiful specimen and get caught by your fiancé. I would love to hear what Lord Vael will say.”

 

“If I promise to text you, will you stop trying to get me in more trouble?” We both managed to keep our mirth under control.

 


	14. The Right Hand Plays Her Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pyre in Orlais is total chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIOLENCE

Chapter 14  
The Right Hand Plays Her Cards

 

The Divine spoke first and delivered a wonderful eulogy. I doubt there was a dry eye in the house, except for me and Dorian. Both of us were bored. We were stuck in the balcony, and no one was near us. It was tough to pay close attention. 

I turned and gazed at the magnificent stained glass windows at the back of the balcony. I noticed something move, I looked closer and saw a man in all black creep towards the railing. He had a rifle, and it was aimed at Dorothea. A second man appeared and aimed at Phillip.

“Dorian, look! Assassins! They’re going to kill D and Phillip!” Before he could stop me I ran out of the private box and towards the gunmen.

“Your Grace, Lord Vael, above you! Gunmen, above you!” Dorian’s voice echoed in the large building.

I rounded the back of the railing and one of the men turned towards me. As he took aim, I tried to lunge and grab the end of the gun. I felt a pressure in the left shoulder area, and I fell to my knees. Dorian had run behind me and caught me as I fell. He wadded up his jacket to press on my wound.

Pandemonium had broken out below. I heard Logain shout to get the Divine to safety. Phillip yelled as the other gunman fired, missed him and shot Snowden in the head. Logain’s men ran onto the balcony and shot both assassins dead. Logain was right behind them and ran to me.

“Hang in there, gorgeous! You have to help me hit on Sebastian.” Dorian was trying to slow the bleeding and keep me awake.

I gave a weak chuckle. The world started to become a blur.

“How is she?” Logain’s voice was completely calm even in chaos.

“Not good. I have tried to keep pressure on the wound, but she needs a surgeon, now.” Dorian sounded worried

Logain him lifted me and everything went black. 

I came round briefly to ask, “Phillip, D are they alive?”

“Yes, baby girl. Thanks to you. Stay with me, please! Don’t close your eyes!” Phillip’s face hovered above me, I tried to smile but I was so tired I let the darkness take me.

I recall flashes of being carried into an emergency room. Phillip’s voice full of worry. Sebastian saying the Chant. I think Dorothea even came in to talk to me. Phillip said later I hovered between life and death for thirty-six hours. 

I opened my eyes, and saw I was in a hospital room. My heart started to race. I feared I’d had in incident during Phillip’s wife’s funeral and they had to drag me out. When I shifted, I felt the pain in my left side. Oh right, I had been shot. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“Noire, you’re awake!” Phillip was holding my hand, and I turned toward his voice. “My sweet, darling girl, you need to stop running after men with guns.”

I looked at him. He had deep circles, hadn’t shaved in Maker knows how long, and his shirt was stained with blood.

“Love, are you hurt?” My voice was soft.

He held my hand to his cheek and smiled as he let his tears flow freely. “You save myself and the Divine from certain death. Take a bullet and nearly die yourself and you’re worried if I’m hurt? I’m fine, baby girl.”

“Thank the Maker and his Bride! Noire, you’re awake! Father, I can sit with her while you go get a bit of rest.” Phillip looked at Sebastian then back at me.

 

“Phillip, you should go rest. I’m ok now. Just tired.” I smiled at him.

My Love leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Whispering he would be back soon. Sebastian took my hand, and sat next to me.

“Did your brother make it?” Sebastian’s look said it all. “I’m so sorry, I tried.”

Sebastian kissed my hand, “Noire, I wouldn’t have any family left, and I might be dead as well. You saved us. Your bravery saved our beloved Divine! It is not your fault the Right Hand was treacherous.”

“What does Lelianna have to do with this?” I was weak, but I didn’t feel like sleeping again.

“The men with guns; they were part of Lelianna’s personal guard. Old associates from the House of Repose.” Sebastian cleared his throat and continued. “The authorities found written directions from Lelianna about who to shoot. Those men were to kill the Divine, and Father. If they could, they were to take out myself and Snowden as well. If you hadn’t seen them I am certain they would’ve killed us all.” 

I closed my eyes and said a prayer of thanks. “Seb, is Phillip safe?”

“He is under constant guard, as is the Divine because Lelianna escaped. She apparently has been killing anyone that could turn her over to the police, or give us any information. It appears she crossed the border into Tevinter. So, for now, all of us are safe.” Sebastian looked tired, but in much better shape than Phillip had been.

I sighed and squeezed his hand. “How is Dorian? I know you didn’t approve, but he did care for your brother a great deal.”

“He is ok. We held a private service for Snowden yesterday. If Dorian hadn’t been right behind you, we would’ve lost you, Noire. It was his quick action that prevented you from bleeding out. Father has offered him a position in the company. It seems he’ll start next month.” Sebastian’s voice was soft, and sounded sad. 

“I do understand what it’s like to lose multiple family members at the same time. I am here for you, Seb. You needn’t grieve alone. Phillip, you, and Aunt D are the family I have left. I’ll always be here for you. Well, if I can learn how to run away from danger, that is.” I got a weak laugh at my bad joke.

Sebastian leaned up and kissed my cheek, “Yes, or you could just learn how to dodge bullets.”

It really wasn’t that funny, but we both laughed. I think Seb and I were trying to forget all the ugliness. 

“Sebastian, do you sing?” I was tiring, but I wanted to hear some music.

“I can, yes.” He looked puzzled.

“Could you sing a hymn to me?” I closed my eyes and Seb started singing one of the lesser known hymns.

I fell asleep almost immediately. Sometime later I felt myself being moved. I opened my eyes, but Phillip said to go back to sleep. 

I felt sun on my face. I came around slowly. It seemed like such a difficult task to open my eyes. When I did, I saw I was home, in Phillip’s bed. I was alone. I noticed an empty IV near the bed, but it wasn’t connected to me any longer. I heard low voices in the living room, but I wasn’t coherent enough to understand what was being said.

After waking further, I was able to sit up. My left shoulder hurt, but I was relived I had some mobility back. I stood, and made my way to the bathroom. After finding relief, I tried washing my hands. I had pushed my body a bit too much after having been bedridden for Maker knew how long. I fell on my ass, and then decided laying down for a minute was a good idea. I have no idea how long I was there; I just remember being woken up.

“Noire, baby girl! Sweetheart, talk to me.” Phillip was starting to pick me up.

“Phillip, I’m fine. I just got a bit dizzy. Please, help me take a shower.” Phillip kissed my cheek.

“Let me run a bath sweetie. I am worried about you standing for so long.” He propped me on the step leading into his enormous marble tub. “I’ll be right back. Let me tell Logain and Seb to get some dinner.”

The tub was ready by the time he returned. Phillip helped me into the water, and climbed in behind me. He washed my hair, and just held me close. I dozed a bit while he cleansed me. I felt human again. 

He lifted me out, and dried me off. Then he saw to himself. He helped me brush my teeth, but wouldn’t let me try to put makeup on. He guided me to the bed and sat me down. I let him pick out a pair of black sweats. They were warm, but made me look very pale.

“Dinner should be here, baby girl. I can bring in a tray for both of us.” Phillip smiled and caressed my face.

I returned his smile, “Please, can we eat by the fire? I have stayed in bed long enough.”

“Anything, baby girl, anything you want. But, I am carrying you. I don’t want you falling again.” He stood and lifted me with ease. “Oh sweetie, you’ve gotten so thin. You weigh next to nothing.”

“I’m sorry, Phillip. I’ll try to make myself attractive again.” I felt like I had let him down.

“Shush, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re the most beautiful girl in all of Thedas. Let’s go enjoy our meal.” He briefly set me down to open the door.

He carried me to the now familiar spot on the sofa. Logain nodded and went to fix us some plates.

“Noire! Praise be to the Maker! You look so much better tonight.” Sebastian came forward and chastely kissed my hand.

“Seb, one of these days I really am going to think you’re after my bride to be.” Phillip’s tone was teasing.

Sebastian blushed and stepped back, “I know you’re joking. I am just happy the woman who saved you is feeling better.”

“Saved us both, Seb. I almost lost all three of you. That would’ve destroyed me. I have this gem to thank that one of you survived.” Phillip took my hand and fought back tears.

“Wait, Phillip. What happened to your oldest boy?” I looked at Seb but he had sat back in his chair and his eyes were filled with tears.

Phillip stared into the fire as he spoke, “Trevor was murdered the same day you were shot. It seems the Right Hand’s reach extended further than anyone thought possible. Lelianna had Trevor’s assassin killed after the deed was done. She thought she could kill all my whole family, the Divine and seize control of the Chantry. Lelianna was the one who arranged your kidnapping. She was trying to lure me into a ransom drop to kill me. You were going to be dead long before the exchange happened. We found the men responsible for my wife’s murder. They were dead, but had information in their text messages showing Meredith was killed on Lelianna’s order.”

I rested my head on Phillips shoulder, “Phillip, my love, I am so sorry. Do you need to travel to Antiva, for the Pyre?”

“No, baby girl. It was deemed too big of a risk. The services were held today. I wouldn’t have left you in any case.” Phillip kissed me and stroked my hair.

Logain handed a plate to Phillip, and me. I had trouble eating with one arm that was still pretty sore, so I gave up. I set my plate aside, and leaned on Phillip again.

“Baby girl, you need to eat. Let me help you.” Phillip fed me from his plate.

It didn’t take long before I was full. I hoped my normal appetite would return soon. I glanced out the window, and saw something reflected from the back sitting area.

I turned and looked behind us. I gasped, and stood up. Before Phillip or Sebastian could reach out to steady me, I walked to the object. I stopped, and used the new item for support. I stroked the wood, and looked up at Phillip.

“It’s beautiful! I feel like I haven’t played for years! Thank you, thank you so much!” I let Phillip pull out the bench and help me down onto it.

I opened the keyboard and caressed the ivory. A grand piano, my own grand piano. I was ecstatic. I began to play one of my favorite pieces. I forgot anyone else was even in the room. The pain in my left arm didn’t matter. I lost myself in the music. I was at peace, and when I finished I smiled.

“Noire, you play beautifully!” Sebastian had wandered over.

“Brains, beauty, bravery, talent, and she’s all mine.” Phillip kissed the top of my head.

I winced because my arm was fighting back, “I, I think I need to lay down again. I’m sorry, the pain is getting worse.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetie! You pushed yourself enough for one day. Seb, Logain you are welcome to stay the night, but I am going to go to bed with Noire.” I let Phillip carry me to our room.

I was nearly asleep when Phillip crawled in next to me. He gently laid me on his chest and stroked my hair.

“I love you, Phillip Vael.” I whispered.

“I love you too.” I fell asleep smiling.

Later I was told the details of a stress filled meeting while The Hanged Man Strip Club was closed. 

“Zevran, you were close to her, did you tell her who I was?” Lelianna was pacing in anger.

Zev sighed, “Of course not. To say anything about you, would be admitting I was a Crow. I’m not that stupid.”

“Wait, Noire is from Fereldan, right?” Varric asked.

“Yes, why?” Zev stared at Varric

“Firebrand, are you certain there is no one that you told your identity to in Fereldan?” Varric watched the red head think.

Lelianna shook her head and answered, “No, I only spilled my secrets to the statue of Andraste in the Chantry. It was always when I was alone, very early in the day.”

“Well, shit. You should’ve looked harder Red.” Isabella interjected, “Noire used to tell me about hiding in the Choir box and listening to people’s prayers. She had an insatiable curiosity about the naughty things people did.”

Anders let out a small laugh, “Yet another reason to avoid the Chantry. You never know who is listening in.”

“The young girl with dark hair that followed Justinia everywhere. She was a heart breaker. Always looked like she knew too much for someone that should be playing with dolls. Beautiful voice, and could play piano. The Divine told me, Hawke’s Mom was not a nice woman. Treated Hawke despicably. Maker, I just didn’t realize Noire was that same little girl.” Lelianna sat down and rested her head in her arms.

“Ok, I get how Noire knew about your private life. I still don’t understand how she figures into Vael’s plan for power. Why her? It makes no sense.” Varric couldn’t put the plot together.

“Maybe he’s just kinky and wanted a Dominatrix in the bedroom. I mean, the was Noire’s hook as a dancer.” Cullen was trying his best to puzzle it out.

“Pfft, right. The man that has brain washed her, beat her, made it look like she attempted suicide wants her to be in charge in bed. I think not.” Zevran slammed his shot of whiskey and poured another.

“I think I know why he’s obsessed with her.” Anders waited for all eyes to look at him.

“Anders, for the Maker’s sake, I don’t have time for dramatics.” Lelianna quipped.

“Very well. Just so you are all warned, everyone, except me, has died looking at the information I have gathered. As a Psychiatrist, I can assure you, this is some scary shit. If you don’t want to hear it, leave now.” Anders waited, and saw not one person was going to go.

The blond pulled out a thick folder. Opening it, he reached in and grabbed a stack of photographs. Anders carefully laid them out one by one. As everyone looked at what he was showing them, their expressions ranged confusion, to stark fear.

“They all resemble Noire. Who are they?” Lelianna was all business.

Anders held up one last photo. The clothing style showed it was decades old. The girl looked like Noire’s twin.

“This woman, Fiona, was Phillip Vael’s girlfriend when he was seventeen. His parents didn’t approve, because they had arranged a match for him already. When he turned eighteen, they decided to elope. They took separate cars, and were going to meet in Kirkwall. On the way there, a drunk driver crossed the center line and hit Fiona head on. She was killed instantly. All the other women are dead as well.” Anders paused and looked at the stunned expressions surrounding him. “It seems many people die in drunk driving accidents that know Vael or those close to him. Hawke’s family comes to mind.”

“Phillip Vael was a devote Chantry disciple until the love of his life died. They were both virgins. For twenty-eight years Vael has searched for someone that could replace Fiona. The women who are dead, are dead because none of them were pure.” Anders stopped to sip his vodka tonic.

“Lord Vael visited Lothering when Noire was just fifteen. He saw her at the Sunday services. He hired multiple private investigators to follow her. Phillip found out she was a devout Andrastian, but more importantly, had never been touched by a man. Zevran, you are lucky they knew you were only a friend. Anyone, and I do mean anyone that tried to get Noire to even kiss them, is dead.” Anders paused to let that news sink in. “Noire isn’t part of some power play. She is the woman Phillip Vael has been looking for his whole adult life.”

“Wow, so on top of being an evil, power hungry, jack ass, he’s bat shit crazy, lovely. Is there an upside to all this?” Isabella’s face showed the fear everyone was feeling.

“As far as Vael’s obsession goes, no. There is no upside to a stalker this mentally ill. We are talking about a person that has killed over thirty women because he wasn’t the first man to sleep with them.” Anders looked down to avoid seeing the reactions to the danger Noire was in.

“Fucking Maker, he’s going to kill her too, isn’t he?” Cullen sounded resigned to Noire’s loss.

“No! I refuse to believe that. I don’t care what it takes, I am killing him! He won’t get a chance to hurt her again, not ever!” Zevran shoved his chair back and started ranting in Antivan as he paced back and forth.

“Zev, calm down. To try and kill Vael now is pointless. Besides, I think we have a way to infiltrate Phillip’s inner circle.” Lelianna paused. “Snowden, Vael’s middle boy, had a boyfriend named Dorian. From what I saw, he hit it off with Noire at the funeral. Dorian also saved her life. Lord Vael has hired him for a VP position. He starts in a couple of weeks. Anders, think you can make friends with him?”

“Actually, I know him. Met him during a Diplomatic mission in Minrathous. I’ll make contact.” Anders replied.

“Um, but what about Noire? Can we trust that she will be alive in a couple of weeks? I mean, all these women are dead!” Cullen sounded a bit panicked.

“Curly is right. We can’t just leave Noire with that nut bag! How long before he tires of her, and decides to find a new look alike?” Varric was pissed.

“Varric, trust me when I tell you, Noire is safe. As long as she remains loyal to Vael, she’s in no danger. I questioned her, remember? Phillip has created the perfect minion. So long as Noire continues to defend him, she’s fine.” Lelianna tried to calm everyone down.

“Hey, Anders. I thought you went to the Pyre to talk to her. Did you manage that?” Isabella called out.

“No, with the assassination attempt I never got near Noire. However, I did make contact, sort of.” Anders smiled at the memory.

“Well? You going to tell us about it?” Zevran sat back down and glared at Anders.

Anders sighed and spoke, “When the Divine was going to enter, I turned and looked up to where she was sitting. I stared until she made eye contact. When Noire noticed me, she recognized me. Now, here’s the interesting part. She didn’t freak out. When I smiled at her, she smiled back, like she was flirting. I knew then, some part of her personality remains intact. It went better than I expected, except for one small detail. Phillip caught her looking at me. I don’t know if he will retaliate, I doubt it, since she almost died.”

“Huh, she knew a man she thought tried to kill her was in the Cathedral and she flirts with you instead of freaking out. You must have made quite the impression Blondie.” Varric was smirking at Anders.

“Goody, she flirted with you. My concern is these dead women. How long until Vael moves on to a new girl?” Isabella wasn’t laughing.

“You guys are missing the point. Phillip Vael has only ever had sex with two women. His wife, and now Noire. The women in these photos were whores in his opinion. That’s why they are dead. Lord Vael waited three decades to find someone like Noire. She is the perfect woman in his twisted mind. He won’t let her go. He killed her family, cut her off from her friends, just so he doesn’t have to share her. The only way he’d kill her is if Noire touches another man, sexually. Given how closely he guards her, that is not likely to happen.” Anders explained the situation like he was talking to children.

“Well nice going on flirting with her, Anders. Aren’t you afraid of Vael coming after you now?” Lelianna sounded worried.

Anders chuckled, “Maybe, but I am more concerned he’ll find out I have the information contained in this file. Granted, there is no hard proof Phillip killed these women with his own hands, but he still wouldn’t want this info to get out. Before you go there, Lily, think real hard about the consequences it might have on Noire. We need to be patient. Let Dorian worm his way into the fold. When the time is right, we take all of what we have learned and release it to the media.”

No one was happy, but they knew Anders spoke the truth. Timing was everything. Plus, my friends weren’t willing to sacrifice my safety. I wish I had known how much I meant to them. I believed Phillip was the only one that cared. I was so wrong.


	15. Discipline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire has another "suicide attempt".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MENTAL TORTURE

** Chapter 15 **

Discipline

 

After about a month of physical therapy, my shoulder was almost back to normal. I fell into a comfortable routine. I saw my trainer every morning for about two hours. After breakfast and a shower, I spent about three hours writing and playing songs on my piano. A quick lunch, and then I would watch some television. Movies mostly.

 

Phillip went to work with Sebastian every morning, and was showing him what would be expected when he took over as CEO. In the afternoon, Phillip would deal with Chantry business. Logain had helped him track down and eliminate most of Lelianna’s allies. About six, Seb, Phillip and Logain would arrive back home for dinner. My man wanted to keep Sebastian close. He was still afraid of losing his last child.

 

Weekends were busy, but fun. Phillip would take me to all his favorite spots in Starkhaven. The Tevinter Gardens became my favorite. We would walk, holding hands and it was incredibly romantic. Sundays were all about the Chantry. I was accepted by the Nobles, and we would attend different lunches and fundraisers after Mass.

 

My love for Phillip deepened, and I would often catch myself smiling when I thought of him. He was an attentive lover. Gentle, kind, perfect. I thanked the Maker every day for the life I had. A loving man, and a happy family.

 

I missed Zevran, but when I tried to call his number, it was disconnected. I even tried Isabella and Varric, but their numbers were also changed. I figured it was for the best. Hanging out with my friends from the strip club wouldn’t be proper for the Left Hands future wife.

 

It was a Friday night that my happiness was nearly destroyed. Phillip had lost a lucrative contract, and it caused he and Seb to get into a horrific fight. Logain was off chasing a lead as to Lelianna’s location. Phillip arrived home in a dark mood. Dinner was ready, and on the table when he stormed in.

 

“Hello, love. Suppers ready if you’re hungry.” I hadn’t noticed how angry he was.

 

I got no answer. I watched in confusion as he went over, downed one drink and poured another.

 

I stood up and walked to him. “Phillip? Are you ok?”

 

It was at that moment, an interview with Senator Anders came on the news. I looked in shock at the man. He had been one of my kidnappers, yet he was running for Chancellor of Starkhaven. This was the same man I flirted with that horrid day in the Grand Cathedral.

 

Phillip followed my gaze, and saw Anders. He walked over and switched off the television. When I looked at him, I got nervous. He was obviously pissed. Phillip downed his second glass of scotch, and held out his glass.

 

I took it from him, and filled it. I spilled a bit of the alcohol on the fancy bar table. Phillip stormed over to look at the mess I had made.

 

“Clean that up, whore!” Phillip grabbed his drink, and sat on the sofa.

 

I wiped up the mess, but in my hastiness I knocked one of the crystal glasses to the floor and it shattered. I ran to grab a broom. I swept up the shards of glass and put them in the garbage. Phillip watched every move I made. He held out his empty glass again.

 

As I took it, he grasped my wrist tightly, “Don’t fuck up again.”

 

I nearly fell when he pushed me away from him. I made another drink, without spilling or breaking anything, and took it to him. He sipped it this time. I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Phillip was furious and I just wanted to be able to calm him down.

 

He looked up, and pointed at me to sit next to him. I did. I looked down, and decided silence was best. If I remained silent, I couldn’t say something to make Phillip angrier. I guessed wrong.

 

I was jolted out of my musings when the glass he was holding hit the mirror over the fireplace. I gasped and looked at Phillip.

 

He reached out and clasped a hand around my throat. I tried to pry it away. I was slapped for my efforts.

 

“Please, Phillip, you’re hurting me. I can hardly breathe.” My voice came out barely a whisper.

 

He brought his other hand up, and forced me down on my back. Phillip straddled my body, and began choking the life out of me. I scratched his hands, but I was getting weak from the lack of air. Just before I passed out he let go. I coughed, and took some deep breaths.

 

He grabbed my hair and said in a low tone, “How long have you been fucking Anders?”

 

“What are you talking about? Phillip, I’ve never met him! No one has touched me but you. I swear by the Maker; I haven’t touched another man!” I was shaking, and terrified Phillip was going to kill me.

 

His eyes narrowed, and he slapped me again, “Liar! Did you think I missed that fact you flirted with him at my Wife’s funeral? I saw you! You smiled at him, and stared at him like the slut you are. What do you do all day while I’m gone? How many men do you have in and out of here? Do they pay you, or do you just hand out your services for free?”

 

Hot tears ran down my face. I tried to stop myself from sobbing, but failed. I closed my eyes, and tried to think of something, anything to calm him down.

“Look at me!” Phillip’s voice was full of madness.

 

I tried to push him off me, and just ended up enraging him more. He stood up, and pulled me onto the floor by my hair. I tried to stand, and he kneed me in my midsection.

 

I fell to my knees, and threw up. Phillip finally released my hair. While I was still moaning in pain I heard him leave the room. He came back and threw a towel at me.

 

“Clean up your mess, cunt. Then get your ass in the bathroom.” He towered over me as I cleaned the floor.

 

As soon as I was finished I was hauled to my feet. Phillip grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me towards the bedroom. I tried not to struggle, but my natural instinct of fight or flight kicked in. I fight when backed into a corner, not the best choice that night.

 

In the bathroom, he started the shower, while still grasping me. “Undress and get in the shower, Noire.”

 

He let go of my neck so I could disrobe. I picked up a heavy water glass, and threw it at his head. He ducked, it landed in the tub and shattered. Before I could run, he grabbed me. He forced me out of my clothes. I fought hard, but he hit the tender spot on my shoulder a few times and I was begging for mercy.

 

In the shower, he scrubbed my skin until it hurt. “I will get any remnants of that prick off of you! You’re mine! I warned you, I told you what would happen if you touched another man. I promised to kill you.”

 

“Please, Phillip! I haven’t touched anyone but you. I swear it! I only want you! I love you!” I was trying to control my reactions, to diffuse the situation.

 

“You love me; you love me?” Really, then tell me why I saw you flirt with that low born asshole AT A FUNERAL!” Phillip was out of his mind with jealousy.

 

“I promise, I wasn’t flirting! I swear to you; I have no interest in that man!” I dropped to my knees, “Please, my Lord! I love you, I will do anything you ask, just don’t hurt me again.”

 

Phillip grabbed me, and forced me out of the shower. “Prove your loyalty, bitch. Dry off, brush your teeth, then crawl on your hands and knees to the bed.”

 

I obeyed. I stayed on my hands and knees as Phillip walked up behind me. He gripped my hair, and pulled me onto my knees. I offered no resistance. Phillip then sat down and looked into my eyes.

 

I met his gaze, and although I had tears falling from my eyes, I didn’t look away. “Noire, do you swear you have never touched another?”

 

“I swear it, my Lord. I am yours, body, mind and soul. I love no one but you. Please, I beg of you, tell me how I can please you.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

 

Phillip pondered my offer before answering, “Will you submit to my discipline?”

 

My voice shook as I answered, “Yes, my Lord. I will do anything you ask. I promise not to fight you again. I apologize for my outburst. I owe you everything, and I should treat you with more respect.”

 

Fragments of memories returned. My mind whispered he had done this to me before. My subconscious tried to get me to see what he had done. I closed my eyes and tried to shake away the thoughts screaming in my head.

 

“Look at me!” Phillip slapped me again.

 

“I, I’m sorry!” I looked up at him and started to sob again.

 

“Get on the bed, face down. Put your arms over your head.” I scrambled to do what he demanded, terrified of what would happen if I displeased him further.

 

This time, I felt the cold metal of handcuffs close around my wrists. I whimpered. I heard a tearing sound, and then some tape was placed over my mouth. I tried to keep still, but I couldn’t. I saw him tie rope to the middle of the cuffs, and tie the rope to the headboard. I heard what sounded like a lighter. I turned my head and saw Phillip place a lit candle on the end table. I heard him moving around, but I couldn’t see what he was doing.

 

I tugged at my bonds, and that earned me a pinch on my side. “Noire, the more you fight, the longer your punishment will continue. Understand?”

 

I nodded, but couldn’t stop the moan that broke free. I felt the mattress dip when Phillip climbed on the bed. He tenderly stroked my hair, and caressed my back. He kissed the back of my neck.

 

“My sweet, baby girl. I hate this, I don’t like seeing you in pain. But, you looking at another man won’t be tolerated. You are pure, I claimed you. No one, and I mean no one will ever come between us. I can’t allow you to turn into a whore, just because some good looking guy tries to charm you. Now, hold still. If you don’t fight me, your discipline will be over soon.” Phillip sat up, and I heard him test swing something.

 

The first strike across my ass told me what he was using. It was a riding crop. I couldn’t scream with my mouth taped shut, but I made noise anyway. I rolled on my side as the next blow came. It caught my hip. Phillip was not pleased.

 

“I told you to behave! You promised you’d do anything for me! LIAR!” Phillip forced me back onto my stomach and sat on my legs to hold me in place.

 

Over and over the crop struck me. The pain was so intense; after a few minutes I couldn’t stop myself from screaming behind the tape. Finally, Phillip stopped swinging. He reached up and removed the make shift gag. I gulped in air, and just let myself wail.

 

“Shhh, shush now. It’s almost over.” Phillip was rubbing the tension out of my shoulders.

 

I saw him lean up and grab the candle. I whined, and tried not to move. Phillip placed a hand on my low back and held me down. Hot, burning pain was all I could register. Phillip had dumped the melted candle over the bruises he had given me. My body began to shiver like I was cold. My vision greyed and I fainted.

 

I woke still on my stomach, but my hands were no longer bound. Phillip was massaging something on my bruises.

 

I whispered, “Lo-love, please, stop, it hurts!”

 

“I know, baby girl. This should numb the pain, give it a minute.” Phillip finished and laid down next to me.

 

He gently pushed my hair off my face, and stroked my cheek. Phillip leaned over and kissed me, softly.

 

“Oh my darling girl, I am so sorry you’re hurting. I love you, and this was the most difficult thing I have ever done. But, you must understand, you have to remain untouched. I am the only one that will ever have you. If you ever think of sleeping with another man, I’ll have to kill him. If you let someone else touch you, I’ll destroy you both. Do you understand?” Phillip sounded so kind, in spite of the threats he was making.

 

I managed a weak reply, “Yes, Phillip. Only you. I belong only to you.”

 

He tilted my face up, and smiled, “That’s my good baby girl. Why don’t you wash your face, while I reheat the lovely dinner you cooked, hmm?”

 

I gave him a small smile and nodded. Phillip helped me off the bed. I threw on a graphic t-shirt, and leggings and went to wash my face. I heard Phillip dress and go deal with dinner.

 

I came out, and he motioned for me to sit. My backside felt like it was on fire. I took some deep breaths until the worst of the pain passed. Phillip sat down with our food. He took my hand and prayed. Prayed for strength, asked forgiveness for my wandering eyes. Tears rolled down my face. Memories of Phillip abusing me started to break out of my subconscious.

 

When the prayer was over, he poured me some wine. Phillip stuck with his scotch. I ate little as my midsection was still very sore. The wine tasted good, and was dulling the pain. Phillip kept my glass full. The whispers began as I was downing my third glass. He drugged the wine, he’s evil. Remember, remember the Psychiatric ward. I shook my head to try and make sense of my thoughts.

 

I stood and it felt like I was in a boat. I couldn’t catch my balance. Phillip picked me up and took me to bed.

 

I floated in and out of consciousness. I heard someone else come in, Sampson. I put up a weak fight as he tied something around my upper arm, and then injected me with Maker knows what.

 

I was roused briefly and saw Phillip’s distraught face above mine. I thought I heard Dr. Orsino, and Sampson discussing my condition. I really tried to say something, but I passed out instead.

 

The Hanged Man Strip Club was closed for renovations. At least that’s what the Owner, Varric Tethras had said. In truth, Varric wanted to be sure Lelianna had a safe place to hide. This was yet another meeting I was told about later. Friday night, the usual crew, plus one, were gathered playing Wicked Grace. The television was on in the background.

 

“Pretty boy, it’s your turn.” Varric nudged Dorian.

 

“Hold on, turn that up! Breaking news about Lord Vael.” All eyes turned to what Dorian was watching, as Cullen cranked the volume.

 

“More bad news for the Vael family this evening. It has been confirmed Lord Vael’s fiancé attempted suicide. Miss Hawke overdosed on pain medication and anti-anxiety pills. We are going now to Lord Vael, live, as he issues a brief statement from Starkhaven’s Psychiatric Hospital.” The reporter’s face was replaced by Phillip’s.

 

“It is with great sadness that I can confirm my future wife attempted to take her life today. Miss Hawke has been depressed since her family perished in a tragic car accident. These past few months have been difficult for her. Her recovery from the assassination attempt has been slow, and she has withdrawn more and more. I ask for everyone’s prayers as my fiancé deals with these dire incidents. In the Name of Andraste, the Maker and our beloved Divine Justinia.” Phillip’s voice broke at the end, and Sebastian helped him inside the Hospital.

 

“Lelianna, Anders, both of you said she was safe! That is not safe! I told you I should’ve killed him earlier. Why haven’t we been trying to rescue her? Dorian, aren’t you supposed to be trying to get close to Vael? FUCK!” Zevran grabbed the bottle of whiskey on the table and threw it against the wall.

 

No one said anything until Zev sat back down. Anders noticed all eyes turned to him.

 

“What do you want me to say? The whole of Thedas now thinks she’s crazy. Vael knew exactly what he was doing. If he wanted her dead, she would be dead. He is smearing her reputation. My guess is there will be another statement released soon that says she’s delusional.” Anders paused as his phone rang.

 

He shushed everyone while he answered. “This is Anders. Yes, I just heard about it. Yes, tragic. Do you need me to come consult? I… It’s really not… I understand. Who is the Doctor? Raleigh Sampson? Oh, I see. Well, if you need me to look at her file let me know. Ok, thank you for the heads up.”

 

“Did you say Sampson? That bastard is treating her?” Lelianna looked deadly.

 

“Who the fuck is Sampson?” Isabella chimed in.

 

“Dr. Raleigh Sampson is one cold mother fucker. He deals lyrium, and other prescription meds. Vael must be using him to dose Noire. Maker, can this situation get any worse?” Varric finished his drink and went to grab a new bottle of whiskey.

 

“It already is worse.” Everyone eyed Anders, “Seems I am banned from entering the Psych Hospital until Noire is discharged.”

 

“Why are you banned?” Cullen sounded worried.

 

Anders poured a drink from the bottle Varric fetched before answering. “It seems Lord Vael believes I am trying to sleep with Noire. Andraste’s tits! I smiled at the woman for two seconds! I assumed he’d come after me since he saw us smile at each other. Instead, he waited and went after her.”

 

“Zev, Cullen, Varric, none of us, and I mean none of us can approach her. Dorian is the only safe option. Lord Vael won’t consider him a risk.” Anders looked to Dorian.

 

“Great, just fucking great. It’s bad enough I work with a religious zealot. Maker, Sebastian quotes the Chant constantly, and keeps asking me if I am sure I have no interest in women. You think I am going to be able to get close to her? What if he gets paranoid and thinks I am trying to hit on her?” Dorian took a long look at the group and sighed. “Fine, I’ll do my best. Just don’t give those pleading looks, it’s too much.”

 

“Thank you, Dorian. Tell me, have you found any pleasurable company in Starkhaven yet?” Zevran turned on his charm.

 

Dorian looked him over and smiled coyly, “Not yet. Do you have a suggestion?”

 

Zevran stood and offered his hand, “Follow me. I can show you some spectacular sights.”

 

As Dorian and Zevran left, Isabella got a text. “Fuck, Logain just got back into town. He wants to see me. Ugh, he is such a boring lay. Well, I’ll see if I can get him to talk about Noire.”

 

“I am going to go home and study the file on Vael again. I think I missed something. He is far more unpredictable than I thought.” Anders finished his drink and agreed to drop Bella off.

 

“Firebrand, Curly, I don’t think Noire will last much longer. Call anyone you trust and try to get every scrap of dirt you can on Lord Vael. At this rate, Noire’s pyre will be held in six weeks.” Varric watched Cullen and Lelianna start going through the contacts on their phones, and said a silent prayer to the Maker to keep me safe and alive.


	16. The Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is back in the padded room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MENTAL TORTURE

** Chapter 16 **

The Awakening

****

My eyes opened to a familiar, but terrifying scene. I was back in the padded room. My body started shaking. I was buckled into a strait jacket again. I rolled onto my back and tried to piece together what had happened.

 

Phillip had come home, and was livid. He accused me of cheating on him. He choked and beat me. After threatening to kill me we sat down for dinner. Wait, that didn’t make sense. I closed my eyes and tried to think. Phillip attacked me, why would I sit down to dinner with him? All I could think was I had imagined his attack.

 

Memories flooded my mind. They were jumbled. Phillip attacked me, but then was very kind. Part of me knew he was the culprit, but the other half was convinced I suffered a delusion again. Tears streamed down my face because I couldn’t make sense of anything. I looked up as the door opened.

 

Phillip walked in. I sat up and tried to move away from him. I was terrified.

 

“Ple… please, don’t, don’t hurt me.” My words came out clumsily.

 

Phillip knelt down and spoke, “Baby girl, look at me. I love you so much! I could never dream of hurting you. Please baby, let me help you. I am here to take you to a therapy session with the Doctor. Will you let me help you? I miss you so much! Please, Noire, let me show you how much I care.”

 

When my eyes met his, my heart constricted. His face showed fatigue, and worry. This man was no abuser. He was kind, and loving. I felt so ashamed at my accusations.

 

“Phillip, I am so sorry. Please, help me. Tell me what I need to do.” My voice was soft.

 

“I’ll have the nurse come, let you out of that torturous jacket, and take you to change. All you need to do is tell us what happened. I love you very much!” He stood and left me to wait for the nurse.

 

It was almost two hours by the time I had showered, changed and was escorted to the therapy room. I walked in and saw Dr. Sampson speaking to Phillip.

 

“Baby, you look so much better! Come, sit with me. Sampson wants to talk about what you remember, and how we treat you going forward.” Phillip patted the seat next to him on the sofa.

 

I sat down and buried my face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m here baby girl, I’m here.”

 

“How long, how long was I out this time? Please, what happened? What I remember is so mixed up. I, I can’t go through this again! Phillip, maybe you should just let me die.” I broke down and sobbed.

 

Neither man spoke, they just let me cry. I kept saying I didn’t want to live this way. Begged for death. Phillip rocked me and kept rubbing my back. Finally, my crying jag ended. Sampson brought over a box of Kleenex and handed it to Phillip. I took some tissues, dried my tears and wiped my nose. I was still trembling, but calmer.

 

“Noire, I am going to let Phillip explain what he found when he came home ten days ago, can you handle that?” Sampson looked at me, and I nodded yes.

 

Phillip stroked my hair and started his story hesitantly, “I, I walked in and it looked like someone had attempted to rob us. There were broken glasses, and the mirror above the fireplace was shattered. I called out for you. I found you on the floor, in convulsions. I had to turn you on your side because you started vomiting. Maker preserve me, you had a rope around your neck, and it looked like you tried to hang yourself from the chandelier. I called an ambulance. The Hospital had to pump your stomach again.”

 

Phillip buried his face in my hair and wept. Relieving what he had found was breaking him apart. I felt awful.

 

“Thank you, Phillip. I know talking about that wasn’t easy. Noire, can you tell us what you remember?” Sampson looked at me and I looked away.

 

“I, I can’t. Please, I can’t. I don’t want Phillip to know, please.” My voice was a barely a whisper.

 

“Noire, I know this is difficult. But if you aren’t honest with Phillip, you run the risk of having another psychotic break. Next time, we may be holding your pyre and not sitting in therapy. If you love this man like you claim, be honest, no matter how painful it might be.” Sampson was not going to let me off the hook.

 

“Baby girl, I know you are ill. There is nothing you can say that will hurt me worse than your silence. Please, sweetie, I am here, at your side. I will never leave you, I swear by the Maker and his Bride!” Phillip held me tightly.

 

“I, I made dinner and laid it out on the table. I remember you coming in and not speaking to me. You were drinking more than usual. I, I tried to ask what was wrong. You wanted another drink, I spilled it and dropped a glass. I tried to clean it up. I sat next to you, and you accused me of having an affair. It was someone on the news, I think.” I was so confused; I was having a hard time recalling the order of events.

 

I took a breath and tried to continue. “I, I, remember you choking me, Phillip. I saw you break the mirror with your glass. You, I, you slapped me and beat me. Then we sat down for dinner. I drank wine and felt dizzy. That’s all I can remember until I woke up here.”

 

I softly whimpered and clung to Phillip like he was all that kept me from drowning. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why this is happening.”

 

Phillip cried with me, and Sampson let us comfort each other. “Phillip, how far did you cut her medication back?”

 

Phillip’s voice was horse as he answered, “She is taking half a pill at night.”

 

Sampson wrote out a new prescription. “She needs the full pill, and the valium as well. I am writing a prescription for lyrium. Only use this when she looks like she is getting panicky. Lyrium can be a dangerous and addictive medication. Most importantly, keep all meds away from her. Noire, your blood alcohol level was very high when you were admitted. Your convulsions happened because you drank too much, and downed most of your pills. You need to monitor her drinking, Phillip.”

 

“What about her being alone, Sampson? The Divine gave me leave to direct things from my Penthouse. Should I still go to work in the mornings?” Phillip asked.

 

“Let Sebastian call you if he needs to. Noire will need several weeks to recover this time. The same advice stands from the last suicide attempt. Phillip, you run the medication schedule. Noire, you don’t do anything unless Phillip is next to you.” Dr. Sampson was firm with his instructions.

 

“Doctor, what happened? I don’t understand.” I was searching for some hope.

 

Sampson looked at Phillip, then me. “Noire, you were getting much better when you were shot. I think this current episode is the emotional turmoil finally rising to the surface from the assassination attempt in Orlais. You nearly lost Phillip and the Divine. You have been focused on healing your physical wounds. Between the attempted abduction, and Orlais, your mind could only delay this inevitable, irrational response. Not surprising. Soldiers have similar issues. It’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. With the depression added in, I am surprised you went so long without an incident. This is fixable, I promise.” Sampson gave me a reassuring smile.

 

“When can I take my girl home? I don’t like the thought of her in this place.” Phillip kissed my hair.

 

“You can take her now if you’d like. I’ll be by tomorrow for a counseling session. Just use the back exit and the media won’t see you leave.” Sampson nodded to us as Phillip helped me stand and exit his office.

 

Logain was waiting for us. He led us to the back door, and made sure none of the press were lurking outside. Phillip helped me into an SUV after he had climbed in. He held me the entire ride home.

 

I managed to walk myself to the elevator. When we entered, Sebastian was waiting with a beautifully set table.

 

“Noire! Maker be praised! You look so good.” I was pulled into a warm embrace.

 

I looked at Phillip over Seb’s shoulder and he smiled and rolled his eyes. I hugged Sebastian back, and he finally let go. Phillip busied himself making a drink.

 

“Please, come, sit and eat. Father?” Seb was trying his hardest to be cheery.

 

I sat on Phillip’s left, Seb to his right. “Son, would you say a prayer for us?”

 

We all joined hands before Sebastian started to pray. “Sweet, Blessed, Bride of the Maker, thank you for our family being reunited. Please protect and keep us all. I beg you and the Maker to grant Noire peace of mind. Forgive us our sins, and help us remain in the Makers sight. In the name of Andraste, the Maker and Divine Justinia.”

 

“Thank you, Seb.” I was sure I was blushing.

 

“That was lovely, Son. Noire, Seb was wondering if you would like some spiritual counseling. It is up to you.” Phillip patted my hand and smiled.

 

“If you think it will help, love, yes.” I just wanted to make Phillip happy, I didn’t care what I had to do.

 

“Then it’s settled. I need to go over some business with Logain after dinner. Sebastian, would you be able to sit with Noire? She isn’t to be left alone.” Phillip watched Seb as he finished.

 

Sebastian swallowed and then replied, “Yes, Father. I have some passages from the Chant that may bring Noire comfort.”

 

I smiled and ate the wonderful food. Phillip allowed me to drink since it wasn’t time for my medication yet. The meal ended, and Phillip gave me a peck on the cheek before heading down to talk to Logain.

 

Sebastian escorted me to the sofa. I noticed it was new, as was the mirror above the fireplace. I couldn’t help the few tears that rolled down my cheeks.

 

Seb pulled out his handkerchief and wiped them away. “Noire, it’s ok. They are just objects. Your life is more important than anything material.”

 

“Thank you.” I was so ashamed I couldn’t even look at him.

 

“Noire, did you intentionally try to take your life, or was it accidental?” Sebastian held my hand, his face was soft and full of worry.

 

I tried to smile, but it looked like a grimace. “I honestly don’t remember, Seb. I, I sometimes see things. I believe suicide is a sin against the Maker. But, since my Father died, I haven’t been behaving like I used to.”

 

“What have you done?” Sebastian was doing his best to keep judgement out of his tone.

 

“To start off with, the strip club. Sebastian, I had never held someone’s hand other than my Father’s. He taught me I needed to remain an innocent until I found the man I would marry.” I took a deep breath and continued. “Part of my act at the club was men could look, but never touch me. I also wouldn’t take off all my clothes. I think that was the beginning of my mental issues. I felt guilty every time I appeared on stage.”

 

I put my head in my hands and cried. I realized, it was the first time I had cried about anything to do with my Father’s death. The Hospital was right. I was lashing out because I hadn’t grieved. Sebastian rubbed my arm, and tried to calm me down.

 

When I looked up, he wiped my face. “Oh, Noire. I am so very sorry for what you felt you had to do to survive. The Maker understands. You tried to be good, even when surrounded by debauchery. Your faith is still strong.”

 

I grasped Seb’s hand in desperation. “Will the Maker ever forgive me? I don’t want to die, Sebastian. Not like this.”

 

Sebastian pulled me into his arms and began saying the Chant while I sobbed. Phillip and Logain picked that moment to come back.

 

“For fucks sake Seb, what did you do to the poor girl?” Logain went over and got he and Phillip a drink.

 

“Logain, stop! Don’t use such ugly words when I am saying the Chant of Light. I am trying to calm her down.” Seb sighed and I sat up.

 

Phillip downed his drink, handed his glass to Logain and sat next to me. He pulled me into his lap and held me. He kissed my face, wiped away my tears and rubbed my back. I calmed down quickly.

 

“Thank you, for watching her Seb. Did he help you baby girl?” Phillip sounded so sweet.

 

“Yes, I think he did.” I gave a weak smile.

 

“Father, she should probably have more spiritual counseling. I’d be happy to provide it. It would be less embarrassing for Noire to talk to someone she knows, I think.” Seb looked at Phillip.

 

“Ok, but if she starts acting erratic, I need to know immediately. Agreed?” Phillip waited.

 

“Agreed. I can talk to her for a little while each night after dinner.” Seb smiled at me. “I am going to go home now. Do you want me to drop you anywhere Logain?”

 

“I’m good. If I want more lectures about my life, I’ll head to midnight Mass.” Logain smirked while Sebastian flushed and left.

 

“Logain, make yourself at home. I am going to bed early with Noire. I’m sure she’ll appreciate sleeping in her own bed for a change.” Phillip carried me into the bedroom


	17. The Lyrium Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire gives Logain a taste of her temper. Phillip nearly kills her in retaliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORCED DRUG ABUSE, DUB CON, SEXUAL INTERACTION, DRUG OVERDOSE, VIOLENCE

** Chapter 17 **

The Lyrium Incident

 

Phillip undressed me, then saw to himself. He brought me my pills and a glass of water. Phillip then withdrew a vile, and a syringe out of his pocket.

 

“Wha… what is that?” I was very nervous and climbed off the bed.

 

Phillip grabbed my wrist, “Noire, baby, you were nearly hysterical in front of Sebastian. Sampson told me I was to give you lyrium when you were panicking. I am following his instructions.”

 

It didn’t feel right, something told me I couldn’t let him shoot me up. I yanked away from Phillip. He stood and rounded the bed. I backed up, until I felt the door handle.

 

“Noire, sweetie, be a good girl and let me give you this shot. It’s Doctor’s orders.” Phillip was drawing closer.

 

I just felt I had to run. I didn’t know where to, but my mind was screaming at me don’t let Phillip use the needle. I threw open the door and bolted. Before I could reach the elevator, Logain wrapped his arms around my waist. I fought as hard as I could. He was like a brick wall, and his arms had an unbreakable hold on me.

 

“No, no, please, let me go! I don’t want any more drugs, LET ME GO!” Fighting just played into the dialog Phillip had created regarding my mental health.

 

I managed the draw blood when I dug my nails into Logain’s hand. “Dammit, woman! Where are you going to run to naked? Calm the fuck down!”

 

“NOIRE! Stop! Please, don’t make me take you back to the Hospital. I wouldn’t do this, but you’re worked up into a frenzy. Please, baby girl, let me help you. Hold out your arm, it’s just a shot.” Phillip’s voice was soothing, and his face showed nothing but concern.

 

“Phillip, please, I’m begging you, don’t make me take the lyrium! I, I can be calm.” I keep twisting in Logain’s arms, so he pulled me to the floor.

 

Logain used his weight to immobilize my body, then wrestled my arm into position. Phillip knelt down, and shot me up. I gave up resisting, and wept. Logain stood up, spat next to me, then walked to the bar.

 

“Shhh, it’s ok baby girl. The lyrium should calm you down soon.” Phillip gently picked me up and carried me to bed.

 

My limbs felt heavy. I didn’t pass out, but I had a hard time concentrating with the drug in my system. Phillip laid next to me, and began exploring my body with his mouth. It felt so good, but my ability to form words was gone.

 

“Just relax, and enjoy the feeling, baby girl. I am going to taste every inch of you.” As Phillip whispered those words in my ears, I shivered.

 

I let myself get swept away by sensation. I moaned his name over and over. When he finally took me, I was trembling in anticipation. There was no gentleness in his touch. He dug his hands into my flesh so hard I knew it would leave marks. I didn’t care, I just needed him to possess me. I screamed when he told me come, and he finally spent himself inside of me.

 

After catching his breath, Phillip had us take a quick shower. He combed my hair, and had me put on my heavy, stripper makeup. I tried to ask why, but he shushed me and said the night was still young.

 

“Here baby, this is one of your little outfits from the club. I want to see you dance for me again.” Phillip’s tone was soft but commanding.

 

I dressed in what he had picked out. I obediently followed Phillip into the living room. I stood near the sofa while Phillip went and turned on the stereo. Logain sat staring at me. I started to gain some of my faculties back, and things weren’t making much sense. Phillip wanted me to dance, for he and Logain? I got scared again. This was wrong, I didn’t want to do this. It felt demeaning. Think, I needed to think. Run, Hawke, run was all that got through.

 

I made it to the elevator, and luckily it was ready to go. Before Phillip and Logain could reach me the doors closed. I started to freak out. My mind felt like it was splitting in half. Part of me wanted to crawl back to Phillip and beg for forgiveness, help, anything. The other half kept pushing me to get to the Hanged Man. Varric would help me, I hoped.

 

The doors opened in the garage. I stepped out and saw half a dozen guards. They obviously had been alerted to my escape. I tried to run, but the boots Phillip had me wear were far from practical. I was captured in just a few seconds.  

 

As the elevator neared the Penthouse, I started to shake. I loved Phillip, why did I run? I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. The doors opened, and Logain hauled me out. As soon as the doors shut, he dragged me to where Phillip was sitting on the sofa, and forced me to my knees in front of him.

 

Phillip stared at me, sipped his drink and said nothing. I started to fidget underneath his gaze. I felt myself starting to panic again. If I panicked, it meant more lyrium. I was frightened by lyrium. It was a dangerous drug. Lyrium addiction usually led to death. I didn’t want to end up one of those strung out people that got found in an alley after overdosing.

 

I focused on the floor, and took deep calming breaths. “Noire? You still with me baby?”

 

I raised my eyes to meet Phillip’s. He looked sad, and maybe a bit tired. Guilt flooded my mind. Why was I so determined to hurt this man? Phillip Vael had been nothing but a gentle and loving partner.

 

“Phillip? I’m so confused. Why did you want me to dress like this?” My voice sounded so timid.

 

“Sweet fucking Andraste! Phillip, you must have some strange tastes to want a lunatic. By the way, thanks for my hand, Noire, it looks and feels fantastic.” Logain’s voice dripped with contempt and sarcasm.

 

Phillip gave me a pained smile. “Oh my beautiful baby girl. I didn’t dress you like that. We made love, and I fell asleep when you were showering. Do you remember scratching Logain to get to the elevator?”

 

“Wait, what? I, that’s not right. I didn’t want the lyrium, and you had Logain hold me down to inject me. Didn’t you?” My head was hurting; could I have imagined it?

 

“Noire, I didn’t shoot you up with lyrium! I have it in pill form. I don’t even want you to take it, it’s too addictive! Maker preserve me!” Phillip’s hand shook as he took a long pull from his drink.

 

Logain sat down and sighed, “Phil, not that it’s my business, but I think Noire could use about a month in the loony bin. You scratched me, you fucking wild cat, when you came out dressed like a hooker saying you wanted to go dance tonight.”

 

“Maybe you’re right, Logain. She’s been home a few hours and is delusional again!” Phillip looked at me and sighed.

I looked at my arm, there was an obvious injection mark, several obvious injection marks. I felt a shadow close around my heart. I put my arm down, and started to shake. It looked like I had been shooting lyrium regularly. I tried to hide the track marks. I was terrified at what Phillip would think.

 

“Noire? Baby? What is it?” Phillip reached out and I pulled away. “Logain, help me look at her arm!”

 

Logain rose, and lifted me to my feet. He held my arm out for Phillip to examine. Phillip gasped and traded an indecipherable look with Logain.

 

Phillip hugged me, and then had me sit next to him. “Baby girl, how long?”

 

“How long? I don’t know what you mean. Please, what’s happening to me?” I grasped his hand, and let my tears fall.

 

“Fucking, Maker, Phillip! She’s an addict, look at her! Go to the low quarter and she’s dressed like any two sovereign whore walking the strip! Are you certain you were the first man to touch her? Did you even get her tested? It’s obvious she’s been shooting lyrium for some time. You know how desperate those people get, she’s probably shared needles with Maker knows how many scumbags!” Logain shook his head, and glared at me like I was dirt.

 

Every person has a breaking point. The point where one either collapses and gives up, or they get pissed off. Logain’s words pushed me to that point. I might be delusional, I may have attempted suicide, but one thing I knew in my heart, I had never taken drugs. I had barely tasted alcohol before Phillip. I looked down and hid my expression. I wanted to catch Logain off guard. That fucker was going to hurt.

 

“Phillip?” I kept my voice soft and respectful.

 

Phillip squeezed my hand, and stroked my hair, “What is it baby girl?”

 

“May I please get some water? Dr. Sampson said I needed to ask you before I do anything.” I keep that same soft tone.

 

My humility earned me a kiss on the cheek. “Yes, baby girl, you may go get some water.”

 

I walked into the kitchen in slow, calm manner. I heard Logain railing about the evils of dating a drug addict. Phillip was trying to decide if I should go to rehab. I got my bottle of water, and grabbed a small knife from the knife block. The fact Phillip bought the fancy water in glass bottles gave me an idea. I needed to disable Logain before I could cut his heart out.

 

I walked back and went over to Logain. “Flaming tits, is she going to offer me a blow job for some lyrium?”

 

That was all I needed to hear. I slammed the glass bottle against his head as hard as I could. Logain fell on the floor, stunned from the blow. I straddled his chest, grabbed his hair with one hand, and lifted the knife to his jugular with the other. He was smart enough to realize I would slit his throat.

 

“What the fuck?!? Get this cunt off me!” Logain was almost as angry as I was.

 

“I am neither a whore nor a drug addict! It may be too fine a point for you to grasp, but if you ever call me a whore again, I will kill you. I may be crazy, but I love Phillip more than my own life. You think it matters what I do now? Do you honestly think Phillip would let me go to prison?” I pressed the knife down until it broke the skin.

 

Phillip grasped my arm, “Noire, baby? Come on sweetie, please, drop the knife. I know you’re angry, just try to calm down. I don’t know what you thought you heard, but Logain is my most trusted friend and ally. He wouldn’t dare insult you in front of me. I love you so much, please, baby girl, let him go.”

 

I let Phillip help me up, but I kicked Logain in the groin to emphasize my displeasure. “That was for calling me a cunt!”

 

Logain grunted, but managed to keep from crying out. He got up slowly and sat in the chair. My eyes never left him as Phillip took the knife from my hand, and led me to the sofa.

 

Phillip started rubbing my shoulders, and neck. I closed my eyes and let myself start to relax. I couldn’t believe I had just attacked Logain. As the anger subsided, guilt rushed in. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing. I didn’t notice Logain stand and walk toward me and Phillip.

 

I was yanked to my feet without warning. Logain punched me in the stomach so hard he knocked the wind out of me. Before I could crumble to the floor, Logain wrapped an arm around my waist and grabbed my wrist. He forced my arm out so the track marks were visible.

 

“You may not be an addict now, Cunt. But you will be.” Logain’s voice oozed malice.

 

Phillip casually pulled out another syringe and injected me. I don’t know what was in it. I passed out before I could even comprehend what had happened.

 

I came around and it was still dark, or maybe I had slept a full day. My head was fuzzy, and I felt sick. I staggered out of bed, and into the bathroom. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet, and began vomiting. I couldn’t stop. It soon turned into dry heaves. I slid to the floor, and my body started seizing. I knew I was going to die.

 

I heard the door of the bedroom slam open. I couldn’t speak, as Phillip ran in and knelt down next to me. He told me not to close my eyes. I heard him shout at Logain to get the overdose kit.

 

“Baby girl, Maker, please! Don’t die Noire, don’t die. I love you too much to lose you.” Phillip sounded shaken. “LOGAIN, I need the fucking kit NOW! SHE’S GOING TO DIE!”

 

I heard footsteps and then a gasp, “Fucking Maker! Get her on her back! I need to penetrate her sternum!”

 

I felt Phillip grab me as I stopped breathing. I saw him crying as everything went grey. Technically, I did die. My heart stopped, my eyes went blank. I had no awareness of anything. It was the kit that prevented me from staying dead.

 

I was in and out of consciousness. I vaguely recall Sampson coming to check on me. Phillip was always near, holding my hand, caressing my hair.

 

I opened my eyes, and it was day. Phillip had his arm around me and was asleep. I hurt all over. My head was pounding, like I had drunk an entire bottle of vodka. Nausea hit me hard.

 

“Phillip, Phillip? I think I’m going to be sick.” My voice was so raspy it barely registered sound. 

 

I made my body move, which was not the brightest idea. My limbs weren’t cooperating, and I rolled out of bed. Crawling was my best option if I didn’t want throw up on the floor.

 

Phillip felt me fall, and was out of bed almost instantly. “Baby girl, are you ok?”

 

“I think I am going to be sick, get me to the bathroom!” I went limp as Phillip carried me to the commode. 

 

I once heard my Father say, “You know it’s true love when your partner can hold your hair while you vomit.” Phillip held my hair and never flinched. I didn’t have anything in me, so I was done quickly. I shuddered when it ended. I was so sore. Every muscle screamed when I tried to move.

 

“What do you need baby girl?” Phillip’s voice was nurturing.

 

I shuddered again before answering, “I can barely move. Would you help me soak in the tub?”

 

“Anything, Noire. Anything you want.” He kissed the top of my head and prepared a bath.

 

We didn’t speak. I just let him cradle me as the hot water soothed my aching body. I think I fell asleep. I was roused by Phillip humming and washing my hair.

 

I felt so much better as I dried off. Phillip wanted to dry me himself, wanted me to sit, wanted me to wear something warm. I had never seen him so insecure.

 

“Love, please, go get dressed. I am fine.” I smiled and he smiled back, with tears in his eyes.

 

I decided I wanted to look less like a ghost. I did minimal makeup, and braided my hair in two longs braids down each side of my face. Phillip came in and hovered as I brushed my teeth. I noticed a large bruise on my chest. I couldn’t imagine what I had done.

 

“Phillip, really, I am ok. You don’t need to worry so much.” My heart swelled with love for this gentle soul.

 

I turned and hugged him. Phillip clutched me like he was going to lose me.

 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I failed you. You died! You died in my arms, and the Maker gave you back to me! I can’t lose you, promise me, I’ll never lose you!” He was shaking, and I was at a loss.

 

I racked my brain, images flashed, but nothing was clear. “I, I am not quite sure what happened, love. Forgive me for worrying you. I love you with every fiber of my being! I swear, I am yours, now and for all eternity.”

 

He pulled back and kissed me breathless. Stupid, I was so damn stupid. Although his emotions were real, when I said I remembered nothing, and apologized, I sealed my fate. I handed him all the ammunition to keep me confused, and dependent upon him.

 

We broke apart and Phillip gazed deep into my eyes. “You are so perfect.” He caressed my cheek. “Baby girl, my baby girl. I have waited a lifetime for you. It doesn’t matter what I have to do, I will not fail you again.”

 

“Phillip, you haven’t failed me! Love, you have been my Champion, my Hero, my Savior. I thank Andraste and the Maker every day for the gift that is you. I can’t wait to belong to you completely, to become your wife. I can think of no greater honor, no better gift, than marrying you.” I laid my hand on his cheek and felt his tears.

 

“Noire, my darling girl, would you like to get married sooner? I am certain Justinia would give her blessing. Would you like that?” Phillip’s voice was watery and he looked scared of what my answer would be.

 

I threw my arms around his neck, “Yes, yes! I just have one request. May I design my wedding dress?”

 

Phillip laughed, it was such a beautiful sound, “Anything baby girl, anything!”

 

We hugged each other, and relished this happy moment. For the first time, since my Father died, I felt joy. I would be a wife soon; I was ecstatic.


	18. Proof of Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire gets a view of her issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MENTAL TORTURE

** Chapter 18 **

Proof of Insanity

 

It was tough dressing; my muscles were tender due to the seizure I lived through. I moved slowly as I pulled out some clothes. I decided against all black for a change. I had Phillip help me into an emerald green bra and panty set. A matching low cut sweater, and some comfy jeans. I needed a belt as I hadn’t put on enough weight to fill them out again.

 

I refused Phillip’s offer to carry me, I was getting sick of being a near invalid. Pain was secondary to my determination that I was going to get healthy and stay healthy. I didn’t think I could take another episode of anything dramatic. I heard movement in the kitchen as I curled up on the couch and looked at the fire. Phillip sat next to me, and pulled me up so my head was in his lap. He lightly stroked my face, neck and shoulders. I closed my eyes and relaxed. His touch was so soothing.

 

Sebastian came out of the kitchen, “Noire, would you like something to eat?”

 

“Do you have any soup? I don’t think I could keep anything else down.” I opened my eyes and smiled at Seb.

 

“I do! Would you like cream of potato, or lobster bisque?” Sebastian asked.

 

“Cream of potato is great, thank you.” I closed my eyes again and sank into Phillip’s loving caresses.

 

The elevator opened and Logain walked in. I looked at him and saw a large bruise around his left eye, and cheek. There was also a thin scratch on his neck. He stopped, looked me over, then sat down.

 

“Logain, what happened to you? Are you ok?” I was afraid there had been an attempt on Phillip’s life he hadn’t told me about.

 

“Phillip, she seriously doesn’t remember?” Phillip shrugged as Logain scoffed. “Noire, you gave me this lovely shiner, and threatened to kill me. It was oh so fun, thank you.”

 

Sebastian came in carrying a tray for me. “Logain, that’s not fair and you know it! There was no way Father could predict Noire would suffer such an adverse reaction to the medication Sampson prescribed.”

 

I forced myself to sit up, “I, I did that to you? Maker, I am so sorry! I’ve never been violent with anyone in my life! Phillip, what happened? I, I see flashes, but I really don’t remember much besides talking to Sebastian after dinner.”

 

“It’s not important, baby girl.” Phillip held my hand but wouldn’t meet my eyes.

 

Everyone jolted when Sebastian slammed my tray on the coffee table, spilling my soup. “Father! Enough! You owe Noire the truth! She died, as in actually died because of what that hack of a Doctor gave her. It is only by the Maker’s grace you and Logain saved her!”

 

I raised a hand to my chest, and felt the bruise as I pressed slightly. “Why do I have this bruise on my chest? Phillip? Please! I am so tired of not remembering things. I don’t think I can handle any secrets right now.”

 

Sebastian cleaned up the mess he made, as Phillip went and poured a drink. No one spoke. The atmosphere in the room became heavy with unspoken emotions.

 

“Father, I can’t imagine how you are feeling, but it’s not your fault. Please, tell her the truth. A bad reaction can happen to anyone taking new medication. Sampson didn’t bother to check the side effects, there was no way you could predict what happened.” Seb’s voice was softer, and full of comfort.

 

Sebastian sighed and sat down. He put his head in his hands, and it sounded like he was whispering the Chant.

 

“For the Maker’s sake, Seb. Could you stop being so devout for five fucking minutes!” Logain sounded frustrated.

 

“Stop! Everyone just stop! Don’t you understand? I gave her the meds. It’s my fucking fault! MINE!” Phillip shoved the entire crystal decanter set off the bar.

 

Before any of us could react, Phillip stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door. It sounded like he was crying as he passed me.

 

“I’ll clean it up. Sorry Sebastian, I was out of line.” Logain stood and began dealing with the shattered glass and spilled alcohol. “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen, Noire. I apologize for my remarks.”

 

Sebastian stood, “I’ll go check on him.”

 

“No, Sebastian. Thank you, but I’ll go. He feels guilty for what he thinks he did to me. I am the only one that can alleviate that guilt. I’ll eat when I am done, I promise.” I gave a small smile to Seb before going after Phillip.

 

I opened the door, and found Phillip sitting on the end of the bed. His faced showed signs of fatigue. He looked so lost and alone. I went over and sat next to him. He turned his face away from me.

 

I lightly ran my fingers up his neck and into his hair. I gently massaged his scalp. Phillip slowly relaxed.

 

“That feels good, Noire. I should be comforting you, though.” Phillip finally turned his eyes to me.

 

The pain I saw in his look made me so sad. “Phillip Vael, you hold too much inside. You see to everyone else’s needs but your own. A person can’t live like that for very long before they get run down. Before I consent to be your wife, you have to promise me something.”

 

His look turned fearful when it looked like there was a chance I wouldn’t marry him. “You have to talk to me. No more secrets. Most of the time I feel worthless, because I am not able to be strong for you. I know you are trying to protect me, that is a natural reaction to have for someone you love. But, if I am to be there for you, I need to be able to share your burdens. Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix everything, but I can listen. I want to help and comfort you. Please, don’t shut me out. I love you. I love you more than you could guess. Let me be there for you.”

 

He reached out and pulled me into his arms. He buried his face in my neck, and broke down. I stroked his hair, rubbed his back, and let him cry. I started softly singing to him. A song I had written right after my Father died. He stopped sobbing, and started to calm down. When I had finished singing he sat up.

 

“Noire, that was beautiful. I’ve never heard that song before, what was it?” Phillip’s eyes were red, but he looked like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

 

“I wrote that when my Father died. It’s my way of dealing with emotions.” I smiled at him.

 

Phillip leaned in and gave me a light kiss. This time I deepened it. I pushed him back on the bed, and straddled him. I didn’t do anything but kiss him, Phillip clung to me, and for once he was the one whispering my name. After a few minutes, I pulled back and looked at him. I caressed his face, touched his lips.

 

“You are the most kind and loving person I have met, besides my Father.  I desire nothing more than to become Mrs. Vael, but, will you let me be the wife I want to be?” I looked in his eyes and waited.

 

“Yes, I promise. No more protecting you, by keeping things to myself. I, I will tell you everything that has happened, but tomorrow. I am tired, and upset. Please, baby girl, give me tonight to calm down.” Phillip wrapped a hand in my hair and pulled me in for another kiss.

 

“Tomorrow then. Come, you need to eat just as much as I do. Besides, I’m afraid Sebastian and Logain may start arguing again. They’ve been left alone too long.” We both laughed.

 

This time I led Phillip out, and Sebastian smiled. “Seb, would you fix me a plate? Seems my bride to be thinks I need to eat. I apologize for my outburst. Noire and I need time alone tomorrow. Would you both rearrange my various meetings?”

 

“Of course, Father.” Sebastian went to prepare Phillip a plate, and reheat my soup.

 

Logain nodded, “You got it, boss. I, uh, I’m sorry. You know I am not good with words. I was out of line. It won’t happen again”

 

“It’s fine, Logain. I know how you are. Besides, I think Noire can handle herself.” Phillip smiled at me, and kissed my hand.

 

I didn’t say much as the three men talked. It was awkward at first, but soon everyone relaxed. I finished most of my soup, and didn’t feel ill. I feel asleep leaning on Phillip. I briefly woke up being carried to bed, but I was out as soon as I was under the covers.

 

I woke late, and Phillip was looking at me. He smiled and kissed me. I put my arms around his neck, and tried to guide him on top of me.

 

“No, baby, I am afraid I am going to hurt you. You have been through a lot the past couple of days.” Phillip kissed my forehead and got up.

 

I let him shower alone, lost in my thoughts. My brain started telling me to look at my arm. I examined it, and I saw remnants of needle marks. A barrage of memories hit me. I sat up, and tried to sift through everything. I did remember braining Logain, and threatening to kill him. I just didn’t know why. Phillip injected me, with something. Lyrium? I bit my lip in concentration.

 

It is the most frustrating thing to have memory gaps. I had too many since my Father died. Even more since I had been with Phillip. I closed my eyes and focused. Fear hit me. Phillip, Phillip had done this. He had injected me. How many things were real, and how many were lies. Could I trust him?

 

I needed to talk to someone besides Lord Vael. I knew I loved Phillip, but love wasn’t trust. I would see what he had to say. He came out and I was still lost in thought.

 

“Are you alright, baby girl?” Phillip came and sat next to me.

 

I looked up and tried to smile, “I want to say yes, but I would be lying.”

 

Phillip wouldn’t let me turn my head away. “What’s wrong? Please, tell me. I have been thinking about what you asked of me last night, to be open with you. I will, but, baby girl, please don’t start shutting me out.”

 

“I have, pieces of memory. They don’t make much sense. I’m scared, Phillip.” It was all I could get out.

 

“I’m scared too, baby girl. I, I will tell you everything, but this is my fault.” Phillip kissed my hand before continuing. “I am so afraid of losing you when I tell you what happened. I deserve it, you leaving me. I’ll go, I’ll go make coffee.”

 

Phillip stood and left before he showed me anymore emotion. I sighed and made my way to the shower. I was achy, but I felt so much better. I took time with my appearance. Mostly to mitigate my emotional turmoil. I needed to be in control of my faculties. When I walked out, Phillip was staring out the window, sipping his coffee.

 

I sat on the sofa, and picked up the other cup of coffee. I was hungry so I grabbed one of the pastries. I managed to drink the cup, eat, and Phillip still hadn’t turned around. It became obvious he was going to ignore me, so I got up and went to the piano.

 

I played the song I had sung to him the night before. That seemed to rouse Phillip from his introspection. When I finished I saw he had sat down. He gave me a half smile, and I walked back to my spot.

 

“Love, you don’t have to sit across from me. Please, come here.” I waited while Phillip reluctantly moved next to me.

 

I took his hand, and gently rubbed it. I gave him time to steel his nerves to look at me.

 

“When the assassination attempt happened in Orlais, I had security cameras installed. They aren’t great, but they have to do, until the better ones are shipped from Antiva. I am going to show you what happened after Sebastian left. Please save any questions until you watch the whole recording.” Phillip grabbed my hand so hard it almost hurt.

 

Phillip has had cameras all along. I inhaled sharply and tried to quell the fear that passed through me. I glanced at Phillip; I could tell he was nervous. Finally, I would get some memories back. The tape showed us going to bed. Phillip fast forwarded until it showed him exit. I was following him wearing one of my stripper outfits. I was confused. Logain stared at me like I was crazy. Phillip sat down, and the tape showed me running to the elevator.

 

The view changed to the garage, and how Phillip’s guards had to escort me back. Logain may have handled me a bit rough, but I didn’t look like I was being very cooperative. There was no sound, but I saw how upset Phillip was. Not angry, worried.

 

I saw myself glance at my arm, and try to hide something. Phillip reached for me and I pulled away. Logain held out my arm and Phillip saw the needle marks. There was a bit of conversation. Logain looked pissed, Phillip looked very worried.  I said something to Phillip then went into went in the kitchen.

 

I was mortified to see I grabbed a knife after getting a bottle of water. The video showed me walk out and attack Logain unprovoked. Phillip talked me down from killing him and escorted me back to the sofa. I saw him motion Logain over. I was grabbed and Logain grasped me around the waist. Phillip pulled out a syringe and injected me. I passed out and Logain carried me into the bedroom.

 

The video showed Phillip run into the bedroom about an hour later. He switched it off. It didn’t occur to me Phillip had doctored the tape to cast me in the worst light and hide Logain hitting me.

 

If anyone had ever told me I could be that violent, I would’ve called them a liar. I stared at the floor and didn’t speak. Some part of me had hoped, prayed, that I wasn’t as mentally ill as the video showed. Seeing what I had the capability to do unnerved me. I couldn’t speak or look at Phillip

 

“I ran in when I heard you get sick. You were overdosing on the drug I injected you with. You died in my arms. Logain was the son who revived you. It was entirely my fault. That medicine was to be used only as a last resort. Sampson had used it before, so I didn’t think it would hurt you. When I blame myself, it’s because I am the one who gave you the shot.” Phillip’s voice dropped to a whisper as he finished.

 

I didn’t bother answering. I stood up and left Phillip alone.


	19. Sampson Exits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip reveals Sampson's true nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUICIDE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, LIGHT S&M

** Chapter 19 **

Sampson's Exit

 

 

I got up and entered to the bedroom. I went to the closet and packed a bag with only items I owned before I met Phillip. I was shaking and tears were stinging my eyes. I shook my head, took a deep breath and forced my self-pity down. Seeing what I had tried to do showed me I had to leave. I refused to place anyone else in danger. What if I attacked Phillip when he slept?

 

I removed my engagement ring and left it on the dresser. I had no money, no home, but I refused to endanger the man I loved. I walked out and headed to the elevator.

 

Phillip watched me as I prepared to leave. “Baby girl, you’re, are you leaving me?”

 

“Yes. I can’t risk hurting you. If I could attack Logain like that, what’s to say I wouldn’t attack you? I love you too much to put you in that danger. I’m sorry, Phillip. I left my ring on the dresser.” I couldn’t look at him.

 

I heard him come up behind me as the elevator arrived. He touched my shoulder. I wouldn’t look at him.

 

“Please, baby girl. Don’t leave. I am not afraid of you. Logain, he is very blunt. He yelled at you, I think that’s why you attacked him. If I believed you were dangerous to me, I would’ve left you in the Hospital. Noire, I love you! I can’t lose you!” Phillip dropped to his knees and grasped my hand. “Please, baby, please. I am begging you, stay!”

 

I looked down and my heart melted. Phillip looked crushed at the prospect of my walking out. I ran my fingers in his hair.

 

“Phillip, I, I am terrified of hurting you! I can’t risk it.” I tried to leave, but Phillip threw his arms around my waist.

 

“Noire, please! Don’t go. You have never been a danger to me! I’ll do whatever it takes to help you get healthy. But, please, Noire, don’t leave me!” He rested his face on my stomach and cried.

 

I lifted his chin, “Phillip, I’ll stay on one condition. If I ever attack you, you must take any means necessary to keep from getting hurt. If you can do that, I’ll stay.”

 

“I will do as you ask. Even if what I have to do brings me pain. Are you going to leave me?” His eyes betrayed just how fearful he was of my leaving.

 

“No, I will stay.” I said a silent prayer to the Maker asking him to prevent me from ever harming this wonderful man.

 

 

Phillip stood and lifted me in his arms. He kissed me while carrying me to the bedroom. He tossed me on the bed and suggested I take off my clothes. I don’t know what came over me. I just liked the commanding tone he adopted. I decided to see if I could get Phillip to be more dominant.

 

“Why don’t you make me?” I leaned back and smirked at him.

 

Phillip raised an eyebrow as he undressed. “Make you? Baby girl, are you certain you want me to Dom you?”

 

I smiled, “Well, only if you think you can. Otherwise, I’ll take a nap.”

 

I rolled over and closed my eyes. I heard Phillip finish undress and climb on the end of the bed. His hand grasped my ankle and tugged on it. I didn’t move, just pretended I was sleeping. Phillip crawled up and caressed my face. I still didn’t acknowledge him. He twined his fingers in my hair, and pulled. I opened my eyes to see Phillip staring at me intently.

 

“Are you certain you want this? Once I start, there will be no stopping until I decide to stop. Be very sure of your answer, baby girl.” He yanked my hair hard to emphasize the point.

 

“I am yours.” Words that granted Phillip permission to force me to do his bidding.

 

It was exciting for him to control me. Phillip wouldn’t let me orgasm. He pushed me to the edge many times, but refused to let me finish. After reducing me to desperate pleading, he smiled and said no. Phillip then had me use my mouth to satisfy him. Finally, he made me beg for what seemed an eternity before I was allowed to scream from pleasure.

 

As we lay in each other’s arms he spoke, “That was amazing, baby! Anytime you want to play like that, I’m game.”

 

I just smiled and hugged him tighter. I kissed his chest, and his neck. I worked my way up and claimed his mouth. Despite only taking a short breather, Phillip was ready to go again. He guided me on top of him, and let me set the pace. I took my time, savoring every second of pleasure. I kissed him passionately as we both finished. We caught our breath, and fell asleep holding each other.

 

A few hours later we woke, showered and Phillip warmed up some leftovers. I snuggled against him on the sofa, and we watched a romantic movie. I fell asleep, rom-coms were not a favorite of mine. I was roused by the sound of Phillip’s phone.

 

“Understood. Tell the press no comment. Did you get all the files removed?... Good. Monday. Pick up Sebastian and come over. Yes, tonight. No… No… Don’t let him talk to the media. See you soon.” Phillip hung up and sighed.

 

“What’s wrong, love?”

 

“Sampson is dead. He killed himself yesterday. Logain knows someone in the police department, and they said Sampson was a big time drug dealer. His operation had been discovered and the Doctor was looking at some serious jail time. Seems my trust in him was not well placed. The shot I gave you was one Sampson had prepared. He’s lucky he killed himself, or I would’ve done it for him.” Phillip’s look had turned hard and cold.

 

“Phillip, love. Don’t say that. You’re a good man, I know what happened wasn’t your fault.” I ran my fingers in his hair, and he grabbed my wrist, firmly.

 

Phillip turned his gaze to me, and his look was pure rage. “If anyone, and I mean anyone ever causes you harm, or touches you, I will kill them. You are mine, Noire, mine. Nothing and no one will come between us again.”

 

“Phillip, please, you’re hurting me.” I was trying not to panic.

 

“Baby girl, don’t be frightened. Just promise me, you will never threaten to leave me again. Tell me I’ll be the only man you’ll ever touch. Tell me, you only desire me.” Phillip’s voice was soft, yet deadly.

 

I met his eyes, “I swear by the Maker, I only want you. May the Maker strike me down if I betray or try to leave you again. I am yours, love. Now and always.”

 

Phillip released my arm and crushed me to him. He kept saying I was his over and over. I began to wonder if he had some issues he needed to deal with. He finally released me.

 

“Noire, I need to go to Orlais on Monday. Justinia would like you to join me. She wants to make sure you’re feeling better. Your, ah, episode was picked up by the media, so she knows you attempted suicide. I tried to cover it up, but failed. I’m sorry.” Phillip rubbed my arm, and I shuddered at having to explain that incident to Aunt D.

 

I glanced up and shrugged, “It’s ok, love. Aunt D was bound to find out anyway. Just don’t leave me alone with her again. I don’t want her asking too many questions.”

 

“What do you mean, Noire? I heard the conversation, it didn’t sound like the Divine asked anything.” Phillip studied me as I formed a careful answer.

 

“It wasn’t when we were in Orlais. It was the morning you asked her for permission to marry me. She was fairly blunt.” I stared at the floor and hoped he’d drop the conversation.

 

Phillip pulled me into his lap. “Baby girl, please tell me. I promise I won’t get angry. Justinia is a kind and protective woman. What scares you enough that you want to avoid spending quality time alone with her?”

 

“She asked me if I was certain I wanted to be with you. D then said she was concerned because she had been told you had mistreated your wife and that’s why your wife left you. Aunt D made me promise to tell her if you ever hurt me. She said she would save me from you. I gave her my word that I would let her know if you laid a hand on me.” I buried my face in Phillip’s chest and let him massage my tense neck.

 

“I see. Well, I can understand your hesitance at trying to explain your illness. Justinia may try to blame it on other factors. I won’t leave you alone, baby.” Phillip kissed my hair and just held me.

 

Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered if you had chosen your words more carefully, certain misunderstandings or events wouldn’t have happened? I did, and what I had to admit to myself was devastating. My words to Phillip seemed innocent enough. But it started a chain of events that got a lot of innocent people killed, and cost me my adoptive Mother.

 

I fell asleep in Phillip’s arms until Logain and Sebastian entered. They sat down and filled us in on all that had gone on with Dr. Sampson. Phillip clung to me like I was going to disappear. I closed my eyes and tuned out most of what was said. I didn’t like Sampson, and I was relieved I wasn’t going to have to see him again.

 

The Hanged Man was still closed, but the little group felt meeting twice a week was a must. The sacrifice Varric made in losing a ton of revenue touched me when I found out.

 

Each time they met, Dorian would give updates as to my health. Dorian let Sebastian preach the Chant to him because then Seb would confide to him how worried he was about my safety. In the almost two weeks since I had been admitted to the Psych Ward, Sebastian had ended up revealing enough information for Anders to know what he was up against.

 

Lelianna took the information gleaned, and was in the process of trying to arrange kidnapping Dr. Sampson. It was in the midst of that discussion Cullen noticed the breaking news.

 

“Guys, shush. Something about Sampson.” Cullen and the rest watched with great interest.

 

“This is Elissa Cousland. We have breaking news about Dr. Raleigh Sampson, the Psychiatrist that has been treating Lord Vael’s fiancé for depression. The Doctor was found dead this evening. We will now go live to Alistair Therin who is outside Dr. Sampson’s home.” A blond man appeared on screen.

 

“Thank you, Elissa. As you can see the police are in the process of wrapping up the investigation, but Commander Aveline Valene has agreed to answer some questions.

Alistair: Commander, can you confirm it is Dr. Sampson?

Aveline: Yes.

Alistair: Were you able to determine the cause of death?

Aveline: Dr. Sampson died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the right temple.

Alistair: Do you an idea as to when he committed suicide?

Aveline: The coroner believes it happened sometime yesterday. We will give a more exact time after the autopsy is performed.

Alistair: Was there a suicide note?

Aveline: Not a note, but a video. We have just released it to all the news outlets.

Alistair: Thank you, Commander. Elissa, I will let you pick it up from here.”

 

“Thank you, Alistair. As a warning, we ask anyone who is sensitive to violence, or if you have children, please don’t watch for the next few minutes. The video is graphic, as it shows Dr. Sampson when he shot himself.” The Anchor waited a bit then the news played the video.

 

Everyone sat in stunned silence as the video showed a contrite Sampson begging the Maker and Andraste for forgiveness. The Doctor admitted to selling prescription medications illegally. He explained one of his clients died after taking the drug cocktail he prepared for them.

 

“I know suicide is a sin, but I can’t go to prison.” Sampson raised a gun, and shot himself.

 

“That will be the only time we show the video. We are reaching out to Lord Vael for comment, but so far we haven’t had a response.” The anchor paused, “Tomorrow is the event of the year in Starkhaven. The Senator’s Ball. The Nobles and Chantry Elite will be in attendance. Being that this is an election year for Chancellor, we expect it to be more exciting than ever. Dr. Anders is one of the hosts. Polls show Anders has a ten-point lead over his rival. If the Doctor is elected, he will be the first non-noble born Chancellor in sixty years. In other news, the Left Hand is traveling to Orlais next week to meet with the Divine. We have been assured there will be a joint statement issued from Lord Vael and Divine Justinia regarding the manhunt for the former Right Hand. There is also speculation a new Right Hand has been placed up for confirmation, but the Chantry and its representatives had no comment.”

 

A knife hit the center of the television and it turned off. “Firebrand, calm down. Sit, have a drink, and let’s figure out what to do next.”

 

“My apologies, Varric. It’s just that when I am close to getting information that I could leverage against Vael, the witnesses are murdered, commit suicide, or just disappear. My one last ally in the House of Repose was found dead in a brothel this morning.” Lelianna looked less murderous, but she kept pacing.

 

“Ok, Dorian, you said Sebastian told you Noire had track marks on her arm, and she nearly died from a lyrium overdose. What the fuck is this crap? Was Sampson secretly dosing her?” Anders was frustrated at not being able to predict the type of psychosis Phillip suffered from.

 

“I have no idea. Sebastian said Sampson was to blame for an incident with Noire. He wouldn’t tell me what Sampson did, but whatever happened was awful.” Dorian took a sip of his drink, as Zevran started rubbing his back.

 

“Ok, well, the ball will be the best chance we have for direct contact with Noire. I assume Vael is going, and bringing her. Dorian, I got you an invite. If you can, separate her from Phillip. I will try to speak to her. Is anyone else going?” Anders looked around the table.

 

“I am going as Logain’s date.” Isabella replied.

 

“Obviously, Zevran is my date.” Dorian winked at his new lover.

 

Varric downed his drink. “I am going, and taking Curly with me. Obviously, Firebrand has to stay here. So, I say we divide and try to conquer. Isabella can distract the Iceman. Dorian and Zevran, you two work on getting Hawke away from Vael. Anders, be careful not to antagonize the Lord. Curly, just back me up if shit goes south. Everyone agreed?”

 

All present nodded. Each person knew this may be the only chance to get Hawke alone. Just a few minutes might make a difference. It was a risk each was willing to take.


	20. The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire attends a Ball, and meets Anders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIOLENCE, MURDER

** Chapter 20 **

The Ball

 

“Baby girl?” I slowly blinked and gazed up at Phillip. “Oh, sweetheart, you fell asleep. Come, time for bed.”

 

I was barely aware we were alone. I wouldn’t let Phillip carry me, but I did let him help me get ready for bed. He wrapped me in his arms and I passed out knowing I was safe.

 

I heard voices, and stretched as I woke up. It was a little after nine am. I rose, and showered. When I walked out, I saw Sebastian and Logain chatting with Phillip. I sat down, grabbed a cup of coffee and a pastry.

 

“Good Morning, Noire. We were discussing the Senator’s Ball being held tonight.” Sebastian smiled at me.

 

Phillip turned a cold glare toward Seb, “I don’t think it would be wise for you to attend, baby girl. My son disagrees, as does Logain.”

 

“Phil, if the Nobility see how healthy she is, you can lay the Hospital stay at Sampson’s feet. He died in disgrace. This is the perfect opportunity to clear any unsavory gossip about Noire.” Logain sounded as cool as always.

 

“Father, I know you’ll be busy with Chantry matters tonight. I can keep Noire with me.” Sebastian was trying to calm Phillip’s fears.

 

“Love, Logain makes sense. You know how people look down on ones with any mental illnesses. If I go, and show everyone I am not crazy, the only damage done will be to a dead man’s reputation.” I took his hand and entwined our fingers.

 

Phillip sighed, “Fine. Sebastian, Logain, I hold both of you responsible for her safety.”

 

“Understood, Father.” Seb gave me an excited smile. “Noire, do you have an evening gown?”

 

“Uh, no.” I looked at my man.

 

“Go ahead and take her shopping, Seb. Logain and I need to go over security procedures. Baby girl, get something sexy. Price is no object. I want you to be the best dressed woman there. I am wearing all black with a royal blue bowtie and cummerbund.” Phillip leaned over and kissed me.

 

I ran and got some shoes and a purse. Sebastian escorted me out. I didn’t want to focus on the excitement I felt. If I looked at it closely, I would’ve seen I was excited to be away from Phillip for a while.

 

Sebastian called ahead to an upscale store so we could have a private fitting session. It was amazing to have that kind of deferential treatment. Added bonus was Seb. He wouldn’t want to control everything.

 

I tried on an array of dresses. Sebastian interjected his opinion if he thought the sexiness of the dress became too vulgar. I settled on a black number. It was a tight, mermaid style gown. The fabric was covered in black crystals so it twinkled as I moved. Although it was very low cut, there was sheer black netting that covered my arms and neck. My cleavage showed, but with the sheer covering it looked classy.

 

Sebastian suggested a pair of wedge shoes covered in the sparkly fabric. It was a smart decision. The wedges would mean I could stand all night without foot pain. He texted Phillip before informing the driver of our next stop. It was the jewelers.

 

“Seb, I don’t need any more jewelry.” I tried to refuse to go into the store.

 

Sebastian took my hand and pulled me behind him. He took his time. Seb chose the most amazing jewelry set. It was royal blue sapphires, and black tourmaline, set in platinum. As we left Phillip’s favorite jeweler we were both famished, so we stopped for a quick salad.

 

Once finished with accessories and food, we went to the most exclusive salon in Starkhaven. I got a Mani Pedi, and a massage. When that was done, I had a hair dresser put a few royal blue extensions in my hair. I had them leave it down, and accent the slight wave I had inherited from my father. Lastly, I had my cosmetics applied. It was glittery blue and black on my eyelids. Royal blue eyeliner, which made my eyes look even greener than normal. Best of all was burgundy lip stain. Now I could kiss my man without getting lipstick all over us. Sebastian insisted I buy all the makeup used in my session.

 

It was late when we arrived back at the penthouse. Phillip was dressed as was Logain.

 

“Baby girl, you look amazing and I haven’t seen your dress yet! Seb, your tux is in the guest bedroom. She looks fantastic, thank you, son.” I kissed Phillip on the cheek and went to change.

 

I refused Phillip’s request to help me. I dressed and added one final touch. I clasped the diamond body chain on for a fancy belt. I grabbed a plain, black satin clutch, and entered the living room.

 

Three sets of eyes turned to me. I knew my choices were good when all men gasped. Phillip held up a hand in a “wait there” motion. He ran in the bedroom and came out with the mink stole. I slung it over one shoulder as he stepped back.

 

Phillip took my picture with his phone. “Father, go stand next to her. I want a picture of you both!”

 

My man put his arm around my shoulders, and Seb snapped a picture of us gazing into each other’s eyes. Logain took Sebastian’s and Phillip’s phone and snapped one of all three of us. Sebastian was dressed identically to Phillip. Logain was a sea of black.

 

“We’ll meet you boys in the car.” Phillip said dismissively.

 

“If you’re going to nail her, make it quick, my Lord.” Logain ducked away from Seb’s slap as they entered the elevator.

 

Phillip studied me, and then dropped to one knee. “I should’ve asked you properly the first time. Noire Hawke, will you marry me?”

 

“Yes, a thousand times yes!” I managed to hold back the waterworks so my makeup didn’t get ruined.

 

Phillip kissed my hand, and slipped my engagement ring on. He stood and tenderly kissed me. After a few moments, he stepped back.

 

“I can’t wait to show you off, gorgeous!” Phillip took my hand and off we went.

 

We arrived at the Vael Family Event Center. There was naturally a ton of press, and regular people to see the arrival of the rich and famous. There was a long red carpet leading into the ball. My hands started to shake as our limo was next in line to pull up. Phillip grasped my hand, and squeezed.

 

“Noire, you look beautiful. Don’t be nervous. Father and I will be on each side of you as we walk the carpet. Ignore the press and smile.” Sebastian patted my knee.

 

“He’s right, baby girl. You have nothing to fear. Just smile and wave. We’ll be there, and if the press shouts out an ugly question pretend you didn’t hear it.” The door opened as Phillip finished.

 

Sebastian got out first, followed by Logain. Phillip stepped out, then reached for me. I clung to my love’s hand. I put on a smile and let Phillip guide us down the carpet.

 

Every few feet we stopped and turned toward the cameras for pictures. I was terrified the media was going to be nasty until several reporters asked if they could photograph me without the men.  Phillip and Seb grinned and stepped to the side. I ended up leading us in.

 

I had never seen such opulence before. The Grand Cathedral couldn’t even compare to the ballroom. Phillip led me to the upper balcony that had tables. One was reserved for the Vael Family. Sparkling wine was waiting. The four of us raised our glasses and took a sip.

 

“Baby, I promise to be as quick as I can. If I’m not back when the music starts, go ahead and dance with Sebastian. Logain, let’s get this meeting over with. Maker, I hate Anders. He’s going to be a pain to deal with if he’s elected Chancellor.” Logain followed Phillip while he kept up a dialog over the low class loser that was Anders.

 

“Well, my goodness! Sebastian, have you decided to date Miss Hawke instead?” Dorian sauntered up holding a very familiar looking blonde’s hand.

 

Seb blushed, and stammered, “N-no, naturally not. Dorian, you remember Noire.”

 

“How could I forget, she bled all over my overpriced jacket.” Dorian smirked at me then kissed my hand.

 

Before another word was said I threw my arms around Dorian’s dates neck. “Zev! Maker! I thought I’d never see you again!”

 

“How could I stay away from my favorite dancer?” Zevran hugged me tightly.

 

It took Sebastian clearing his throat several times before Zev released me. “Zev, you changed your number! I tried to call you, you jerk.”

 

“Ha, yes, well I was out of town briefly. My apologies, my Lady.” Zev did a mocking bow and I hit his arm.

 

We exchanged numbers while Dorian kept Seb occupied with questions about the Southern Chantry. Sebastian was happy to answer everything. A young woman came over and asked if she could talk to Seb for a moment.

 

“He’ll be right there, dearie.” Dorian waved the newcomer away. “Go on, Seb. I’ll watch this bird of paradise. Besides, you have much better wine than I do.”

 

Sebastian looked to me, unsure of what he should do. “It’s ok, Sebastian. It might send an unseemly message if you stay next to me all night instead of your Father. I’ll be fine. Just text me if you don’t see me.”

 

Seb smiled and excused himself.

 

 “Hawke, I have a surprise for you, come on!” Zev tried to grasp my hand.

 

I pulled it away, “Please don’t grab me in public Zev. Phillip won’t be pleased if I caused a scandal. I’ll follow you.”

 

I carried my glass and stayed a polite distance from Dorian and Zevran. Zev seemed upset. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings; I just didn’t want any rumors about me flirting with another man to spoil the evening.

 

Dorian held Zev’s hand to make it clear I was walking with an openly gay couple. I could’ve kissed Dorian for that. Zevran opened a side door that led to a dark balcony.

 

“Zev, it seems like you are going to rob me.” I laughed and looked at him.

 

“Hawke, just step outside. Please, for me. Dorian and I will make sure no one interrupts you. I promise, it’s a good surprise.” Zev’s look was full of pleading.

 

“Ok, five minutes If you see Phillip coming back before that, you have to let me know, and possibly play interference.” I was puzzled as to why Zev was so insistent I do this, but I did feel guilty for not contacting him for ages.

 

When the door shut behind me, the balcony was illuminated in only starlight. I took a deep breath. It smelled like Andraste’s Grace flowers. It was wonderful.

 

“Miss Hawke?” I froze, I recognized that voice. “Please, I mean no harm.”

 

The beautiful man from my abduction stepped out of the shadows. I couldn’t speak. He came close enough for me to smell his cologne. I was drawn to him, like before. His eyes were a deep gold color. I felt like I was drowning in them. He lifted my hand to his lips. That slight touch caused me sway.

 

He wrapped his arms around my waist to steady me. I noticed he was staring at me with a heated look. It was pure instinct I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. His lips met mine, and I gripped his shoulders. His lips were like velvet. I moaned and parted mine. He took advantage. I melted into his embrace. Anders held me so tight against his chest, I almost couldn’t breathe. It didn’t matter, I was lost to his touch.

 

I don’t know how long we kissed, but we were both shocked out of the moment by my phone. “Maker! Phillip is out of his meeting; I have to go.”

 

“Noire, contact me through Zevran. It is important I speak with you. You may be in danger. Varric, Cullen and Isabella are worried as well. Please, reach out to your friends. It would also be wise if you didn’t mention this encounter to your fiancé.” I nodded to Anders and ducked back inside.

 

Zevran squeezed my hand and disappeared into the crowd. Dorian hooked his arm in mine, handed me my glass and we slowly made our way back to the table. As we neared it, I saw Phillip scanning the room.

 

“Dorian! Did you see that tacky number Lady Stuck Up was wearing?” I giggled.

 

“I am going to go blind, Noire, blind! Next time, warn me before pointing out an abomination that hideous.” We casually walked up to Phillip and Logain.

 

“My Lord, Logain. We need to go shopping sometime, Miss Hawke. It’s been an age since I have had an acquaintance as catty as I am.” Dorian gave a flourished bow, and wandered after a handsome, married man.

 

Phillip looked at me in amusement, “So, instead of dancing, you roamed the ball grading people’s clothing?”

 

I blushed and took a sip of my drink. “I know, it’s mean. But, Dorian is so funny! He is such a snob, but in a good way.”

 

“Would you care to dance, baby girl?” Phillip held out his hand, and I took it.

 

We walked down to the floor and waited for the next song to begin. It was an Orlesian waltz. Phillip was a marvelous dancer. I was happy I had been taught to waltz by Aunt D, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to keep up with him. As the song ended, I was leaned back into a dip. Phillip kissed my neck before lifting me up.

 

I smiled at him, and noticed he was frowning in what appeared to be confusion. We started to make our way up the stairs, when we heard screams. I looked up and saw a group of armed men aiming guns at the entire ballroom.

 

“The Right Hand sends her regards!” Was shouted by the leader.

 

Bullets started to fly. Phillip grabbed me. He shoved me under a table, and dove after me. I heard Logain shouting orders, Phillip’s men returned fire. My fiancé pulled a gun from behind his back.

 

“Noire, stay here.” Phillip crawled out and I watched in horror as he fell when he got hit by one of the bullets.

 

“We got him! The Left Hand is down! Move, move, move!” I dove out and it looked like Phillip was dead.

 

I grabbed his gun and chased after the leader. “Stop! Stop or I will shoot!”

 

The Leader turned and laughed at me. I may have had to sell my gun to pay for my Father’s funeral, but I knew I could still shoot.

 

“Last chance, lay your weapon down.” I was pissed off.

 

“Fuck off, you high priced whore!” The man raised his gun and aimed.

 

I didn’t hesitate. I fired straight into his chest. As he started to fall, I ran back to Phillip. Logain had Phillip’s arm wrapped. More importantly, he was sitting up and alive. I dropped to my knees next to him.

 

“Thank the Maker! I thought you were dead! Logain, the Leader is down.” I gently touched my love’s face, as Logain left to check on the man I had shot.

 

Phillip placed his hand on mine, “Baby girl. I told you to stay put.”

 

I looked down to avoid the rebuke in his stare. “I, I know. I thought you were dead. If you died, it would kill me.”

 

“Noire, baby. This was just a mild graze. I didn’t move so they would think they had succeeded. If you hadn’t gotten lucky with a shot, you may be gone.” I finally made eye contact.

 

“Uh, actually Phil, I think Noire has been holding out on us.” Logain was watching me carefully as he walked back to us. “She grouped the shots better than I would have.”

 

“Noire?” Phillip was staring at me.

 

I sighed, “Until my Father died, I owned a nine millimeter hand gun. I had considered entering shooting competitions when I turned eighteen. Shooting a gun comes as naturally to me as music does. Shouldn’t we be leaving?”

 

“Yes, we should. The police will meet us at the Penthouse. We are going out the back way. There are a ton of injured and dead people towards the front.” Logain got Phillip to his feet, and we were escorted out by armed guards.

 

I was unaware of the pair of amber eyes that tracked my departure. “Blondie, come, we need to leave. I’m not exactly a legitimate business man, I want to avoid the cops.”

 

Varric, Cullen and Anders exited with Isabella in tow. Dorian and Zevran were already headed to the club.


	21. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip finds out Noire kissed another man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

** Chapter 21 **

Aftermath

 

 

Sebastian had been gotten out safely as the first shot rang out. He was in the Penthouse pacing as we arrived.

 

“Father! Noire! Thank the Maker and his Bride!” Seb hug me, and patted Phillip on the unhurt shoulder. “Do you need to go to the hospital?

 

“It’s a minor graze, son. Have you given a statement already?” Phillip was all business as he went and got himself a drink.

 

“Yes, Father.” Sebastian looked at me and I shook my head.

 

“Logain is giving our account, Noire. The security cameras show everything that happened, so there is no need to stress you out.” Phillip turned and gave me a strained smile.

 

“Thank you, love. Is there anything I can do for you?” I walked to him, and rested a hand on his chest.

 

Phillip grasped it, and leaned down for a kiss. “I’m good, baby girl. Seb, open a bottle of wine for Noire, please.”

 

Phillip guided me to the sofa, and put his arm around my shoulders. He nuzzled my neck, and nibbled my ear. I let out a quiet laugh.

 

“Love, that tickles” I started to giggle.

 

Phillip nipped my ear and then whispered, “Baby girl, why do you smell like another man’s cologne?”

 

His question caught me so off guard, I gasped before I could stop myself. I turned my head, and when I caught site of Phillip’s face, my heart fluttered in terror. Fortunately, Sebastian came in and handed me my wine. My hand trembled as I took the glass.

 

“Th-thank you, Sebastian.” I took a deep drink and stared at the floor trying to come up with a plausible excuse.

 

“Noire, are you ok? Father, she’s shaking! What happened after I was taken out?” Seb was worried at my state of mind.

 

Phillip turned a charming smile on his son, “This brave woman saw I had been shot, so she grabbed my gun and chased the leader of the terrorist group. Noire gave him every opportunity to surrender. When it was obvious he was going to kill her, Noire shot him to death. I think this is frayed nerves.”

 

Sebastian gazed at me in shock, “You killed one of the attackers?”

 

“I, uh, yes. I didn’t want to, but I had no choice. Maker forgive me, but all I could see was your Father laying on the floor. I thought he was dead. I couldn’t let that man get away.” I downed the rest of my wine, and Phillip refilled my glass.

 

By the time Logain finished helping the police, it was very late. Sebastian decided he should head home, and leave Phillip to comfort me. Logain informed me that I had been cleared of any wrong doing, and was going to be given a medal for bravery.

 

“Phil, I need to show you something.” Logain waited for Phillip’s decision.

 

My fiancé turned to me and gave me a small smile. “Noire, would you mind? Why don’t you change into that blue baby doll number? Leave your hair and makeup untouched.”

 

Logain cleared his throat, “You may want her to stay here.”

 

“I see. Noire, sit.” Phillip got a drink, poured me some wine and sat next to me.

 

Logain inserted a Blu-ray disc and switched on the television. I saw the ballroom. I was trailing behind Dorian and Zevran. The camera clearly showed me entering the balcony by myself. Logain fast forwarded the scene. It was just about fifteen minutes later I emerged. I saw Zevran grasp my hand briefly, then leave. Dorian took my arm and we walked out of view. The scene was fast forwarded about only a minute, and Logain paused the video.

 

“I found this next part to be simply fascinating.” He hit play.

 

It showed Anders exit the balcony, not long after I left. It didn’t take a genius to understand how damning the footage looked. Any normal person would assume that I had been close enough to Anders to get his scent on my skin. I closed my eyes, and shook my head. How could I have been so reckless.

 

Logain switched off the TV, grabbed a drink and waited for Phillip’s reaction. “Would you like me to leave, Phillip?”

 

“Not yet. I may need your expertise in body disposal.” Phillip’s tone was light, but his eyes betrayed his fury.

 

“Love? Phillip? You, I, you wouldn’t dare kill me!” I slid off the sofa.

 

I set my wine down and backed away. Phillip nodded to Logain and downed his drink. Logain rose and walked towards me. I knew escaping the Penthouse was impossible. Too many guards were downstairs. Logain wrapped a hand around my wrist. I barely pulled away and in a flash he had my arm twisted behind my back. I thought he was going to break it.

 

“Please, that video isn’t what it looks like! Phillip, he’s hurting me, make him stop!” I was fighting to control my hysterical reaction.

 

Lord Vael smirked as he stood and motioned for Logain to bring me to him. “You expect me to believe you were out on that balcony for fifteen minutes, alone with Anders, and you never touched him? The fact you have another man’s scent on you is coincidental? Tell me, baby girl, did you blow him or did you spread your legs like a common slut?”

 

My shoes slipped on the floor as I was resisting Logain’s efforts to move closer to Phillip. I finally just went limp and Logain cursed as he had to lift me up. I was thrown down at Phillip’s feet like a sack of garbage.

 

I looked up and Phillip had an eyebrow raised. “I’m waiting, baby girl. I have all night. Just know, the longer you take to tell me the truth, the worse things will be.”

 

“I had no idea Anders was on that balcony. Dorian and Zev knew I needed some air, and agreed to guard the door. I went out and was enjoying the stars. He, Anders, stepped out of the shadows. He introduced himself. I, I, didn’t do anything with him, I swear!” I turned my eyes away from Phillip.

 

Phillip reached down, grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. “Look at me!”

 

I complied, “Let me get this straight, Noire. You, the woman who promised no man but me would ever touch you, went onto that balcony for fifteen minutes with Anders and you offer no explanation as to why you smell of his cologne? Do you take me for a fool? Did you fuck him?!?”

 

I gulped and tried to tame his fury, “No. You should be able to tell that right? Check me, I didn’t fuck him.”

 

Logain hauled me to my feet so Phillip could rip off my dress. Standing in my unmentionables I closed my eyes as Phillip placed a hand between my legs to confirm Anders hadn’t sullied me. “Then why do you smell of him? Did you kiss him? Did you allow him to hold you? ANSWER ME!”

 

I said nothing. I kept my eyes closed and heard him pacing in front of me. It was the sound of his belt being removed that had me open them again. The second it was off, Phillip started whipping my stomach. I screamed in surprise, and agony. Logain held me still as Phillip struck me. Mercifully my face wasn’t touched. But my poor body soon had welts from my breasts to my knees.

 

I started shaking involuntarily so Phillip stopped. “One last chance, Noire. Tell me what you did or I will have you disposed of. Logain can back me up when I say a couple of my guards kidnapped you. Your body will be found in a dumpster. Starkhaven will mourn with me when the autopsy shows you were brutally raped before your death.”

 

Phillip’s phone rang before I could answer. “This is Lord Vael. Senator, I trust you weren’t hurt this evening? Good to hear. What about her? I see. Did you not recognize her? Oh… She did? Noire is quite the fighter. Thank you for calling. I’ll tell her. One last thing Anders, come near my fiancé again and they’ll never find your body.”

 

Phillip hung up. “That was the good Senator. Seems there was a misunderstanding. He apologizes for his lapse in judgement. Anders said you slapped him and tried to kick him in the groin. He attempted to kiss you and you fought back? Is that what happened?”

 

“Y-yes, Phillip.” I let myself cry, mostly in relief.

 

I silently thanked the Maker Anders called and talked to Phillip. I was confused as to why, but I was too grateful to care. Logain released me and I fell to my knees.

 

“Do you require me to stay?” Logain watched his boss.

 

“Yes, I’m not done questioning her.” Phillip rolled up his sleeves and looked down at me. “She’s lying. Anders said he kissed her. Not tried to kiss her, but kissed her. Now, why would my little girl keep lying if she weren’t a willing participant?”

 

Logain scoffed, “Do you need to even ask? Noire had to of kissed him back. If it was just a quick scuffle, the smell of that stupid patchouli oil he wears wouldn’t have transferred to her. Besides, they were out there for quite some time. He’s covering his own ass. The real question is obvious. What all did she and Anders do?”

 

Phillip let out a dark chuckle, “Noire, I gave you every opportunity to tell me the truth. Yet you chose to lie. Logain, we need to go for a drive. Clear the men from the garage, only you, me and this whore will be in the car. We’ll be down after we change.”

 

I struggled as Phillip jerked me to my feet, and shoved to the bedroom. He didn’t speak to me, just pulled out a pair of leggings, a t-shirt and threw them at me. Phillip changed in the closet. He came back and threw a pair of sneakers at me. My fiancé stood over me with his arms crossed as I put the shoes on. I didn’t fight as Phillip led me to the elevator.

 

Once we entered the garage, Logain had a black sedan waiting. Phillip climbed in the front passenger seat. Before I could open the back door, Logain rounded the car and had a gun leveled at me.

 

“Let’s do this the easy way, Miss Hawke. Put this on and use your teeth to tighten it.” I was tossed a set of zip tie cuffs.

 

I did as I was instructed. I was terrified, but I hoped if I was contrite and obedient Phillip wouldn’t kill me. Logain tested the tie, and then holstered his weapon. He pulled out a handkerchief and fastened it into a gag. The trunk popped open.

 

Logain guided me to the open space. I resisted a bit. After a short scuffle, Logain pulled his gun and held it to my temple.

 

“Now, Noire. Don’t make things worse. Get in willingly, and you may be shown mercy.” Logain’s tone made me shiver.

 

I climbed in, and the trunk was closed. Tears streamed down my face. I knew I was never coming back. Why did I kiss that man? The fact that Phillip made it clear I was going to be raped and murdered over a kiss gave me pause. How much of the recent events were actually set in place by Phillip? In that desolate, dark place, an awareness hit me. Lord Vael, was more than just powerful. He was deadly.

 

Anders had called Phillip due to a heated discussion at Varric’s club. What had seemed like a smart idea spawned by Leliana, actually made things worse. My friends had no idea what consequences I would face. In trying to protect me, they nearly got me killed. When I was told the whole story later, I ended up slapping Anders for being such a moron.

 

“Maker, what a cluster fuck!” Varric bluntly said as everyone entered.

 

“What happened?” Leliana asked.

 

“Curly, grab the other TV and hook it up. Should’ve at least listened to the radio, Firebrand. I’ll let you watch the news.” Varric brought several types of alcohol to the table.

 

It took only a few minutes for Cullen to get the new flat screen in place. It was switched on and the anchor was showing the venue surrounded by police.

 

“Tragedy struck tonight at the Senators Ball. A group of armed terrorists entered the event and began shooting the crowd. The Leader was heard shouting they were doing this on behalf of the former Right Hand, Leliana. So far the number of dead is over sixty. There are a number of injured be treated at various hospitals. Early estimates put the wounded at just over eighty people. The Left Hand was shot, but as of yet we have had no statement regarding his health. Lord Vael’s fiancé, Miss Noire Hawke, grabbed Lord Vael’s gun and chased down the Leader. When the terrorist refused to surrender and threatened Miss Hawke, she shot and killed him. Starkhaven’s Police Chief says her quick action may have prevented more bloodshed. Witness accounts state Miss Hawke was unharmed during the exchange. We will bring you updates through the night as the Police release more information.”

 

Leliana looked stunned. “Maker have mercy! I’ll never escape this. Is it true? Did the gunmen say I directed them to attack?”

 

“Yes. I am very sorry, Lily. When they opened fire, the gunmen were specifically after the Left Hand. The Leader shouted, “The Right Hand sends her regards.” After Vael was shot, they sprayed the crowd with bullets. It is damning. From what I saw, all the gunmen were killed. I don’t know how to clear your name.” Anders sighed and poured himself a drink.

 

Leliana did the one thing no one had ever seen her do. She cried. Cullen awkwardly put an arm around her, and she hugged him. No one spoke until Lily had calmed down.

 

“My dear, all is not lost. Dorian and I managed to get Noire to Anders. He spoke with her for quite some time.” Zevran was trying to sound hopeful.

 

“Well, Blondie? How is she? Do you think we can get her to find evidence to clear Leliana’s name and take that prick, Vael, down?” Varric and the others stared at him.

 

Anders flushed before hesitantly speaking, “She recognized me, but didn’t run away. That’s a good sign. As for spying for us, maybe. I don’t know if she will yet. I told her to contact me through Zevran, that we needed to talk.”

 

“That’s it. That’s all you said to her? Maker, why did I bother risking my job and my life for a maybe she’ll call Zev. What in the Void were you doing? You were out there with her for over fifteen minutes!” Dorian’s eyes widened when he realized what Anders must have done.

 

“Did she think you were a hallucination? Is that why it took so long to get her to speak to you?” Cullen asked, too inexperienced with sex to consider the obvious implication.

 

Isabella smacked Anders head, “Oh you fucking idiot! You hit on her, didn’t you? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“Anders, please tell me you weren’t stupid enough to bang her on the balcony.” Varric was exasperated.

 

“I didn’t screw her, ok? I introduced myself. She looked like she was going to faint so I put my arms around her to steady her. The kiss wasn’t planned, but Noire was as enthusiastic as I was. Yes, I was out of line, but I’m only human.” Anders voice betrayed how miserable he really felt.

 

“Anders! You don’t exactly wear a subtle scent! Patchouli oil has a very distinct smell. Did it occur to you that you may have left your odor on her?” Zevran looked like he could kill Anders. “So, instead of helping her, you had a fifteen minute make out session? He’ll kill her for this! You said she would be in danger if another man touched her sexually. How long until she shows up dead like the other women?”

 

Anders groaned and put his head in his hands. The rest of the table looked like they were going to kill him and dump his body.

 

“You need to call him, now! Explain you tried to embrace and kiss Noire, but she slapped you, kicked you in the crotch, something. Apologize for your lack of judgement. That way he can be pissed at you. I have a friend arriving tomorrow from Minrathous for your security team. He can keep you safe. Call him, please!” Lily had regained her composure and was taking charge.

 

 


	22. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is punished for disloyalty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC ABUSE, DUBIOUS CONSENT.

 

 

 

 

** Chapter 22 **

Interrogation

 

 

I had no idea where Phillip and Logain were taking me. I decided I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I felt guilty about kissing Anders, but I refused to left Phillip murder me because of it. I used the trunk lock to rip off the cuffs. I removed my gag.

 

As soon as I felt the car stop, at what I thought was a red light, I began banging on the door. Screaming at the top of my lungs for help. The car pulled forward and sped up again. I decided to save my strength to fight against the men when they opened my mobile prison.

 

We drove for miles away from civilization. The car slowed and turned onto a gravel drive. My heart was beating so fast; I could barely breathe. It stopped and I heard the men exit the vehicle. They were speaking in low voices so I couldn’t make out what was being said. The sound of their shoes nearing the trunk was enough to make me cry. I had to fight, I knew I had to try.

 

The trunk slowly opened, and as my eyes adjusted to the night I saw Logain had his gun on me again. Phillip had no emotion in his eyes. He reached down to grab me. I tugged my hand away from him. He gave me a cold smile, then clocked me upside the head. I didn’t get knocked out, but I was disoriented.

 

He hoisted me over his shoulder and walked to a small cabin. Logain open the door and flipped on the lights. Phillip unceremoniously dumped me on the floor.

 

I didn’t bother fighting after that. It was pointless. I had brought this on myself. The guilt of betraying Phillip with Anders crushed me. My brief spark of independence had disappeared. I had sworn on my life to Phillip I would never touch another man. His conditioning had worked. I knew what happened from this point on was my fault for acting like a whore.

 

“Pick her up. We’ll use the basement. I’ll get the truth from this cunt even if I have to mar her beauty.” Phillip opened a door and went down a set of stairs.

 

Logain helped me up, and I passively let him guide me to what I figured was my grave. I paused at the bottom as I took in the scene. There was a pair of manacles hanging from the ceiling. A table near them had various knives, hammers, other tools and glass bottles on it. The floor is what caused me real alarm. Under the manacles were multiple blood stains. This was a torture chamber.

 

Logain shoved me forward. My legs refused to move and I fell on the floor. Phillip calmly walked over to me and kicked me in the ribs.

 

“Pl-please, Phillip. I am begging you, don’t hurt me!” I was not above groveling at this point. “I’ll tell you everything, just don’t, don’t torture me, please!”

 

“Interesting how quickly she folds when I show her what I do to lying skanks.” Phillip smirked as he leaned down and pulled me to my feet.

 

I clung to him and pleaded again, “I, I’m sorry. I will tell you everything. Just don’t hurt me.”

 

“What do you think, Logain? Should I give her one more chance?” Phillip appeared to be weighing his options.

 

Logain stepped up and looked in my eyes. “I say, let her speak. Then decide how much punishment she gets. I still think she could be useful to us. Her beauty, brains, and gunmanship would be amazing assets.”

 

Logain turned away and grabbed a bottle of booze. After pouring two drinks, he sat in one of the chairs and sipped his. Phillip guided me towards the other chair. He had me kneel next to it as he grabbed his drink.

 

“Ok, Noire, this is your last chance. No more games, no more bullshit. Tell me everything, and I promise not to do any permanent damage.” Phillip sat and watched me with a bored expression.

 

“Dorian and Zevran wanted to walk around the ball, so I followed them. They stopped at the balcony, and Zev said to go outside. I was reluctant, but I was told there was a surprise waiting for me. At first, I thought they just wanted me to see the Andraste’s Grace flowers. I looked at the stars, smelled the flowers and I was happy. Then, th-that man, Anders, stepped out of the shadows.” I took a deep breath.

 

I looked into Phillip’s eyes and hid nothing, “He said he meant no harm as he took my hand and kissed it. I got dizzy and he put his hands on my waist to steady me. I, I don’t know why, but, but I let him kiss me. I didn’t shove him away, I know I should’ve, but I didn’t. I have no idea how long it lasted. He didn’t touch me anywhere but my waist. I broke away from him, after some time, and left.”

 

I felt relieved it was out in the open. I hated feeling guilty. I couldn’t read Phillip’s expression so I looked at the floor. He brought my face up with his hands. He caressed my lips.

 

“Did he use his tongue?” Phillip’s voice was so soft.

 

I closed my eyes and whispered, “Yes.”

 

Phillip gripped my face and pressed until I opened my eyes, “So, you let another man plunder your beautiful, pure mouth. Noire, I have said repeatedly what I would do if something like this ever happened. By my right of ownership, I should remove your treacherous tongue. However, I am reluctant to do so.”

 

“Phillip, tell me how I can make this up to you! Anything, anything you ask. I am begging you, forgive me!” I just wanted to please the man I now thought of as my Master.

 

“You had no idea Dorian and Zevran had set this clandestine meeting up?” Phillip was watching my reactions carefully.

 

I took a shaky breath, “None. If I had known, I wouldn’t have followed them. Ze-Zevran thinks love, well, sex, is a game. He probably thought it would be a funny joke to play on me. I swear, I had no knowledge I was meeting Anders.”

 

“Logain?” Phillip looked at his friend.

 

“She’s sincere. Look at her, she’s terrified. I doubt she’ll be so unwise in the future. Anders probably paid that little, bitch, Dorian to set up the meeting. You know Anders, he tries to get to you in every way possible. Bedding your fiancé would’ve been a coupe.” Logain shrugged when finished.

 

Phillip keep brushing my lips with his fingers. He took his time finishing his drink.

 

“Noire, I can’t let you go unpunished for this. Do you understand?” He ran his fingers through my hair.

 

“Yes.” My voice was full of angst.

 

“Very well, go use that filthy mouth on Logain.” He leaned back in his chair.

 

“No!” I was stunned.

 

Phillip put a hand on my throat and pressed. “I said, go use that filthy mouth on Logain.”

 

I laid a hand on his arm, “No, I won’t prove my loyalty and love by giving your friend a blowjob. That makes no sense! I only want you! I froze when Anders kissed me. I fucked up. I should’ve slapped him into the Void! No man will ever catch me off guard again, I swear! Kill me if you think I am defying you, but I will NOT touch another man in such an intimate manner.”

 

“Guess that answers that, Phil.” Logain chuckled.

 

“I am proud of you, Noire. Had you followed through with my request I would’ve shot you in the head.” Phillip’s voice was warm, but his eyes were still devoid of real emotion. “I am going to have Logain hang you in those manacles, while I decide on your punishment. Now, will you be a good girl and behave?”

 

“Yes.” I was relieved he wasn’t going to kill me.

 

“Stand up and strip.” Phillip watched me disrobe and I saw the first glimpse of feeling in his eyes since we left the city.

 

As Logain buckled me into the restraints, I counted myself lucky I had a man so willing to forgive my stupidity. I kept reminding myself Phillip had no choice but to do this because I had been disloyal to our relationship.  

 

As I hung by my wrists, Philip conferred with Logain about what he should do to me. They were on the other side of the room whispering. Finally, they both turned and walked back to me.

 

“Noire, I am going to spare your life. However, I am going to give you a glimpse of what could happen if you let a stranger touch you. Logain is going to show you what perverts like Anders do to women like you. You will hang there, and take what he gives. If at any point you beg for mercy, I’ll slit your throat.” Phillip’s voice was cold and hard.

 

I kept eye contact, even though I started to shake. I heard Logain undo his trousers, and I whimpered. Phillip caressed my cheek and shushed me. He scrutinized my expressions. My new husband’s breathing became heavy, and I could tell this was exciting him.

 

I heard what sounded like a bottle being opened. It was taking every ounce of my will to keep silent, and stare into Phillip’s eyes. I felt Logain’s fingers part my cleft and circle the entrance I didn’t know a man would ever use.

 

His digits were cool and slick. Logain slowly pressed one inside. A soft moan escaped my lips. Phillip’s look turned lustful as he watched me being violated. I felt a second being added, and I nearly cried out for mercy.

 

Hot tears slipped down my face. I whimpered quietly when my husband licked the salty droplets as they slid out of my eyes. Phillip was becoming very aroused. The intrusive hand was removed. Logain pressed his member against my entrance. He had coated it with the oil.

 

Logain took his time forcing himself inside me. I could no longer prevent my cries from escaping my mouth. It hurt, and I was in misery. Phillip kissed me, even as I moaned in pain. He pinched my nipples, and dug his nails into my skin as he raked them down my body.

 

Logain paused when he was seated fully inside me. Then he began thrusting. He slammed into me harder and harder. I tried to beg him to stop, but Phillip covered my lips with his hand. I heard him undo his belt. He released my face long enough to wrap the leather around my neck.

 

As my shrieks increased in volume, Phillip pulled the belt tighter. Soon, only whispers passed my lips as my air was being cut off. I got dizzy, and everything went grey. Just before I passed out, the pressure on my windpipe let up. I took deep breaths, and screamed as it felt like Logain was tearing me apart. He climaxed while I was screeching in absolute agony. Logain bit my shoulder as he pulled out of my body.

 

Every part of me hurt. I didn’t think I could stand one more minute of hanging from the ceiling. I was incoherently asking to be let down. Phillip kissed me as he freed himself. His look was predatory as he grabbed my thighs. He wrapped my legs around his waist, and forced himself inside me.

 

He moaned, and told me how good I felt around him. Phillip showed no gentleness as he fucked me. My future husband was normally careful with how he made love to me, since he was well endowed. Not now. He reveled at almost tearing me. He knew I was suffering, and it served to spur him on. I cried as he raped my battered body. I didn’t want this. I shut my eyes and tried to think of anything else.

 

Logain began caressing my ass, and nibbling my ear. He whispered all manner of filth. Told me I was such a good little slut. He tongued my earlobe, even as I tried to move my head away from his mouth.

 

Phillip reached between us, and started stimulating me. I knew he was close, and that he wanted me to come first. My body had a will of its own. The pain and pleasure got crossed in my mind. I screamed as I orgasmed. Phillip slammed into me a few more times and then spent himself.

 

“It’s almost over, baby girl. Logain, go wait outside. This next part won’t take long.” Phillip walked around me, lightly caressing my skin. “My beautiful girl. I won’t tolerate an incident like this again. Your honesty, and the fact he touched you nowhere else saved your life.”

 

Phillip stopped behind me and ran his fingers over my brand. “Since you wanted my mark on you, I am going to give you a new one.”

 

I watched in dismay as Phillip held a lighter to a small branding symbol. It was the Chantry sunburst with a PV in the center. After the instrument was glowing red, he turned to me.

 

Phillip lightly touched my skin just below my navel. “This will be quick, baby girl.”

 

He knelt down and wrapped one arm around my knees. I screamed as he pressed the iron on my skin. I tried not to move. It was over in a few seconds, but the agony remained.

 

Phillip left me hanging while he filled a bucket with water. I was sobbing as he cleansed away the evidence of he and Logain’s rape. Phillip got a fresh bucket of water and cleaned my new brand. I was nearly passed out by the time my fiancé let me out of the manacles. Phillip carefully dressed me, and carried me to the car. While he settled me in the back seat, Logain locked up the cabin.

 

Phillip stroked my hair the whole ride home. He whispered how he still loved me. Explained how hurt he was at seeing me in pain. Pleaded with me to not force him to punish me again. Promised me after the situation in Starkhaven calmed down we were going to be married.

 

I slowly relaxed in his arms. I tearfully apologized for my behavior. Vowed that I would never betray him again. I pledged to use my talents to further his position.

 

Phillip refused to let me walk once we arrived home. He carried me in his arms. Once inside, he took me to the bed. Phillip gingerly undressed me. He left to get some burn cream and a bandage. He carefully applied the ointment, and covered the brand. I tried not to cry, but the pain was excruciating. Between the brand, the rapes and the beating I had received, I was in complete misery.

 

Phillip undressed and crawled next to me. “Baby girl, shhh. I know your suffering, but I can assure you I feel much worse. I love you so much! My heart aches at what I had to do. If you dare betray me again, I won’t put you through this. I’ll make your end quick and painless. It would shatter me to kill you, but I’d have to. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“Yes.” I trembled at his warning. “Phillip, I-I forgot to tell you something. Anders asked me to call Zevran to arrange a private meeting.”

 

“Noire, you swore you had told me everything. Now you say Anders wants to meet you. Again, you try my patience! I will have the full truth, or Maker help, me you’ll be thrown in an unmarked grave before the sun rises.” Phillip straddled me, and wrapped his hands around my throat. “What else did you hide?”

 

He began to squeeze until I had almost no air. “Pl-please, I can’t breathe!”

 

“Still not willing to talk? You can die for your lies, bitch!” Lord Vael gripped my throat so hard, I was afraid he’d break my neck.

 

I weakly scratched at his hands, but I had no strength. My vision greyed and I passed out. When I regained consciousness, I was bound and gagged. I was on the floor, at Phillip’s feet, in front of the sofa. I tried to keep from making a sound, but I sobbed around my gag.

 

Phillip knelt next to me, and stroked my hair, “Noire, please don’t do this to me. You’re breaking my heart! It would destroy me to lose you. Baby girl, I am going to remove the gag. I want the whole truth. Tell me exactly what happened from the moment you stepped on the balcony until you left.”

 

My voice was rough, and my throat burned. “I went out on the balcony. When the door shut, it was dark, except for the stars. I could smell the flowers. I remember thinking how happy I was, and how wonderful our marriage was going to be. That’s when, when Anders stepped towards me.”

 

I paused and tried to remember everything, “He said he didn’t mean me harm. He kissed my hand. I got dizzy and almost fainted. An-Anders reached around my waist to steady me. I looked up at him, and froze.”

 

I started to cry again, and had to catch my breath. Phillip laid down and kissed my forehead.

 

“You’re doing good, Noire. Keep going.” Phillip’s touch was soft and gentle.

 

“Th-that’s when he leaned down and kissed me. I-I didn’t know what to do. My head was still spinning, and held pulled me against him. When I felt, felt… When I felt his tongue, I got scared. I honestly don’t know how long I l-let him kiss me. Something, a noise or something shocked me into the moment and I shoved him away from me.” The pain was making it difficult to keep talking.

 

Phillip let me rest for a minute. He kept kissing my face, and caressing my hair. Whispering I’d be safe as long as I kept talking.

 

I took a jagged breath and finished, “When I turned to leave, he grabbed my hand. Said to, to call Zevran. Told me I was in danger. I fled after he said that.”

 

“So, he was threatening you?” Phillip’s voice sounded concerned.

 

“N-no, he, he was warning me. He didn’t say how or why I was in peril. It was very strange. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t leave that out on purpose. Will you be able to forgive me?” My voice was trembling with fear.

 

“You’re forgiven, baby girl. Please, don’t put us through this again. You mean everything to me. I only want what’s best for you. Let me love you. That’s all I need, is for you to let me love you.” Phillip untied me as he spoke. “I do have one task. You will meet with the Senator, and find out why he made the threats he did. This is not a request; do you understand?”

 

I nodded as Phillip helped me to my feet, and then carried me to the bed. After laying me down, he fetched me some water. He held the glass so I had an easier time drinking it.

 

Setting the glass aside, Phillip crawled next to me. His fingers traced what I could only assume was bruising around my neck. He gently kissed me. I wanted to ask him to stop. My body had been through so much, the thought of being intimate brought me to tears.

 

Phillip kissed my tears away. “Oh my darling girl. I love you, please don’t cry. We will get past this. I am never going to let you go. Let me make you feel good. I want to make you feel good.”

 

Phillip kissed me passionately after that. He told me to let him enjoy my body. I didn’t think I could become aroused considering the pain I was in, but Phillip got me there. Gentle touches, soft whispers and I was aching for him. I pleaded for Phillip to take me. The hurt seemed to inflame my passion. I couldn’t separate the feelings anymore. Phillip stopped being gentle, and appeared to thrive on my agony. My cries of pain mixed with pleasure drove Phillip to thrust into me harder and harder. As I neared release, I felt his hand press on my throat. The threat of Phillip choking me again sent me over the edge. He spent himself shortly afterwards.

 

 


	23. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip arranges to have Noire visit Anders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEXUAL THEMES

** Chapter 23 **

The Best Laid Plans

 

 

The next day came and I was ready to prove myself to Phillip. He helped me bathe, and get dressed. Constantly kissing me, telling me how much he hurt looking at me. My voice sounded like I had a cold, and Phillip said he would make me tea with honey and lemon. He brought me a chair so I could put on my cosmetics easier. I covered the hand prints he had left on my throat.

 

When I was finished, he dressed me. I wore a turtle neck, and some soft fleece pants. Phillip put my socks on and carried me out to the sofa. He got me my tea, and some aspirin for my body aches. I sat meekly as he composed a press release with Sebastian. He then got into an argument with the Divine. He handed me the phone to talk to her.

 

“Hi, Aunt D. I understand. No, I don’t think it’s wise. Yes, I am worried. Please listen to Phillip…. Then why is he your Left Hand? No, I am not trying to sass you… But, but…. I know, but… D, you’re all I have left, please don’t risk it. Those men killed on behalf of Leliana. But… I understand. Then promise me you will follow Phillip’s instructions when you get here. Ok, love you.” I handed the phone back to my very agitated fiancé.

 

“I tried, love. But, the Divine feels her place is with the people of Starkhaven. She understands the risk, but she says her fate is in the Maker’s hands.” I sighed and closed my eyes.

 

“I know, baby girl. Logain and I will do everything within our power to keep her safe.” Phillip sounded so sure of himself, my fears were eased somewhat. “Seb, set up an interview for us both tonight. Justinia would like me to convey a message to the people of Starkhaven.”

 

“Yes, Father.” Sebastian went to the dining table and called Phillip’s favorite reporter.

 

Logain walked up and spoke softly, “Phil, tonight may be a good time for Noire to meet Anders. With you and Sebastian on TV, he’ll have his guard down.”

 

Phillip looked at me, “Do you think you’re up to seeing him and find out why he believes you are in danger?”

 

“Yes. I’ll text Zevran and tell him to have Anders call me. Wait, I better call him. Zev is paranoid and won’t trust a text.” I pulled out my phone and dialed Zevran.

 

Logain and Phillip watched me. “Zev, hi. Yea, I know, crazy. So, Anders said he needed to talk to me, and that you could set up a meeting? Tonight, if possible. Phillip and Sebastian are doing an interview. They will leave about six. Logain doesn’t think he’ll have them back before midnight. Right… ok… ok… Just text me where. I’ll be alone. Yes… yes… I adore you too.”

 

I was shaking as I ended the call, “He’s going to text the location in about an hour.”

 

“You did great, baby girl.” Phillip gave me a peck on the cheek. “Logain, take Sebastian to lunch or something. Noire needs to rest before tonight.”

 

I followed Phillip to the bedroom. He helped me lay down. When he settled himself behind me, he put his arm around my waist. Phillip lightly kissed my neck, and nibbled on my ear. When he pressed against me, I felt how aroused he was.

 

I let out a breathless moan, “Phillip, love, I don’t think I can do anything. I am so sore.”

 

My pleas were ignored. It wasn’t long before Phillip had me naked and panting. Like the night before, he took me fiercely. My cries were pain and pleasure combined. The more I cried due to my injuries, the harder Phillip pushed me. He whispered how hot it was hearing excitement in my voice while I was crying out in agony.

 

When he knew I was close to climax, Phillip covered my nose and mouth to cut off my breathing. My body shuddered as the strongest orgasm I had ever experienced tore through me. Phillip yelled, and followed me into bliss. He removed his hand and I gulped in deep breaths of air.

 

It would be explained to me that Phillip was a sexual sadist. Slowly, he was training my body and mind to crave violence and danger during our love making. I fell asleep nestled in Phillip’s embrace.

 

“Noire, baby girl, wake up.” Phillip kissed my cheek. “Time for you to check your phone, and then get ready.”

 

I gave Phillip a sleepy smile, and retrieved my phone. “Hmmm, that’s strange. Zevran just texted me an address. Do you know where this is?”

 

“Oh that fucking prick!” Phillip stood and paced in front of me. “This is his home! Logain was right! Anders is trying to seduce you to piss me off!”

 

“Love, this could be turned to our advantage.” He looked at me and crossed his arms. “I can hit record on my phone if he attempts anything. We could get enough negative information to end his Chancellor campaign. Think of the scandal if the Left Hand’s fiancé goes for a meeting regarding the attack last night, and Anders tries to force himself on me! He’d have to resign in disgrace.”

 

Phillip laughed, and pulled me into his arms. “Genius, baby girl, genius! Come, let’s get you made up for that bastard.”

 

Phillip had me dress very sexy. A blood red, extremely tight turtle neck that had a sweetheart cutout which showed more cleavage than was appropriate. Black, hip hugging jeans. If I leaned over just a bit, the top of my thong would show. Heavy cosmetics, and five inch, black stilettos completed my sultry outfit. No bruises showed, thankfully.

 

Logain and Sebastian arrived as Phillip finished changing. We walked out, and I thought poor Sebastian was going to faint.

 

“Sweet Maker! Father, you can’t let Noire go on television dressed like that!” Seb was mortified at the thought.

 

Logain gave a short chuckle, “So, I am guessing he asked her to come to his house. The new plan is get proof he is a lecherous asshole, and destroy his reputation?”

 

Phillip laughed and clapped his Logain on the shoulder. “Exactly, my friend.”

 

“Father, you are letting Noire meet another man, alone? Won’t that be enough to cast dispersions on her character?” Seb was completely confused.

 

“Sebastian, this individual is trying to destroy your Father. I am merely a decoy to get information. I wish I could present a more lady like appearance, but I need to find out what this man is planning. Most guys will spill their secrets when they are distracted by a woman’s appearance. May Andraste guide me in this.” I smiled at Seb and he seemed to calm down.

 

“Love, should I take a cab?” I waited for Phillip to answer.

 

“Do you know how to drive a stick shift?” Phillip took my hand.

 

“Yes.” I looked at Phillip.

 

He took my hand and placed a set of keys in my palm. “Take the Viper. Don’t worry about speeding. The police are familiar with the car; they won’t pull you over. Have fun, and good luck. Text me the second you are finished, or if things go south.”

 

“Thank you, Phillip.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

 

I grabbed my purse, phone and left with the boys. I waved as the three rode off in the limo. I was enthralled with the idea of driving the sports car. I typed the address into the GPS, synced my phone to the sound system and I was off.

 

Nerves didn’t set in until I parked by the side of Anders home. It was a modest place, at the end of a long drive way. I took a few deep breaths, and tried to calm down. The memory of Anders’ lips against mine almost made me turn around and leave. My traitorous body yearned to feel them gain.

 

I got out slowly. Looking around, I saw no other vehicles. The Senator’s house was out of view of the street or any neighbors. My hands trembled as I climbed the porch. I rang his bell, and tried not to fidget. I was here to collect information. My relationship, my life depended on me controlling myself with Anders. I steeled my will as I heard a voice saying to enter.

 

I opened the door, and heard Anders call to me from a sitting room at the back. As I walked in, the desire demon, as I had come to think of him, turned and when I saw his eyes, I knew I was in trouble. I paused part way into the room, trying to decide if I should just flee to avoid the temptation.


	24. Anders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire's meeting with Anders doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SLOW BURN, SEXUAL THEMES, IMPLIED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

** Chapter 24 **

Anders

 

“Miss Hawke, I was so glad you called Zevran. Please, make yourself at home. Would you like some wine?” He was soft spoken, and his voice sounded like music to my ears.

 

“Thank you. Call me Noire, Senator.” I was going to say more, but an adorable orange tabby ran in and rubbed up against my legs. “Oh, what a beautiful cat! I miss having a cat. What’s the kitty’s name?”

 

“Sir Pounce a Lot, meet Noire. He usually hates everyone, but he seems smitten by you. Please, call me Anders.” Anders gave me a small smile as he poured the wine.

 

The cat sat down behind me, so I turned and knelt down to pet him. “Sir Pounce, would you like your ears scratched?”

 

The cat rolled on his back and began purring. I may be a Fereldan, but dogs weren’t my thing. Everyone had a Mabari in my home land, but I loved cats more than puppies. I heard a sharp intake of breath, and I turned to see what was wrong.

 

“Anders? Are you all right?” I stood and moved closer to him.

 

“Are you, Noire?” Anders look and voice were full of outrage.

 

I paused briefly and gulped before answering, “Yes, I’m good. Did I do something to upset you?”

 

I was terrified I fucked this mission up and I hadn’t been there five minutes. Phillip would be angry if I didn’t get something on this man.

 

Anders set the wine glasses on a table in front of the sofa and walked to me. “Please, I need to check something. Would you mind turning around?”

 

He gently placed a hand on my shoulder and turned my back to him. I felt Anders raise my shirt just a little, and use the other hand to dip my jeans down. His touch was electric, but I didn’t come close to fainting this time. I felt his fingers trace the brand on my back. Oh, right, he was checking my scar. I felt better knowing he wasn’t trying something sexual. In my heart I knew I wouldn’t resist if he wanted me.

 

“Noire, did Lord Vael scar you like this?” Anders traced the letters as he asked the question, and I could barely form an answer.

 

“Y-yes, no, I, I mean, I did it to myself, I think. I don’t remember.” My mind was having a hard time retelling what Phillip had said. “I had that after my first sui-, uh, my first Hospital stay.”

 

Anders took his hands off my back and guided me next to him on the couch. “Noire, would you mind if I asked you a few questions? Your friends believe you are being held prisoner. They are also concerned about your recent hospital stay. From what they have observed, they think your life is at risk.”

 

I frowned and looked at Anders, “I don’t understand. I’ve had no phone calls from them. I find it hard to believe they are so concerned. I saw Zevran last night, he never mentioned any of this.”

 

“That would be my fault, Noire. I am a Psychiatrist. I explained to Zevran trying to get you to believe you are being held against your will or, that you are being brain washed, would not be topics of conversation to hold in public.” Anders voice reminded me of being wrapped in a warm blanket.

 

I looked in bewilderment at Anders as he tenderly took my left hand in his. “Noire, I am only asking if you will talk to me because your friends are extremely worried about you. It was my idea to meet with you alone. I didn’t want you to be too ashamed to talk about painful subjects in front of those you care about.”

 

I took a nervous breath and looked at him. “If my speaking with you will calm everyone down, then ask what you need to.”

 

“Noire, we saw on the news, you attempted suicide. Was that the first time?” Anders began to lightly caress my palm.

 

“N-no.” I felt my face grow hot as I focused on the floor.

 

Anders turned my hand palm up, and ran his finger on my scar. “How many times have you tried to kill yourself?”

 

I cleared my throat, and took a deep drink of my wine. “Th-three. Well, technically four.”

 

“I see. What do you mean by technically four?” Anders voice was smooth and velvety.

 

I took a shuddering breath, “After this last hospital stay, I had an incident the night I got home. I, I ingested a large dose of lyrium and became violent. Phillip and his body guard didn’t realize I had taken so much of the drug. Phillip followed the Doctor’s orders and gave me a sedative. It caused me to overdose. Logain and Phillip had to use some sort of kit to revive me. I was clinically dead for a short time.”

 

Tears spilled from my eyes as the fear I never faced slammed into me. “I-I’m sorry.”

 

Anders handed me a tissue before continuing. “Don’t apologize, you are in a safe space. So you’ve attempted it three times, and accidentally overdosed once. When was the first attempt, do you remember?”

 

“The, the first time was Sunday after my name day. So, a little over three months ago. The last was just over two weeks ago.” I looked down so he wouldn’t see the new tears welling in my eyes.

 

“Hmmm, do you remember, or know how you attempted to kill yourself?” His tone was sympathetic, and without judgement.

 

“The first time, I mixed pills and alcohol. Phillip said I came just minutes from death. That was my first visit to the Psychiatric Hospital. I, I can only recall being there a few days. Apparently, I violently attacked Phillip twice in front of witnesses. I was there for over two weeks. I lose track of days when I get upset, according to the Doctor.” I started to relax as I realized Anders wasn’t judging me for my mistakes.

 

I looked at Anders and he gave me a kind smile. “People can lose track of time in a psychotic state. Is that what your diagnosis was?”

 

“Yes.” My voice was rough, so I took a sip of my wine.

 

“Is this scar from the second time you tried to die?” Anders held my gaze as he caressed my wrist.

 

“Yes. I cut myself the night before my abduction. I don’t remember doing it. But, Phillip and Doctor Sampson said I suffered a hallucination and slit my wrist. It was kept quiet so I wouldn’t be forced back to the Hospital. The last time, I took all my medications and tried to hang myself.” I heard the whispering in the back of my mind, I closed my eyes to try and shut it out.

 

Anders lifted a hand to my cheek, “Noire, it’s ok. I think I can help you. Please, don’t stop yourself from voicing any concerns, or delusions you have experienced. Can you look at me?”

 

I opened my eyes and nodded. “Good. Can you tell me about the day you were abducted?”

 

“Phillip helped me get ready for Mass. Before it started he and his son had to go talk to Sampson outside. I, I suffered my first hallucination in public. I thought Zevran and Varric had to come to take me away from Phillip. I closed my eyes, prayed to the Maker and when I opened them both specters were gone. I fainted and woke up home in bed.” Words were coming more naturally.

 

Anders let me drink some of my wine, and gather my thoughts. He picked up his own glass and downed about half of it. He sat back and rested a hand on my shoulder. I shivered under his touch.

 

“Noire, I was only going to massage your neck. You are very tense. Is that ok?” Anders voice was warm and soothing.

 

I nodded and turned to make it easier for him to reach me. After a few short moments of bliss, my phone played the text message notification. I bolted away from him, and grabbed my purse. My hands shook as I saw it was Phillip.

 

“Baby girl, interview is starting. We are going to dinner at the Templar Grill after. If you, can meet us there. Otherwise, stay put until you get something I can use. Remember the rules. Luv you.” I was almost in tears.

 

“Noire? What’s wrong?” I looked at Anders and his face was a mask of worry.

 

“I, I… Please, I can’t talk to you. I, mean, it’s just… Please tell my friends I am fine and I love them. I need to go!” I stood up, dropped my phone, and freaked out as it broke into pieces. “No, no, no! Dammit! He’s going to kill me if I don’t text him back! Maker, please, help me!”

 

I dropped to my knees and grabbed all the pieces. There was no fixing it. I burst into tears. I got up, and felt like the room was spinning. I couldn’t take a deep breath. I trembled, thinking I was going to faint.

 

“I’m, I, I… I’m sorry.” I was trying to hide my hysteria, but failed.

 

Anders stood and rubbed my back as he whispered calming phrases. I tried to pretend I had myself under control, but I swayed and nearly passed out.

 

Anders guided me back down onto the couch. “Noire, look at me. Take some deep breaths. You’re safe, just keep breathing. You’re having a panic attack. Nothing serious, just try to calm down. No one is going to hurt you here. There you go, nice, slow breaths. You are safe. Can you tell me what’s upset you so?”

 

“Ye-yes. No… it’s complicated.” I put my head in my hands and couldn’t stop shaking.

 

Anders rested a hand on my leg and softly squeezed. I yelped in pain. Anders released me instantly.

 

“Noire, did I hurt you?” He brushed my hair off my face to try and make eye contact.

 

I blushed but couldn’t speak. “Noire, if you are hurt I need you to show me. Don’t be embarrassed. I swear I won’t say anything to Lord Vael if that’s why you’re so scared. Can you show me why you are so sensitive?”

 

His kindness was breaking down the walls I had constructed in my mind. Sitting next to this gentle soul, I began to think maybe Phillip wasn’t such a nice man.

 

“You swear, not a word, to anyone?” I looked at him in desperation.

 

Anders nodded as he replied, “If that is your wish, nothing you say, or anything you show me will be repeated outside this room.”

 

I stood and turned to face him. I gripped the bottom of my sweater. I was shaking, and I felt cold.

 

“You promise, not a word to anyone, right?” My voice was so soft.

 

“I promise, Noire.” Anders expression was neutral as I slowly lifted my shirt, and pulled the turtle neck down.

 

“Maker! Noire, what happened?” Anders looked mortified at the bruising on my stomach, and neck.

 

I stared at the floor, “Phillip smelled your cologne on me, and figured out we had been on the balcony alone. He had to punish me with the belt. After you called him, Phillip caught me in a lie. He, he took me to a, a cabin and had his bodyguard ra-r-ra-rape me in a way I didn’t know a woman could be raped. Th-th-then Phillip raped me.” My voice had dropped to a whisper, and tears streamed down my face. “I forgot to tell him you asked to meet me, and he, he choked me. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine. He hated doing this.”

 

“Are you bruised that like all over your body?” Anders voice sounded tightly controlled.

 

“From my chest to my knees, and around my throat.” I couldn’t look at him.

 

Anders cleared his throat, and finished his glass of wine. “Noire, what’s under the bandage?”

 

“I, you, you don’t need to see! This was all my fault! I lied to him, he had no choice.” I needed Anders to understand Phillip didn’t do anything wrong.

 

“Noire, I understand why you are hesitant to show me. I only want to make sure the wound isn’t infected, ok?” Anders motioned for me to step closer while keeping his tone loving and gentle.

 

“Phil-Phillip gave me this as a reminder that I belong to him. He didn’t intentionally cause me pain, I just needed to learn my place.” I closed my eyes as I felt him undo my jeans.

 

I hissed as he lifted the patch away from my skin. “Noire, I need you to sit. This is getting infected. I have some antibiotic cream, and I have the same type of bandage. I can put the ointment on, and cover it again. Vael won’t know I saw this, I swear.”

 

I finished my wine and sat down. I was still panicking. I was partially undressed on Anders’ sofa. I tried not to think about what Phillip had said. He would make my death quick and painless if I betrayed him again. When I was with Phillip, his reasoning made perfect sense. With Anders I was getting confused. I leaned back and tried to stop thinking.

 

I didn’t bother opening my eyes when Anders knelt in front of me. “This will sting a bit, I’m sorry. I have to clean the area.”

 

I didn’t cry out, even though it was excruciating. Anders touch was soft. He doctored the wound, and applied the exact same type of bandage. I started to calm down. Anders wiped his hands, and got the bottle of wine. He poured us fresh glasses and handed mine back to me.

 

“Th-thank you. I don’t mean to be such a bother.” I finally made eye contact, Anders eyes were red, almost like he had been crying. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“You didn’t upset me. I just feel bad when someone is in pain. Your ribs are quite bruised, I should check and make sure they aren’t broken. If you don’t mind.” His tenderness touched me.

 

“You can check.” I leaned over so he could press on my ribs to make sure they were intact.

 

Anders smiled at me when he was done. “They feel normal. That’s good news.”

 

I smiled back as he lightly touched my cheek. I covered his hand with mine. He looked unsure for a moment, then moved closer. Before we went any further, his phone rang.

 

Anders leaned away from me so he could answer it. “This is Anders. Yes… She’s still here. Her phone is broken. No, I didn’t break it. Yes…”

 

My heart constricted as I took the phone, “Phillip? Yes… Long story. Yes… No. No. Are you there now? Understood. I’ll meet you then. I love you too.”

 

“Sorry for that. Phillip worries about me when I am not with him. I-I need to freshen up and leave. Phillip won’t like it if I am late to the restaurant.” I stared at the floor, wishing I had just a bit longer to spend with Anders.

 

“Noire, do you know why Lord Vael agreed to let you meet me?” Anders lifted my chin so he could see my expression.

 

I glanced away for a second, then answered. “I was supposed to, to try and get something to blackmail you with.”

 

Anders sighed and gave me a forlorn smile, “Ah, that makes sense. Lord Vael and I have never gotten along. I know he is upset it looks like I have a good chance at being elected Chancellor. Are you going to get “punished” again, Noire?”

 

I looked down and decided to be honest. “No. Phillip vowed he wouldn’t hurt me like this anymore.”

 

“Hurt you like this anymore? Lord Vael does this regularly?” I couldn’t meet his eyes, so Anders forced me to look at him, “Noire, does this happen often?”

 

“I, no, well, yes, I don’t know. I have a lot of memory gaps. Some things I remember Phillip doing, I did to myself. If I obey him, this doesn’t happen. He had to teach me a lesson last night. It was my fault, please don’t think he’s cruel. He loves me.” Even I could hear how pathetic my excuses for Phillip’s violent streak sounded.

 

“I can’t let you leave, Noire. I won’t have your death be my fault!” Anders was barely containing his anger.

 

“It wouldn’t be your fault, Anders. I’ll be fine. Tell everyone I love them and miss them. If I can, I will try to meet you again.” I put on a brave face and smiled at him.

 

“Noire, if I allow you to go back to someone that is abusive, I am failing my calling as a Doctor. He allowed another man to rape you in front of him! Answer me this, was Lord Vael aroused at witnessing Logain violate you?” Anders tone was firm, and his eyes looked like golden flames.

 

I started to tremble as I answered, “He, yes. Phillip got very excited when Logain used me. He raped me as soon as Logain finished with me. Af-after we got home, he-he forced me to be intimate again. But, I, I, it wasn’t all his fault.”

 

“Noire, are you saying it’s not his fault because your body reacted to Phillip?” Anders had made his voice soft and calming.

 

I blanched at his question. “H-how did, do you know that?”

 

Anders took my hand in his. “Sometimes a rape victim’s body will respond to stimulation. It can cause a victim to blame themselves. Noire, you can’t always control your physical reaction. That doesn’t mean you are responsible for Phillip’s actions. Has Phillip had rough sex with you before?”

 

“Yes, uh, maybe. I don’t remember anything clearly. I get so confused.” I looked away so Anders wouldn’t see my emotional pain.

 

“Noire, you need help. I am begging you, don’t go back to him. You have friends that care for you. They have a place for you to hide. I can take you to them. I can’t let you leave. Please, don’t argue. Phillip will kill you. If you come with me, I have proof to show you that he is a murderer. Regardless, you aren’t going back to that asshole!” Anders had gripped my shoulders, and his voice was fierce.

 

“No! You need to listen to me! Phillip loves me, none of this was his fault, it was all mine! He’ll destroy you, if you attempt to keep me here against my will. Please, I’ll come back and answer anything you want. But, I have to go!” My pleading worked as I saw Anders resign himself to letting me leave.

 

“Follow me. I have a power room where you can clean up.” Anders rose and led me to the bathroom.

 

He hovered in the doorway. Anders looked like he wanted to say something, but held his tongue. He walked me to the car, and finally spoke up. Anders begged me not to go meet Phillip. He was afraid I would get killed. I promised to call him soon.

 

I beat the boys to the Grill. I was seated at Phillip’s table when they arrived. I dumped my broken phone on the table, and explained Anders’ stupid cat caused me to trip and drop my phone. Logain made some rude remarks about single men who owned cats. I laughed with the others like I didn’t have a care in the world.

 

Phillip leaned over to kiss my neck. Although I giggled like he was flirting with me, I knew he was checking to see if I had Anders scent on my skin.

 

“I’m so proud, you are earning my trust back. Thank you, baby girl. I love you.” Phillip kissed my cheek and ordered for us.

 

Another meeting was starting as my dinner was being served. Anders walked into a captive audience. He didn’t speak until he took a seat at the head of the table, and Varric handed him a drink.

 

“Blondie, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. I take it the meeting with Noire didn’t go well?” Varric was trying to lighten the mood.

 

Anders’ hands shook as he downed his drink. “I promised Noire I wouldn’t talk about what she told me, or showed me.”

 

“Anders, you will tell us, you have too! I don’t care what Noire’s reasoning is, what the fuck is going on?” Zevran was irritated with Anders dramatics.

 

“It’s not that simple, Zevran.” Anders tried to stop his hands from shaking.

 

“I am going to guess what you learned puts all of us in considerable danger.” Dorian held Zevran’s hand and tried to sooth his Antivan lover’s temper. “We already know this is risky.”

 

Leliana caught Anders’ eye, “My friend, we won’t over react. But we do need to know just how much trouble we are stepping into.”

 

“Fine! You want to know? I’ll tell you.  But, if any of you attempt to contact her, or rescue her, I’ll send you to the Void myself!” Even Leliana looked shocked by Anders’ outburst. “First of all, she has “attempted suicide” three times in as many months. She has no memory of taking the pills, or slicing her wrist. Noire only remembers waking in the Psych Ward. She also overdosed on a combination of drugs, and was clinically dead for a short time. Apparently, Lord Vael had an overdose kit and revived her. Secondly, Phillip has her convinced she hallucinates all the time. I think that’s how he controls her. She still believes Zevran and Varric were hallucinations in the Chantry. I had to take things slow, her mental state is fragile. I didn’t even get the chance to talk about our failed rescue. Third, she was injured, so I asked her to show me where she hurt. It took some persuading, but when I saw her body, I knew why she didn’t want to show me.”

 

“Anders, what was Hawke trying to hide?” Varric kept his voice calm.

 

Anders gripped his glass, and tried to control his rage. “That low life motherfucker whipped her so hard she is black and blue all down the front of her body. His handprints are bruises around her throat. Noire has his initials branded, BRANDED on her low back. When I asked if Vael had burned her, Noire said yes. Then said she had done it to herself. But in reality she doesn’t remember how she got the scar.”

 

Anders took a deep breath and continued. “Noire had a bandage under her navel. I asked her if I could check the injury. She begged me not to. I explained I just wanted to see if it was treated properly.  It was a new brand. The Chantry Sunburst with Lord Vael’s initials inside of it. The wound was getting infected so I had to treat it. That wasn’t the worst thing Lord Vael did. He had Logain sodomize her in front of him. She is such an innocent; she didn’t know a woman could be used from behind. What Logain did turned Lord Vael so much, that he raped Noire after Logain was finished.”

 

“Holy Maker! Who even thinks of that kind of torture?” Cullen’s face was ashen.

 

Leliana bit her lip in concentration. “This is bad, really bad. If he has broken her mind, she will do anything to keep in his good graces. How messed up is she?”

 

Anders’ voice cracked as he explained the mental damage done to Hawke. “Noire said none of these injuries were Phillip’s fault, but hers. He had to dole out discipline, because he knew I kissed her. The phone call was a mistake. It just added fuel to the fire. Noire thinks she deserves what he did to her! He beat her, choked her, had her raped, raped her himself and branded her as a reminder to never betray him again. Noire said Phillip promised he wouldn’t hurt her like that if she messed up in the future. He would just kill her in a “quick and painless manner”.  I am supposed pass on her love, tell you she’s doing great, and if she can she’ll contact me again.”

 

Varric handed Anders a new drink, while the others just sat in stunned silence.

 

Leliana was the first to speak, “Anders, do you think she’ll contact you?”

 

“Yes.” He slammed his drink and poured another.

 

“Are you certain? I mean, she doesn’t know you that well. Plus, do you have any idea why she agreed to meet with you alone in the first place?” Cullen’s sweet temperament meant he was the only one that Anders wouldn’t scream at.

 

Anders sighed, and looked at all the worried faces. “Lord Vael sent her to my house dressed like a high priced call girl. Vael is trying to get something to blackmail me with so I drop out of the election.”

 

Zevran watched Anders carefully before speaking, “My friend, it must have been difficult to see her so injured and broken. Please don’t hold anything back. Every bit of information we get will help us, yes?”

 

“It broke my heart to see her fight the emotional hold Vael has on her. Noire is brave, strong, and very vulnerable.” Anders averted his eyes and his voice had dropped to a whisper.

 

“Oh, you fucking idiot! You don’t screw anything in years, and now you diddle with the girl that gets tortured for just kissing you?” Isabella hit Anders shoulder.

 

“No, Blondie isn’t that stupid, Rivani. I mean, he’s an idiot, but he wouldn’t fuck her, right Anders?” Varric was trying to prevent pandemonium from breaking out.

 

“No! I almost kissed her, but Lord Vael called. I know, you don’t need to tell me what could’ve happened if I had. I saw his cruelty with my own eyes.” Anders laid his head on the table and muttered in his native language.

 

Everyone turned when a new voice spoke up, “Lily, you expect me to guard this reckless moron? What does he do for a hobby, try to dodge bullets?”

 

Anders raised his head and tried to focus on the white haired man that stepped from the shadows. “Who in the void is this?”

 

“Anders, meet your new body guard, Fenris. Fenris, this is Anders.” Leliana sat back and sighed. “So, we wait and see if Noire can break away from Lord Vael.”


	25. Under Scrutiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire can't resist the rebel, Anders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GRAPHIC SEX

** Chapter 25 **

Under Scrutiny

 

 

Phillip drove me home, while Logain rode in the limo with Seb. Phillip was so relaxed and happy I couldn’t help but say a prayer of thanks. When we entered the Penthouse, I went and changed into something more comfortable.

 

As I was pulling on my shirt, Phillip walked in and smiled at me. He pulled the shirt back over my head so my arms were pinned behind me. Phillip leaned down and kissed me deeply.

 

“Baby girl, why are you acting so nervous? I didn’t smell Anders scent on you. What did you do or say that has you acting so scared?” Phillip whispered in my ear.

 

I took a shuddering breath; terrified Phillip would beat me again. “I just, um, Anders looked at me like I was just a sex object. I was afraid he was going to try a-an-and bed me.”

 

Phillip grabbed my hair and yanked. “Noire, did you do or say something I would disapprove of?”

 

His eyes had that same emotionless look from the cabin. “N-no! Phillip, I’m not stupid!”

 

“I know you’re not stupid. You are a whore, and a delusional liar.” Phillip tightened his grip on my arms.

 

We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t flinch, or look away. Phillip placed a hand on my throat, and pulled his gun from behind his back. The barrel was pressed against my temple.

 

“Now, baby girl, I am giving you one last chance to answer honestly. Did you say anything to that prick that he could twist around to make me look bad?” His voice was as devoid of emotions as his eyes.

 

“No, my Lord. Anders tried to get me to say something bad about you, but I told him how loving and kind you are to me. If shooting me will calm your fears, then I’ll pull the trigger.” I spoke softly, and when I finished I reached up and put my hand over his.

 

Phillip pulled the gun away and set it on the dresser. He kissed me harshly, and pushed me on the bed.

 

He climbed on top of me and I felt him bite down on my neck. I moaned when he sucked a mark on my already bruised skin. Phillip slid a leg between mine, and I rubbed up against his thigh. Finally, he claimed my mouth. Before Phillip could go any further, we heard Sebastian and Logain enter.

 

“Naturally, just when I am getting to the good part.” Phillip’s voice was full of mirth as he climbed off of me.

 

My owner helped me with my shirt. He went and changed into a jogging suit, after calling to the men we’d be right out. We entered the living room and sat down.

 

Sebastian gasped and asked in a voice full of worry, “Noire! What happened to your neck? Did Anders do that?”

 

“It’s nothing, Seb. The turtle neck gave me some sort of allergic reaction. Your Father was kissing it to make it feel better.” I stared at the floor as I flushed a deep red.

 

“Oh, oh! Sorry, I asked.” Sebastian was as embarrassed as I was.

 

Phillip smirked and poured us some sparkling. “Now that were out of the public eye. Noire, did you glean any information?”

 

“I, yes. Anders was asking about my hospital stay. He also wanted me to tell him about my abduction. If I had to guess, he was trying to get damning information on you. Sounded like he believes the rumors about you planning my abduction. After you called, he couldn’t get me out of there fast enough. Phillip, you intimidate him.” I paused in my almost completely fictional account, “He did ask if we could meet again. I need a new phone if I do.”

 

Logain looked at me closely, “Did Anders attempt to hit on you?”

 

“Oddly enough, no. Maybe he didn’t like how I dressed.” My eyes never left Logain’s intense stare.

 

“Maker forgive me for repeating gossip, but I may know why.” Sebastian was blushing.

 

“Well, don’t keep us in suspense, son.” Phillip’s voice had a note of irritation.

 

Sebastian sighed, “Anders is rumored to be gay. Also, he hates the Chantry. Have either of you seen him attend Mass? Anders makes it clear he doesn’t believe in the Maker or Andraste. If he is elected Chancellor, I am certain he will seek to curb the Chantry’s influence.”

 

Phillip sipped his wine before thoughtfully answering, “So, he leads a life about half the population still believes to be sinful. He also wants to remove the Chantry from politics. Noire, he is writing some sort of manifesto or something. Would you be willing to see him again and try to steal a copy? If we can get our hands on that gem before the election it just might cause him to drop out.”

 

“Just say when, love. But, can I look like less of a call girl next time?” I smiled at Phillip and reached for his hand.

 

Phillip laughed, “Of course, baby girl. Here, take my phone and call him. Since Mass is in the morning, arrange to meet him then. I am due to speak in advance of the Divine’s arrival on Monday. Take as much time as you can in order to get a hold of that work. Even just snapping pictures should be fine. Logain, can you get Noire a new phone by tomorrow morning?”

 

Logain nodded as he replied is a thoughtful manner, “I will also give her a USB memory stick. I assume he has a computer somewhere. Noire, if you can, download his hard drive.”

 

“Should I call him now?” Phillip and Logain nodded yes.

 

Phillip dialed the number and handed me the cell, “Anders? I apologize, did I wake you? Oh, good. Well, I was wondering if you would like to meet again. Would tomorrow during Mass be good? No… No… I would prefer no one else be present. Thank you, I’ll see you around ten.”

 

“Hmmm, he has a body guard now. But, Anders said he would dismiss him during our meeting. Maybe that’s his lover. I’ll try to find some pictures or something.” I flashed Phillip a cheeky grin.

 

“Excellent! Seb, Logain, we’ll see you both in the morning.” Phillip stood and I followed him to the bedroom.

 

He picked up where we left off and then we went to sleep.

 

Phillip vetoed my idea of dressing modestly. I think my man just liked seeing me made up like hooker. I dressed in all black. Tight leggings, and a long tunic that clung to every curve.

 

Logain gave me a new phone and USB stick. Phillip handed me the car keys and we were off again. My fiancé gave me a peck on the cheek before he got into the limo.

 

I must admit, I was thrilled to be going back to Anders. I didn’t think about him asking uncomfortable questions, I was too busy picturing the feel of his lips against mine.

 

My heart starting beating faster as I knocked on his door. Anders opened it this time.

 

“Noire, I am very happy you came to see me again! May I get you some coffee?” Anders looked tired and his voice had a false cheeriness to it.

 

“Yes, please. Just black.” I followed him into the sitting room.

 

I sat on the sofa while he grabbed the drinks. Anders expression was unreadable as he sat next to me. He gave me a small grin as he handed me my cup, and took a sip of his coffee.

 

“My apologies, Noire. I was up very late last night, so I was running behind this morning.” Anders voice was rough with fatigue.

 

I took a gulp of my coffee and set it aside. “You could’ve rearranged the meeting. If you’re too tired, I can come back later.”

 

“No, I didn’t mean for you to leave. I’m fine. So, before we chat, I need to ask you something.” He looked and sounded hesitant. “Was this your idea, or did Lord Vael want you to visit me again?”

 

I sighed and sounded a bit frustrated. “Phillip wants me to get a copy of the, pamphlet, manifesto thing you are writing. He thinks he can use it against you. Logain also suggested I try and download the hard drive from your computer.”

 

“I see. So you had no desire to come back here?” I couldn’t discern if he sounded disappointed or angry.

 

“I wanted to come back! I was racking my brains to come up with an excuse to meet with you again. Phillip has other motivations, but I wanted to be here.” I meet his eyes and tried to convey my sincerity.

 

Anders nodded, appeased by my answer. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll give you a copy of the manifesto, if you are willing to answer some more of my questions.”

 

“Deal. Ask away.” I flash him a cheeky grin.

 

Anders sat back and studied me for a few seconds. “If you don’t mind, could you describe your abduction?”

 

My smiled faded, and I felt my body tingle from nervousness. “You, you were there, weren’t you? You threatened to hand me over to the Crows! Are you going to try and kill me now?”

 

“Maker, no! Noire, yes, I was there. But, I wasn’t trying to kill you. Zevran, Varric and Cullen were trying to get you away from Lord Vael. They weren’t specters, or apparitions, it was your friends that took you. They believe Vael has some sort of mind control over you, and are concerned.” Anders tone had softened when he revealed the information.

 

I stood and began pacing. “Let me get this straight. My so-called friends kidnap me at gun point, threaten to kill my future husband, who I love, and I should just accept they were trying to help me? This is absurd!”

 

Something hit me and I turned a venomous look on Anders, “You, bastard! You hit on me, to get at Phillip, didn’t you?”

 

“No! Noire, please, sit down. I’m sorry, my words were clumsy.” Anders ran a hand across his brown and looked defeated. “The balcony was a lack of control on my part. I find you very attractive. I didn’t mean for my actions to muddy the waters.”

 

“Speak then, but know, I won’t let you disparage Phillip further.” I sat and glared at him.

 

“Very well. I think Zevran and Varric acted too rashly. They said it was out of character for you to cut off all contact. I chastised them for the attempted abduction. I can’t explain or justify their actions. You will need to talk to them if you want to understand their reasoning behind taking you by force.” Anders paused and finished his coffee. “Just answer me this, if you are so concerned with Lord Vael’s reputation, why did you show and tell me about the things he has done?”

 

I felt my face get hot, and I looked away from his scrutiny. “I, I, I don’t know. Is, are the things Phillip has done normal in a relationship? I don’t know what is and isn’t supposed to happen. I am so confused.” My voice was barely a whisper as I finished speaking.

 

“Noire, please, look at me.” Anders patiently waited until I finally made eye contact.

 

The Senator reached over and held my hand. “Those things Lord Vael has done, are NOT normal. He is a violent, sexual sadist. None of what has been done to you is your fault. Let me help you, please. The longer you stay with that man, the worse his abuse will become.”

 

I burst into tears, and Anders folded me into a warm embrace. He rocked me gently and told me I was an innocent victim. Anders tried to convince me nothing that had happened was my fault.

 

I slowly relaxed in his arms. I felt safe, and cared for. I sat up and looked at the Senator. For a moment neither of us took a breath. I leaned in, and let Anders claim my mouth. For a few moments, I was in heaven.

 

Anders gripped my shoulders and his voice was low and unsteady, “Noire, I shouldn’t be doing this. I am terrified of getting you in trouble.”

 

“I promise you, I’ll be fine.” I pressed my lips more firmly against his mouth.

 

Anders resolve crumbled. He kissed me passionately, and pulled me down on top of him. I straddled him, and he grabbed my hips. Our breathing became heavy as we ground against each other. Anders slipped his hands under my shirt and caressed my back. I sat up and gazed into his amber eyes.

 

I removed my tunic, and then unclasped my bra. His breath caught in his throat as I slowly revealed my breasts. I reached for the bottom of his t-shirt, and he helped me remove it. I leaned down, and kissed him as he moaned when our bare skin met. His touch was gentle, yet so arousing. I panted when he caressed my breasts. Anders then moved to my sensitive nipples. When he sucked on them, I lost all control.

 

I begged for him to take me. We managed to disrobe. Before he took me, he stopped and looked at me.

 

“Noire, are you certain? I don’t want to take advantage of your situation.” Anders whispered, with worry in his eyes.

 

“I am certain.” I kissed him deeply.

 

Anders tenderly guided me over him. He slowly entered me. I was trembling from the feel of him. We spoke no words, just revealed in the closeness of each other.

                                       

Anders grasped my hips and thrust. His touch was so gentle. He kept whispering the most beautiful things. It wasn’t long before I climaxed. Anders stilled his movements until I had calmed. When he started again, he moved faster. I braced myself and moved with him. Anders was soon crying out. When I felt his release it pushed me over the edge again.

 

He pulled me down and plundered my mouth. As the kiss ended Anders stroked my hair while we caught our breath.

 

“Noire, this was dangerous. I am worried you’ll be killed because of it.” Anders sounded so frightened. “Will I ever see you again?”

 

Fear started to grip my heart. Did I want to risk my life for this man? I barely knew him. Anders confirmed he was part of my abduction. Phillip may be right; I did have mental issues. What else could explain my screwing a man that tried to kidnap me.

 

“I, I don’t know. I will try. Anders, I need to clean up. I am supposed to meet Phillip and his son, soon.” I reluctantly stood and pulled a throw around me.

 

Anders helped me pick up my clothes. As we started towards the bathroom, someone materialized in the hallway. I froze in terror. I didn’t recognize the white haired man, but I was afraid he worked for Phillip.

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake! You really are an idiot. You realize this will start a war with Vael. Don’t expect me to take a bullet just because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.” He crossed his arms and shook his head as he exited.

 

“That is my new body guard, Noire. Don’t worry, Fenris won’t say anything. Here, take your things and go clean up. I’ll get you the manifesto.” Anders voice was caught between frustration and fear.

 

I took my time, and made certain I had no evidence of Anders on my body or my clothes. As I finished touching up my cosmetics, something else slammed into my brain. Protection, we hadn’t used protection! I reapplied my lipstick and went to find Anders.

 

I found he and Fenris arguing in the front office. They both shut up when I tapped on the door frame.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but may I have a private word with the Senator?” My heart felt like it was going to burst it was beating so fast.

 

Fenris smirked, raised an eyebrow, looked me up and down and left the room.

 

“Noire, I’m sorry. He isn’t fond of me. He pointed out my sleeping with you could cause more problems than either of us need. I don’t regret it; I just need to make sure you aren’t going to be hurt because of it.” Anders moved to me and held my hands.

 

“About that, dammit, I, um, this is difficult. Anders, we didn’t use protection.” I met his eyes, and saw them widen at the implication.

 

“Oh, holy, fucking Maker! You aren’t on birth control then?” Anders gripped my arms.

 

“No. Phillip can’t have any more children. He is the only other person I have slept with. I didn’t think about it.” I felt so awful when I saw the strain on his face.

 

Anders pulled me into a hug and whispered, “It’s not your fault. I should’ve known better. Hopefully nothing will come of this. I know you may not be able to come back again. But, promise me, if you end up with child, you will leave Phillip.”

 

“I promise! I need to take the manifesto and go, Anders. I shouldn’t linger.” Anders released me, and handed me his writings.

 

He grasped my hand for a few seconds, and I saw him tear up as I turned to leave. I ran out of his house, and got in the car. I took some deep breaths, and drove away. I buried my attraction to Anders, and hoped Phillip would be distracted enough by what I received he wouldn’t grill me. I didn’t think I would be able stand up to his questioning without admitting what I had done.

 

I had extra time before meeting Phillip at the restaurant. I drove to the Tevinter Gardens. I walked under the trees and tried to sort out my feelings. Guilt at sleeping with Anders was gnawing at my mind. From what he had explained, it was obvious Zev, and Varric were using me as a pawn against Phillip. Anders was probably doing the same. Why else would he sleep with me? If he really was concerned about Phillip killing me, he would’ve fought harder against me leaving.

 

I was a fool. Hopefully I could keep my disloyalty a secret. Phillip owned me. The thought of losing the man I loved caused my chest to constrict. I sighed and made my way back to the car. Praying to the Maker my sins would be concealed.  


	26. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire runs away for an afternoon to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A non-traumatizing chapter.

 

** Chapter 26 **

Secrets and Lies

 

 

By the time I arrived to meet Phillip and Sebastian for brunch, I was sick with guilt. I couldn’t face Phillip and his son knowing how I acted. I felt like a whore. I didn’t even bother going inside. I started driving with no destination in mind. After a couple of hours my phone started ringing, so I turned it off.

 

I ended up at the Chantry. No parishioners were around, and the Revered Mother wasn’t in the main hall. I knelt behind the first pew, and began reciting the Chant of Light. When I had finished, I began to pray to Andraste.

 

I poured my heart out to the Maker’s Bride. All my fears, all my pain, and the guilt of my infidelity. I finally just shook in angst. I could no longer form words. I was terrified of telling Phillip what I had done, because I didn’t want to lose him. I felt dizzy, so I laid on the cool floor. My poor body had been through so much, and with my emotional turmoil I was exhausted. I fell fast asleep.

 

Someone was gently shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and for a moment I had no idea where I was. I blinked, and found myself staring up at Sebastian.

 

“Seb? What happened?” I was having difficulty remembering what I had been doing.

 

Sebastian helped me up onto the bench. “Noire, you’ve been missing for hours. Your phone is turned off, we had no idea where you were.”

 

I closed my eyes as the day’s events hit me. “Oh, I was having a bad day. I drove around for a bit and then sought out the Maker. I remember feeling a bit dizzy. Then, nothing until you just woke me up.”

 

“I should probably get you to the Doctor.” Sebastian started dialing a number when I stopped him.

 

“I’m fine, Sebastian. Just a bit tired. Can you take me home? I’m sorry I worried everyone. I just needed to pray.” I gave him a smile even though my vision blurred from unwanted tears.

 

Sebastian nodded, and helped me up. He gingerly led me out to his car. He explained someone else could come get the other vehicle. Before we pulled out, Seb called Phillip.

 

“Father, I found her…. In the Chantry… She says she is… No, I don’t think so. Ok, see you in a bit.” Sebastian tucked his phone away and drove us home.

 

I had dozed off again by the time we arrived. Sebastian refused to let me walk without supporting me. I was dizzy again and felt sick. Before we even got into the elevator, I had to throw up in a trash can. Sebastian was extremely concerned.

 

When we got in the penthouse, I tried to smile and act normal. Another wave of dizziness slammed into me and it was Seb’s quick reaction that prevented me from falling on the floor.

 

“Baby girl? What’s wrong?” Phillip rushed to my side.

 

“I think I am going to be sick. Can you help me to the bathroom?” I could barely talk.

 

Phillip picked me up and got me to the loo just in time. He held my hair while I vomited for what seemed like hours. I finally got to dry heaves. I shuddered when the sickness subsided. Phillip helped me stand so I could brush my teeth and rinse out my mouth.

 

“Noire, sweetie, have you eaten today?” Phillip asked as he held me.

 

I took a deep breath, “Um, no. I, I just didn’t feel like it.”

 

“Come, baby girl. Let’s get you some food. You need to eat. Your dizziness is probably from lack of nutrition.” Phillip was being so kind, my guilty conscience threatened to cause me to have a meltdown.

 

“Ok. I’ll try.” I couldn’t meet his eyes as he escorted me to the sofa.

 

Phillip pulled me into his arms and stroked my hair. His tenderness undid me. The regret I felt, streamed down my face. Phillip started to rock me, and telling me how much he loved me.

 

Sebastian carried in a tray with some chicken soup, and crackers. Phillip insisted on feeding me. I got one bite down, and the nausea came back full force.

 

“No, I’m sorry. I can’t eat, I am going to be sick again if I try.” My voice sounded weak even to my ears.

 

“Father, Noire is so pale! She needs a Doctor.” Sebastian came over and felt my forehead. “No fever, but something isn’t right.”

 

“Baby girl, can you eat a cracker?” Phillip held one to my lips.

 

I took a very small bite. The cracker didn’t taste awful, nor did it make me sick.

 

“I, I can eat a few of those.” I took it from Phillip’s hand and finished it quickly.

 

“Seb, can you pour her a small glass of ginger ale?” Phillip was taking charge as if he knew what was wrong.

 

As I finished a few of the crackers, Sebastian brought me the glass of ginger ale. Phillip watched me after I took a sip.

 

“Th-thank you. I think this will help settle my stomach.” I didn’t realize until then how thirsty I was.

 

“Son, sit with her a minute, I need to make a phone call.” Phillip got up and left the room.

 

As I quietly swallowed my drink, Seb asked me a question. “Noire, what upset you so much that you disappeared all day?”

 

“I needed some time to think. Anders, said some disturbing things. Then, I wanted to talk to the Maker. I don’t really remember laying down, but I was tired.” I didn’t look at Seb; afraid he would see the shame in my eyes.

 

“Noire, those things Anders said. Were they about my Father?” Sebastian kept his voice low so Phillip wouldn’t hear.

 

“Some. But, that’s not the thing that upset me.” I would’ve said more, but Phillip walked back into the room.

 

Phillip smiled as he sat next to me. “Baby girl. I just consulted with Dr. Orsino. He thinks he knows what the problem is. You’re going to be fine.”

 

The elevator opened before Phillip said anything else. One of the guards came over, handed Phillip a bag, then exited.

 

“Come with me, Noire. We’ll find out if the diagnosis Orsino suspects is accurate. Seb, this won’t take long.” Phillip grasped my hand and led me to the bathroom.

 

In the powder room, Phillip opened the bag and took out a box. He opened it and handed me the item. It was a pregnancy test. I was baffled. Did he think I had been cheating on him this whole time?

 

“Noire, when I had my procedure years ago, I was supposed to go back after a period of time and make sure the vasectomy took. I didn’t. Orsino says your symptoms sound like you’re with child. I’ll leave you while you take the test.” Phillip exited while I read the instructions.

 

When I set the test aside and washed my hands, Phillip came back. I was trembling. He wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my cheek.

 

“Shhh, you’re going to be fine baby girl. I am here. Whatever the result, I will support you. I love you so much.” As he held me, I started to calm a bit.

 

He didn’t know I had cheated on him. Maybe the Maker would grant two prayers in one day. I didn’t want to be pregnant.

 

When the time was up, I grabbed the test. My heart sank, as I let it slip from my hand and fall to the floor.

 

“Baby? What did it say?” Phillip’s face was soft and full of love.

 

“I-I’m having a child.” I swayed when I said those words, and Phillip steadied me.

                                                                                        

He kissed my cheek before reacting, “Oh my beautiful girl. This is a good thing! I am so happy! I promise to take good care of you and our child. After the Divine’s visit, we will get married. I love you!”

 

Tears flowed down my face, and I let Phillip carry me back to the sofa. He insisted I eat more crackers. Phillip told Seb to get me some plain broth.

 

Sebastian handed me a cup of broth and sat down. “What’s wrong with Noire, Father?”

 

I pointedly stared at the floor while Phillip answered gleefully. “A miracle! Noire is carrying my child! I know the Maker has blessed us.”

 

I glanced at Seb, and he had a shocked look. “Father! This is a scandal! You two aren’t married yet!”

 

“We’ll be married soon enough, Son. I thought you’d be happy for us. I lost two of my children, and the Maker is giving me one back.” Phillip’s voice was icy at Sebastian’s outrage.

 

Sebastian flushed at his Father’s rebuke, “I apologize. Perhaps you are right. The Maker does work in mysterious ways.”

 

“Thank you, Seb. Don’t worry, as soon as the Divine’s visit is over, and the new Right Hand is announced, we’ll get married. I hope that you will consider being my best man.” Phillip’s tone softened while making the request.

 

“Of course, Father. I would be honored.” Sebastian’s voice sounded like he was surprised at Phillip’s request.

 

I drank a bit more broth while Father and son talked. I set my mug aside, and leaned on Phillip. I didn’t even know I had been carried to bed until I woke around six am. I was still tired, but my pain was reduced which was a good thing.

 

I sat up, and the dizziness and nausea returned. I got to the bathroom and heaved again. There wasn’t much since I hadn’t eaten real food in two days. Phillip hurried in to rub my back, and hold my hair. He lifted me to my feet and kept one arm around my waist while I freshened up.

 

Phillip helped me shower, and then get dressed. After settling me on the sofa, he went and dressed himself. I watched the sky lighten, and tried to sift through the emotional baggage I was carrying.

 

“Baby girl, are you ok?” Phillip came up and kissed me.

 

I caressed his cheek as I softly answered, “Yes, love. Just thinking about, our situation. I’m scared I’ll be a horrible Mother. What if the child ends up with mental issues? What if the drugs I have taken have damaged the baby?”

 

Phillip wiped away the few tears that spilled over. “You’ll be a great Mother, Noire. If the Maker has blessed us with the gift, I am certain the child will be born healthy. Let me get you something to eat. I know most food sounds unappealing right now, but is there something you think you could keep down?”

 

“Maybe some strawberries? Do we have chamomile tea?” I couldn’t stand the thought of anything else.

 

Phillip brought out a tray and fed me. As I sipped my tea, he ate his breakfast. When he was done he cleared away the mess. The elevator opened as he was taking his spot next to me. I turned and saw Logain enter with Sebastian.

 

Logain sat across from us and studied me, “Quite the chase you led us on yesterday, Noire.”

 

“Sor-sorry, I needed some time to think. Meeting with Anders was unpleasant. I spent the time driving, and praying in the Chantry.” I kept my voice low.

 

Phillip exchanged a look with the other two men. “What happened, baby girl?”

 

“Anders, spent most of the time trying to convince me that you were evil. He told me dangerous people were behind the plot to abduct me. The Senator also said he had proof to show you are a murderer. I was terrified at what he said. So, I went for a drive and then decided to share my burdens with the Maker.” I looked at Phillip and saw how angry he was.

 

Guilt sparked but faded quickly. I knew if Phillip found out I bedded Anders, we’d both be dead. Phillip stood and looked out the window.

 

“Logain, options?” Phillip was already plotting to out maneuver Anders.

 

“Not many, Phil. Noire left the manifesto in the car, and it is just a rambling pamphlet about hypocrisy and too much power in too few hands. The “evidence” he claims to have; I am guessing isn’t stored electronically. Patience is what I recommend for now. If he becomes Chancellor, he won’t be able to resist trying to rip the Chantry from government. That’s what we wait for.” Logain sounded as pragmatic as always. “Forgive me for being rude, but Noire, are you sick?”

 

Phillip turned and smirked at Logain, “Morning sickness. Seems my vasectomy was a failure.”

 

Logain rose an eyebrow and studied me carefully. I felt like he could read my heart and knew I had slept with someone else.

 

“How long until you get a paternity test?” Logain said bluntly.

 

“How dare you! Noire isn’t a woman of loose morals. She carries my Father’s child.” Sebastian looked like he wanted to throttle Logain.

 

“Calm down, son. A paternity test is standard procedure when it appears a vasectomy failed. I know the child is mine.” Phillip came and sat down next to me. “Sweetie, I don’t want you to come meet Justinia at the airport. Given all the stress you have been under, you need rest. We’ll have dinner with her tonight, ok?”

 

“I understand. Tell her I love her.” I hid my disappointment behind a small smile.

 

“I can sit with her, Father. I know you will have Chantry things to discuss.” Sebastian waited for Phillip’s decision.

 

Phillip nodded. “Logain, make sure the men are assembled. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”


	27. The Divine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire deals with guilt from her infidelity, and of being pregnant. The Divine is shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC ABUSE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SEXUAL THEMES

** Chapter 27 **

The Divine

 

After Phillip left, Sebastian turned his gaze to me. It seemed as if he wanted to say something, but was holding back.

 

“Seb, you can ask me anything. I won’t be offended.” I kept a warm smile on my face.

 

After clearing his throat, he spoke, “Noire. The things Anders said about my Dad. How bad were they?”

 

I sighed and tried not to sound frustrated. “Pretty bad. The Senator tried to convince me Phillip is dangerous. He claims your Father is a murderer, and that he will kill me next. Anders is good at mind games. That’s why I went quiet yesterday. I needed to sort through all I was told. Praying to the Maker calmed me.”

 

“Noire, did something happen yesterday? You seem very upset. You already have heard horrible things about my Father, what else happened with Anders?” Sebastian came and sat next to me.

 

“Please, don’t ask, Seb. I told the Maker and Andraste what I needed to.” I refused to meet his eyes so he wouldn’t see me crying.

 

Sebastian took my hand, and kindly spoke, “Noire, I swear I will tell my Father nothing. You are a sweet and loving soul. Anders is a faithless charlatan. I told Father he was wrong in sending you to meet Anders alone. I am a lay brother for the Chantry. You can confess to me, if that will ease your mind.”

 

I buried my face in my hands and wept. Sebastian rubbed my back and let me cry it out.

 

“Sebastian, what I did was so wrong. It’s not something I have ever dreamed of doing. I betrayed the Maker, Andraste and Phillip. I am headed to the Void.” I whispered.

 

Sebastian was gentle as he asked, “Noire, did you get intimate with Anders?”

 

“Yes.” My voice cracked around that affirmation.

 

“You walked into a dangerous situation. You are inexperienced. I am certain Anders took advantage of your naivety. Noire, you will be forgiven. Normally, I would recommend a person admit the misstep to their spouse, but not in this case. My Father can be volatile. I am uncertain how he would react. You sought out the Maker and confessed. That is enough. Don’t hold onto this. I will be happy to talk to you anytime you’re feeling guilty or sad, ok?” Sebastian was a voice of reason.

 

“Th-thank you, Seb.” I was grateful he didn’t judge me.

 

Sebastian recommended I lay down so I didn’t tax my body. Seb’s comments lessoned the guilt I was carrying. I fell asleep feeling much better.

 

“Noire? Please, wake up.” Sebastian roused me from my nap.

 

I sat up instantly, adrenaline pulsing through me at Seb’s tone. “What’s the matter?”

 

“The Divine, has been shot. Logain was also hit. Father is at the Hospital and wants us both there.” Sebastian helped me up, then left me to change.

 

I dressed quickly and went to find Seb. When we got to the garage, there was a large compliment of guards. We climbed into an SUV and raced to the Divine.

 

I clung to Sebastian’s hand as we made our way into a back entrance of the Hospital. The guards wanted us to avoid the media, and were concerned Sebastian and I could be targets.

 

We stepped off the elevator into the ICU hallway. Phillip was pacing back and forth and looked like the Void. He was covered in blood, and had a bandage on one arm.

 

I ran to him, and when he made eye contact he wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back, while he cried on my shoulder. This time I stroked his hair, and made soothing sounds. His crying quieted and he pulled back.

 

“Baby girl, we were ambushed outside the Chantry. I begged Justinia to not linger out in the open. She insisted on greeting her flock. Three men opened fire. Logain covered the Divine and was shot several times. Justinia, she, she…” Phillip pulled away and slammed his fist into the wall. “She was shot in the head. I am in charge of her medical power of attorney. I have kept her on life support until you got to see her. I’m so sorry.”

 

Sebastian came forward and hugged his Father. I stood motionless. This couldn’t be happening. Dorothea was the only person I had left that knew me when I was young. My brain refused to accept what I was being told.

 

“I need to see her.” My voice was emotionless.

 

Phillip held my hand as he escorted me inside the Divine’s room. She was barely recognizable with all the medical equipment and bandaging on her head. The Doctor and nurses stepped away so I could have a moment to say goodbye. I kissed her cheek. Told her how much I loved her. Then prayed to the Maker he would receive her in the Golden City.

 

When I finished, Phillip nodded to Dr. Orsino. I watched in horror as the machines were switched off. It felt like only a few seconds and the Divine was pronounced dead. I stormed out of the room.

 

In the hallway, I felt my anger consume me. I knew Lelianna had done this. If it took me a lifetime, I was going to hunt her down. Phillip followed me out and attempted to comfort me.

 

I ripped away from his touch, “Don’t, just fucking don’t! I could’ve seen her one more time! I can’t even look at you right now. Leave me the fuck alone!”

 

I ran to the door marked stairs and headed away from everything. When I reached the bottom floor, I found the guard who had driven Sebastian and I. I told him to give me the keys. He tried to refuse, but I was persuasive.

 

Once in the SUV, I speed away. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere that didn’t remind me of Phillip or Dorothea. I was so enraged; all I could think about was revenge. My phone started ringing, so I threw it out the window. I decided ditching the SUV would be wise. I wasn’t ready to face anyone yet.

 

I parked it on a side street, and started walking. I was only a few miles away from Anders house. I didn’t mean to go back there, but soon enough I was on his street. When I reached his front door, I was suddenly leery about knocking. Before I could decide what to do, the door opened.

 

“Miss Hawke, the Senator wasn’t expecting you, was he?” Fenris was looking behind me to make certain I was alone.

 

“No, I, don’t know why I am here. I was walking, and, could I use a phone? I lost mine.” My nervousness was obvious.

 

“Fenris, let her in! Sorry, Noire, he’s worried you aren’t alone.” Anders walked up and escorted me inside. “Take the night off, Fenris.”

 

“Pfft, fine. But, if Vael shows up and guts you, it won’t be my fault.” Fenris stalked off into the night.

 

Anders took me back to the sitting room and offered me some wine. I declined, and asked for water. When he finally sat, I saw he was as fidgety as I was.

 

“So, what happened?” Anders was trying to sound calm.

 

“Have you not seen the news?” I was stunned.

 

“No, I was writing. What’s wrong? Are you all right?” Anders was clueless.

 

“The Divine is dead! She was more of a Mother to me than my real Mom! Phillip insisted I not go with him to pick her up. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye!” Tears finally fell from my eyes.

 

Anders moved to me, and wrapped me in his arms. He just held me while I cried. When I calmed, I pulled back a little to look at him. Anders looked so kind. My breath caught. This man was so handsome. I knew I needed to leave. To stay was folly, but I didn’t have the will to go.

 

Anders kissed me. It was white hot with passion. I didn’t care about anything in that moment. Just as we were losing ourselves, his phone rang.

 

“This is Anders. No…. No, I haven’t seen her. I will. Call this number if she shows up? Understood.” Anders tossed his phone down.

 

“Noire, that was Lord Vael. Apparently, you’re missing. That’s what the media has been told. I can hide you if you don’t want to go back.” Anders looked torn.

 

I cursed under my breath, “No, I should go back. Do you have a hoodie I can borrow? Preferably one that doesn’t smell like patchouli oil.”

 

Anders nodded and retrieved a black sweatshirt. I donned it as Anders led me out to his dark back yard. He whispered the route to get to a different street. He kissed me one final time. A kiss full of promise, and goodbye. I turned and ran. I didn’t want anyone to suffer Phillip’s wrath.

 

I meandered around Starkhaven until I was far away from the Senator’s home. I ended up on a busier street and was able to hail a cab. With the hood pulled down no one could recognize me. I had the cabby drop me off several blocks from the penthouse.

 

I had a card key, so I figured the front entrance was best. There was media, but since my face was hidden they paid me no mind. As I approached the door, I heard the press go crazy. I turned around and watched Phillip and Sebastian exit a different SUV.

 

I hurried inside. When I stepped into the apartment, I prepared myself for Phillip’s wrath. He could yell all he wanted, but I wasn’t going to keep quiet this time. I changed, and buried the hoodie in my laundry basket before Sebastian and Phillip walked in. I opened the door to the balcony and stepped outside.

 

The crisp air was refreshing. It also helped calm my nerves. A part of me wished I had hidden at Anders house. It was too late now. I couldn’t risk seeing him anytime soon. Plus, I wasn’t entirely sure his interest was in me, or pissing off his political rival.

 

I heard them enter. I became extra calm. That had always been a sign I was very close to losing my temper. The thought of looking at Phillip made me want to slap him.

 

“Baby girl? What are you doing?” Phillip slowly advanced near me. “You aren’t thinking of jumping are you?”

 

“No, but would it matter if I am? Why shouldn’t I?” I turned and gave him a flat look.

 

For the first time since I had known Phillip, I saw fear in his eyes. I had heard it in his voice when I od’d, but this was naked fear in his expression.

 

“Noire, come inside. Let Sebastian and I comfort you. Would you like Seb to pray with us? Anything you need, I’ll get for you.” Phillip edged closer.

 

“I want Dorothea back! I want you to turn back the clock and take me with you to meet her plane. What I want you are powerless to give!” I shoved passed him, and locked myself in the bedroom.

 

I was shaking, and had a hard time catching my breath. I made it to the bathroom sink and splashed cold water on my face. I didn’t see a way to deal with this. I looked in the drawer, and found the sedatives. I had never considered suicide, but what did I really have left? I filled a glass with water and swallowed the whole bottle.

 

I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. I wondered how long it would take before I was dead. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the bedroom door slam open. Before I could shut the powder room door, Phillip and Sebastian both rushed in.

 

“Father, look! How many pills were in this bottle?” Seb held it up for Phillip to see.

 

“Dammit! It was full! Baby, please don’t fight me. I need to get these out of your system. Seb, I need some help!” Phillip reached for me as I was trying to pull away.

 

Sebastian was as strong as Phillip. The son pinned my arms to my sides once Phillip had wrestled me to the toilet. My fiancé forced his fingers down my throat and I threw up the pills. A few more heaves and it was obvious I had nothing left.

 

“I’ve got it now Seb, thank you.” Sebastian nodded and left the bedroom.

 

I stood and rinsed out my mouth. I was shaking and unsteady, but I refused any help from Phillip. He hovered until I was ready to exit. After seeing me to the sofa and making sure Sebastian would watch me, Phillip went back to the bathroom. I heard the water running.

 

A few minutes later Phillip came and sat next to me. “All the pills are gone. Son, would you mind taking the cutlery into the guest room tonight? Just in case Noire gets overly emotional again.”

 

“Yes, Father.” Sebastian gave me a sympathetic look. “I will retire now. It’s been a long day, and tomorrow will be longer. Goodnight.”

 

I have never felt more alone than that night. The only people I knew had entered my life less than a year before. No longtime friends, no family. My grief was so painful, I just wanted to stop hurting. Tears streaked down my face. Phillip tentatively reached for me. I didn’t resist this time. I took solace in the only thing I had left, my future husband.

 

Phillip kissed my tears and whispered, “Baby girl, I am so sorry. Please don’t kill yourself! That’s not what Dorothea would want. Besides, you wouldn’t want to harm the baby would you?”

 

“N-no. I’m scared, love. I don’t know where to put the pain.” I broke down.

 

Phillip just held me until I cried myself out. Then he carried me to bed. I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow.


	28. Unfaithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is still angry, and flees to Anders for solace. Phillip gives chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT

** Chapter 28 **

Unfaithful

 

 

I woke late the next morning. When I tried to move, I found my hands were tied to the bed.

 

“Phillip? Sebastian? I need to get up, please.” No answer.

 

I groaned at the thought of them leaving me like this. My wrists were tied above my head, so I flipped over. I managed to get into a kneeling position. I was able to undo the silk belt that had been used as a restraint.

 

After freeing myself, I went to shower. I got dressed and put on some cosmetics. I didn’t want to be in this house. I needed to think. I got in the elevator, and went to the garage. Hoping to sneak out the back, I was disappointed when I saw the small army as the doors opened.

 

“I need a driver to take me to Phillip.” I sounded much more confident than I felt.

 

“Sorry, Miss Hawke. Lord Vael said you might try this. We can’t let you leave.” I nodded and took the elevator back upstairs.

 

I paced back and forth for who knows how long. The more time that passed, the angrier I got. If I hadn’t gotten out of my bonds, I’d still be tied to the bed. There was no excuse for what Phillip had done. Just like there was no way Phillip could make up for leaving me at home so I didn’t get to see Dorothea while she was still vibrant and full of life.

 

Something dawned on me. There had to be a way out of the penthouse in case of a fire. The elevator wouldn’t run, so there had to be another exit. I went into Seb’s guest room and looked around. The large mirror. I looked at it and realized it swung away from the wall to reveal a fire door. In the stair well there was a map. The exit was on the side of the building. The guards hadn’t been standing there.

 

I grabbed my purse and the hoodie I’d borrowed and left. Pulling the hood low over my face, I stepped into the alley. I walked a couple of blocks before hailing a cab. I had it drop me off in the housing development I could cut through to get to Anders’ house. Knowing Phillip would be crushed if he knew I was seeking the Senator out for comfort, made my escape all the sweeter.

 

I hopped a small fence and was behind Anders’ house. As I walked to the back door I was grabbed from behind. A gun was at the base of my skull.

 

“State your business here.” Fenris hissed.

 

I sighed, “Fenris, it’s me, Hawke.”

 

I was released, “Do you have a death wish? Or, are you trying to get Anders killed? Can’t blame you for the second option. He is rather annoying.”

 

“Neither. I just wanted to go someplace I wouldn’t be easily found. I know, this is dangerous and stupid. But, so are a lot of other things I could be doing.” I made eye contact as I finished.

 

Fenris nodded and stepped aside. “I’ll keep watch out here. Take all the time you need.”

 

My heart was pounding as I entered the back door. As I shut it, I heard Anders call out.

 

“Fenris?” Anders voice sounded muffled.

 

“No. It’s Noire.” I called.

 

I heard what sounded like a stampede. Anders flew around the corner. His hair was half in and half out of a ponytail. He had obviously just finished showering. He had on a worn robe and ratty slippers. Completely the opposite of my refined fiancé, and completely adorable.

 

“Hello. Sorry, you caught me off guard. The news said you had gone into seclusion until the Divine’s pyre in Orlais.” Anders was trying to gain some semblance of control.

 

I smiled to put him at ease. “I needed to escape. I didn’t feel like being cooped up.”

 

“We can sit and talk if you’d like.” Anders sounded very nervous, and he was avoiding my eyes.

 

I took a deep breath, walked forward and kissed him. Anders instantly responded. After a few wonderful minutes, he pulled back. His eyes shone with desire. I allowed him to lead me upstairs. As Anders shut the bedroom door behind us, I started to tremble from anticipation.

 

Anders guided me to stand next to the bed. He slowly helped me undress. Once he had laid me down, he stood and removed his robe. He freed his hair, then crawled next to me. We took our time exploring each other.

 

Anders was slow and gentle with our love making. It was awkward for a few moments when the subject of protection was broached. When he finally claimed me, I cried out. Anders kept moving as I shuddered beneath him. He kissed me, and then started whispering in my ear. He was speaking the Anderfel language. It was hot.

 

I felt my body cresting again, and Anders picked up the pace. I screamed as my body gained release a second time. He stopped moving until I caught my breath. Kissing me deeply, he started moving again. This time he was passionate in his thrusts. Anders closed his eyes and braced himself as he chased his peak. As he cried out, I wrapped my legs tight around him to feel every shudder.

 

He kissed me as he rolled off my sweat drenched body. Gathering me in his arms, we held each other and didn’t speak. We fell asleep wearing serene smiles.

 

Frantic knocking jolted both of us awake. “Anders! Get up! Vael and his son are here!”

 

I looked at the Senator in alarm. I threw on my clothes. Anders pointed to the window. I saw there was a trellis I could climb down. After checking to make sure no one was in the back yard I climbed out. Our eyes met, and I tried to communicate my feelings with a look. Anders smiled sadly and exited his room.

 

I dropped to the ground and bolted. I ran for quite some time. I was in a quandary. If I went home and Phillip was there, there was a good chance he’d know I had been with another man. Yet, if I could beat him home I could run a bath and act like nothing had happened when he got there. Option three, the spa. That was it! I could hit up the store next to the spa, buy some clothes and then change after a spa treatment.

 

I waved down a taxi and headed to do some retail therapy. I got a sexy new corset, matching thigh high stockings and crotch less panties. I chose a black cat suit, with a wide, red leather belt and matching boots. I paid with the card Phillip had given me and went next door.

 

The owner recognized me, and understood I would want privacy. She led me to a massage room that had a shower. I bathed and felt much better. I knew using my card would tell Phillip where I was. Best that it was on the opposite side of town from Anders. The massage therapist entered and began unwinding my tense back.

 

I was in heaven, until the door opened. The masseuse quickly left. I sat up and saw Phillip. His looked was caught between rage, and concern. The severity of my actions slammed into my head. If Dorothea were still alive, she would’ve been livid with my behavior. I watched in terror as Phillip walked to me.

 

“Noire, time to get dressed. We need to go home and prepare to travel to Orlais.” Phillip’s tone was soft, but hinted at anger below the surface. “Sebastian and I have been searching for you for several hours.”

 

“I-I’m sorry, love. I was so angry this morning. I woke, found I was alone and tied to the bed. I left to try and sort out my feelings.” My voice had dropped to a whisper, and fear made tears form in my eyes.

 

Phillip tilted my chin up to look at me. His anger seemed to dissipate. He put his arms around me. Phillip held me for a few moments before kissing my hair.

 

“Baby girl, please, don’t run off like that again. Your phone is still turned off, so we couldn’t call you. After last night, Seb and I both thought you may have gone and killed yourself.” He sounded so wounded.

 

I grasped him tight, “Phillip, I am so sorry. That thought never crossed my mind! I promise, I won’t do this again. I, I lost my phone last night. Please, forgive me, love!”

 

Phillip kissed me then. It was harsh and fierce, and made me wonder why I would want to leave this man. He pulled back and I saw the lust in his gaze. I slid off the table and onto my knees. I waited to see what he wanted me to do.

 

Phillip wound a hand in my hair, and pulled me forward. He didn’t need to guide me after that. It wasn’t long before I had him groaning. Both of his hands grasped my head when he came. I continued my ministrations until he moved me back.

 

Looking down at me he whispered, “I love you, Noire Hawke. Let’s go home.”

 

His words caused an excited shiver to run down my spine. Phillip helped me stand, and then exited the room to let me dress. I put on my new lingerie and clothes. As I walked to the front, Phillip took my hand and we got into the limo. Seb was in the back, finishing a prayer.

 

“Noire, thank the Maker! We were so worried! Did you forget to turn your phone back on?” Sebastian looked at me with concern.

 

“I lost my phone. I’m sorry for upsetting you both. I, I am not dealing with the Divine’s death very well. I won’t do this again, Sebastian.” I let Seb grasp my hand when I finished.

 

Phillip pulled me tight against him as the car headed towards home. We drop Sebastian off at his condo first. Once he was out of the car, Phillip attacked me. His kissed me, and his hands were everywhere. I was aching when we entered the garage.

 

As the elevator doors closed, Phillip resumed his exploration of my body. When we reached the penthouse, Phillip threw me over his shoulder and carried me to bed. He tossed me down and I landed with a bounce. I just stared as he quickly undressed.

 

Climbing next to me he spoke, “Stand up and strip for me nice and slow, baby girl.”

 

I moaned as he nibbled my ears and neck. When he stopped, I stood and did as he requested. I felt powerful as the heat in his gaze became more intense as I revealed my new unmentionables.

 

“Panties on or off, love.” I waited as Phillip looked ready to devour me.

 

He choked out, “On.”

 

I was pulled on top of him. Soon enough I was underneath Phillip.

 

“I like these, Noire. Very sexy.” Phillip moaned in my ear when he found he didn’t need to remove my smalls.

 

Phillip was much more demanding in bed. Anders was gentle touches, and sweet whispers. Phillip was consuming. By the time he let me reach my first climax, I couldn’t imagine any touch other than Phillip’s. He kept prolonging the encounter until I was screaming for him to take me.

 

When Phillip finally entered me, my pleasure was so great I forgot to breath for a few moments. I cried out and dug my finger nails in his back. My thighs had a vice like grip around his waist. Phillip grabbed my arms and forced them above my head. Whispering to me to spread my legs so he could thrust harder.

 

It didn’t take long for us both to shudder and cry out. Phillip kissed me until I stopped shaking. He rolled off me and gathered me to his side. I passed out with him stroking my hair.

 

What I didn’t know, Phillip would soon find out I had been at Anders. Thanks to Logain, several small cameras were located around the Senator’s house. I was blissfully unaware of what was going to happen after the Divine’s pyre. It would test my will to survive.


	29. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire heads to Orlais with Phillip to prepare for the Divine's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADULT THINGS

** Chapter 29 **

Preparations

 

 

The next morning after we had showered, and started to pack the reason for the trip started to sink in. I had used sex to try and forget Dorothea was gone. It was with a heavy weight in my chest I dressed for the trip.

 

I allowed Phillip to pick out everything I would wear. I didn’t argue, and I was unusually quiet. Sebastian arrived and we sat down for breakfast. I barely ate before I had to excuse myself. Phillip again came to hold my hair until the morning sickness passed.

 

As I rinsed out my mouth I noticed him gazing at me. “Phillip, thank you. You are being so kind; I feel awful for blaming you for the Divine dying. I am not good at dealing with grief. I hope you will accept my apology.”

 

Phillip wrapped his arms around my waist, and held me. “Baby girl, if I could’ve given my life for Justinia I would’ve. Don’t apologize for your reaction. I was wrong to take away your opportunity to see her. I can’t say I regret it, though. If you had been there and gotten killed, it would’ve destroyed me. I promise to care for you and our child. I will protect you both. I love you.”

 

I turned and hugged him. Guilt started to thrum through my veins. I decided after the pyre, I would confess my sins to Phillip. This was a burden I didn’t want to bear. If it cost me everything, it would only be what I deserved.

 

“I love you too.” Words I whispered before we broke apart.

 

Arriving at the plane, I was shocked to see Dorian. Apparently, Sebastian had invited him since he was high up in Vael enterprises. Phillip barely spoke to him. I knew my fiancé wanted to throttle him for he and Zev’s trick at the ball.

 

Inside I was surprised to see Logain. He had his left arm in a sling, and looked pale and tired.

 

I walked over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for trying to save her, Logain.”

 

I have never seen anyone look so uncomfortable at praise before. Logain cleared his throat.

 

“Noire, I am sorry I failed.” Logain looked away, embarrassed at what he saw as a shortcoming.

 

Phillip and Logain went into the back office to discuss security measures for the services. Dorian and Seb tried to make small talk, but I was ill the second the plane left the ground. I tried not the vomit, but soon I was on the floor in the small loo. Sebastian came to help me up, and rinse my mouth when the sickness finally left.

 

“Goodness, Noire. What sort of plague do you have, and do I need to worry about catching it?” Dorian’s look was one of concern despite his sarcasm.

 

I let out a small laugh. “Sorry, Dorian. I am afraid only females can be infected with this particular illness.”

 

Dorian looked confused and then it dawned on him, “Holy Maker! How far along are you?”

 

“A couple of months, I think.” I sat and took the ginger ale Sebastian fetched for me.

 

“So, is this good news? Are you going to keep it?” Dorian bluntly asked.

 

“Dorian! You should be ashamed! Of course she is keeping it!” Sebastian was livid Dorian would discuss something so vile.

 

I covered my mouth as Dorian rolled his eyes at me. Sebastian was praying out loud for the Maker to forgive Dorian for his crass words.

 

“We are keeping it. Phillip believes it to be a blessing from the Maker.” I gave him a wane smile.

 

“Well, congrats, then. Oh! If it is a boy, Dorian is a spectacular name. I am also available for the position of Godfather.” He winked at me.

 

“Thank you for the offer, but the child will be Malcomb if a boy, and Dorothea if a girl.” Phillip came and sat next to me.

 

I turned in shock to my fiancé, “Really? Malcomb? Thank you so much!”

 

“Who is that, Father?” Sebastian asked curiously.

 

“That was Noire’s Father’s name. I figured Malcomb Phillip Vael would be a good strong name. If it’s a girl Dorothea Bethany would be appropriate. Bethany was Noire’s sister’s name.” Phillip smiled at me and kissed my hand.

 

Being pregnant makes a woman very emotional, and I sobbed at Phillip’s thoughtfulness. I was pulled into my fiancé’s lap for the remainder of the flight.

 

We landed and headed to the hotel. The Management had a separate entrance for Phillip and I to go in. Sebastian, Dorian and Logain went through the front to throw the media off our tail. After everyone settled into their rooms, they came for a meeting in our suite.

 

“Noire, the Divine was quite detailed in her will. She stated she wanted you to perform two songs. One to open the service, and one at the close. Do you feel up to it?” Phillip’s look was full of concern.

 

“Yes. My music will help me deal with the emotional day. I know which songs they are. Would I be able to meet with the Grand Cathedral Choir tomorrow? I need them for one of the songs.” My voice quivered, but I didn’t break down.

 

“Very well, I’ll set it for ten am. We’ll arrive at eleven, for security purposes.” Phillip went on the describe what he wanted from Sebastian.

 

Dorian was to sit in the front row as a Vael enterprises ambassador. I tuned everything out until I heard the Right Hand mentioned. The new Right Hand was going to be introduced at Dorothea’s pyre. I thought of Leliana, and I wished I could find her.

 

I stood up to go cry in the bathroom, and the room started spinning. I dropped to my knees before anyone could catch me.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Phillip rushed to my side.

 

“I’m dizzy, and I need to throw up.” I was having a hard time talking.

 

Phillip lifted me easily and took me to purge my stomach. He hovered over me as I washed up.

 

“Sweetie, have you eaten anything today?” He was holding me tight.

 

I shook my head no, “I, I was sick on the plane and I haven’t thought about food since.”

 

“Noire, you need to keep your strength up. Come, you need some fruit and ginger ale. Then it’s nap time for you. I want you to rest as much as you can.” Phillip caressed my face and smiled at me.

 

Everyone was dismissed and Phillip fed me. I was relieved the fruit and crackers didn’t make me nauseated. It was annoying to feel sick all the time. After I was full, Phillip put me to bed. I didn’t think I could sleep, but I was bone achingly tired. He nestled me against his chest. I nodded off feeling safe and cared for.

 

I didn’t wake up until around six pm. I was alone. I slowly rose from the bed, changed clothes, and washed up. I made my way to the large, front room of the suite and curled up on the overstuffed couch. I flipped on the TV and decided to watch an action movie. I avoided the news since the next few days were going too difficult enough as it was. Last thing I wanted were Chantry and Political pundits analyzing Dorothea’s death, and her pyre.

 

Around eight, Phillip finally came back. He walked in and smiled. After sitting next to me, he pulled me onto his lap.

 

“Do you feel up to dinner out, or would you rather have room service?” Phillip kissed me, while waiting for my answer.

 

“Would you mind eating in? I’m afraid of getting sick in a restaurant.” I couldn’t meet his eyes.

 

The guilt I was carrying was becoming more than I could carry. I closed my eyes to stop the tears threatening to spill over.

 

“Of course, baby girl.” Phillip smiled at me.

 

He moved me off his lap so he could go order our dinner. Phillip then called Logain and Seb to say we were going to be retiring early. Making his way back to me, he turned off the TV.

 

Settling me back in his lap, Phillip tilted my chin up until I met his eyes. “What’s wrong, beautiful? Is it the thought of singing at the pyre?”

 

“No.” My voice sounded anxious.

 

“Baby girl, tell me what you’re feeling. I can see this is more than being upset at losing Dorothea. I am here for you, please let me know what is weighing so heavily on your mind.” His voice was silky and caring.

 

Just as I was about to confess everything, I was saved by room service entering. Phillip fixed us plates and we ate in relative silence. I knew he was trying to puzzle out what was bothering me. Every so often I met his eyes, and then would look away quickly. When we had finished, Phillip rolled the cart out of the room.

 

He came back, poured himself a drink, and got me a cold ginger ale. His gaze was piercing me, even as I avoided looking directly at him.

 

I felt him take my hand, and lightly caress it. “Noire, please tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you unless you confide in me. Whatever it is, I promise we’ll work through it. I love you, baby girl, let me care for you.”

 

“Phillip, I, I am afraid of being a Mother. I am not a stable person. This child deserves someone better than me.” I looked away, inwardly cursing my cowardice and leaving myself with a guilty conscience.

 

I felt Phillip pull me into his lap. He stroked my hair and let me cry. I cried because I’d lost Dorothea. I wept because all my family was dead. I sobbed because I had been stupid enough to cheat on this man.

 

“Noire, you are kind and sweet. You will be a great Mother. I wish your self-esteem weren’t so low. I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. Calm yourself. Let’s go to sleep. You’re probably over tired, and we have a long day tomorrow.” Phillip’s voice was full of love and I cried harder.

 

I was carried gently to bed. Phillip held me close and rubbed my back. He kept saying he loved me, and asking me to tell him what was bothering me. I couldn’t speak. How could I excuse or explain my behavior with Anders? I had no excuse. If I told Phillip before the Divine’s pyre, it might eclipse the ceremony.

 

“I, I promise I’ll tell you everything after the services, love.” I whispered.

 

Phillip gave me a kiss before answering. “As long as you make sure and take care of yourself I will honor your request. After practice tomorrow, I want you on bed rest until the pyre. This is a critical time in your pregnancy. Stress could cause a miscarriage. We need to keep you healthy for the sake of the baby.”

 

I hugged him back and fell asleep with my arms wrapped around him.

 

The next morning, Phillip helped me get ready. He got me a simple breakfast and made sure I could keep it down. It was difficult for him to leave my side so I could practice my songs. He was worried I would tax myself, but he had meetings to attend. Sebastian and Dorian went to check on the offices of Vael Enterprises. I was mercifully alone. I was able to shove guilt to the side as I focused on how I wanted the choir to sing the closing song.

 

The day flew by. Music always calmed me, and I felt much better as we finished up the details for the performances. Around four Phillip came in as everyone was leaving. He escorted me to the hotel, and insisted I rest.

 

I woke around seven pm, and Phillip had already ordered dinner in. I was still tongue tied around him. Now that we were alone, the knot of guilt grew larger. I knew I wouldn’t be free of this self-inflicted pain until I bared my soul to Phillip.

 

After we ate, he helped me get ready for bed. He made love to me. It was tender, and perfect. I cherished every second, since I wasn’t sure if I would have this after I confessed my sins.

 

As I slept, I didn’t know Phillip was awake, thinking. He knew that I had done something that would upset him, he just didn’t know for sure what it was. He caressed my back, and began to face the obvious. Phillip figured I had done more with Anders than kiss him one time. I wouldn’t be acting so guilty otherwise. The killer inside of Phillip began picturing all the ways he could make me suffer before he took my life.

 

There was a part of him, that loved me. That side of Phillip wasn’t ready to lose me. He decided to let me live. I was what he had searched for his whole adult life. He had been the one to take my innocence. Phillip knew I loved him. He also recognized sending me to see Anders alone wasn’t the smartest idea he’d ever had. His anger then transferred to the Senator. Phillip smiled at the thought of destroying him publicly, and fell asleep plots swirling in his head.

 

In a dive bar, owned by Varric’s shell corporation, Dorian met with Varric, Zevran, Anders, Fenris, Cullen, Isabella and a newly changed Leliana. Lily was now a brunette, with colored contacts. All of them had differences of opinion about the Chantry, but each of them knew the Divine’s death was having a profound effect across southern Thedas.

 

As Dorian sat, all eyes turned to him to describe everything he heard on the flight from Starkhaven. “Lord Vael blames me for Anders kissing Hawke. But, that’s not important. Hawke got very ill on the flight. She spent thirty minutes vomiting.”

 

“What’s wrong with her?” Cullen’s voice sounded deeply concerned.

 

“Seems she is with child. About two months along. Phillip is saying the child is a blessing from the Maker.” Dorian sat back and sipped his cosmopolitan.

 

Anders narrowed his eyes as he turned to Dorian, “That’s impossible! Noire said Phillip couldn’t have any more children. It’s why she freaked out on Sunday after, uh, we talked.”

 

Fenris snorted and shook his head, “Talking was it? I wasn’t aware Hawke preferred talking completely naked.”

 

“Dammit, Fenris! Shut up!” Anders slammed his hand on the table.

 

“Oh for the love of the Maker! Anders, how stupid are you? Why would you risk both your lives?” Zevran was instantly pissed.

 

“She is beautiful, and tempting.” Fenris interjected. “However, there is another problem. The night the Divine died she visited Anders. Vael called and she left in case he showed up. She was back the next day. Anders bedded her again, only this time Vael and his son showed up in person. Hawke had to climb out a window to avoid detection. I doubt Hawke will be able to get to Anders anytime soon. Now that she knows Anders’ house is the first place Vael will look.”

 

“Blondie, how are we going to get information to bring Vael down if your too busy shagging Hawke to fix her mind?” Varric’s voice had a cold edge to it.

 

Anders flushed and stared at the table. Isabella, who usually remained quiet, reached over and grasped his hand.

 

“Anders, you’ve fallen in love with her.” Isabella’s face showed sympathy as he nodded yes. “Oh, honey, I am so sorry. You finally find someone after being alone for years, and she is in the hands of a sociopath. I know how difficult things were for you after Karl died. We’ll find a way to get you a happy ending this time.”

 

Anders smiled and gave Isabella a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Isa. I know, I should’ve been stronger. I think she cares about me, but Noire is afraid of Vael. I know that is the reason she hesitates to leave him. Now that she is pregnant, Lord Vael will use the child as leverage. Hawke will obey him to protect her baby. She is selfless, and Vael knows it. We have to get someone else to help us. Sebastian maybe?”

 

“Well, he is warming up to me. I could try set up a meeting with you, Anders. Maybe tell him you’re reconsidering your faith, Sebastian would love to convert you. I know he won’t agree to meet anyone else at this table.” Dorian sounded much more confident than he actually felt.

 

Leliana sighed, “Let’s get through the pyre. We might be able to glean something at the Cathedral.”


	30. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire gives the Divine a beautiful send off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADULT THEMES

** Chapter 30 **

Saying Goodbye

 

 

We arrived at the Grand Cathedral several hours early. The security was so tight; it was obvious a terrorist attack wouldn’t be happening. I met the new Right Hand. She was a fierce woman from Nevarra, and very blunt. I found her personality odd since her position was more of a diplomatic post then Phillip’s. Cassandra Pentagast, devout defender of the faith.

 

Phillip introduced me, and we went over the details of the ceremony. I explained to both of them I would prefer to stay behind the dais until I had to sing. After the opening song I would go back there until it was time for me to finish the service. Phillip wasn’t happy, but he didn’t argue. I had brought my dress clothes with me and left the discussion to change.

 

I had put together a shocking outfit from the clothing Phillip had packed. If I was going to be performing, I needed to dress in the manner that made me feel powerful. I wore my leather pants, lace up four-inch-high ankle boots, and a tight, low cut black corset. I put on a black lace crop jacket, and my red and black jewelry. I did my cosmetics like I was getting ready to go on stage at the club.

 

I managed to avoid Phillip before the ceremony. If he had seen what I was wearing, he would’ve made me change even if it meant delaying the start of the pyre. I was nervous, very nervous. One of the musicians explained the service was being televised across Thedas. Millions of people would be watching me perform. I just shoved down the fear, and waited for the signal to walk out. After the mourners were seated, Phillip and Cassandra climbed the dais. The Revered Mother and Empress Celene followed. They stood and waited for the first song.

 

I felt like everything was happening in slow motion as I followed the band members on stage. I could hear a few shocked gasps, presumably due to how I was dressed. I looked down as the opening notes were played. I took a deep breath, and then I sang. I had written the song for my Father, and he had never gotten to hear it. Dorothea had loved it, and so I was singing it for her as a goodbye.

 

I paid no attention to the glittering assembly. I lost myself in the emotion of the music. Later, it would be said the Divine had sent her blessing down from the Golden City while I sang. The day had been wet and gloomy. Part way through the song, the sun burst through the stained glass windows above and bathed me in a colorful light. When the song ended, I filed out with the other musicians.

 

The four on the Dais got up and gave a moving eulogy. Phillip spoke last, since he was the highest ranking Chantry official now. He sounded beautiful. There was audible crying from the audience as he brought the service to a close.

 

This time I walked out behind the Choir. I stepped in front and started the second song. The sun had disappeared after I finished the first number, but it came back to surround me again. This was an old Chantry hymn that I had reworked into a more modern sounding piece. The choir was a perfect complement to my voice. When I finished this time, applause broke out.

 

I ducked out of sight and waited for the crush of people to leave. Phillip was stuck for over two hours dealing with dignitaries. I was grateful for the peace and quiet. I shed a few tears, but I knew Dorothea would’ve been proud of me. I was sure I would be lectured about my slutty clothes, but I didn’t care.

 

I was sitting in a small alcove under a statue of Andraste. My head was leaning against the wall, and I almost fell asleep. Footsteps approaching caused me to open my eyes. It was Phillip. My heart started palpitating when I saw the intensity of his expression. When he reached me, Phillip knelt at my feet. He took my hands in his and smiled.

 

“Baby girl, you were amazing. Everyone said you have a voice gifted by Andraste. Your outfit was a bit severe, but the Orlesians loved that you are artistic enough to dress unconventionally. Would you like to go to dinner or head to the hotel?” Phillip gazed at me lovingly.

 

I blushed at his praise and smiled, “I am so tired, love. Would you be upset if I just wanted to go back to our room? You can go out while I eat in the room, I wouldn’t mind.”

 

“I’d rather be alone with you, baby. I have meetings tomorrow before we leave, but I would like to have a romantic dinner with you tonight.” Phillip stood and offered me his hand.

 

We exited the Grand Cathedral out the front. I was amazed at how many people were waiting outside. The press took pictures, shouted questions and some of the audience tossed flowers to me. Phillip beamed as he led me to the car. Before I climbed in I turned and blew the crowd a kiss. The crowd cheered and I got into the limo.

 

Phillip cuddled with me during the ride to the hotel. I think he was just as exhausted as I was. He called ahead so our dinner would be in the room when we arrived.

 

In the room, we ate in companionable silence. When we had finished our meal we went to the sofa. Phillip wanted to watch the news to see what was said about the ceremony. I sat in his lap as the reporter showed highlights.

 

The reporter talked about the moving speech by Left Hand that had brought everyone to tears. There were a couple of local Politicians that were discussing the effect of the Divine’s death on the Chantry.

 

Then they discussed Lord Vael’s fiancé. My clothing was excused as part of artistic license. I was humbled by the amazing things being said. It seemed people were clamoring for the first song to be released as a single. The sun coming out from behind the clouds both times I sang was widely accepted as the Maker and Andraste’s blessing.

 

I glanced up at Phillip and he was watching me in awe. He switched off the TV. He caressed my face, and gave me sweet kisses.

 

“I am so proud of you, Noire. You were stunning today. If you are willing, I have made arrangements for us to be married in two weeks. It will be a private ceremony in Starkhaven. Would you like to become my wife that soon?” He took my hand and kissed it as he finished.

 

Tears welled in my eyes and I looked away, “I want nothing more than that. However, I don’t think you will want to go through with it.”

 

Phillip gently turned my face until I made eye contact. “Baby girl, I’m not a stupid man. I can tell you have done something that is eating you up with guilt. I blame myself for your indiscretion. I was a fool sending an innocent such as yourself to meet with a faithless, reprobate. You can confess everything later, if it will ease your mind. But, I want you as my wife. Please say yes.”

 

“Yes.” My voice was husky with unshed tears.

 

When Phillip kissed me, I allowed the tears to fall. He carried me to bed, and spent his time exploring me. Phillip had me crying his name in ecstasy. When we finished I fell asleep feeling better than I had in days.

 

The next day while Phillip was in his meetings, Sebastian and Dorian took me shopping. Seb explained I was to pick out my wedding dress, and anything else I wanted. With Dorian’s help, I found a dress for the upcoming ceremony. It was deep blue with magnificent silver embroidery. Sebastian was scandalized since he felt it showed too much cleavage. He didn’t stop from buying it since his Father had said it was my choice.

 

I found a matching headband and shoes. Then I picked up some clothes that would be suitable for my honeymoon. Phillip was taking me to Antiva for a couple of weeks. Dorian and I bonded as we shopped. Sebastian was patient, but I could tell he was bored to tears.

 

We ended up lunching at an upscale restaurant. I nearly spit my tea out when Anders walked up and sat next to Dorian. Sebastian grasped my hand under the table in a show of support. My other hand trembled as I set my cup down.

 

“That was a remarkable performance, Miss Hawke. You are very talented.” Anders smiled at me, and I stared at the table.

 

I looked up slowly and replied in a shaky tone, “Thank you, Senator.”

 

Sebastian gave Anders the once over and curtly asked, “Is there something I may assist you with, Sir?”

 

“Actually, yes. I was hoping to speak with you regarding the Chantry.” Anders did his best to disarm Seb with friendliness. “I, uh, I have been doing some soul searching, and I find myself at a cross road. Mr. Vael, I would appreciate your spiritual council. Not now, but sometime soon in Starkhaven. Privately would be preferred.”

 

“Why are you asking me to help with your faith, Senator?” Seb was skeptical.

 

“I asked the Revered Mother in Starkhaven to recommend someone and she said you are the most faithful lay brother she has ever met. I would ask you keep the conversation private.” Anders focused on Sebastian only.

 

The flattery seemed to work on Sebastian, “If you are sincere, of course I’d be happy to help. Here is my card, call me in a few days and we can meet. Maker go with you, Senator.”

 

Anders smiled, took the card, bowed to us and left. Dorian excused himself to take a phone call leaving me alone with Seb.

 

“Noire, are you alright?” Seb turned his attention to me.

 

“Not really, Seb. I, I wasn’t expecting to see him again. It’s more difficult than I thought.” I kept my gaze down so others wouldn’t see I was close to tears.

 

“If he is sincere about seeking out the Maker, that means you won’t have to worry about him trying to seduce you again. I saw what happened yesterday when you sang. It was obvious you are loved by Andraste and the Maker. Please, let go of your guilt. You made a mistake, and have repented.” He smiled encouragingly as he spoke.

 

I felt a little better. As soon as Dorian came back we paid the bill and headed to the airport to wait for Phillip and Logain. I was nauseated again, so Sebastian had me lay down on a fold out bed in the back of the plane.

 

I woke as the engines started up. It took me a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. Phillip was above me, smiling.

 

“Hello, sleepy head. I am happy to see you’re resting. Do you feel like sitting up, or would you rather stay back here?” He reached down and stroked my hair.

 

I shook my head to clear it before replying, “I can sit with you, love. I feel a little better.”

 

Phillip helped me to my feet, and escorted me to a chair. After buckling me in for takeoff, he sat next to me and strapped himself in. I looked around and it was only us in the cabin.

 

“Wait, where did everyone go?” I was confused.

 

“I booked them first class tickets so we could have the flight to ourselves. You and I have some things to discuss before we land.” Phillip’s tone turned cold and his look was predatory.

 

Fear gripped me and I found it hard to swallow. I started shaking, but I managed not to cry. Phillip’s eyes burned through me, and I knew I was in serious trouble.

 

“I understand you had a visitor at lunch today. Now, how did Anders know where you were eating?” Phillip’s gaze never wavered as he watched me.

 

“I swear I have no idea! It was a shock to me when he walked to our table. Anders spent the time asking Sebastian if he would be willing to help him with his faith in the Maker.” I could barely get the words out as I was starting to hyper ventilate.

 

Phillip took my left hand in his and kissed it. “I want to believe you, baby girl, I really do. I just can’t trust you. Last night you confirmed what I had suspected, you have done more with that prick than just one kiss. I was willing to forgive that transgression, but it can’t be just coincidence you ran into him today.”

 

Tears poured down my cheeks as I tried to diffuse the situation. “It’s true, I did more than kiss him. But, today, he talked to Sebastian, not me! I don’t ever want to see him again. Please, Phillip, I had no idea he was even in Orlais!”

 

Phillip looked at me for what felt like eternity. He studied me like I was an anomaly. He leaned over and caressed my cheek.

 

“I will call Sebastian as soon as we get home. If what you have told me is true, I’ll ignore this. Noire, this is the last chance you get. Any more meetings, or contact with that man at all, and I will ruin you. Do I make myself clear?” Phillip’s voice was devoid of any emotion.

 

“I understand.” I whispered.

 

“Good. Now, why don’t you make this flight a little more pleasant for me. I want you on your knees begging to satisfy me. If you’re a good, little, cock sucker, I will reward you.” Phillip had moved from cold to condescending.

 

I freed myself and knelt at his feet. I did my best to please Phillip. It turned into very kinky sex on the floor. Far too quickly, we landed. I barely got myself presentable before the doors opened.

 

Phillip had Sebastian on the phone even as he opened the passenger side door of the sports car. As I climbed in, my hands shook while trying to get my seatbelt on. Phillip entered his side as he was saying goodbye to Seb.

 

Turning to me, he pulled me close for a searing kiss. “Thank you, baby. You told me the truth. Now, we are going for a drive, and when we stop, you will tell me everything you did with Anders. If you are honest, it will go far in earning my trust back.”

 

“As you wish, love.” I choked out my answer.

 

I turned my head to hide my fresh tears. I was ashamed. I would have to describe everything I did with Anders. Even though it was Phillip’s request, I was fearful he would seek to punish me. I took a deep breath and decided I would only discuss Sunday’s coupling.

 

 

I didn’t have any way of knowing Logain had shown the captured images of me entering and then exiting Anders’ house on Monday and Tuesday. It would be another unwise decision in my young life. I would come to learn how to be a talented liar, but not before I was punished this time around.


	31. Pants of Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip confronts Noire about her infidelity with Anders, and has a problem with her pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC ABUSE, RAPE, TORTURE

** Chapter 31 **

Pants on Fire

 

 

We took a different route away from the Airport. I was confused, I didn’t recognize where we were going. Uneasiness set in as we left civilization behind. Soon, there were no houses, or businesses in sight. It dawned on me, Phillip must be driving me to the cabin. As we turned onto a gravel drive, I got jittery.

 

Sure enough we stopped in front of the secluded residence. I didn’t want to go in there. I knew Phillip would do horrible things to me if he thought I was lying. I didn’t undo my seatbelt, even when he opened my door. He leaned over me and unhooked it himself. Grabbing my right arm, he yanked me out of the car.

 

I didn’t move, I was frozen. Phillip’s eyes had the dead look that terrified me. He struck me upside the head. I fell to my knees as the world turned upside down. Phillip seized me, and carried me inside. Setting me down, he pushed me to the stairs. I reluctantly led us down into the basement.

 

In that horrid, torture room I lost it. “Phillip, please! I will tell you everything. Don’t hurt me again, I am begging you.”

 

I may as well have been talking to a wall. I decided fighting Phillip would only serve to anger him. I allowed him to strip me, and put me in the cuffs. When I was restrained, Phillip poured himself a scotch, moved an overstuffed chair in front of me and sat down. He just looked at me with a strange little smile on his face.

 

Try as I might, I couldn’t be still. I was frantically squirming, and tugging on the manacles. I tried to keep from sobbing, but the longer Phillip was silent the more upset I became. When he downed his drink, he stood and approached me.

 

“Now, baby girl, confess your sins to me. If you are good, I will release you, and we will go home. Leave anything out, or lie and I will make you suffer. Speak!” Phillip curtly ordered.

 

“For-forgive me love, I, I have sinned against you and the Maker.” My voice was barely a whisper. “The first time I went to see Anders, he tried to find out about my hospital stays, and what mental illness I was suffering from. When I got your text, I told him I needed to leave.”

 

I took a breath before continuing, “I did drop my phone, and I freaked out. Anders said I was having a-an-a panic attack. He held my hands and had me sit next to him. He-he had me breathe with him. When I was calmer, Anders was going to kiss me. I was sca-scared. When you called, I was able to leave before anything happened.”

 

Phillip’s face never changed expression. As I wept, he poured himself another drink and sat back in the chair. He took a pull and gestured for me to continue.

 

Pain, from hanging without support, was starting to fatigue me, so I asked for mercy, “Phillip, I ca-can’t take the pain. Please, let me kneel at your feet.”

 

“Very well.” He rose and released me.

 

Instead of having me kneel on the cold floor, he pulled me onto his lap. He gave me a few minutes of rest, before he started his questioning again.

 

“I am curious about what happened Sunday morning. Why did you disappear for so long?” Phillip made me keep eye contact as I answered.

 

“Anders wanted me to answer some psychological questions in exchange for his manifesto. H-he said I needed help. Th-that you were bad for me. I told him I love you, and you love me. Anders is convinced I am being held prisoner or something. He confused me with what he was saying. We kissed, and he pulled me on top of him.” I paused to shudder at my stupidity.

 

“Keep going, Noire. You’re doing well.” Phillip’s voice still held no warmth.

 

“We took off our shirts and continued kissing each other.” I had a hard time keeping my eyes fixed on Phillip’s, so I paused and looked down.

 

Phillip yanked my head up by grabbing my hair. “You will look at me until you have confessed everything. Next time you avoid my gaze; you’ll get another brand.”

 

“Sor-sorry, Phillip.” My breath was constricted so I was unable to continue for a moment.

 

“So, you allowed him to feel your silky skin. Did you go further than that?” His eyes finally showed some emotion, disgust.

 

I kept my eyes locked on Phillip’s and admitted the rest. “Y-yes. Anders, he, and I, we, we were intimate.”

 

“You let him inside you?” Phillip’s voice was dark and full of spite.

 

“Yes.” I still didn’t look away even though everything was blurry due to my tears.

 

Phillip removed his belt, and wrapped it around my neck. All he had to do was yank on the end and he could easily cut off my air. He gave it a couple of pulls as I gasped for breath.

 

“So, you spread your legs like a common whore, for a pamphlet I can’t use. Tell me, how did you explain the bruising on your body?” Phillip kept tightening the belt until I spoke.

 

“I-I told him it was my fault. Th-that I sometimes hurt myself. Anders tried to get me to blame you, but I told him you are a kind and loving man. He didn’t press me after that.” I was trembling, and it caused my voice to crack.

 

“Very good, baby girl. You took responsibility for your actions. Now, why didn’t you meet Seb and I for lunch?” Phillip seemed to losing some of his animosity.

 

“I went for a walk in the Tevinter Gardens to think. I realized Anders had probably used me to get to you. I was terrified, and ashamed. I couldn’t face anyone after what I had done. That’s why I ended up at the Chantry. I needed to pray for guidance and forgiveness.” I breathed a sigh of relief at getting things out in the open.

 

Phillip lightly touched my lips. Ran his free hand through my hair. He pulled me to him and kissed me. As the kiss deepened, I felt the belt slowly cut off my air. When I felt like my lungs were bursting, he relaxed his grip. I gulped in deep breaths as I swayed in his lap from dizziness.

 

Phillip leaned his head back and studied me. “This is important, Noire. I need you to answer me very carefully. Have you seen him between Sunday, and the lunch today? Have you gone back to his house? Be truthful, or face your fate.”

 

“N-no.” The second that word left my lips, I realized my mistake. “I- I mean…

 

Phillip threw me to the floor before I could change my answer. He stood over me and his eyes were full of rage. He paced around for a few minutes. Every time I was going to speak, he would shake his head no.

 

I was lifted to my feet by the belt. Phillip was unconcerned it was choking me. He bound me in the manacles again. I couldn’t stop shivering. I knew this was it. I was going to die.

 

“You said no, then tried to change your answer. What is the truth?” The belt tightened until I couldn’t speak from lack of air. “I’m going to give you a chance to breathe, and the next words to fall from your lips will be the truth or I will kill you slowly and painfully.”

 

“Th-the night the Divine died. I went to his house. I was so angry; I can’t explain why I went there. I left as soon as you called him. The next day, when I was left alone, I went back. I- I was only going to talk, but he, I, we ended up in bed. I crawled out a back window when you and Sebastian came to his home.” I was a blubbering mess when I finished.

 

Blinding pain slammed into my jaw as Phillip punched me. I was still reeling from the blow as Phillip stepped behind me. Pulling my head back, he leaned closed to my ear.

 

“Now, describe the sex. How did you fuck him?” Phillip hissed.

 

“W-we, he entered me, while kissing me. The first time I was on top, the second time I was underneath him.” My words were hesitant and stuttering.

 

“Did you have him in your mouth?” Phillip had an arm around my waist.

 

I was nearly hysterical and took a moment to answer. As Phillip pressed his body against mine, I felt his arousal. I was sickened by his reaction. I wailed and tried to squirm away from him. Phillip gripped me tighter and grabbed my hair.

 

“Answer me, whore!” Phillip was losing his calm demeanor.

 

“No, n-no! I-I have only done that to you. Please, Phillip! You’re hurting me!” I was shrieking at this point.

 

Phillip stepped away, and grabbed a small wooden dowel off the table of tools. The first hit landed across the scar on my back. The pain caused stars to appear in front of my eyes. He kept striking me up and down my back, and then he hit my ass.

 

The pain became red hot, and I thought I was going to pass out. As the room was starting to spin, he stopped. I heard him toss the makeshift weapon aside. As he stepped closer I felt his fingers trace the welts, and bruises he had just caused. I whimpered as every touch inflamed the pain. The next sound I heard struck terror in my heart.

 

Phillip unzipped his pants, and rubbed against me. “Now, baby girl, this is going to be painful for you, but enjoyable for me. The more you fight, the worse it will hurt.”

 

I screamed as he grabbed my backside and forced himself inside. As I squealed in agony, Phillip seemed to get more excited. He bit down on my shoulder as he slammed into my bruised and battered body. By the time he finished, I had lost my voice from screaming.

 

He pulled away and I sagged in the restraints. I was barely conscious. I heard Phillip walk to a sink and turn the water on. I drifted in and out of awareness. I was roused when I felt a warm rag wipe across my back and lower. Phillip bathed the inside of my thighs, and where he had just brutally raped me. I had no voice left to cry out, I just shook.

 

When he had finished, he unbuckled me from the restraints. Carrying me gingerly, he settled in the chair, with me on his lap. Phillip stroked my hair, and tenderly kissed my face.

 

“Noire, my sweet girl. You took my punishment well. We can set this incident behind us. I am pleading with you, don’t keep putting us through this! It breaks my heart to see you in such agony. I mean it when I say, I just want to love you.” Phillip tilted my face up and kissed me.

 

I let him plunder my mouth, and run his hands over my body. I had no will to fight. I knew I was lucky he had forgiven me.

 

I was dressed, and carried to the car. I moaned in misery as I was buckled into my seat. Tears rolled down my face as Phillip climbed in and drove us toward home. I passed out not long after we started driving. I vaguely was aware of being carried into the elevator.

 

When I was laid on our bed, I whimpered in pain as Phillip undressed me. I felt him lay behind me and gently press against my bare skin. I fell asleep with him whispering how much he loved me.

 

Some hours later, I woke in severe pain. My voice was rough, as I roused Phillip.

 

“Phil-phillip, somethings wrong! Please, help me.” I doubled over and whined as cramps stabbed through me.

 

Phillip was instantly awake, “Baby girl? What is it?”

 

I cried out before I could explain. I felt dampness between my legs. Phillip must have noticed as well. He tore back the covers, and gasped at the blood pooled underneath me. Phillip jumped out of bed and carried me to the bathroom.

 

He gently rested me on the floor, and spread my legs. I was starting to panic; the pain was relentless. Phillip grabbed some towels to wipe away the blood. I was shaking from the cramps, and crying at what this meant.

 

“Maker, please! Don’t let me lose the baby!” I choked out as a hard spasm wracked my body.

 

I fainted. Everything that happened after was like a dream. Phillip wiping my brow while weeping. I had flashes of a Doctor examining me. Then I sunk into darkness.

 

I was wakened by the feel of a cool rag pressing on my forehead. I looked up into a pair of red-rimmed, blue eyes. Phillip lightly touched my cheek, gave me a kiss.

 

“Phillip, what happened?” My voice was still horse.

 

Phillip looked away from me as he spoke, “You, you lost the baby. I am so sorry, Noire. This is my fault. I pushed you too hard.”

 

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I could barely breathe. “No! Please tell me I’m dreaming.”

 

Phillip leaned down and held me. We both cried. This was my fault. If I hadn’t slept with Anders, my child wouldn’t have died. The guilt I felt was like an invisible weight on my shoulders.

 

“The Maker is punishing me. My recklessness killed our baby. Phillip, I am so sorry!” My body shook as I silently let tears slide down my cheeks.

 

Phillip crawled next to me and wrapped me in a warm embrace. He caressed my hair, and rocked me. His touch was kind and soothing. I stopped trembling and clung to him.

 

“Baby, this isn’t your fault. You have been under too much stress the past few weeks. I shouldn’t have put you in the situations I did. I love you so much.” Phillip’s words comforted me.

 

Phillip pulled back to look at me. He caressed my face, and lips.

 

“Phillip, would you help me with a bath?” My voice was soft, and hesitant.

 

I received a smile, “Anything, baby girl, anything.”

 

The hot water, and being held against Phillip relaxed me. He washed my hair, and massaged my shoulders. By the time we exited the tub, I was nearing exhaustion. I brushed my teeth and Phillip guided me back to bed. I fell into a deep sleep nestled in my lover’s arms.


	32. The Election

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip nearly loses Noire. Anders gets good news regarding his bid for becoming Chancellor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ILLNESS, MENTAL ABUSE

** Chapter 32 **

The Election

 

 

After a week I had physically recovered from the miscarriage, and my punishment. My mental state was a different story. I was subdued, and melancholy most days. I began to withdraw for most interactions. Phillip explained that was normal since my hormones were unstable from losing the baby.

 

Sebastian came to visit me, but even with loving support, I sank further into depression. I hadn’t wanted to become a Mother so young, but now that the pregnancy had failed I felt empty and listless. Phillip brought me flowers, and gifts every day, but nothing eased my emotional distress.

 

Two weeks passed and I was getting worse. I refused to eat most of the time. Phillip started to become frantic at my decline. He had canceled the wedding plans since I had withdrawn completely. I stopped speaking, or communicating.

 

The day of the election for Chancellor dawned, and I lacked the strength to get out of bed. It was now three weeks since my losing my baby. Phillip called the top specialists in to check me over. I was poked and prodded. After a while an IV was brought in and placed in my arm. I remained detached. I closed my eyes and tried to block out what I was hearing.

 

“My Lord, we are out of ideas. We can try and sustain her with fluids, but she has lost the will to live. Her body is weakening too fast. If she isn’t given a reason to come back to the present, it’s only a matter of days.” I heard something crash against the wall.

 

Sebastian calmly dismissed the Doctors. I heard him comfort Phillip, who was weeping. Phillip was crying, because someone was going to die. Who was it? A rush of emotion thrummed through my body. Me, he was crying because I was dying. I gasped and found I was short of breath. Tears streamed down my face as the pain I had buried bubbled forth.

 

I rolled on my side and tried to call for help. My voice was soft from lack of use. I could barely rasp out Phillip’s name. I tried to grip the IV’s metal post to sit up, and knocked it over. I cried out when the needle got yanked from my arm. The sound alerted the two men I was moving.

 

They rushed in, and Phillip grabbed hold of me. “Noire? Baby girl, have you come back to me? Sebastian, go get a bandage for her arm!”

 

“Phillip, I love you.” My voice whispered.

 

I was held in his embrace after my arm was dealt with. Sebastian called the Doctors and they informed him I could have soup, and water. Nothing solid until I could keep that much down.

 

Phillip fed me. It didn’t take much for me to feel full. Just that small amount of exertion took its toll. I was asleep almost as soon as Phillip laid me back against the pillows.

 

I woke the next morning and felt Phillip’s arm cradling me. I snuggled against him. My movement alerted him I was awake. He hugged me, and wept into my hair. I heard him thank the Maker for my return. I felt so weak, but I felt. It seemed so long since I had registered any emotions. I took a shuddering breath, and allowed my own tears to fall.

 

Phillip carried me to the bathroom, and helped me. My cheeks were scarlet with shame as I couldn’t sit up without support to urinate. Phillip shushed me, told me not to feel embarrassed. He bathed me, then dressed me in a warm outfit.

 

Before he could lay me back in bed, I spoke, “May I sit by the fire?”

 

Phillip smiled and gave me a tender kiss. “Yes, baby,”

 

He carried me out, and settled me so my head was resting on his lap. Sebastian gave me a smile, and went to get me a liquid breakfast. Phillip turned on the news, and the tally was in. Anders had been elected in a landslide. As the Left Hand, Phillip would be forced to interact with the new Chancellor on a weekly basis.

 

I started to shake as we watched Anders thanking his election team. Phillip stroked my hair and switched off the television.

 

“Don’t worry, baby. He won’t get a chance to hurt you again.” Phillip’s promise to protect me warmed my heart.

 

Sebastian brought out the tray, and Phillip helped me sit up. I sipped my mug of broth until my hands started shaking. Phillip took the cup and helped me drink the rest. After a minute, he had me drink some apple juice. I was full, and becoming sleepy again.

 

I was laid back down on Phillip’s lap, and Seb covered me with a blanket. “We’ll be ok, son. You should head into the office. Just bring some dinner with you tonight.”

 

“Maker keep you both, Father.” Sebastian left us.

 

I slept most of the day. The few times I was awake, Phillip had me drink juice, and broth. Getting my strength back would be a slow process. Phillip couldn’t hide his worry. I knew he was afraid I would slip back into my catatonic state and he’d lose me for good. I made sure to tell him I loved him every time I was conscious.

 

Sebastian arrived around seven-thirty with take out. I was rested enough to sit at the table. We joined hands and Phillip said prayer. His voice broke as he thanked the Maker and his Bride for my recovery. Even Seb had tears in his eyes when Phillip finished.

 

Before we could eat, Logain showed up. Phillip had him sit and eat with us. Logain said he had things to share with Phillip after dinner. My man nodded and we finished eating quickly. I was escorted to the sofa, and Sebastian was left to watch me while Phillip went with Logain.

 

“Noire, are you going to be ok?” Sebastian let his concern show now that Phillip wasn’t around.

 

I avoided his eyes as I responded, “I think so. I, it was my fault I lost the baby. If I hadn’t sinned with Anders, the Maker would’ve protected the child.”

 

Sebastian took my hand in his, “Don’t talk like that, please. You’re recovering now because of the Maker’s will. You carry burdens you need to release. You have to learn to forgive yourself. Noire, you are such a kind soul, and stronger than you realize. It’s human to make mistakes, all of us make them. The key is to pray and leave them in the Maker’s hands.”

 

I grasped his hand and my voice wavered, “Phillip knows what I did with Anders. How long until he decides he doesn’t want a whore for a wife? When will he start to blame me, for losing the baby?”

 

“He won’t. Father confided in me that you admitted to the indiscretion. He blames himself for everything that has happened. He won’t discard you, Noire. He loves you so much. I never thought he would find happiness, and then he found you. Let him love you. It will help you move past the guilt.” Sebastian gave me a warm smile, and I felt better with what he had shared.

 

“Thank you, Seb.” I smiled back.

 

Phillip and Logain came back, and I asked to be helped to bed. I hoped I would return to normal soon.

 

Another night of rest, and I felt much improved. I was strong enough to use the loo by myself. Phillip entered the bathroom as I was starting the shower. I was a little unsteady, but his strong hands kept me upright. I let him wash my body, and I relaxed under the stream of warm water.

 

We finished bathing and Phillip dried me off. I brushed my teeth, and combed my hair while he dried himself. I held his hand for support while I picked out my clothing. I did let him help me dress, but I managed to walk to the front room under my own power.

 

I sat at the table, and was able to eat some fruit and a piece of toast. Phillip smiled at me as he saw I was able to keep solid food down. I offered to help him clean up, but he refused me with a kiss. I took a cup of coffee and went to the balcony.

 

I stood outside and enjoyed the sun on my face. The fresh air felt wonderful. For the first time in months, I felt hopeful. Phillip came out and wrapped his arms around me.

 

“Thank you, Phillip.” I closed my eyes and leaned against him.

 

Phillip kissed my cheek and asked, “What are you thanking me for sweetie?”

 

“Thank you, for my life, for everything. I love you so much. If you want, I, I would be willing to try to have a child again.” I was nervous after expressing my hope.

 

Phillip turned me around and gazed at me. “Then let’s have a baby. I promise, this time I will make sure you don’t have so much stress to deal with.”

 

Phillip swept me into his arms and carried me to our bed. It had been so long since I had felt his intimate touch. He spent most of the time concentrating on my passion. It was amazing. When we finished, I nodded off before my afterglow faded. 

 

Anders life had changed the moment he was elected to lead Starkhaven. Fenris was now in charge of his security team. It would take time for him to grow accustomed to having multiple guards around. He missed me. Although he knew being Chancellor would allow him to curb the Chantry’s influence, the lack of privacy was going to be difficult to deal with.

 

It was a great relief Fenris had managed to get him to the meeting at Varric’s club undetected. It had reopened since Leliana had changed her appearance. She tended bar, and was able to learn how far Vael’s reach was. Once the group had gathered around the table, it was the first time they had been together since Orlais.

 

Leliana spoke to Zevran first. “Did you learn anything in Antiva?”

 

“Yes, and no. There was a contract taken out on the Divine’s life, but according to the Guild Master the request was from a Tevinter Magistrate, not Vael. He confirmed it wasn’t the Crows the assassinated the Divine, so back to square one on exposing Vael.” Zevran sighed and leaned against Dorian.

 

“Pretty boy, any news about Noire?” Varric looked at Dorian.

 

“Before that, I’m glad you’re back, lover.” Dorian gave Zev a passionate kiss.

 

Cullen turned crimson, Isabella whistled and the rest just watched disinterestedly.

 

“Well, today Sebastian confided in me why Hawke hasn’t been seen since Orlais. Supposedly, her and Vael were attacked when driving home from the airport. He had dismissed all of us so they could have some romantic time together. The attackers haven’t been apprehended.” Dorian paused to sip his drink. “Seb said Noire had been brutalized while Phillip was forced to watch. It was a robbery, or so Vael reported. After they made their way home, Noire suffered a miscarriage early the next morning.”

 

“Vael was robbed, and forced to watch Noire being raped. That is absurd! I bet he attacked her, and that’s what caused her to lose the baby.” Anders was fuming.

 

“I agree. I saw how terrified she was at almost getting caught with Anders. That woman is going to end up dead if we don’t do something.” Fenris was starting to get pissed at the situation.

 

Dorian sighed and spoke again, “She came close to dying after the miscarriage. Sebastian told to me that yesterday was the first time she had spoken or ate in almost two weeks. The longer she stays in that environment; the worse things will get.”

 

“I swear I am going to murder that prick! Worst thing I’ve ever done was let her walk out of here the night of her eighteenth name day.” Varric swallowed his whiskey and poured another.

 

“Logain, has asked me to be exclusive. I haven’t given him an answer, but I guess I’ll do it, if it means I have a chance at seeing Hawke socially.” Isabella looked thoughtful as she pondered the option.

 

“What about the Inaugural Ball? Anders, you are supposed to choose someone to oversee the festivities. Ask Lord Vael and Noire to be the hosts for the evening. She’ll be required to dance with you, and anyone else that asks.” Leliana stared at the conflicted Chancellor.

 

“It’s a good idea. The Left Hand can’t say no to the request.” Cullen was trying to be optimistic.

 

Anders looked away and decided to share what Sebastian had said to him.  “As you know, I did ask Sebastian for spiritual guidance. He met with me last weekend. After him lecturing me about the Chant, he made an odd comment. He told me I needed to clear my conscience with the Maker before seeking his support. A bit of back and forth happened before he bluntly informed me I needed to beg forgiveness for my transgression with Noire. That might be the reason Vael attacked her. If the son knows, I am guessing the Father also knows.”

 

“Dammit, Blondie!” Varric had to be restrained by Fenris to keep him from choking Anders.

 

“I know! Don’t you think I know what I’ve done, Varric? For some reason he let her live. Probably because he deflowered her. The only thing sociopaths have in common is their unpredictability. Vael loves a woman that Southern Thedas believes has the Maker’s blessing. He doesn’t want to lose that standing. Vael is a narcissist so he takes her success as his own. I won’t risk her life again. I have resigned myself that for now, she is under his spell.” Anders rested his head in his hands and silently cried.

 

“Leliana is right, Vael should host the ball. I’ll go meet with him, instead of Anders. That should keep Hawke shielded from his rage. We need to go. Call me if any damning evidence is found.” Fenris helped Anders stand and escorted him out.

 

Those left didn’t speak. There was nothing to say. At every turn, Lord Vael had bested them. No one was willing to risk further bloodshed by rushing into outrageous plans.


	33. First Comes Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire and Phillip go back to Orlais to witness a new Divine being crowned. Phillip decides to train Noire to use her sexual prowess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT, MENTAL ABUSE. Seriously, NSFW.

** Chapter 33 **

First Comes Love

 

 

Two weeks after the election, I was making great progress. My appetite was returning, and I didn’t appear as gaunt and sickly. Phillip arranged for a nutritionist and physical trainer to see me every day. I was never alone for long periods of time, even though Phillip was working twelve to fourteen hours a day. There was a change in Chantry Hierarchy, and we were heading back to Orlais to witness the new Divine take her position.

 

I was excited to be traveling alone with Phillip. Between me being sick, and his long work days, we hadn’t had much quality time with each other. The night before we were due to leave, Logain called and said he was bringing a visitor that needed to speak with Phillip and I.

 

When the elevator opened, I was shocked to see Anders body guard step out with Logain. Phillip’s smile never wavered, but I could tell he wasn’t happy. After refusing a drink, Phillip gestured for Fenris to sit across from us.

 

Phillip wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close. It sent a clear message of who I belonged to.

 

“I will be brief. As you know, it is customary for the Inaugural Ball to be hosted by a member of the Nobility. Chancellor Anders would appreciate Miss Hawke and yourself hosting it. Lord Vael, the Chancellor feels that the Left Hand of the Divine heading the ceremony would serve to foster goodwill between the Chantry and the ruling Senate.” Fenris kept his eyes focused on Phillip.

 

Lord Vael casually sipped his drink before replying. “I trust Anders won’t mind me giving him an answer tomorrow? I need to discuss this with Noire.”

 

“Naturally. I will pass the message along. Thank you for your time.” Fenris rose and was escorted out by Logain.

 

Phillip turned to me when we were alone. “We don’t have to do this, baby girl. I can turn him down.”

 

“I know, but you are the highest ranking Noble in Starkhaven. It might damage your reputation if you don’t host the ball.” I was terrified of seeing Anders again, “You asked me to bring my wedding attire to Orlais. Does that mean you are planning to marry me while we are there?”

 

Phillip chuckled, “Yes, Noire. I was going to surprise you.”

 

“Well, what if we kept the marriage a secret until the ball? When the dancing starts, we will be introduced. If we get introduced as Lord and Lady Vael without our marriage being announced beforehand, it will eclipse the Chancellor’s big moment.” I waited for him to ponder my idea.

 

“Actually, that’s brilliant! Anders tends to be overly dramatic. His rants are legendary in the Senate. That just might cause him to commit an unforgiveable breech in etiquette.” Phillip leaned over to kiss me.

 

He pushed me down on the sofa and laid on top of me. It was intense and passionate kissing. Phillip pressed his body against mine, and I felt how excited he was. As his hands were roaming under my shirt, I heard the elevator open. I tried to push Phillip off me, but he wouldn’t budge.

 

I heard footsteps walk close by, and the sound of someone sitting. When Phillip bit down and started sucking a mark on my neck, I breathlessly tried to tell him we weren’t alone. He took one of his hands, and covered my mouth to silence me.

 

His body was grinding against me, and I moaned. I began to struggle harder when I felt Phillip reach to undo my jeans. My hands were grabbed and pinned above my head. Phillip’s eyes blazed with desire.

 

“Don’t push me away, baby girl. I want you, now.” Phillip’s voice was soft, yet commanding.

 

I glanced over and blushed as I saw Logain staring intently at us. “I want you too! But, no-not here. Please, take me to the bedroom.”

 

“No, I want you here, now. Be a good girl. You don’t want to disappoint me do you?” Phillip’s tone and tightening of his grasp made me stop fighting him.

 

“No, love. But, can’t he leave? Please?” My voice was barely audible.

 

Phillip’s answer was to sit up and force my shirt over my head. I tried to cover my chest since I had no bra, and my hands were pulled away. Phillip shushed me, and moved back so he could pull my jeans down. I scrunched my eyes shut once I was fully exposed.

 

Phillip gave a small laugh, and moved to take a nipple in his mouth. I didn’t want it to feel good. I didn’t want my body to respond, but it did. He dipped a hand between my legs and began rubbing me mercilessly.

 

I tried to stifle a cry, but it escaped through clinched teeth. I climaxed very quickly. When I stopped shuddering, Phillip claimed my mouth. He was still dressed and the fabric of his clothes rubbing against my naked body started to arouse me again.

 

He pulled back and looked at Logain. “That’ll be all for tonight. Be here at ten am so we can get to Orlais early tomorrow afternoon.”

 

When Logain was finally gone, I felt the flush leave my cheeks. Phillip stood up and led me to the bedroom. He directed me to lay in the middle of the bed with my hands raised.

Phillip tied my wrists together, and then bound me to the bed. I was praised every time I obeyed. Heat pooled in my belly when I was verbally rewarded for following Philip’s instructions.

 

I was pulling on my bonds as Phillip stripped. I wanted to fold my arms around his neck, run my fingers through his hair. I couldn’t keep still as he settled between my legs and ran his nails up my thighs.

 

“You liked getting off in front of Logain, didn’t you baby girl?” Phillip’s voice was pure lust.

 

“N-no, I was ashamed.” I was trembling, and trying to fight my reaction to his touch.

 

Phillip’s musical laugh rang out as he leaned down and braced himself above me. “Admit it, Noire. You’re as much of an exhibitionist as I am. If you weren’t, you would learn to keep quiet when we make love where others can hear.”

 

I was trying to deny my excitement at his words. “No, no. I, I am embarrassed by how I sound.”

 

“Liar, you love it. I should take you inside the Chantry, up in the balcony where it would echo if you couldn’t stop yourself from screaming. Would you like that? Defiling the Holy house of the Maker with your debauchery?” Phillip’s whispers in my ear were driving me wild.

 

He tongued my ear, and then nibbled my neck. My body arched with pleasure as Phillip was hitting all my erogenous zones. I yanked at my bonds and whined because I couldn’t dig my nails into his skin. I wrapped my legs around his waist, but he sat up and pushed them apart.

 

I gazed at Phillip with a look caught between frustration and rapture. He smirked at me while he ran his fingers up the inside of my thighs. So close to where I needed his touch, yet he moved away when he saw how feverish with desire I was.

 

“Please, please! Phillip, I need, I need you!” My breaths were short gasps.

 

Phillip leaned down and licked under my navel. He sucked a new mark on my skin. I was shaking, and whimpering incoherent words.

 

“I’ll use my tongue in a much better place if you admit Logain watching us got you off.” His breath ghosted over my intimate area as he spoke.

 

Phillip looked at my face and raised an eyebrow as I was biting my lip to keep from answering him. “I can tease you all night, baby girl.”

 

To drive the point home, Phillip kissed and licked everywhere but the one place I ached for his touch. I shook, and swore and refused to break. The more I resisted, the more Phillip tormented me.

 

“Yes, YES! I liked you touching me while I was being watched. I’m begging you, take me. I need you!” My body was so full of want I would’ve agreed to let him use me in front of the entire Chantry at Mass.

 

“As you wish, my sweet, little harlot.” Phillip put his mouth to much better use, and I screamed in relief.

 

As I lay in Phillip’s arms after our intense love making, I felt my face grow hot realizing I had climaxed in front of Logain. I couldn’t deny the thought excited me. Phillip was bringing out longings I never knew I had.

 

Maybe that was the reason behind me sleeping with Anders. The thrill that came with the risk of being caught. I shivered as I considered what Phillip would do with me in Orlais. The thought of him touching me in his private box at the Grand Cathedral excited me. I fell asleep imagining all manner of deviant situations.

 

I was allowed to pick out my wardrobe for Orlais. Since people reacted so well to my look during the Divine’s funeral, Phillip encouraged me to take my most provocative outfits. He surprised me with seven new bra and panty sets. They were all made to provide access without having to remove them. I blushed at the implication.

 

Phillip chose the red set for me to wear on the plane. I wore a comfortable red, cotton dress that brushed the floor when I wore my sandals. It was low cut, and bohemian looking. My diamond collar was the only jewelry I wore besides my engagement ring.

 

Logain arrived on time, and smirked at me when he picked up our bags to put in the limo. I know I was the same color as my dress. Phillip gave me sweet smile and guided me down to the car.

 

Logain was sitting so he could look at us. As the limo started the drive to the private landing strip. Phillip grabbed my hair and kissed me. I didn’t think he was going to engage in exhibitionism this quick into the trip. I tried to pull away but Phillip pressed me against the seat using his weight to pin me beneath him.

 

“Tell me you want me, baby girl.” Phillip moaned in my ear.

 

I fought to control my baser desires, “Phillip, please. Not here.”

 

Phillip gave a breathless laugh. “Fine. But as soon as the plane takes off, you’re mine.”

 

I shivered in anticipation as Philip sat up and pulled me into his lap. I refused to look at Logain. I was mortified that part of me was thrilled by Phillip’s behavior.

 

The plane lifted off shortly after we boarded. As soon as the craft leveled out, Phillip stood and pulled me out of my seat. He gave me a heated look and started pulling my dress up over my head. I resisted at first, until Phillip kissed me.

 

Once the garment was off, my fiancé had me stand with my hands resting at my sides. I felt myself blush from my neck up my face. Phillip walked over and got he and Logain a drink. Sitting in the chair next to his body guard/best friend, he used a remote to turn on some music.

 

“Now, dance for us, Noire. Dance like you’re at the club, stripping.” Both men’s eyes were glued to my body.

 

I trembled as I started to move. The underclothes were so indecent; I may as well just have been naked. Phillip gave me instructions on how to move in a restrained voice. I could tell it was fraying his self-control to not touch me.

 

I dropped to my knees and crawled to Phillip. I settled myself between his legs, and lightly ran my hands up his body. I leaned up to kiss him. When he bent to brush his lips against mine, I pulled away with a flirtatious giggle. That undid Phillip’s discipline. I was yanked up so I was straddling his lap.

 

Phillip then turned me over, so my upper body landed in Logain’s lap. Before I could lift myself up, Logain twisted his hand in my hair to hold me in place. Phillip parted my legs, and began massaging my derriere and inner thighs.

 

This no longer felt like a game. I felt Logain’s hand tighten its grip and push my head down so I could feel his arousal. I squirmed and managed to roll on the floor. My hair felt like it had almost been ripped out and tears sprang to my eyes.

 

I jumped to my feet, and backed away from the two men. Phillip frowned in disapproval, and Logain’s eyes felt like they were dissecting me.

 

“Baby, come here. I won’t ask twice.” Phillip leaned forward and reached for my hand.

 

I knew that tone of voice, I had to obey. Phillip pulled me to him and settled me across he and Logain’s laps again. This time, Logain cuffed my hands behind my back. I tried to stay still and shut out what was happening.

 

“Now, since you have shown you like being watched, I want watch while you take care of Logain.” Phillip was rubbing in between my legs, and despite my best efforts my body was responding.

 

“N-no, please! You said you’d shoot me last time you wanted me to do that!” I was shaking in terror.

 

“Hmm, that I did. But, you have already given yourself to another man. While I won’t condone you fucking Logain, I do think he deserves a reward for taking bullets to try and save the Divine, don’t you?” Phillip   hit the spot the made me crazy, and I couldn’t hide my whimper.

 

Logain freed himself, and used his thumb to part my lips. I screwed my eyes shut and pictured it was Phillip using my mouth. Logain hissed as I employed all the tricks I had been shown by his boss. It wasn’t long before I could tell he was close. Phillip used his fingers, and whispered the filthiest things that had me moaning. Suddenly, my head was held down as Logain released. He barely made a sound, but he was breathing heavy as I was pulled off him.

 

“Go clean up, baby girl. I want you next.” Phillip smacked my ass and then stood me up.

 

Logain tucked himself away, then leaned over and undid the handcuffs. As I rinsed out my mouth and, gargled some mouth wash, I started to feel dirty. Before I could get angry at Phillip’s treatment of me, I told myself it was what I deserved. I miscarried because I had been unfaithful. If Phillip wanted me to demean myself, I would, if it helped him get past my transgression.

 

This had been a test; I didn’t know was being given. Soon, I would be using my sexuality to lure men Phillip either wanted discredited or eliminated. My skill with guns, and my body, would be used to cement Phillip’s power.

 

I walked back to my fiancé, and stood in front of him. He had me straddle him while undoing his trousers. Once he was freed, he maneuvered me so I my back was against him when he entered me. Phillip gripped me tight and directed me to move up and down on him.

 

He swiveled the chair so Logain had a perfect view of my face, and body. The body guard leaned forward and began caressing my breasts. He latched his mouth on one, and used a hand to stimulate my sensitive area while Phillip was thrusting into me. I tried to say no, but my body quivered in ecstasy.

 

“Look at you, baby girl. You are such a slut. You love this. I am going to fuck you in my box at the Grand Cathedral, while you blow Logain at the same time. My sweet whore, I am going to train you to beg me for release multiple times a day. Soon, all you’ll think about is sex.” Phillip’s words drove over the edge, and I howled.

 

Neither man eased up in their attentions even though I was over stimulated. I was coaxed to climax again before Phillip finally spent himself. After a few minutes’ rest, Phillip helped me stand and took me to clean us both up. I was allowed to change into new under garments, and Phillip changed his clothes.

 

Before we landed I was able to fix my makeup, and comb my hair. I was exhausted when we got into the limo. Logain accompanied me to the hotel, after we dropped Phillip off to meet with Cassandra.

 

After Logain had settled his belongings in his room, he let himself into me and Phillip’s suite. I was suddenly timid. Without my man being near, Logain unnerved me. He opened the sparkling wine I liked and handed me a glass. Having gotten a drink for himself, he sat close to me on the settee.

 

My hands shook as I gulped my wine. Logain kept refilling my glass. There was no conversation, which made me fidget. Before I realized it, I had downed most of the bottle. I excused myself to use the loo, and swayed as I tried to stand. Logain jumped up and steadied me. He held me a bit too long, and whispered in my ear he could help me if I needed it. I shuddered and shook my head no.

 

As I was washing my hands, I had the urge to lock myself in the bathroom. I worried I wouldn’t be able to keep Logain from touching me. Mostly because part of me was exhilarated by the thought of his strong hands on my skin. I was very tipsy, but managed to walk a straight line back to my seat. I didn’t meet Logain’s eyes as I finished another glass of wine.

 

Logain opened a second bottle and poured me a fresh glass. Phillip arrived, and when I tried to stand and greet him I lost my balance and landed on the floor. I giggled as he helped me up. He took my wine away, and gave me a bottle of water. All the while watching me in amusement.

 

Logain had ordered dinner, and it arrived not long after my fiancé. Phillip undressed me until all I had on was the immodest underthings. He had me sit in his lap so he could feed me. He and Logain kept asking me confusing questions and laughing at how drunk I was.

 

When dinner was over, Phillip carried me to the bedroom. He set me on my feet near the foot of the bed. Logain came in and stripped. I closed my eyes and turned my head away. Phillip told me to look at Logain.

 

He was laying on the bed, head propped up on some pillows. He was ready for whatever Phillip had in mind. I felt Phillip undress behind me. When he was naked he pressed against my body.

 

I was instructed to crawl in between Logain’s legs and service him again. I wasn’t as shy this time since I was drunk. As soon as I began to use my mouth on him, I felt the bed dip behind me. Phillip pulled me up on my knees so my ass was in the air. He nudged my legs apart, and settled behind me.

 

Phillip used his hands to ready me. When I was a puddle of lust, he held my hips still and slammed into me. I moaned around Logain, who grabbed my hair and moved my head at a pace he liked. Phillip thrust slow, and deep. My excitement took time to build. When I was getting close, Phillip stopped moving. I whined and tried to push back but I was held still.

 

“Not yet, baby girl. Finish taking care of Logain.” Phillip gripped my hips so hard, I knew I’d bruise.

 

Logain used both hands to guide my mouth. In a short time, He let out a soft moan and held my head down until he was spent. When I was released, I took some unsteady breaths.

 

Phillip pulled me up until I was resting on his lap. Holding me around the waist, he began to move again. Logain sat up and stimulated me the same way he had on the flight.

 

My head was spinning, and I was trembling uncontrollably. Each time I got to the point of orgasm, both men would stop their ministrations. I squirmed and tried to move, but they held me in place by force.

 

“Please, please, please! Let me finish!” I was desperate and reached down to touch myself.

 

Logain grabbed my wrists and smirked. Phillip chuckled in my ear, and gripped me tighter. I was held like that for what seemed an eternity, though it was probably only a couple of minutes.

 

When my body calmed, Phillip nodded to Logain. I was pulled off Phillip, and maneuvered onto my back with my head hanging off the end of the bed.

 

Phillip directed me to open my mouth, and he thrust himself inside. It was obscene I was tasting myself while he used my throat. I took deep breaths when I could and Phillip set a slow pace. He was savoring the moment and telling me I was good little whore.

 

Logain parted my legs, and I soon felt his tongue between my legs. I quaked, and whimpered around Phillip. He thrust into my mouth faster, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before he finished. I came as soon as I felt Phillip shudder and hold my head still.

 

He pulled free, and I tried to stop Logain from using his mouth on me. Phillip grabbed my wrists and held me so I couldn’t get away from Logan and his wicked tongue. I started moaning shamelessly, and I felt fingers push inside my body. It wasn’t long before I screamed. Logain finally sat up after I was reduced to begging him to stop. The body guard gathered his clothes, and left.

 

Phillip took us to the shower, and cleaned me. While he finished up, I brushed my teeth and staggered out to collapse on the bed. I was sobering up, and I felt awful. The reality of what I had engaged in the past twenty-four hours hit me hard. I curled up and pretended to be asleep when Phillip climbed into bed and held me. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I confronted the fact I was no better than a common street walker.

 

I prayed to Andraste for the strength to leave this situation. I didn’t want to be treated like this. The whispers started up inside my head. Unlike the other times, my mind was telling me this was all my fault. If I hadn’t slept with Anders, none of these things would’ve happened. I felt like the most horrible person alive. I fell unconscious knowing I deserved everything Phillip had done.


	34. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire marries Phillip. Sebastian starts dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mental abuse.

** Chapter 34 **

Wedding Bells

****

I woke around eight am, and Phillip was already up talking on the phone in the front room. I went and took another shower, to see if I could wash away the sick feeling left over from the night before. As I scrubbed my skin, I tried to ignore the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t like that I had acted like a whore. I stayed under the water, and sobbed. I knew my actions with Anders brought all of this on, and I started to hate myself.

 

I didn’t hear Phillip come in. He got in the shower, and turned me around. He was surprised by my tears. He hugged me, and after a few minutes turned off the water. Phillip guided me out, and dried me off. I refused to meet his eyes. He picked me up, and took me to the bed.

 

He laid us both down and held me. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

 

“I’m a whore. I don’t want to be this way. How can I be your wife, and do what I did last night?” My words were nearly unintelligible.

 

Phillip held me close, and spoke in a calm and loving manner. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have played those kind of bedroom games without discussing it with you first. You are so strong, and smart, I forget what an innocent you are. I won’t do that to you again.”

 

He cradled me, and whispered soothing words. I finally calmed down. Phillip tilted my head up so he could look into my eyes.

 

“Noire, I wanted to marry you today. The new Divine has agreed to the private ceremony. Please say you’ll become my wife.” Phillip looked so apologetic, it made my heart ache. “I won’t force you, if you’re angry at me.”

 

I nodded as I spoke, “I will. But, please, love, don’t make me do what I did yesterday again. I only want you. I know how bad I screwed up, and I will spend every day as your wife, making up for it.”

 

Phillip smiled and kissed me. “Thank you, baby girl. I am going to leave and get my suit. I understand you are wearing royal blue and silver. I will do my best to match. I have arranged for a hair stylist, makeup artist and one other helper to get you ready. Sebastian flew in early this morning, and he will escort you to where we will get married. I don’t want to see you, until the ceremony.”

****

I dressed in sweats, and had a light breakfast with Phillip. Sebastian arrived, and was in a tux. He pulled Phillip off to one side, and showed him something. Phillip smiled, clapped him on the shoulder and thanked him. Before he left, my fiancé came over and kissed me.

 

“I am so happy, Noire. We become a real family today! Praise be the Maker and his Bride!” Seb hugged me, and then went to answer a knock at the door.

 

My helpers arrived, with a surprise. Isabella was my dresser. I ran and hugged her tight.

 

“What are you doing here? This is amazing!” I was beaming that I had a friend of my own as a guest.

 

Isabella smiled and responded coyly, “Well, my boyfriend has decided to introduce me to his inner circle. So, what are we doing today? Party at the Palace?”

 

“Isa, you’re dating Seb?” I was amazed Sebastian would go for a stripper.

 

“No, silly. I have been sleeping with Logain forever.” Isabella laughed as Seb turned crimson. “Although, maybe I should trade up for this stud of a man.”

 

Isabella walked over, threw her arms around Sebastian and kissed him passionately. Seb froze with his arms halfway wrapped around Isa. I laughed at his reaction.

 

Isabella pulled away, and blatantly looked at his crotch. “Hmmm, I think I like you, Mr. Vael. Isn’t it time for you to be looking for a wife?”

 

“Isabella! He’s more innocent than I was. Don’t torment the poor man!” I was laughing, and could barely contain myself.

 

“I, um, we could have coffee sometime. If you’d like. Have you attended Mass before?” I was stunned, Sebastian seemed interested in Isabella.

 

Isabella raised an eyebrow and answered, “I haven’t been in ages. I’m afraid I’d be sent to the Void for even trying to enter a Chantry. Besides, don’t I need to go to confession first or something?”

 

“Confession is good for the soul. If you think it will help you, I could assist with getting you close to the Maker again.” Seb was so earnest in his offer it gave Isabella pause.

 

“I just might take you up on that offer, Mr. Vael.” Isabella smiled and went to sit with Seb.

 

I shook my head and led the two stylists to the bedroom. I wanted to look fantastic. I had silver and blue extensions put in my hair. It was left to hang down my back after the headband was put on. I had the makeup artist use false lashes that had royal blue tips. My makeup was heavy, but classy looking. I used a red, metallic lipstick to top things off.

 

Isabella came in to help me with my dress. I had her help me with my corset. After I was laced up, I donned thigh high stockings, and a blue lace thong. The dress fit perfectly. It was a bit indecently low cut, but I loved it. It had cap sleeves, and was a mermaid style. It was tight, but I wouldn’t have any issues sitting in it.

 

I walked back into the main room, and Sebastian smiled. “This is for you, Noire. From Father.”

 

I opened a big velvet box. It was the most magnificent sapphire and diamond set of jewelry I had ever seen. Sebastian helped me with putting it on.

 

Isabella’s eyes went wide. “Damn, Hawke! You could sell those rocks and retire.”

 

Sebastian turned and gave a shy smile to Isabella, “It isn’t much, but would you like to wear this?”

 

He handed Isabella a diamond and sapphire tennis bracelet. She held out her wrist and let him put it on her. She gave Seb a sweet smile.

 

“You can keep it. Wear it the first time you attend Mass.” Sebastian blushed as he spoke.

 

I was happy for him. I hoped he would end up with Isabella. She had a checkered past, but Sebastian was all about finding redemption.

 

“Thank you. So, may I ask where we are going?” Isabella looked at me.

 

A knock at the door prevented me from answering. A florist came in and handed me a bouquet of white and blue roses. Isabella got a smaller one of only white roses, and Seb got a single blue rose for his lapel.

 

“I’ll see if you can puzzle it out, Isa.” I smiled and led Seb and her out of the room.

 

We were surrounded by guards and took a back way down to the limo. Inside we had chilled sparkling waiting. I refused any, but Isabella accepted a glass. Seb was doing his best to flirt with her, and it was adorable. I wondered if it would bother Logain to be thrown aside by Isabella.

 

We ended up being dropped off at the back of the Grand Cathedral.

 

Isabella gave me a questioning look. “Hawke, are you marrying Lord Vael?”

 

“Yes. I am so happy!” It hit me, I was going to belong to Phillip completely.

 

I felt amazing. I couldn’t suppress my smile. We entered the private Chapel of the Divine, and I was a bit taken a back when I saw who the next Divine would be. The new Right Hand had been elected to replace Dorothea.

 

Phillip turned and he gasped. I was afraid he hated my dress, until I heard him whisper “beautiful”. Cassandra gave me a nod and I took my place next to Phillip. Sebastian handed Isabella a ring to hand me at the proper time.

 

It was a short ceremony, but Phillip had written his own vows. I was in tears when he finished. Cassandra asked if I had my own vows, and I said yes. I improvised, but I spoke from the heart. Phillip’s eyes misted over while I was speaking, and I knew I had done well.

 

I placed the ring on Phillip’s finger, and then it was my turn. My wedding ring was a huge diamond surrounded by a row of sapphires, and a row of emeralds. Phillip place my engagement ring on my right hand.

 

We were then told to kiss. Phillip kept it chaste, and Cassandra pronounced us Man and Wife. The four of us signed the license and then after hugging the Divine we left. Sebastian asked Isabella to dinner and they got into a separate limo.

 

After we were in our car, I was suddenly shy. I was a wife now. It seemed surreal that I was a married lady. Phillip held my hand and beamed at me.

 

“Where was Logain?” I timidly asked.

 

Phillip kissed my hand before replying, “I didn’t want you to be nervous or upset by his presence. So, I sent him to chase down a lead regarding Leliana.”

 

“Thank you, husband.” I looked in his eyes when I spoke.

 

The intense gaze he flashed me, showed me he loved being called that. “You’re welcome, wife.”

 

My heart sang when Phillip called me wife. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. In that moment, all my fear, all my pain, disappeared. I felt like I had been tested, and this was my reward. I didn’t care where we headed, all that mattered was I married the man of my dreams. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

 

“Baby girl, time to wake up. We’ve arrived.” Phillip shook me gently while whispering.

 

I sat up and blinked the sleep from my eyes. “Where are we, love?”

 

Phillip didn’t answer, he just smiled. The door was opened, and I was helped out of the car. I looked up and saw a beautiful country home. It was made to resemble a cottage, but it was much larger than that. It had wild flowers, and a brick path leading to the front door.

 

I looked at Phillip, and he was watching me apprehensively. “Do you like it?”

 

“It’s beautiful! What a romantic Inn.” I was thrilled this was how I was starting my honeymoon.

 

Phillip laughed as he pulled me forward. “It’s not an Inn. It’s your new home, if you like it. I will have to spend more time in Orlais, so I thought this might be a good place for us to stay. I don’t want to leave you in Starkhaven, and living in a hotel isn’t what I picture for you. So, Lady Vael, do you accept this gift?”

 

I threw my arms around his neck, “Yes! Thank you so much! This is better than anything else you could have given me.”

 

Phillip lifted me in his arms, and carried me over the threshold. It was like being in a romantic movie, except this was my life. I was happy our wedding had been a private affair. I knew there was bound to be a reception at some point, but at that moment all I needed was my husband.

 

Phillip showed me the house. He sounded like an excited child at Saturnalia. He had taken great care to decorate the rooms according to my tastes. It was a perfect mix of antiques, and modern furniture. The walls were painted different colors in each room.

 

Some of my favorite artists adorned the walls. I knew the art alone was worth a staggering amount of money. I wondered how wealthy Phillip was. It never had occurred to me to ask. But, seeing the millions spent on décor left me curious.

 

Before we entered the master bedroom, Phillip paused outside what I had assumed was the fifth guest bedroom. “I had the best experts come and set this up. I hope it will be to your liking.”

 

He threw open the door, and I was dumbfounded at what was inside. I slowly walked in and gazed in wonder. Phillip had a complete recording studio set up for me. All the instruments I knew how to play. The top of the line microphones and recording devices. I could create a complete album, by myself.

 

I burst into tears. It was by far the single most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. My new husband came and held me. After I got my emotions under control, I leaned back to gaze at him.

 

“Thank you. Thank you so much! This has always been a dream of mine, and you brought it to life. I love you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

 

Phillip broke away and caressed my cheek. “I have been bombarded with requests for you to record the song you sang for Dorothea. I figured this would be the best way for you to do that. Create an album, and I will see to its distribution. You are far too talented to keep silent. I love you, I mean it when I say I have waited my whole life for you.”

 

No words were needed after that. I was carried to my wedding bed. It was a few hours later we emerged to forage for some snacks. We ate, and watched a movie. I finally had the courage to tell Phillip I didn’t like chic flicks. He laughed and thanked the Maker he wouldn’t have to watch sappy romances. He loved that I preferred action, or thriller movies. It was the perfect end, to what had been a perfect day.

 

When we retired, Phillip fell asleep quickly. I lay awake thanking the Maker for his forgiveness. I thanked Andraste for giving me such a wonderful man. I dropped off to sleep, grateful for what I had.

 

“Noire, Noire?” A voice was calling to me, but I couldn’t see who was speaking. “Noire, please, help us!”

 

I spun around searching for the disembodied cry. The fog was so thick I couldn’t see more than a few inches in front of my face. The voice cried out for help again. I tried to run towards it, but it kept growing softer. I cursed, and yelled for the person to help me find them. After running until I was aching, the fog faded. I stopped dead in my tracks. The bodies of my family and Dorothea lay in a mangled heap at my feet.

 

I dropped to my knees and sobbed. I let them die, why had I been unable to save them? I looked up and Anders was gazing sadly down at me.

 

“Phillip did this, Hawke. This is your future. Leave him, I am waiting for you.” Anders faded, and I screamed for him to come back.

 

I was being shaken, I put my hands up and was screaming, “NO, NO, NO!”

 

“Noire! Baby girl, wake up! You’re having a nightmare. Please baby, come back to me.” Phillip’s voice finally got through to me.

 

I clung to him as my heart thudded in my chest. I was trembling in terror. The dream, seemed so real. Tears streaked down my face as I tried to block out the images that haunted me. Phillip rocked me, and hummed to calm me down. My breathing started going back to normal. I buried myself in my husband’s chest and shook.

 

It was a few minutes before I regained my composure. “I-I’m sorry, Phillip. The dream, it, it was horrible.”

 

“I’ve got you, baby girl. I swear no harm will ever come to you. Come, let me make you some chamomile tea. It will help you sleep.” I was gently lifted out of bed and I followed Phillip to the kitchen.

 

I sat at the table, staring out at the night sky. I was full of angst as the images I dreamed wouldn’t leave my mind. Phillip brought me my tea, and a pill. I gave him a puzzled look.

 

“It’s an anti-anxiety pill, Noire. I think I messed up by stopping all your meds. You have been under so much stress; I should’ve known better than to just stop giving them to you.” Phillip sighed and rested his chin in his hand. “I was so angry at Sampson’s incompetence, I never thought what effect my decision would have on you.”

 

“It’s not your fault, love. Sampson’s cocktail nearly killed me. I don’t blame you for not wanting to risk giving me anymore pills. But, I think I need them. My, my dream, it wasn’t normal. I don’t want to have to go back to the hospital. If taking these meds prevent that, I’ll take them.” I reached over and touched his arm and smiled.

 

I swallowed the pill, and drank my tea. We chatted about mundane things. Phillip wasn’t needed by the Divine for two days. He proposed we go for a drive and have a picnic in a field of wild flowers he knew of. By the time we climbed the stairs for bed, the pill was making me drowsy. Phillip carried me once I got to the top of the stairs.

 

As he tucked us in, he ran his fingers through my hair. I fell unconscious. Phillip smiled when he heard my breathing change. His plan had worked perfectly. I was his loyal wife now. No one could get near me. Phillip was confident I would obey him no matter what he asked of me. He fell asleep looking forward to the next stage of his quest for ultimate power.


	35. Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new Divine is named.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHYSICAL, SEXUAL ABUSE

** Chapter 35 **

Marriage

 

 

After two days of bliss, we were headed back to reality. Phillip dropped me off at our hotel and went to see Cassandra. Tomorrow was going to be a spectacle. Miss Pentagast would be crowned Divine Victoria. There was also a huge announcement to be made regarding how the Chantry would be run. Phillip hadn’t shared the details with me, so I had to wait and find out the news, just like everyone else.

 

I was doing some long overdue writing in my journal when Phillip returned after seven pm. He looked tired, and on edge. He ripped off his tie, and tossed his suit jacket on the floor. I jumped up and got him a scotch. He downed it in one go, and handed the glass back to me. I poured a new drink, nearly filling the glass, and I brought the decanter with me.

 

After handing Phillip his drink, and setting the booze in front of him, I sat down. I was trying to keep calm. I had seen him like this before, and I was terrified of making him angrier. I kept my eyes trained on him so I could anticipate what Phillip needed. He leaned forward, set his glass down and rested his head in his hands.

 

I leaned over and began massaging his neck. Phillip was so tense. He turned so I had better access to rub his shoulders. Slowly he relaxed. I could feel his tension leaving him. He sighed, and reached up to hold my hand.

 

He turned and looked at me, worry evident in his expression. “Baby girl, the new Divine would like you to open the ceremony with the hymn you sang last time we were here. I tried to talk her out of it, but Cassandra is fierce. If you aren’t up to it, I’ll call her and tell her.”

 

“I’ll be fine, love. Is that all that’s wrong? You seem so upset.” I looked in his eyes and knew there was something he wasn’t telling me.

 

“It’s, it’s Sebastian. He has decided he wants to date Isabella. When I tried to reason with him, he called me a hypocrite. Saying if I could marry a former stripper, then he dating Isabella shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t care about what she does for a living. It’s Logain. He was pissed. He’s dated her for months. Logain asked Isabella to move in with him last week. Now, she dumps him because my son hit on her.” Phillip sighed and leaned back.

 

“I’m a bit surprised Logain is jealous. I didn’t even know Isabella was dating him, until the other day. She never talked about him.” I was puzzled about the whole situation. “Besides, if he really loved her, why would he have, um, let me touch him. Logain didn’t seem concerned about cheating on her.”

 

I had glanced down trying to reconcile what Phillip had just said about Logain. I missed the look of rage that flashed across my husband’s face. I didn’t see the blow coming. Phillip punched me in the stomach so hard I fell on the floor. I had a hard time breathing. Before I could recover, he grabbed my hair and yanked me to my feet.

 

I tried not to fight him. I knew resistance would make things worse. Once in the bedroom, I was thrown on the bed.

 

“Strip, now!” Instead of the emotionless voice I feared, Phillip sounded livid.

 

I hurried to comply. My eyes were blinded with tears, as I flung my clothes off. I sat up and waited for further instructions. I kept my eyes fixed on Phillip since I knew he hated it when I didn’t look at him.

 

I watched as he removed his belt. Phillip held the end with the buckle and wrapped it around his hand a couple of times. I shuddered knowing what was coming next.

 

“Now, have you tried to seduce Logain since the night before our wedding?” Phillip leaned down and wrapped his free hand around my throat.

 

“No, Phil-phillip. I only want you.” I kept my voice soft and loving while shoving the fear aside.

 

Phillip’s eyes narrowed as he watched me. “If this turns out to be a lie, we’ll have to make a trip to the cabin. One last chance, Noire. Tell me the truth and I won’t punish you.”

 

Fear crept into my voice despite my best efforts. “That is the truth, husband. I haven’t seen or spoken to Logain since the night we got to Orlais.”

 

Phillip decided I was telling the truth. I let my tears fall in relief. He climbed on top of me, and used my body without any foreplay. It hurt, but I wasn’t about to complain. He needed to control and dominate someone. Phillip finished quickly.

 

When he was done, he went and showered. His indifference bothered me, but I was safe. When I heard the water turn off, I rose and went to take my turn in the shower. Oh, how I read the situation wrong. I didn’t wait for permission. As soon as I walked past Phillip and turned on the shower, he came unhinged.

 

I was pulled back into the bedroom. Phillip ordered me to lay face down on the bed. I heard him pick up the belt. The first strike caused me to whimper, but I didn’t scream. I dug my fingers into the bedspread as the blows rained down on my low back, and ass. It became impossible to keep silent. As soon as I cried out in agony, Phillip stopped.

 

He leaned down and stroked my hair. My body was trembling, and I was in excruciating pain. Phillip pulled me into a warm embrace, and held me tenderly. He whispered words of love, and I let him comfort me. After I had calmed, Phillip helped me to the shower. He washed me, and then dried me off. He carried me to bed.

 

“Baby girl, I need you to be more supportive. Don’t decide to ignore me when I am unhappy. Just ask me before you do anything when I am upset. I hate seeing you in pain. You are so precious; I don’t want to discipline you. I love you so much. Do you love me?” Phillip’s voice was sweet, but the words bothered me.

 

I swallowed an acidic remark and kept a soft tone. “I love you, very much. I don’t mean to make you angry. I’m sorry, love.”

 

“Have you eaten tonight, baby girl?” Phillip asked in his caretaker’s voice.

 

“No, I was waiting for you, husband.” My voice was scratchy from screaming.

 

Phillip kissed my forehead and climbed off the bed. “Come, wife. Let’s have a late dinner. We don’t need to arrive at the Chantry until noon.”

 

I accepted his help out to the sofa. Sitting was extremely painful, and I sighed at the thought of having to endure hours of it while the Divine was crowned. Phillip sat down after ordering us dinner, and had me lay my head in his lap.

 

He stroked my hair, and when I looked up Phillip smiled at me. “My beautiful wife. It’s difficult not sharing the good news with everyone I see. I can’t wait until we are publicly introduced in two weeks. You have made me a very happy man, Noire.”

 

I gave him a tentative smile in return. “I am honored to call you, my husband. I swear I will get better at pleasing you. I’m sorry I upset you, Phillip. I don’t mean to. Please, be patient with me. I love you so much.”

 

Before he answered, room service arrived. Phillip helped me sit up so I could eat my salad. I was smarting, but I kept a smile on my face. I knew I needed to learn his moods if I wanted to stop being punished. After we were finished, Phillip carried me to bed.

 

Before he tucked me in, he rubbed ointment on my welts and bruises. Then he had me take my pill. He laid down behind me, and spooned me. I fell asleep to his whispering how much he loved me.

 

It was getting ready to storm as I walked through the park. The wind nearly blew me off my feet. A blinding flash of lightning, followed by a loud clap of thunder cause me to run for cover. The clouds opened up, and a torrential down pour started. The trees provided little protection since the wind was making the rain fall almost horizontally.

 

Another round of lightning and thunder was followed by a scream. I could barely make out the words. I ran towards the sound.

 

“Noire? Noire! Help us! Where are you? Noire, please, don’t leave us to die!” It sounded like my sister.

 

I was frantic. “Bethany? Where are you? I’m trying to find you!”

 

My sister’s voice was carried away by the wind, and I was running to catch it. As I got closer to Bethany’s voice, I heard multiple screams. I had a stitch in my side, but I couldn’t stop. The wails abruptly went quiet.

 

I ran into a clearing just as the wind and rain died down. Again, I saw the bodies of my family and Dorothea strewn about. Each had a look of terror frozen on their faces. I was too late again. I fell to my knees and begged the Maker for mercy.

 

Anders stepped into view. “Hawke, these aren’t the only victims.”

 

I looked to where he pointed and saw a pile of women’s corpses in various states of decomposition. I was sickened by the brutality. I looked back at Anders in bewilderment.

 

“Hawke, you’re next. Phillip will kill you, like he killed all of them. Leave him, you aren’t safe. Find me, I can help you.” Anders turned and walked away.

 

I tried to follow him, but it got dark. So dark I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of black. I yelled, screamed and begged for help. No one answered me.

 

I was being grabbed, and I was fighting against an impossibly strong force. I clawed, screamed and tried to kick the attacker.

 

“Noire! NOIRE! Wake up!” A blow to my cheek snapped me into the moment. “Baby girl, please, you’re having another nightmare.”

 

I blinked and saw I was in the hotel suite with my new husband. Shaking uncontrollably, I sobbed. The images were bright in my mind. I was terrified I was going crazy. Phillip held me close, and rocked me. It took me much longer to calm down than after my first dream.

 

“Baby girl, you’re ok. I’m here. You are safe, Noire. Shhh, be calm. I love you.” Phillip rocked me gently.

 

He stroked my hair, and kissed my face. Phillip kept reassuring me I was safe. That he would always take care of me. My heart finally slowed to a normal rate, and my tears dried. I fell into an exhausted sleep while Phillip held me tight.

 

Phillip woke me around eight. I was groggy, and I had to have him help me up. He was gentle while he helped me with my morning routine. Phillip had breakfast waiting for me. I ate in silence. I couldn’t look at my husband without the horrific images popping in my head.

 

When we finished, Phillip helped me to the sofa. I didn’t need to start dressing for another hour. My new husband gingerly rested me in his lap. I started to tremble, and fresh tears formed in my eyes. Phillip started humming to calm me.

 

“Baby girl, what’s the matter?” Phillip sounded so sweet, I began to feel guilty for pushing him away due to a dream.

 

I snuggled against Phillip’s chest before answering. “I, the dreams I’ve had. They are awful. I hear my sister screaming for help, and when I find her, she’s lying dead next to the rest of my family. I know it’s my fault they died.”

 

“Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry! That sounds awful. When we get back to Starkhaven, we’ll find a therapist we can trust. You haven’t dealt with your grief yet. I’ll call Cassandra and tell her you’re ill. I don’t want you to be too stressed today.” Phillip kissed me, and made a move to grab his phone.

 

“No! No, I-I need to sing. It will help me clear my head. Please, husband, music is the one thing that will help me.” I finally made eye contact.

 

Phillip’s look was so loving. He gazed at me for a few moments. He then kissed me slow and sweet. I clung to him like a drowning man grasps a life preserver.

 

Pulling away he whispered, “As you wish, wife. Let’s go get dressed.”

 

Phillip had a beautiful new outfit for me to wear. Its colors were the same red and gold the Revered Mothers all wore. The underpart was a red, sleeveless, cat suit, extremely low cut. There was a golden petticoat that belted on and was split up the middle. It was gauzy, and would float around me as I walked. The jacket was the same material as the petticoat. It was long sleeved, and cropped. The back of the shrug had the Chantry sunburst inset of elaborate red and gold lace.

 

Phillip had me close my eyes while he put another new set of gems on me. Large, emerald cut garnets set in gold for a collar and two bracelets that matched. Large golden hoops encrusted in garnets for earrings. He clipped on the body chain to hang down my left side.

 

I did my cosmetics using red, gold and silver colors. I sprinkled some gold luster dust in my hair. It looked like I had a halo. I was dressed immodestly, but in Orlais that was to be expected.

 

I watched in amazement as Phillip got ready. He wasn’t wearing a suit. He had a red t-shirt on with a pair of black trousers. He donned a red robe trimmed in white silk. Over the top he put on a white sash covered in gold sunbursts. He wore a heavy gold chain, gold Rolex and several gold rings.

 

He smiled at me, and told me he had the finishing touch for both our outfits. Phillip brought out two shoe boxes. He helped me into red suede, five inch heels. They had a one-inch platform in front, and gold Chantry symbols embroidered in them. Phillip’s shoes had the same design, but they were the slipper type footwear the Chantry brothers wore. I admit, I was jealous he had much more comfortable shoes then me.

 

Phillip had us stand next to each other in front of the mirror. We looked stunning as a couple. I could tell he thrived on the image we presented. He gently put my wedding, and engagement rings on each hand. He kissed my cheek, and smiled.

 

I heard the door of the Suite open. We walked out, and there was Logain. He was in black and red. I felt myself blush as he scrutinized my clothing. He looked tired, and grumpy. Not much different from normal.

 

“Phil, your wife is stunning. When your marriage is announced I hope Anders chokes on his tongue. Congratulations to you both.” Logain came over and kissed my cheek, after shaking Phillip’s hand.

 

I didn’t miss the heat in his eyes as he stared at me. Phillip looked between us, and smiled.

 

“Baby girl, Logain is going to dine with us tonight, if that’s alright with you.” Phillip looked at me for an answer.

 

I smiled back, “Of course.”

 

Secretly I was worried. Logain was not subtle with the looks he kept giving me. Phillip seemed to enjoy the byplay between the bodyguard and myself. We exited the room and headed to the Chantry.

 

We entered a side door and fortunately missed the reporters swarming the two main entrances. The Choir was waiting for me with the Divine. Cassandra requested I sing three songs. The one I had written, the hymn I had reworked and her favorite hymn to close the ceremony. I went up on stage and practiced with the musicians.

 

I was able to make use of the choir in my song, so it would sound different from before. The other two hymns were easy to deal with. I was confident it would go well. I stepped down and sat in back with the others. We had a long wait before we would be called to perform.

 

Phillip stopped by and told me it was about ten minutes until we were on. He looked worried that I was straining myself too much. I reassured him I was feeling fine. I shooed him away, and took the few minutes left to center myself.

 

“Noire?” I spun around and stared in shock at Anders.

 

“Chan-Chancellor. Are you crazy? If Phillip sees you talking to me he’ll lose it!” I wanted to run, but as soon as I looked into those kind eyes I was rooted to the floor.

 

Anders stepped forward and grasped my arms gently. I was mesmerized. I didn’t move. I remembered the feel of his lips on mine, and I involuntarily ran my tongue over my bottom lip.

 

“I know. I’ll be brief. I need to show you something. Not here, but when you’re back in Starkhaven. Varric is going to make sure we have a chance to talk. Just talk. Please, stay safe.” Anders looked like he wanted to say more, but Fenris grabbed his arm and dragged him away from me.

 

I was shaking, and I felt faint. Try as I might, I couldn’t deny I was hopelessly attracted to that man. I did my breathing exercises, and calmed down by the time I had to walk on stage.


	36. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire pays for Anders talking to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHYSICAL, MENTAL, SEXUAL ABUSE, RAPE

** Chapter 36 **

Control

 

 

As I was opening the ceremony with song, Logain was smiling at the pictures he had captured. Anders, with his hands holding my arms. Me, not struggling to get away. My tongue licking my lips. It was obvious I wasn’t scared of the Chancellor. The pictures showed I lusted after Anders. Logain pocketed his phone and went to stand guard over the proceedings.

 

Phillip spoke after I left the stage. He explained after many hours in prayerful consideration, the Chantry had unanimously selected Lady Cassandra Pentagast as Divine Victoria.

 

When she walked out, Phillip kneeled before her. The Divine blessed him, then gestured for him to sit next to Empress Celene.

 

The new Divine gave a fiery and impassioned speech. Stating the status quo of the Chantry was no longer acceptable. The money set aside for an elaborate celebration was instead being donated to the homeless shelters run by the parishes across Thedas. Chantry efforts were to be focused on helping the less fortunate.

 

Victoria went on the address the recent betrayal by Leliana. It was through much prayer, and consulting with the other ranking members of the Clergy, there needed to be a permanent change to the hierarchy.

 

The positions of the Left and Right Hand to the Divine were being deleted. The Divine paused as everyone gasped. Now I knew why Phillip was upset last night. He lost his position.

 

Victoria went on to explain the Blessed Andraste had only one advisor when she freed Southern Thedas from Tevinter. She talked about the loyalty, bravery and faith General Chartan had shown when leading the Maker’s Bride’s army. With that example, the Divine was creating a new position. The Marquis Défenseur de la Foi, the Defender of the Faith.

 

This person would be the Divine’s equal. They would provide guidance to governments, and oversee the Charities run by the Chantry. Victoria explained services for Saturnalia and Funeralis would be given jointly by both of them.

 

It made sense, according to the Chant. Andraste had been the figurehead of the uprising centuries ago. But, Chartan had led the army. It would be a very powerful position. I was madly curious as to whom would be selected.

 

Divine Victoria said a prayer, and then introduced the choir again. She was making everyone wait, and I think she enjoyed that power. I sang my heart out. I don’t think I have ever sounded better. I wanted to make Phillip proud.

 

As we exited the stage, the Divine announced her decision. “After contemplation, and listening to my fellow clergy members, there is only one name that came to mind. Lord Phillip Vael of Starkhaven, former Left Hand to Divine Justinia. My Lord, will you accept the position?”

 

Phillip said yes. There was thunderous applause. My husband, was now equal to the Divine in power. I was dumbstruck. What would be my responsibilities? I was happy for Phillip, but I was certain everything I did would be looked at under a microscope. Part of me wished I could remain anonymous.

 

Phillip pledged his loyalty and life to serve the Maker, Andraste, Divine Victoria and the whole of Southern Thedas. He made a heartfelt and touching speech. Both he and the Divine said the final prayer, and it was time for the closing song.

 

I think the choir was just as inspired as myself. We were in sync and did some improvisation during the hymn. As the song ended, we all knelt before the Divine and the new Marquis. Both of them blessed of us. Phillip then took my hand, and led me to bow before the audience.

 

We exited the stage, and this time I had to stand next to Phillip in the receiving line. I felt my pulse speed up as I noticed Anders approach. Behind him were Fenris, Varric and Cullen. I tried to keep a neutral expression on my face as he kissed my hand.

 

I suppressed a shudder at the feel of his lips on my skin. Fenris nodded and moved both of them on. Varric hugged me, as did Cullen. I realized how much I missed them both. I wanted to ask why they had abducted me, but there was no opportunity to do so. I was wistful as I watched them leave.

 

Several hours later, we were finally freed from Chantry duties. I was exhausted. I nearly fell asleep on the way back to the hotel. Logain and Phillip chatted about Chantry business and I tuned them out. Anders face entered my mind, and I smiled before I could stop myself. Phillip didn’t notice, and I schooled my expression once more.

 

We got back to the suite, and dinner was waiting for us. Phillip changed into some silk boxers and a robe. He had me wear a tight, black, lace nightgown. It was more modest than what I had worn the last time Logain was with us. My nerves were on edge; I was afraid of Phillip asking me to engage in sex games with his bodyguard again.

 

The dinner was exceptional, as was the wine. Phillip encouraged me to drink heavily. Before long, I was drunk. Phillip steadied me as we walked to the sofa. I was giggling as tripped on the area rug. Phillip made sure I landed safely on the couch. He sat next to me, and pulled me into his lap. My arse was still very sore, but Phillip apologized and said he’d be careful.

 

Logain poured he and his boss a drink. He then sat across from us. Phillip was busy trying to tickle me. He said he loved to hear me laugh. He finally kissed me, and ran his hands over my body. For a moment I forgot we had an audience. Logain cleared his throat to get Phillip’s attention.

 

“What is it? You want this sexy creature to take care of you? I’d love to watch that, baby girl.” Phillip’s request thrilled and sickened me all at once.

 

“While I long to have that mouth around me, I have something you need to look at, Phil. Some photos I was able to snap right before the ceremony.” Logain tossed his phone to Phillip.

 

Phillip had an eyebrow raised, and looked puzzled as he pulled up image gallery. I watched his expression change from light hearted, to shocked and finally cold.

 

“Phillip? Are you ok?” I was trying to be supportive, but I slurred my words.

 

“Let me share these with you, wife. See if you can explain this away.” Phillip threw the phone at me.

 

My hands shook as I looked at the screen. I scrolled through all the shots of myself and Anders. It looked like two lovers grabbing a secret moment alone. I tried to stand, but Phillip’s arm had an iron grip around my waist.

 

“Oh, no you don’t, whore. You are going to stay put while Logain and I get the full story out of that lying mouth of yours.” Phillip’s voice was soft and full of fury.

 

The wine made me unable to think quickly. I started trembling, but I couldn’t form any words. Phillip threw me off of him. I rolled away and tried to run for the door. Logain easily caught me. I struggled with him briefly, until he slammed his fist upside my head.

 

I dropped like a stone. I couldn’t focus as I felt one man grab my upper body, and the other lift my feet. I was tossed on the bed, as they discussed what to do. I briefly passed out. Phillip shook me awake and had me take my pill. I felt him dress me. I was carried out of the room and down to a car.

 

Phillip buckled me in the back seat and I lost consciousness again. I came around as the plane was landing. I was feeling hung over, and sluggish from the medication. I was strapped into my seat, and Phillip was staring at me.

 

“Phillip? May I have some water?” I was having a difficult time remembering what had happened.

 

“Sure, baby.” Phillip handed me a bottle of water.

 

I drank it quickly. As soon as the plane stopped moving, I went to use the bathroom. As I was washing up, I remembered the pictures I had been shown. I realized they must be taking me to the cabin. I couldn’t go back there. I knew Phillip would kill me. He had sworn if Anders and I had any contact I would pay with my life.

 

I was startled out of my thoughts by urgent knocking. “Noire, come on baby. Don’t make this worse. I just want to talk, sweetie. I know you didn’t seek Anders out at the Chantry. I know you love me. Please, baby girl, be a good wife and open the door.”

 

Phillip’s voice was so kind, I acquiesced. He smiled and gave me a sweet kiss. He held my hand as we exited the plane. He got in the back of the car with me. Logain drove us away from the airport.

 

Phillip began caressing my body, and whispering how much he loved me. I relaxed under his attentions. We engaged in a heavy make out session. It wasn’t until I heard the car turn onto the gravel drive that I started to panic.

 

I wrenched myself away from my husband. His look was that dead eye stare I had come to fear. I reached for the door handle and managed to open it. I rolled out of the car, jumped up and began running.

 

Phillip had put my long mink coat on me and it was too bulky for me to move quickly. I ripped it off, and headed into the woods. I felt I could lose them in the trees. I heard the two men enter behind me. It seemed they were trying to circle around on each side of me. I climbed a tree, and watched them run past where I was. When they were far enough away, I dropped down and fled towards the car.

 

Their voices grew fainter as I neared the vehicle. I prayed to the Maker the keys were in the ignition. I slammed the back door shut and hopped in the driver’s seat. No keys. I took a deep breath and thought back to what Zevran had told me. Praise Andraste Zev thought me learning how to hotwire a car was a good defense mechanism for a woman to know.

 

I reached under the dash, and found the correct wires. I got it started just as Phillip and Logain came out of the brush. I turned the car around, and hit the accelerator. My euphoria at escaping was crushed a few seconds later. The car turned off, it had an anti-theft device in it. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and gave up.

 

I didn’t react when the door flew open. I offered no resistance when I was dragged out of the car. I kept my eyes on my feet as I was ordered to walk to the make shift prison. Once I stepped inside and saw the stairs my body shut down and I fainted.

 

Something cold hit my face. I realized water had been splashed on me. I sputtered as I tried to gain awareness. My arms were aching, and I started shaking when I felt the manacles around my wrists.

 

I was back in the torture chamber, hanging naked from the ceiling. Phillip was pacing in front of me. His body taut, like he was ready to rip me to pieces. Logain was sitting and sipping a drink. I opened my mouth to speak, and Phillip charged forward and placed his hand on my face to prevent me from talking.

 

“You will only speak, when I say you can. You will keep your eyes on me, unless I decide to blind fold you.” Phillip removed his hand, “Do you understand?”

 

“Ye-yes, husband.” I whispered.

 

“Unreal, now you show me the proper respect? Where was this attitude when you were trying to sneak off and fuck Anders during the ceremony?” Phillip glared at me, and I was mute. “Answer me, bitch.”

 

My cheek exploded in pain as my head was flung to one side. I didn’t see the backhand coming.

 

“I-I didn’t know he was there. He found me. I told him to leave me alone!” I managed to choke out the words even though I was still reeling from the blow.

 

My head was yanked up, and Phillip leaned in close, “You allowed him to hold you. If you told him to go away, why didn’t you break free from his grasp?”

 

“I fr-froze. I was terrified. I didn’t want him there!” I was trying to reason with a madman, and in my heart I knew it was a losing battle.

 

I knew he was deciding how he was going to hurt me. The dreams I’d had popped into my head. I started to have a panic attack. I bit my lip to stop sobs from breaking free. I knew if I allowed my panic to rule me, I would be worse off.

 

Phillip’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Why didn’t she say anything before you showed me the pictures, Logain? What do you think?”

 

“Heh, do you really need to ask? Sure, she was frightened, not by Anders, but at getting caught. I’m curious about this obvious attraction to him. Are you certain she didn’t enjoy her two trysts? I watched her lick her lips, as if she could feel him kissing her. That’s lust.” Logain was egging Phillip on.

 

“No! I love you, Phillip. Anders means nothing to me!” I couldn’t stop the tears.

 

Phillip drew close and slapped me. I wailed, and he back handed me. I tasted copper and realized he’d split my lip.

 

“Pl-please! Don’t hurt me, love!” My words were distorted as I felt my lip swell.

 

“You just refuse to obey me. I said you weren’t to speak unless I gave you permission.” Phillip turned and grabbed a knife off the table.

 

I watched in horror as he picked up a lighter, and held the knife over the flame. He started humming the song I had written, and it made the situation scarier. When the blade had blackened from the heat, Phillip set the lighter aside. He had a creepy smile when he turned to look at me.

 

“Now, where should I use this. Your face? Your breasts? What do you think, Logain?” Phillip turned and waited for his friend to answer.

 

Logain gave a small laugh, “If she were mine, I’d slit her throat and watch her bleed out. However, I think you would have a tough time explaining her disappearance. Why not cut her where she is already scarred? Follow the lines of one of the brands, or both. Depends on how much pain you want her to be in.”

 

Phillip circled me like I was prey and he was the hunter. I felt his fingers trace the brand on my back. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for strength.

 

Phillip walked away, and conferred with Logain. They were whispering, and I couldn’t make out what was being said. The look Logain cast my way dashed any hope of coming through this unharmed. As both men advanced on me, I shuddered. Nothing could prevent what they had planned. I made my peace with the Maker and Andraste. They could take my life, but they couldn’t take my faith.

 

Phillip made a pained sound when he touched my injured lip. “Baby girl, it hurts me to see you like this. Now, I won’t use the knife on you if you agree to submit to my will. If you promise to obey me without arguing, pleading or questioning my decisions I will stay my hand. Do you agree?”

 

I was leery, but if Phillip wasn’t going to cut me I didn’t care if he asked me to pleasure Logain. I just wanted to survive. I should’ve known there was a catch. There would always be a catch with Phillip.

 

“Yes, husband. Anything you ask. I promise I won’t fight, or complain.” Tears fell, but my voice was steady.

 

My reward was a genuine smile, and a kiss. I was relieved. If I could learn to control my mouth and temper, I could make Phillip happy. That’s all I wanted, happiness.

 

“Noire, I love you. This will soon be over. Maker willing, we won’t have to come here again.” Phillip gazed at me lovingly. “Remember, baby girl. Complete obedience. Just keep your eyes on me. Logain is going to use you like the last time we were here. Don’t be scared, I’ll be right here.”

 

I heard Logain undo his pants, and step close to me. After grabbing my hips, he forced himself inside my body. I tried not to scream, but the pain was too great. Phillip slapped me repeatedly until I lost my voice. Logain finally finished. I whimpered as he pulled away from me.

 

“Shhh, just one more thing I need to do, baby girl. I promise we’ll go home after it’s done.” Phillip turned and grabbed something off the table of tools.

 

Logain handed him a torch after it was ignited. I watched in horror as Phillip heated a different branding iron. I twisted in my bonds and whispered pleas for mercy. Logain wrapped his arms around my thighs so tightly, I couldn’t move.

 

I fainted when a blinding pain slammed into my body. When I came to, I was on the floor being washed by my husband. A fiery pain throbbed through me. I was shivering as Phillip dried my icy skin. I was going into shock, and I prayed for death to end the agony.

 

After I was bathed, Logain helped Phillip dress me in sweats. As I was carried to the car by my husband, Logain retrieved my mink after locking up the hell hole. Phillip sat in the back seat, and wrapped me in the fur. I passed out on the drive home.

 

I came to, briefly, in our bed. Phillip said he was giving me a shot for the pain. I was too frail to even question him. A darkness was overtaking me, and I willing tipped over the edge and let it consume me.


	37. Longings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire turns to Anders to find out what her new medicine is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRUG ABUSE, MENTAL ABUSE

** Chapter 37 **

Longings

 

 

I was incapacitated for almost three weeks after returning from Orlais. Phillip had one of the luxury condos a floor below us turned into his office for his duties as the Defender of the Faith. He ate lunch with me every day.

 

Phillip was kind and loving since we had arrived home from the cabin. I tried to convince myself he had changed. I took most of the blame for my abuse. I let Phillip control my medication, and followed his instructions. I was still having a daily shot, though instead of a pain killer, my husband explained it was vitamins, and an anti-psychotic.

 

I grew to love receiving the shots. I felt happy, and energetic each time Phillip put the drugs in my system. I asked my husband if I should take them twice a day since my mood was improving. Phillip agreed, and I was allowed to inject myself at nine am and nine pm every day.

 

I was always smiling. I never argued with Phillip, or upset him anymore. I was allowed more freedom. My husband agreed to let Dorian accompany me shopping for the Inaugural Ball. He was so much fun to be with.   Dorian’s eye for fashion had him pick out a mode avant gown. It was the newest fashion for Tevinter. It was a two-piece dress. The top was a halter style corset, that was encrusted in crystals. The design looked like peacock feathers. The skirt was several layers of sheer silk in blue, emerald green, teal and purple. It had a slit on the left side that went up to mid-thigh. Dorian picked out some royal blue thigh-high stockings, with elaborate lace at the top. The shoes were four-inch stilettos, with an inch platform, encrusted in the same pattern of crystals as the bodice.  I had Dorian help me try everything on. I was comfortable stripping in front of him since he had no interest in women. Before he got my corset on, he paused and examined my scars.

“Dear me! Why on earth are you branded like a prized cow?” Dorian was his usual tactless self.  

 

I laughed as I responded, “They were easier to get then a tattoo. I am thinking of having a tattoo artist trace around them though.” 

 

My new medication allowed me to forget the cruelty that had led to my being branded. I didn’t think about much; other than how long it was to my next shot. Dorian raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject. After lacing me into the bodice, he fastened the skirt on. Dropping to one knee, Dorian carefully pulled on the stockings, and helped me step into my shoes.  Dorian turned and looked at me in the mirror with a critical gaze. His brows came together in what looked like confusion, and he reached for my right arm. I was mesmerized by how sparkly the gown was. I giggled as I twisted to watch it glitter in different ways.  I felt Dorian run his fingers over the crease on the inside of my arm.

 

“Noire, how long have you been using?”  I looked into a pair of worried eyes.

 

“Using? Oh, those marks are from my vitamin and antidepressant shot. I take it twice a day. It really helps. I feel so good now!”  

 

Dorian cleared his throat and had me sit on the bench while he knelt at my feet. “Sweetness, these are track marks. Vitamin, and medicine shots aren’t injected into your veins. I take vitamin shots, and they are always injected into your arse.”  

 

“N-no, Phillip made sure this was a good prescription. I have to inject it here. What do you think I’m doing?” I got scared and I didn’t know why.  

 

“Noire, you’re taking lyrium. My ex-boyfriend overdosed on it. His arm had the same blueish track marks. Look, see how your arm has a blue cast to it around the injection marks? That means you’re using lyrium.” Dorian spoke softly, with a concerned edge to his voice.

 

I shook my head, and my heart started pounding. “No, no, Phillip wouldn’t do that to me. He loves me! I-I need to go.”  

 

Dorian tried to get me to go see a Doctor with him, but I refused. I paid for my clothes and arranged for them to be delivered. I got into my limo and left Dorian with tears in his eyes.  

 

The unlikely group of conspirators gathered on the one day Varric’s club was closed each week. Dorian arrived after I fled from our shopping trip. No one wanted to be the first to speak. They each knew how difficult it would be to bring Vael down, now that he was the most powerful man in Southern Thedas.  

 

“Does anyone have any news? I don’t care if it’s good. We just need to know what we’re up against.” Varric sounded tired.  

 

Isabella sighed, and spoke up, “It has been made clear to me if what I witnessed is made public before the Ball, my life is in danger. But, now that I am going to be dating Phillip’s son, I think I’m safe. If all of you can keep your mouths shut, yes, that includes you Mr. Chancellor. I was the maid of honor at a private wedding two weeks ago.”  

 

“Holy fuck! Noire is his wife now? Could this get any worse?” Anders looked like he’d been kicked by a horse.  

 

“Yes. It already is much worse than Hawke becoming Lady Vael. I went shopping with her today.” Dorian’s normal cavalier attitude had turned dark and brooding. “She’s, vatta fass! Hawke is a drug addict. She has track marks covering her arms.”  

 

“Dorian, Hawke wouldn’t even drink. Now you say she’s a junkie? That is impossible!” Cullen’s expression was fear and anger combined. 

 

“That son of a bitch! Vael has to keep her dependent on him. What better way than to control her, than drug use. Dorian, did she say what she was taking?” Leliana’s voice was pure ice. 

 

Dorian glanced down and took a deep breath, “Hawke didn’t need to tell me. I saw the same color marks on my boyfriend’s arm before he died of an overdose. She’s shooting lyrium. Hawke says they are vitamin and antidepressant shots. She trusts what Phillip told her. Noire said the shots were helping. She shoots up twice a day. Hawke has no idea she has been turned into a junkie.”  

 

Zevran pulled out his gun and loaded a clip. “I am going to get her. If I have to kill a hundred people to get to her, I don’t care.”  

 

“Zev, no! The Ball is four days. If Varric and Leliana can pull off the plan, I can show Hawke the file on Vael. Just be outside at the rendezvous point with the engine running when I text you. Fenris will restrain her if we have to, to get her out of there.” Anders paused and gulped his whiskey. “Lyrium withdrawal is tricky, but if we can convince her to come with us, I’ll make sure Noire won’t suffer. Cullen, Leliana, remember you have to put on a convincing show for the security cameras. Isa, just keep Sebastian occupied until his Father leaves.”  

 

“If Vael so much as threatens Hawke in front of me, I’ll break his neck. I am sick of this shit! She is the kindest person I have ever met. Noire deserves better. I feel like I failed her as a friend. I won’t fail her again.” Cullen’s voice was full of conviction.  

 

“I agree with you Curly. Hawke is coming with us, no matter what.” Varric chewed his toothpick and pictured all the ways he’d gut Vael when the time was right.  

 

I arrived home, and was agitated. Dorian was convinced I was shooting lyrium. Phillip couldn’t do that to me. But, thinking of the shot, made me want to take one early. My body felt like I needed it. I went to the bathroom and pulled out one of my syringes. I picked up the vial next to it, and frowned at the lack of any writing on it.   Could Dorian be right? My hands started to shake, and part of me wanted to inject a larger dose than normal. The other part of me was freaking out about the consequences of taking lyrium. I needed someone to tell me what was in the vial. Anders was the only person I could think of to help me.  I stuck the vial and a syringe in my purse and went to find Phillip in his office. I waited a few minutes as he finished up a meeting regarding how the Ball was going to handled. As the various political and religious figures filed out, I went into Phillip’s office.  

 

“Well, hello beautiful. This is a pleasant surprise!” Phillip gave me a loving look. “Come here, give me a kiss, baby girl.”  

 

I smiled at my husband and walked around the desk to sit in his lap. I gave him a passionate kiss. It turned into multiple kisses. I could feel Phillip getting aroused, and he pulled away from me.  He caressed my cheek and his eyes were full of unspoken affection.

 

“Noire, I want you so badly right now. Sadly, I won’t be done here for a few more hours. What do you need sweetie?”

 

“My outfit is being delivered in a few days, but I totally forgot to get matching accessories and special makeup. Would it be ok if I took the car to go pick them up? I’d rather not have to go out again before the party.” I smiled at him and waited for an answer.  

 

“Sure, baby. Take all the time you need. I am having a late dinner delivered around ten, so I would like you to be back by then. Oh, and if you want, go pick yourself up some jewelry. I was planning on getting you a new set, but I haven’t had the time. Be safe, call me if you need anything and I’ll see you for dinner.” Phillip handed me the car keys, and gave me one final kiss.  

 

I was thrilled he trusted me enough to not question exactly where I was headed. As soon as I pulled out of the garage, I called Anders cell number. I had it memorized.  

 

“Hello Chancellor. It’s Noire. I, um, I have a favor to ask if you don’t mind. I need you to look at something, a medication I am taking. Is there a place we can meet that’s private? Your home? No guards will be with you, correct? Ok, thank you. I’ll be there shortly.” I hung up and tried to ignore the fear building in my gut.  

 

I called the store that would be delivering my dress, and had them add a purse, fingerless gloves and cosmetics to the order. I then made a quick stop at the jewelers and picked out a colorful diamond collar, matching bracelet, and a large amethyst ring. The Orlesian man smiled and said the set would be sized and delivered by noon the next day.  I picked out a watch that had colored diamonds surrounding the face as a gift for Phillip. The jeweler wrapped the box so I had a present to give to my husband. It was a little after six when I pulled into Anders driveway.  As I approached his house, I stopped. This was a bad idea. But, I had to know. Was I taking a drug that was addicting. Not just any drug, the most damaging, and nearly impossible to quit drug. I took a steadying breath, and walked to his front door.  

 

Before I could knock, Anders opened his door. He looked just a nervous as I felt. He gestured for me to enter, and I followed him into the familiar sitting room. As I sat, Anders poured us both a glass of wine. I noticed his hands shook, and I was reminded of how I left the last time I was here.    

 

After handing me my drink, Anders gave me a shy smile, and spoke. “It’s good to see you again, Noire. I, uh, I hope I didn’t create a problem for you in Orlais.”

 

  I looked down, and tried to block out the memory of Logain raping me, and Phillip scarring me. Part of me wanted to confide in the Chancellor, the other half of my mind was telling me I deserved it.   

 

“No, I mean, um, I didn’t tell Phillip you approached me. Logain took so-some damming photos, and I, I couldn’t explain them properly.” Tears streamed down my face as I tried to not tell Anders the torture I had endured.  

 

“Noire, please, tell me what happened. I am here for you. I promise I won’t get angry, just tell me what you can. If you keep things bottled up, it will make it much more difficult to handle stress. I care for you a great deal, let me share your pain.” Anders pulled me into his lap and held me. 

 

“My husband, he-h-he had Logain sodomize me again. I also received a new brand. I haven’t looked at it yet.” I could barely speak as the memories of my torture flashed through my mind.  

 

His touch was gentle and loving. “Oh, my heart. I am so sorry! I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. Shhh, your safe with me, Noire. I will protect you.”  

 

The tension was heavy in the air. Our eyes met, and I knew this was no casual crush on his part, or mine. We kissed. I melted into his arms and my fears disappeared. I faced the truth I was trying to ignore. I was with the wrong man.  We broke apart, and the Chancellor stroked my cheek with tears in his eyes.

 

“My beautiful, Noire. Please, let me help you. Can you answer some questions for me?”  I nodded, and leaned on him for support. “Noire, did Phillip rape you afterwards?”  

 

“No. I was too weak after he had burned me.” My voice was raspy from shame and sadness. “I-I need you to tell me what Phillip has been giving me.  I pulled out the vial and set it in Anders’ hand. “This is what I have been taking twice a day, but I am not sure what it is.”  

 

Anders picked it up, and popped the cap off. He tipped the little bottle and got a drop in his palm. I watched as he closed his eyes, and shook his head. When he looked up, there was a sadness in his gaze that frightened me.  

 

“Noire, what were you told this was?” He was using his soothing calm voice.  

 

“That it is a vitamin and anti-psychotic mixture. It has made me feel better, so the dosage was upped to twice a day.” I was dreading what Anders was going to tell me.  

 

“This is lyrium, Noire. The undiluted, highly addictive, street version of lyrium. Have you felt the urge to take it more often than twice a day?” His voice grew soft.  

 

I closed my eyes, and tried to reign in my emotions. “Yes. I almost shot up before coming here. I want to take it more than twice a day, because it makes me feel so good. Maker help me, I think Phillip was duped again by another bad Doctor.”  

 

“Noire, do you really believe Phillip had no idea he was giving you lyrium?” Anders was keeping his tone kind and non-judgmental.  

 

“I don’t know, n-no, he probably knows. He’s, we are married now. We are going to be formally introduced at the Ball. I can’t just leave him! I-I need to go.” I grabbed the vial, shoved it in my purse, and tried to stand.

 

Anders gently held me in his lap. “Noire, please, stay. Don’t go back there. I fear for your life!”

 

Anders look was melting my resolve. As I gazed into those amber eyes, my heart constricted. Anders leaned over pressed his lips to mine, and I was lost. I don’t know how long we held each other, but it was magical. I felt safe with this man. I never felt safe with Phillip. The clearing of a throat alerted us we were no longer alone.  I pulled back and turned towards the sound. I froze in terror. I was looking at my new husband. Logain was leaning on the door frame next to him. I stood and was caught between wanting to hide behind the Chancellor and running to Phillip and begging for his forgiveness.  

 

“Noire, we’re leaving, now.” Though Phillip’s voice was controlled, I knew he wanted to throttle us both.  

 

Anders jumped up and I saw the fierce side people had talked about, “She is going nowhere! You are a monster, and I refuse to put her in harm’s way again. No man that claims to love someone tortures and scars that person if they make a mistake. I will make sure you answer in a court of law for this! Noire is not leaving!”  

 

Phillip crossed his arms and gave an evil chuckle. “Very well, let’s ask her. Baby girl, do you want to stay here, or come home with me?”  

 

“I-I’ll, I want to go home, love.” My voice was a whisper.  

 

“Noire, please, you don’t have leave! I can keep you safe. Please, stay, I love you!” Anders turned to me with tears in his eyes.  

 

“I believe Noire has made her choice. I warned you once before about what I would do if you came near her again. I am done playing games.” Phillip pulled out a gun and aimed it Anders.  

 

“Phillip, this is not the Chancellor’s fault! It’s mine, I came here without warning.” I walked to my husband and stood so the gun was touching my chest.  

 

“You will not harm her again. Your kind plays at faith, and are morally bankrupt. I will see the Chantry, and you Charlatans exposed for the frauds you really are! But, Noire stays here. I know your dirty, little secret Vael. You killed my partner, Karl. I swore I would bring you to justice, and that is what I intend to do. With Noire’s testimony, no Court will find you innocent.” Anders voice was steady, and full of unleashed rage.  

 

“This is my wife, Chancellor. I own her. Noire will never testify against me. You think you can prove I am a criminal? Go ahead and try. I have my own information that could make you the most hated man in all of Southern Thedas. Tell me, when was the last time you fucked the Black Divine?” Phillip’s tone was full of mocking.  

 

“Fuck you! At least in Tevinter, it is widely accepted that the head of the Chantry is corrupt. I’ll bring you down, your threats don’t frighten me! Anders hissed through clinched teeth, “Noire, I will protect you. Please, stay here!”  

 

Phillip grabbed me, and shoved me toward Logain. The bodyguard seized my arm so hard, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out. Phillip and Logain both glared at me as I ripped away from the bodyguard’s grasp.  I slowly edged toward Anders, and Phillip gave me a look that stopped me in my tracks.

 

“Baby girl, can’t you see what the Chancellor is trying to do? He is using your illness to create doubt about how much I love you. Anders has been stalking you. Noire, I am the one who can protect and keep you safe. This defiler will ruin our relationship, and cast you out like trash. Logain and I have tried to keep him away. Please, sweetie, let’s go home.”  Tears flooded my eyes, and I couldn’t think straight.

 

The man before me was the one I truly cared for. I threw myself against Phillip’s chest and cried. His free arm snaked around me, and held me close. I was tired and confused. I wanted to stop thinking.  

 

“Noire, I’ll be here when you’re ready to leave. I won’t stop trying to help you, my heart.” Anders’ voice was full of love, resignation and sadness.  

 

“You won’t get the chance to steal Noire away from me. Say hello to my dead wife in the Void.” I felt Phillip take aim, and I cried harder.  

 

“I may not like Anders, but I can’t let you kill him, Lord Vael. It would be inconvenient to explain why I had to shoot you in the Chancellor’s home. Besides, do you really want the press to get hold of this sordid story?” Fenris had materialized from the shadows holding a gun on Phillip.  

 

Phillip reluctantly holstered his weapon. He turned and pulled me towards the front door. I handed my husband the car keys as we exited Anders’ house. I tried to block out the Chancellor’s pleas for me to stay with he and Fenris. Phillip opened my door and slammed me into the car. I buckled myself in while he climbed in the driver’s seat.   As we pulled away from Anders’ house, Logain followed in the sedan. I rested my head against the window. I kept my eyes closed and readied myself for another trip to the cabin.


	38. The Wayward Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip finds out how much the Chancellor knows about his misdeeds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIOLENCE, RAPE, TORTURE. DO NOT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED

Chapter 38  
The Wayward Wife

 

I kept my eyes closed, and tried to picture something happy. I heard Phillip call Logain and direct him to an address I wasn’t familiar with. I didn’t have the fortitude to even wonder where it might be. I was jittery, and realized I needed to take my shot.

 

I lifted the vial, and a fresh syringe out of my purse. After I drew the drug into the needle, I prepared my arm. Before I could inject myself, Phillip grabbed the needle and the vial away from me. I looked at him in shock. He rolled his window down and tossed everything out.

 

“Phillip? I need to take the shot! I am feeling panicky. I don’t want to have a hallucination. Please, tell me you have another shot with you!” I was so upset my voice cracked while begging.

 

Phillip’s response was to wrap a hand in my hair and yank it until it felt like my locks were being ripped out of my head. “You won’t need another shot, Noire. I promised to kill you slow if you went near Anders again, and that’s what I intend to do. After Logain and I rape you repeatedly. Now shut your fucking mouth, or I will make you suffer for days before I grant you the release of death.”

 

I swallowed any comments, and let my tears fall silently. In that moment I realized how stupid I was to have believed Phillip’s loving kindness. My husband finally released my hair, and I curled against the door. In my head I was praying to Andraste for help. I knew that was futile, but the prayer calmed me down. I couldn’t tell if I was trembling from fear or if my body was starting to suffer withdrawals. 

 

My mind was picturing all the ways I would be tortured, and I was ready to lose it. I finally starting singing under my breath. I wasn’t aware I was singing loud enough to be heard until I finished and took a deep breath.

 

Phillip reached over and held my hand. “Baby girl, you sound so beautiful. Sing me another song, the one you wrote.”

 

I looked at my husband in shock, but I sang to him. I then started singing hymns, and anything he wanted to hear. It seemed my impromptu performance was softening his anger. We pulled up to a dilapidated house, deep in the Starkhaven Countryside. 

 

Phillip got out and came around to open my door. My fear returned, and I didn’t move as my husband leaned in and undid my seat belt. Phillip was gentle as he helped me out of the car. I peered up and saw a conflicted look on his face. He caressed my cheek, and leaned down to kiss me.

 

My phone binged the text notification. It startled us both. Phillip’s look grew cold as Logain pulled my purse out of the car. I was shoved towards the door of the house. I meekly followed the non-verbal instructions. I hoped the text was from Sebastian, or even Isabella. There was no doubt Phillip would read it. If it was from Anders, it would be the final nail in my coffin. 

 

This house was creepier than the cabin. I was forced down a long flight of stairs. In the basement there was a bathroom, manacles and a neck restraint on a wall. Another set of cuffs hung from the ceiling. The thing that caused me to stand still was a cage. An old, rusted cage full of iron shackles. It was terrifying to stare at. Anyone cuffed inside would be unable to stand or even sit up. They would be stuck laying on their side.

 

Phillip saw my horror while I stared at the cage. He pushed me towards it. I made my body go limp, and tumbled to the cement floor. As I continued to look around, I saw what looked like an operating table. It had surgical equipment on a stand next to it. This wasn’t like the cabin. This room was set up to imprison people and then murder them in torturous ways. 

 

“You have to the count of three to get up, cunt. I can go easy on you, or make you wish you’d never been born. One…. Two….” Phillip’s tone was beyond cruel.

 

“Wait!” I stood up and faced him. “My Lord, Husband, I beg of you to let me bare my soul before I die. I won’t fight you, do with me as you will. Just, please, grant me a few final words.”

 

I dropped to my knees, with my hands joined in front of me. As I gazed up at my murderer, he dropped to one knee and took my chin is his hand. He looked into my eyes as if he could read my thoughts. Phillip pursed his lips while he stared at me. It was then I saw his inner struggle. His urge was to murder me. But, he desired me as well. 

 

“You are prepared to die. I admire your willingness to face judgement. Noire, you have always taken your punishment well. I will keep you alive, if you to tell me the complete truth about Anders. Logain is going to strip you, and hang you from the ceiling, and you will tell me every gory detail about the Chancellor. After that, Logain will use your body like he did the last time. It will be painful, and I want you screaming for mercy. Are you going to be honest?” Phillip’s eyes a tiny bit of warmth creeping into them.

 

“Yes, husband.” I whispered.

 

Phillip rose, and nodded to Logain. I didn’t struggle as the body guard undressed me. After I was buckled into the cuffs, I was relieved my feet touched the floor so my arms and shoulders wouldn’t hurt. That feeling lasted until Logain walked to the wall and hit a button. A mechanism pulled the chain holding the cuffs up, until my toes couldn’t reach the ground. This was going to be much more painful than I anticipated. Still, I kept my mouth shut, and my eyes never left Phillip’s face.

 

“Now, let me read the text message you received.” Phillip made a show of finding my phone, and pulling up the message. “Noire, if you don’t call me and say you’re safe, I am calling the police. If you can get away from Vael, do so! I know he’s a murderer, and I have proof to show you. I meant what I said, I love you.”

 

Phillip’s face was a mask of stone as he approached me. “When Anders answers tell him everything is good. Explain that he needs to leave you alone because you don’t love him.”

 

Phillip dialed Anders and held the phone near my mouth. “Noire? Are you ok? Where are you, I can come get you! I have a safe house ready.” 

 

“I’m fine, Chancellor. I don’t want to run off to a safe house. You need to leave me alone. I love Phillip, with all my heart. Please, Anders, quit pursuing me. I don’t love you. What happened between us was a huge mistake, one I will never repeat. After the Ball, we won’t speak again.” I looked in Phillip’s eyes the whole time, trying to show my husband I was sincere.

 

Phillip ended the call while Anders was trying to say something else. “Very convincing, whore. Now, Logain and I both know you haven’t told us everything about Anders. When was the first time you saw him? I am guessing it wasn’t at my wife’s funeral.”

 

I closed my eyes, and let out a sigh. “No, it wasn’t at the pyre. H-he was, uh, he was there the night I was abducted. Anders was waiting in the garage when we were supposed to switch vehicles.”

 

“I seem to recall, wife, you providing detailed descriptions of the attackers. Yet, you failed to describe Anders. WHY?” Phillip gripped my throat in warning.

 

“I lied! About all of the descriptions. I thought, I thought I was having hallucinations. I had just been released from the hospital, and I believed the other three men were not who I saw. I was afraid of giving any real descriptions. The men I saw were Varric, Cullen and Zevran. The second time I went to Anders’ house he told me it was the three of them that had kidnapped me. I-I, I di-didn’t want to get them in trouble.” It was more difficult than I thought it would be to discuss my deceptions.

 

Phillip nodded to Logain, and he used a wooden dowel to hit me across the shoulder blades. I screamed, and pleaded with my husband to stop. Logain stepped away after only a few hits.

 

Phillip’s face showed hurt mixed with anger that I had lied to him from almost the beginning of our relationship. When his eyes misted with tears, he turned away and poured a shot of whiskey.

 

My husband turned back around to stare at me. The emotion I had seen, was now gone. Downing his drink, he walked behind me. I felt him trace the scars on my back. I shuddered involuntarily. 

 

Phillip wrapped a hand around my throat. “Does my touch bother you?”

 

“No-n-no, husband. I-I’m sc-scared. I tho-thought you were going to hurt me.” My voice was tight with terror.

 

Phillip leaned against me and whispered in my ear, “I am going to hurt you. I will break you. If you resist, or fight I will make you very ugly before I kill you. Now, baby girl, I want to know what all you said to Anders. Seems he has the impression you’re unhappy, and terrified of me. What the fuck did you tell him?”

 

I was in agony, and did my best to hold still while I answered. “An-Anders asked if he created a problem for me when he spoke to me in Orlais. I-I said no, but then I told him about the pictures Logain took. I-I’m, I told him I had been r-ra-r-raped and branded. I am sorry, I, I don’t know why I told him those things.”

 

 

“Oh Noire, bad mistake. Why would you give Anders information that may be used against me?” Phillip’s tone took on an icy edge.

 

“I-I don’t know! I didn’t mean to! Anders, he-h-he keeps telling me I am sick, th-that you’re trying to kill me. I-I get so confused! H-H-he held me, and told me I wasn’t safe with you! That you were planning to kill me. Then, then he kissed me. But, he probably lied so he could try and bed me again, and I fell for it.” I sobbed when I finished.

 

Phillip was slowly pressing against my throat harder. “He most certainly lied to get you into bed again. However, that doesn’t tell me why you visited Anders in the first place. Why did you go see him?”

 

“Do-Dorian looked at my arm while shopping and told me I was a lyrium addict! I-I went to Anders because he is a Doctor. I was afraid you had been given the wrong medication. Th-that what happened with Sampson was happening again. I-I’m so-sorry!” I could barely speak due to my panicking.

 

Phillip stepped close to me, and wrapped his arms around my body. “Oh my sweet baby girl, you have betrayed me for the last time. You know you have to die. I was going to make it quick, but I will make you suffer before the end. I still have questions you need to answer. Now, be a good girl and answer truthfully. Do you have a crush on the Chancellor?”

 

 

I tried to hold back my tears, but failed. “I-I-I’m a little attracted to him. But, he doesn’t make me feel the way you do! I wish I’d never met him! I get so confused when I talk to him. Anders has a way of twisting things, an-and I can’t think straight.”

 

“Phil, before you kill her, let me ask something. Noire, did anyone else pour your wine at the ball?” Logain was watching me closely.

 

“Um, the second glass was handed to me from Zev. I didn’t notice who filled it.” I was still hiccupping from my crying.

 

“Did you drink anything the times you visited Anders?” Logain was still studying me.

 

“Y-yes. Wine, an-and coffee and water. Why is this important?” I was in so much pain I couldn’t think anymore.

 

Phillip relaxed his grip and focused on his body guard. “What are you thinking, Logain?”

 

“Zevran is a Crow, one of their tricks is to slip a drug to their victims. It can cause the person who ingests it to lose all inhibitions. The main reason they use it; is they can plant ideas into the person’s mind. Train the victim to think and feel things after the drug wears off. Nothing makes sense as to why Noire would keep risking her life. I know this woman adores you. Everything points to some form of mind control. The very thing they are accusing you of.” Logain sat back and sipped his drink.

 

Phillip started pacing back and forth in front of me. I could tell he was mulling things over. Logain’s reasoning made sense. I shouldn’t have formed such an attachment to Anders so quickly. I did love my husband. He paused and looked at me.

 

Phillip sighed and then spoke, “You’re probably right, Logain. I should’ve warned Noire not to drink anything she didn’t pour herself.”

 

“It’s my fault, Phil. If I had looked harder, I could’ve found out about Anders association with the Crow. We served her up on a platter for that prick to fuck with her mind. I don’t think she deserves to die, because I wasn’t diligent enough in my investigations.” Logain sounded annoyed that Anders had gotten one over on him.

 

“She still needs to be punished. Noire has omitted information, or outright lied too many times. Suggestions?” Phillip’s attitude was softening, but I knew there would be more pain before I was released.

 

Logain rose, and asked Phillip to follow him. They went upstairs. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I started to tremble from the strain on my shoulders. Tears streamed down my face due to the agony I was in. I almost wished he had killed me so I wouldn’t feel any more pain.

 

I passed out before Phillip and Logain came back down to the dungeon. I was roused as a ball gag was forced into my mouth. Fresh tears fell when I saw Phillip had what looked to be a surgical instrument. 

 

 

“Shhh, baby girl. You get to keep your life and your beauty. You should be happy I am showing such consideration.” I watched in horror as my husband smiled while watching Logain walk behind me.

 

Even though I could guess what was about to happen, my poor body tensed of its own accord, and I couldn’t relax. It was the most painful violation I had suffered. It seemed Logain was intentionally trying to cause my body to tear. My screams of horror were muffled by the ball forced into my mouth. This violation seemed to last longer than the other times. Logain had one arm around my waist, and used his free hand to hit and pinch me. I knew he was bruising me. 

 

Phillip’s look was the worst. He was enthralled watching the violent attack. My husband palmed himself through his pants, and licked his lips. I tried to beg for mercy around the gag, and it undid Phillip’s self-control. He walked to me, and had Logain pause while he freed himself. My husband slowly penetrated my other opening. It took a few clumsy thrusts until the men got in sync. 

 

Not one once of mercy was shown as I was raped. Both Logain and Phillip did their best to injure my body. Logain finished first, but didn’t pull away until Phillip moaned out his release. I felt like I was bleeding from the attack. I sagged in the restraints, unable to ask for help. The gag was starting to cause my face muscles to throb. I hoped I would pass out. 

 

Before I had a chance to calm down from the brutal attack, Phillip picked up the knife he had gotten from upstairs. Logain knelt and held me around my thighs. Phillip went behind me and ran his fingers over his initials on my back. Without warning a pain unlike any other shot through my lower back. Logain was holding me so I couldn’t move, as Phillip started cutting into my flesh. He was tracing his initials with the scalpel. When my husband finally pulled it away, it felt like he had ripped the flesh from my back.

 

Logain stood and went into the bathroom. Phillip stroked my face and whispered loving words in my ear. I couldn’t process what he was saying. The pain radiated through my whole body, and I felt like I was freezing to death. 

 

Logain came out with a bucket, and Phillip took it from him. I felt warm water wipe over the cuts, and the pain flared again. My voice went horse from yelling around my gag. I starting to heave, and Logain quickly freed my mouth so I wouldn’t choke on my vomit. After throwing up, my captors unhooked me from the bonds and carried me to a rug. 

 

Once I had been laid on my side, Phillip resumed washing me. He went and got fresh water after cleansing the stains he and Logain had left on my body. My husband bathed the rest of my body then dried me. I briefly passed out as a bandage was taped over my wounds. Phillip helped me brush my teeth, and gargle to get rid of the taste left from purging my stomach. 

 

Tremors were now mixing with my shivering, and Phillip pulled out a shot of my medicine. After injecting me, Logain helped him redress me. I was limp in my husband’s arms as he carried me our car. I was passed out before Phillip climbed in.

 

I woke as Phillip was pulling off my clothes. I whimpered and he shushed me. Once I was undressed, my husband left me to get something from the bathroom. My husband rolled me on my stomach. I felt him remove the bandage and put some cream on the cuts. The pain flared and then numbness replaced it. Phillip gently put a new cotton bandage on the wounds and taped it in place. I felt him disrobe, and gather me against his chest.

 

“Baby girl, I am so proud of you. You told me everything and didn’t plead for mercy. You take punishment so well. Noire, I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you. Please, don’t make me kill you, baby.” Phillip kissed me passionately.

 

I remained passive as Phillip’s hands roamed my body. I hurt, but I was too broken to say anything. My body tensed when my husband forced me onto my back. It felt like a thousand needles were stabbing me. Phillip whispered he’d make me feel better. I let tears roll down my face, but I didn’t sob.

 

Phillip used a gentle touch, lips and tongue to arouse me. I tried to stop my body from responding, but the feeling of pleasure through pain was too exciting to ignore. I ended up begging him to take me. 

 

When my husband claimed me I screamed from the hurt, and an orgasm. Phillip was not gentle while he chased his pleasure. He said the most sadistic things, and it made me excited all over again. When he whispered how he would like to kill me, I cried out again, and Phillip climaxed.

 

Phillip hugged me to his chest while we caught our breath. “Baby girl, I think you’re as twisted as me. That was the hottest sex we’ve ever had. Would you like it if we played bondage games more often?”

 

I was repulsed, yet enthralled with the sick turn our sex life was taking. “Y-yes. You don’t think I’m disgusting for getting turned on by pain, and filthy talk?”

 

“Not at all, sweetie. I wonder, was it the thrill of maybe getting caught and punished that played a part in your interest in Anders. I mean, your heart raced didn’t? You had a chill run down your spine, right?” Phillip was stroking my hair.

 

“I, I have to admit, it did add to the excitement. It was scary, but I, I was also excited when you were taking me to be punished. Is something wrong with me?” I whispered words I had shoved to the depths of my mind until that moment.

 

“No, baby girl, nothing is wrong with you. People get turned on by different things. It seems we have finally found what excites us both equally. I can’t wait to start training you as my sex slave. I promise it will be wonderful for both of us.” Phillip kissed my lips.

 

My husband pulled me on top of him, and had me ride him. I was so tired, my body throbbed in pain, but I wanted him. Phillip had me set a slow pace. He told me all the ways he was going tie me up, and torture me. Promised to collar me like a bitch should be collared. As we both neared completion, he reached up and constricted my breathing. We both moaned as our release came again in unison.


	39. A Time For Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire attempts to be a good wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEXUAL THEMES

For once I was awake before Phillip. I quietly used the washroom. I picked out a long, cotton, empire waist dress. It was low cut, had spaghetti straps, and was tie-dyed in a black and royal blue palette. Most important, it didn’t press on my low back. I quietly stole out to the kitchen, and frowned at the lack of food in the fridge. I rode down to the garage and gave a list of what I needed to one of the guards.

 

I managed to make coffee without waking Phillip. After taking some pain pills, I tiptoed into the bedroom, and watched my husband for a few moments. Phillip looked so young when sleeping. I crept out and shut the door as I heard my groceries arrive. 

 

I cut up strawberries, rinsed off some raspberries and then got a pitcher. I put the fruit on the bottom and poured half a bottle of sparkling over it. Lastly, I poured fresh squeezed orange in, and stirred the mixture. After setting the mimosas in the fridge, I went to the next part of breakfast preparations.

 

I made an egg dish that was popular among Kirkwall Nobles, or so my Mother had said when teaching me how to make it. Once it was baking, I made a potato dish that I had come up with. I fried up some of Phillip’s favorite sausage and it was time to plate everything.

 

I found the tray for eating breakfast in bed, and placed everything on it. As I opened the bedroom door, Phillip was just walking out from the loo. He looked shocked, and then gave me a huge smile.

 

My husband fixed his pillows so he could sit up and rest the tray on his lap. “Baby girl, this looked scrumptious. What a wonderful surprise!”

 

I held my breath as he tried the coffee, he made a happy sound as he set his cup down. “Perfect, Noire. I have a question; how did you know this is my favorite egg dish?”

 

I laughed, “I didn’t, love. It was a favorite of mine growing up. I am relieved you like it. The spuds are my own recipe.”

 

Phillip moaned as he tasted everything. Looking up at me, he winked. He finally took a sip of the mimosa.

 

“Mmmm, baby, best mimosa I’ve ever tasted! You are an amazing woman. Come, sit next to me. You need to eat as well.” Phillip patted the bed next to him.

 

I had put coffee, and an extra drink on the tray for me. I had placed a double portion of food on the plate, hoping he’d want me to eat with him. He fed me, and before long I was able to remove the tray. 

 

Phillip followed me out, and insisted on doing the cleanup. We chatted while he finished clearing away the mess, and put the extra food in the fridge. Once done, I was pulled to him and given a firm kiss. I shuddered in pain when his hand pressed on my lower back.

 

I allowed him to lead me to the bedroom. Phillip crawled on the bed and beckoned me to him. Instead of lying next to him, I straddled him and ran my nails up his chest. He grabbed my wrists, and pulled me down for an impassioned kiss.

 

While he was busy kissing me, I reached under his pillow and grabbed the blind fold, and leather cuffs. I sat up with a grin and showed him what I had.

 

“Baby girl, you want me to tie you up?” Phillip’s gaze was intense, and I ground myself against his arousal.

 

My husband let out a small moan before I answered him. “No, husband. I want you blindfolded and cuffed to the bed while I kiss and lick every inch of your skin.”

 

Phillip gasped, and I felt his excitement grow. He put his hands above his head, and nodded his consent. After I placed the silk cover over his eyes, I ripped off my dress. I leaned down, and let my breasts brush his face as I buckled his hands to the bed. I was afraid of making them too tight, so I left some slack in the cuffs

 

He tried to lick me while I restrained him. I moved so he couldn’t reach my skin. He growled at me in frustration. I nibbled his ear and told him to be a good boy or he wouldn’t get his reward. 

 

I started by dragging my hair down his body. I licked my way back up the inside of his legs. I had him lift his hips so I could get his boxers off. Phillip started breathing faster, and I could feel his impatience. I sucked little marks on his stomach. I licked all around where he wanted my mouth. He started begging me to stop teasing him. I laughed and said no.

 

I straddled his chest, and removed the blindfold. The heat in his look made me shiver in expectation. I sucked one of my fingers in my mouth while Phillip watched intently. Slowly, I ran my hand down and touched myself.

 

“Baby girl, I want to touch you. Release me!” Phillip’s frustration only added to my lust.

 

I giggled, “No! Oh, this feels so good!”

 

I started rubbing myself faster. My free hand caressed my breasts and I pinched my nipples. I closed my eyes and put on a show of masturbating for my husband.

 

I heard rather than saw Phillip slide out of the cuffs. Before I could respond he grabbed my wrists, and flipped me on my back. I struggled, albeit half-heartedly, as he bound me to the bed.

 

“Now, baby girl, I get to tease you.” Phillip’s voice was husky with desire.

 

I tried to resist the urge to beg. But, after a few minutes I was crying for release. Phillip ignored my demands, and laughed every time he stopped his ministrations before I climaxed. I was a wreck when he finally freed my hands. My body ached, but it only served to make my desire burn hotter.

 

Phillip kissed me, and I raked my nails across his back. As soon as he entered me, I whimpered in relief. I wrapped my legs around his waist and encouraged him to go faster. Only a bit later we both succumbed and cried out in unison. 

 

As we held each other, Phillip spoke. “I love you so much, Noire. Thank you for marrying me. I never believed I could feel this way. My precious, baby girl.”

 

“I love you too, husband.” I was content, except I realized I hadn’t taken my shot. “I need to take my medicine, love.”

 

“Oh, about that. I have noticed the marks on your arms. It looks unseemly. Would you be willing to take it another way?” Phillip kissed my hair.

 

“Yes, if there is a better way, it would prevent any rumors.” I let Phillip climb out of bed.

 

He came back with a small paper packet, a metal tray and a straw. He sat on the edge of the bed, and dumped powder out of the packet. Phillip made two lines out of the drug, then offered me the tray and straw.

 

“Is it supposed to be like that?” I was confused.

 

“Well, there is a pill form, but it has harsh side effects. If you snort it, you’ll feel the effects immediately. You can also carry extra with you and take a small amount if you have a panic attack. No ugly marks, no more needles and you won’t have an upset stomach from a tablet.” Phillip smiled at me, and gestured for me to try it.

 

I tried it. My husband was right, I felt calm almost immediately. It was a relief I could take my meds so easy. Phillip then pulled out a platinum vial, encrusted with diamonds. I watched curiously as he showed me what it was. The top attached to the chain, and could be screwed off. Lifting it up, I saw the top had a tiny spoon. 

 

“Oh, how ingenious! Is that for the medication?” I was enthralled.

 

“Yes, baby. Now, if you feel like an episode is coming on, you can use this to take an emergency dose.” Phillip closed the vial and hung it around my neck.

 

I was touched by his thoughtfulness. I leaned over and kissed him. When we broke apart, he pulled me up, and took me into the bathroom. We shared a wonderful bubble bath, and talked. It was a real conversation. 

 

He asked me about my dreams for the future. I asked Phillip what exactly his company did. We shared our favorite colors, childhood stories, and for the first time I felt like I was seeing the real man. 

 

When the water turned cold, we exited the tub. My husband changed my bandage after applying more antibiotic cream to my back. We both just wore robes, to grab a snack. We cuddled on the sofa, and picked out a movie. Phillip laughed when he found out my favorite movie was the same as his. It was a drama about a serial killer. I shared with him that I had always loved shows about murders and such. My husband and I giggled about our fascination with death. 

 

We both fell asleep before the movie ended. 

 

I was cold, so cold. I could barely see, since the moon was hidden behind some clouds. I knew I had to keep moving. If I stopped, I would freeze.

 

“Noire? Noire! Where are you? Please, help us! Don’t leave us Noire, we need you!” Bethany’s voice sounded terrified.

 

As my sister’s cries became more panicked, I tried to run faster. I kept tripping on roots, and shrubs. I cursed the clouds, my clumsiness and whoever was hurting my sister.

 

“Bethany? Bethany, I’m coming!” I was winded, but I would not give up.

 

The moon finally appeared, and I saw a clearing. It spurred me on. My sister let out a blood curdling scream and then went silent. Again, I ran into a nightmare. 

 

My family lay dead at my feet. Bethany looked to have been sexually assaulted. Her eyes were frozen open in fear. I dropped to my knees and screamed at the Maker for letting them die.

 

Anders walked towards me as I was weeping. “Noire, this is Phillip’s legacy. This is what he does.”

 

I watched Anders gesture to a spot behind him. I cringed at the sight. A huge pile of dead women that looked like me, were strewn about like trash. I could barely breathe.

 

“Leave him, Noire. This is what awaits you. He’ll kill you, he’ll kill all of us.” Anders turned his back to me and walked away.

 

The clouds covered the moon once more, and I was stuck in the dark. I screamed, wailed and fought against a force I couldn’t see. I was crying out to the Maker or his Bride to save me.

 

A sharp blow slammed my head to the side. I struggled against hands holding me down.

 

“Noire! Please! Wake up, baby girl, wake up!” Phillip’s voice was filled with worry.

 

I opened my eyes, and blinked in confusion. Phillip had me pinned beneath him, and was stroking my hair. He made cooing sounds, and helped me sit up. I was gently moved onto his lap, and my husband rocked me. I cried. The dreams were getting scarier. I felt like my hold on sanity was slowly slipping away from me. 

 

“Shhh, sweetie, I’m here. You don’t need to be afraid. I won’t let you go, baby girl. Hang onto me, just hang onto me.” Phillip kept his tone kind and soft to calm me.

 

“Phil-Phillip, this was the worst dream yet. I’m afraid of losing my sanity. I don’t want to be sent back to the Psych ward. Promise me, you won’t send me there again.” I could barely get the words out I was so choked up.

 

“I promise, baby. Never again, I won’t send you back there ever again.” Phillip smiled down at me, and I felt a peace settle upon me. 

 

I smiled back. I felt safe in his arms. I snuggled against him and sighed. I refused to give into the fear of my dreams. The thought of Anders brought me back to reality.

 

“Phillip, how do you want me to handle Anders? Should I play the damsel in distress at his big party?” I glanced up to gauge Phillip’s reaction.

 

Phillip stared at me for a moment, and then caressed my lips, “Baby girl, can you be the frightened victim, and a femme fatal?”

 

I looked at him quizzically, “Yes, Anders would fall for both. What information am I trying to get?”

 

“I want him saying he can’t get you out of his mind. That he’ll kill for you. Basically, record everything so we can edit the tape with him sounding like a stalker. Think you can pull that off?” Phillip stared at me.

 

I chuckled, “That’s easy. One question, what if he kisses me again? Do I slap him, fight him off, what?”

 

“No, kiss him back. Lull him into a false sense of security. Do anything, and I do mean, anything, to get him to pour out his feelings. Depending on what happens, will determine how many times I spank you.” Phillip kissed me deeply, and held my throat in warning.

 

I moaned, and ran my fingers in his hair at the thought of a new sex game. Phillip carried me to bed, and after a quick session, we took a long nap. 

 

My husband’s phone woke us from our rest. My dress and accessories were being delivered. Phillip threw on some clothes, and met the store Manager at the elevator. The Jeweler had also arrived. After they left, I put on a loose dress and went to the living room. 

 

Phillip had taken my dress and accessories and laid them out to examine them. He looked at the jewelry, and then held up the wrapped box. I had forgotten about his gift.

 

“What’s this, sweetie?” Phillip had an amused countenance. 

 

“I completely forgot! I got that for you, so our jewelry would match.” I was nervous at what he would think.

 

Phillip opened the box, and smiled. “Come here, baby girl.”

 

My husband pulled me into a sweet hug, and kissed my hair. “You have exquisite taste, Noire. I’ll gladly wear this.”

 

“I’m happy you like it! Although, I think I need a different dress.” I turned and looked at the corset.

 

“Oh, sweetie! I’m sorry, I didn’t think about the Ball last night. There is no way you can be tied in that corset. Don’t worry, you can wear that to our Wedding Reception. I’ll call the store and have them deliver some gowns that won’t hurt you.” Phillip kissed my cheek, then called the clothier.

 

I was touched by how thoughtful Phillip was. I felt shaky, so I went and took some more of my medication. When I came out, my husband had set the clothes aside. He informed me Logain and Sebastian were coming with take out. With the Ball tomorrow, there was a lot of things to go over. I knew all eyes would be on me, especially since it would be made public I was Lady Vael now.

 

As we waited for the men to arrive, my phone alerted me to a text. I pulled up the message, and it showed I had several waiting. The first two were from Anders. The last was from Zevran. 

 

Phillip read them to me. Anders was sappy in his texts. Kept saying he knew I wasn’t alone when I called him. Begged me to contact him before the ball. Zevran was more to the point. Call him, or he was calling the Police. I rolled my eyes and looked at Phillip.

 

“Well, call him. Say I’m not here, and then say you need to call Anders before I get home.” My husband gave me a peck on the lips.

 

“Zevran? Yes, he’s gone… Too many guards outside. Anders told me he loved me in front of Phillip last night… Phillip doesn’t trust I won’t run off again… No… No… You can’t text though. He monitors my phone… I’ll be there… Ok, I’ll try… I need to call Anders before he gets back… Is he? Yes, put him on… Anders, I’m sorry for last night… Yes… He had the call on speaker… No, not really… I, yes, I l-lo-love you… He’s in the elevator. I have to go. Ok, see you then…” I ended the call, and smiled at Phillip. “How’d I do?”

 

“Perfect! Oh I can’t wait until the dance. I want you to be extra naughty. It would be so much fun if I could catch you going down on him. I have plans for you, my baby girl. I can’t wait to punish you.” Phillip kissed me.

 

We reluctantly broke apart as Sebastian and Logain arrived. Right behind them was an employee of the clothing store. They wheeled in a rack of gowns. All beautiful, flowing and in a rainbow of colors. Phillip flipped through the rack, and then told the salesperson to charge all of them to his card. The clerk and I traded incredulous looks, before she bowed and left. 

 

“Love? You didn’t need to get them all! That’s too much. I don’t need so many gowns!” I was noticed one of the price tags, it cost more than my Father had made most years. 

 

This conspicuous consumption made me uncomfortable. People were starving across Thedas, and my clothing alone could feed and house most of them. Phillip walked over, and turned me to face him.

 

“Noire, you are no longer Miss Hawke. I wanted to surprise you tomorrow at the Ball, but I restored your Mother’s title. You’re the last heir, so you have become Lady Noire Hawke-Amell Vael. As a true Noble, and my wife, you can’t be seen wearing a gown more than once. It’s fine if we go to a private dinner, but at events, you can’t recycle clothing. We’ll donate them to charity if you want, but you now have an image to maintain.” Phillip smiled and caressed my cheek.

 

My eyes misted over and my voice trembled, “You got my family title restored? Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me! I’ll follow your sage advice in regards to fashion.”

 

“Congratulations, Noire!” Sebastian gave me a hug, and I hissed as he pressed on my back. “Oh, I’m sorry! Are you ok? Did you hurt your back?”

 

I gave him a weak smile, “Nothing serious. It’ll be fine in a few days.

 

“My wife tries to wander around in the dark to not wake me, and she tripped. She’ll be fine.” Phillip came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, ok. I’ll get dinner.” Seb nodded and went to the kitchen.

 

Phillip led me to the sofa while Logain and Seb plated our take out dinners. I leaned against my man, and felt at peace. I said a quick prayer to the Maker thanking him for everything.


	40. The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip tries to entrap Anders. Anders takes matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEX, MILD VIOLENCE

I left the men to go over the details of the Chancellor’s event when I was done eating. I laid down after taking more of my meds. I was very tired, and soon I was out. I was vaguely aware of Phillip tucking me in and holding me, but I was asleep before I came fully awake.

 

Phillip was up before me, so I showered by myself. I removed the bandage and finally looked at the newest brand, and the cuts. Phillip’s initials were now surrounded by the Chantry Sunburst. It would look interesting when I healed. I pondered about tattooing around the scars. I was lost in thought as my husband came in to check on me.

 

“What are you doing, baby girl?” Phillip caught my eyes in the mirror and smiled.

 

I gave him a shy grin and replied, “I was thinking, it may look pretty to have a tattoo artist outline the brands with color. What do you think?”

 

I held still as Phillip disinfected and redressed the wound. “I think it would look beautiful. As soon as this heals, I’ll take you to the best artist in Orlais. Come, I get to spoil you today.”

 

Phillip had prepared a wonderful breakfast, and set it out on the balcony. It was very romantic. I soaked up the sun and fresh air. I was looking forward to spying for my husband. I was also excited by what game we would play when we got home.

Phillip asked me my advice on how to release what negative information I could gather on Anders. I thought if he caught me kissing Anders, and escorted me out of the ball early, a whisper campaign could be started. If handled the right way, Anders would look like a predatory sleaze trying to corrupt an innocent woman. The recording could be released in snippets to keep the scandal going for weeks instead of days.

 

Phillip liked that idea. We sat and talked about reception plans. Before we could have the party, we needed to spend three weeks in Orlais. I was excited at the prospect of recording my music while Phillip was working during the day. I helped my husband clear away breakfast, and then he said I needed to change into a short, comfy dress.

 

As I came out of the bedroom, the rest of my surprise was waiting. I had a crew of people to pamper me. I was in heaven while having a pedicure, and manicure. I had a shoulder massage, and then the hair dresser came in. 

 

Phillip decided I would wear a royal blue chiffon gown. It had sheer long sleeves, was very low cut, but had an empire waist so it wouldn’t touch my low back. The sapphires I had worn on my wedding day would be the accessories. My husband said he wanted royal blue accents added to my hair. He wanted it to be pulled behind my ears, and left to hang down my back. 

 

Just before my hair was finished, Phillip gave me another gift. It was a headpiece that matched my wedding jewelry. The hair dresser was as stunned as I was. 

 

“Noire, this is a family heirloom. I never gave it to my first wife, since she didn’t care for sapphires. It has belonged to the Vael family for four generations, it is now yours. If we have a daughter, we can pass it down to her.” Phillip kissed my fore head, and handed it over to be set in my hair.

 

The last touch was my cosmetics. An Orlesian man asked how dramatic he could make my look. Phillip told him he had free reign. It was amazing how he matched the sparkle of my gems, with my makeup. The final touch was actual diamond dust on my cheek bones, and on my cleavage. As soon as Phillip gave his final approval, he dismissed everyone.

 

He helped me into the dress, put on my thigh high stockings, and had me wear crystal encrusted pumps. I walked back and forth so Phillip could see how the dress moved. He loved that the left side slit would part just enough to see the lace top of my stockings. 

 

I watched him dress. Instead of his standard all black, he wore a white shirt, a double breasted blue suit, and a blue tie that matched my dress. It was the height of men’s fashion. Phillip wore jewelry that complimented mine. He posed us in front of the mirror to see how we looked. 

 

“Baby girl, I swear the Maker made you to compliment me in every way. Your skin is pale and flawless, your hair is thick and gorgeous, and your eyes could captivate even the most jaded reprobate. We need to go. Logain and Sebastian are there to greet everyone. The Ball officially starts when we are introduced, and then Anders after us. Are you ready?” Phillip turned and stroked my cheek.

 

“Ready, love. Is it horrible I can’t wait to see the reaction of everyone when they find out we are married?” I shyly looked up at him.

Phillip laughed, “No, I confess I am excited by that also. Let’s go, Lady Vael, your future awaits.”

 

We climbed into the limo and headed to the venue. Our car went to the back of the building to avoid the crowds out front. We meandered through back hallways until we stopped in a small sitting room. Phillip and I were to wait until introduced as the hosts of the evening. 

 

About five minutes before introductions, Anders arrived with Fenris in tow. Awkward didn’t describe the atmosphere in the room. Phillip was charming, but his eyes were glacial when he greeted the new Chancellor. I barely cast a glance and a nod to Anders. I smiled and greeted Fenris, though. I could tell that upset the good Doctor. 

 

Logain cracked open the door leading to the stage and said it was time. Phillip took my hand and placed it on his arm. He smiled at me, and kissed my cheek. I could tell he was excited to show me off. Then the announcement was made.

 

“Now presenting the hosts for this evening’s festivities: Marquis Défenseur de la Foi, Lord Phillip Trevelyn Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven. Accompanying him is Lady Noire Corrine Hawke-Amell Vael, wife of Lord Vael.” The announcer turned toward the door.

 

Phillip and I walked out to thunderous applause, and gasps that we had gotten married secretly. We took our places and turned to wait for Anders to be introduced. 

 

“The Guest of honor, Doctor Anders, newly elected Chancellor of Starkhaven.” The announcer stepped off the Dais.

 

Phillip stepped forward and shook Anders hand in congratulations. He formally introduced me, and Anders bowed over my hand. The touch of the Chancellor’s skin to mine almost undid me. My mind started its whisperings about being in danger. I smiled and stepped back.

 

According to tradition, Anders had to ask me to dance before the Ball could begin. Phillip consented, and the Chancellor led me to the floor. I felt my husband’s eyes on me, so I made a show of seducing my prey with an innocence Anders couldn’t ignore.

 

The musicians played a formal Starkhaven waltz. Anders was as good of a dancer as Phillip. I was a bit shocked by that. Seems the Doctor was more refined than he let on. He smelled good. The feel of his arm around me was hard to ignore. Anders asked if we could speak privately. I agreed, and made a plan to meet him on the balcony in an hour. The song ended and I was escorted back to Phillip.

 

Phillip and I led the next dance. After the first turn around the floor, everyone who wanted to could join us. I saw Seb dancing with Isabella. She looked classy and refined. Sebastian was obviously smitten with her. I was happy for them both. 

 

“What did he say, baby girl?” My husband’s smile never wavered.

 

“I agreed to meet him on the back balcony in an hour. He says he is desperately worried for my safety. I’ll get what you need fairly quickly.” Phillip dipped me as I stopped talking.

 

He kissed my neck before raising me up. I heard photos being snapped and I knew it was a show for the public. I heard whisperings about how in love we looked. That our story was a fairy tale come to life. Phillip smirked down at me.

 

“Love, we made quite the impression. Our reception is going to have to top tonight.” I gazed in my husband’s eyes and my heart skipped a beat.

 

Phillip was handsome, powerful, rich and I was his. I smiled up at him as the song ended. I was escorted to our table. We were mobbed by the elites. I felt a little sorry for Anders. Very few people came to talk to him. His low born status, and the fact our marriage announcement was the talk of the Ball, left him as odd man out. I caught him staring at me, and he smiled. I nodded, and tried to pay attention to another well-wisher. 

 

After about forty minutes it was down to Logain, Phillip, Seb, Isabella and myself. Logain made a few sarcastic comments to his former girlfriend, but I could tell they had made peace between them. Isa was chatting with me about my wedding reception plans, when Varric approached us. Phillip put his arm around my shoulders in a possessive move. 

 

Varric nodded to me, but spoke only to my husband, “My Lord, Logain, I have some news on Leliana. Would you like to hear it in private?”

 

“Yes, I won’t be long, baby. Seb, watch the girls.” Phillip and his body guard followed my former boss.

 

“Why would Master Tethras have information about the former Right Hand?” Sebastian looked at me in confusion.

 

“Well, Varric’s business interests aren’t all above board. I assume he has been searching for her to get a reward. It would help his reputation if he helped catch her.” I wasn’t surprised Varric had found something out.

 

Isabella laughed, “Not above board? Hawke, that’s awfully kind. Everyone knows he’s the local Crime Lord!”

 

“Is he? I didn’t realize he was a criminal.” Seb frowned as he watched Phillip walked back to us.

 

“Baby girl, I have to go. Logain and I will be back as soon as I can. Seb, take over my duties as host, please. We have her! Leliana is going to finally stand trial.” Phillip whispered in my ear to go ahead with the plan, and he’d see me at home.

 

After getting a passionate kiss, my husband left. I blushed at the comments Isa made. Seb looked uncomfortable, until Isa kissed his cheek. He grinned like a man in love, and shyly kissed her forehead. Sebastian grasped her hand, and made it known they were an item. Checking the time, I realized I needed to go meet Anders.

 

 

“I’ll be back in a few moments. I need to powder my nose. Behave you two.” I winked at Seb and made my way to the hidden balcony door. 

 

I waited a few moments, until no one was near, or watching me. I slipped out into the night, and switched on the recording app I had downloaded to my phone. I took a deep breath, and smelled the flowers. It was a relief to not be stared at for a while. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the peace. 

 

I heard the door open, and I turned around. Anders walked forward, and my heart started beating faster. He kissed me. I melted in his arms. After pulling back to catch our breath, Anders rested his forehead on mine.

 

“Noire, I need you to come with me. Please, this is your chance to get free.” Anders caressed my cheek and he looked so sweet.

 

“Anders, I can’t go with you! Are you insane? This is your Inaugural Ball. Phillip is off on Chantry business, and I can’t linger out here for long. Please, I, I, can’t do this anymore! When I am with you, it makes me regret ever meeting Phillip. I get so confused. I feel like I am being torn in half. I do care for you, but, Anders I can’t leave my husband.” I was shocked his big play was to run off into the night like teens eloping. 

 

Anders sighed and looked down, “I understand. May I kiss your lips one last time?”

 

I nodded and he claimed my lips with passion. As it ended, Anders hugged me, and whispered “Forgive me.” I didn’t understand what he meant. While I was puzzling out his meaning, I felt a needle prick my neck. Before I could yell for help, everything became a blur and I sagged in the Chancellor’s arms.

 

I was dimly aware of Fenris lifting me with ease. Anders climbed over the railing, and took me in his arms. I wanted to speak, to fight, but I was paralyzed by the drug Anders had given me. Fenris helped Anders get me into a waiting car. As soon as Fenris gave the word, it sped away from the ball. I passed out trying to figure out what happened.


	41. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders makes a bad decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once a mild chapter

My eyelids felt heavy, and I felt weighted down. I couldn’t remember what happened. When I finally opened my eyes, I was in a dismal little room, sparsely furnished. Adrenaline rushed through me. Anders had kidnapped me. Straight up taken me while Phillip was off chasing Leliana. 

I stood and tried the door. It was locked, so I pounded on it. Fenris opened it, and blocked my path.

 

“What have you done?!? I need to get back to Phillip! Please, I can’t stay here!” I was frantic as I tried to shove past Fenris.

 

Fenris smirked and leaned against the door frame. “If you think your husband scares me, you’re sadly mistaken. You are going to have a chat with Anders, myself and Zevran. Vael can’t find you here, easily anyway. There are things we need to tell you, so calm down.”

 

“You’ve signed my death warrant. You have no idea the amount of retribution that will be rained down upon us all. Just put a bullet in my brain now, it’ll be a release compared to what will happen to me.” Fenris’ brows came together in confusion as he watched my hysterics.

 

Anders came over and shooed Fenris away. “Noire, I swear you’re safe here. I have to show you something that will hopefully convince you to leave Vael. Just hear me out before you make a decision, please!”

“Hawke, this is a safe place. I swear no harm will come to you. Let Anders show you why we know Vael will murder you, then make your decision.” Zevran’s voice had an almost desperate edge to it.

 

“Fine, speak. But, get me a fucking drink first.” I was flipping out, and needed something to sooth my nerves.

 

Anders brought me a glass of wine. I wanted to take some of my meds to calm down, but I knew they would get confiscated. The alcohol would have to suffice. Fenris sat across from me, and stared. He was scrutinizing every gesture, every look, and it was unnerving. 

 

“Is there something you need, Fenris? Or are you staring at me like a pervert for no particular reason?” My harsh words had an effect on the normally controlled body guard.

 

“My apologies, Lady Vael.” Fenris’ tone was cold.

 

“Zevran, Anders, you better have a good reason for kidnapping me. You’re both risking death. Why are you so determined to antagonize Phillip? This plan is madness.” I gulped my wine and tried to control my emotions.

 

“Um, yes. One moment, let me lay everything out.” Anders was flustered.

 

Zevran turned to me. “Noire, I know you are upset, but once Anders explains everything, you’ll know why we had to rescue you.”

 

“You understand, that taking me against my will, doesn’t give you credibility in trying to ruin Phillip’s reputation.” I looked at Zev, and he flushed.

 

Fenris sighed and rested his arms on the table, “She’s right. We are trying to get her to leave her husband, buy forcing her to stay here against her will. How does that make us any different from Vael?”

 

“I’ll listen to what you have to say, but if I want to leave you need to honor that request.” I looked at each man and they nodded, reluctantly.

 

Anders laid out a series of photos, and then opened a file. His hands shook, and I could tell he was nervous. I looked at the pictures, and noticed the women all had dark hair and light eyes.

 

“As you can see, all these women look strikingly similar. They have all been killed over the last two decades. It appears to be the work of one suspect. Since they are from all over Southern Thedas their murders didn’t get linked together for years.” Anders paused and cleared his throat. “My, my former partner, Karl, was one of the people who made the connection. When he was closing in on a suspect, he was murdered.”

 

I could tell his pain was still fresh. I felt bad for him, as I reached over and held his hand. 

 

“Karl’s final request was that I try to bring the murder to justice. It was this picture that led him to believe he knew who the killer was.” Anders handed me a photo that could have been taken of me.

My eyes widened, “How did you get this? HOW?”

 

The three men jolted in surprise of my outburst. They looked at each other, and seemed reluctant to engage me.

 

“Karl acquired the picture. I don’t know how, but I know who she is.” Anders looked at me as he paused.

 

I gave him a withering look and spoke, “I know who she is. This was my Aunt Fiona. My Father’s sister, who died before I was born. This picture used to sit on our mantle. I always wondered where it had gotten to. So, I am going to guess, you geniuses believe Phillip is responsible for all the deaths. That he started with my Aunt, and has been killing ever since.”

 

“Well, yes and no. Karl, and the other Detectives on this case know Vael didn’t kill your Aunt. Did your Father tell you how Fiona died?” Anders waited for my answer.

 

“He did. She killed herself when the asshole Noble that knocked her up, refused to take responsibility for their child. After the baby was born, she gave it to my parents. Aunt Fiona hung herself a few days later. My Dad found her. That Noble, who treated my Aunt like trash, was Rendon Howe, from Amaranthine.” I sat back and watched confusion settle over my kidnappers.

 

Anders was staring at me in shock. “Wait, that can’t be right! This woman was killed in a drunk driving accident while running away to elope with Phillip Vael! I know Karl wouldn’t have made that up.”

 

“I don’t understand. My Father never lied to me. Why would he lie about how Fiona died? Or my Mother for that matter? I know Fiona had a baby, and my Mother sent the child away. Is it creepy all those women resemble me? Yes. But, I just can’t believe Phillip is a serial killer.” I rested my forehead in my hands.

 

Zevran turned me to look in my eyes, “Hawke, what happened to the baby?”

 

“I don’t know. It broke my Dad’s heart, but he gave in to my Mother to make her happy. Last we had heard; the child was raised by a Nobel family in Starkhaven.” I was tiring, and just wanted to stop thinking.

 

“Wait, do you know which family?” Anders drew my attention back to him.

 

“No idea. My Mother refused to talk about it. She referred to Fiona as “the Whore” so my Dad never discussed her very much. Are you certain Fiona dated Phillip?” The whisperings in my mind were getting louder.

 

Anders rifled through the file and pulled out a letter, and small picture. “I’m certain, Noire. These were found in Fiona’s purse after her accident.”

 

The picture was Phillip as a very young man. I read the letter. As I finished it, my heart sunk. Phillip had dated the woman I knew as my Aunt. It was obvious he was obsessed with her.

 

“I don’t understand. Why did my Father lie? Was it just chance Phillip found me? Fiona could almost be my twin.” My hands trembled as I set the letter aside.

 

Anders reached over and entwined his fingers with mine. “Noire, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you need to know. Forgive me for being blunt. I have documents that show Lord Vael has watched you since you were fifteen. He saw you at Mass when he was on a business trip to Lothering. It was no accident he offered to take you to dinner on your name day. Vael had planned to snatch you up the second you were of legal age.”

 

“What?!? Phillip has stalked me for three years? Why? Just because I look like my Aunt?” Tears formed in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

 

“I am so sorry, Hawke. I think Justinia knew you were in danger. Leliana hired me on the Divine’s behalf to make sure you were safe when you went to college. Before you flip out, please listen. Leliana had nothing to do with the assassination attempts. She was framed. I know this, because I knew the men hired to set everything up. They are all dead. Not by Leliana’s hand, she was hiding at Varric’s when they were murdered.” Zevran held my other hand and his look showed worry about my reaction.

 

“So, if Leliana didn’t kill all those people, was it Phillip? It makes no sense. I am a nobody. My husband could have any woman in Thedas, I can’t fathom he would do this just because I look like my dead Aunt.” I felt like my heart was shattering.

 

Anders squeezed my hand and spoke softly, “Noire, a stalker doesn’t need their obsession to be famous or have anything of value. Your Aunt died before he could marry her. He was a virgin, and he believed she was pure as well. I now wonder if he found out about her having a child, and that’s why she died. You are everything he has looked for the past twenty-some years. The murdered women all had the word “whore” carved on them. None of them were virgins, and Phillip wanted an innocent. He found you.”

 

I could no longer hold back my tears, “Maker have mercy! I didn’t hallucinate his violent episodes did I? Phillip has killed everyone from my childhood. How did I let this happen?”

 

“It’s not your fault, Hawke. Lord Vael used your naivety against you.” Fenris’ look betrayed how bad he felt for me. “I won’t go into details, but I cared for an abuser once. It took me years to break free. We simply want to help you get away from him.”

 

I sighed and closed my eyes before responding. “I understand, but I can’t leave yet. I owe it to my family and Justinia to find proof of what he’s done. He is equal in power to the new Divine. Unless we can ruin his reputation, I place everyone in danger. Phillip will rip Thedas apart to find me. Until I have information to blackmail him with, you know I can’t just leave. I, I will be fine as long as I play the role of doting wife.”

 

“Hawke, please, consider the consequences! I was trained from a young age by the Crows to handle mental and physical torture. How much more can you take before he finally breaks you? Or, worse, what if he kills you over some imagined slight? Anders reluctantly told us what Vael has already done to you. I am begging you, let us get you to safety.” Zevran had grasped my shoulders and was showing me his fear.

 

“Listen to me, I can’t just walk away! If your plan is Tevinter, I won’t be safe there, and I think you know it! Phillip’s main focus right now is Anders. If I run off with him, there is no country that would shelter us. I promise, even if I can’t get blackmail, I will leave if I get to the breaking point. Do you have a burner cell? Phillip checks my phone constantly.” I reached up and caressed Zev’s cheek.

 

“I have one, Hawke.” Fenris handed it over.

 

“Thank you. Would you both give me a moment with Anders?” What I needed to say to the Doctor was for him alone.

 

Zev and Fenris walked outside. After the door closed, I moved and sat in Anders lap. He was a bit surprised, but he clung to me and allowed his tears to fall. 

 

“Anders, I do care about you. I know Phillip is dangerous. But, I can’t just walk away, especially now that I’m married to him. Did you mean it? Do you really love me?” I looked into his kind eyes.

 

Anders caressed my cheek, “Yes, I am in love with you.”

 

We kissed. A kiss full of passion, longing and regret. I lost myself to the moment. Anders whispered his worries, and love as we held each other. I was so close to staying with him. My fear of Phillip kept me from giving into that desire.

 

“I’ll go through my Dad’s things and see if I can find out details regarding my Aunt’s suicide. I know I’m in danger. It’s a delicate balancing act with Phillip. I refuse to put you in harm’s way. I promise, if I believe he is going to kill me, I’ll leave him. If it comes to that, would you leave with me?” I waited for his answer.

 

“Yes!” Anders kissed me again.

 

As we broke apart, I caressed his face. “Then I will do what I can to find out what my husband has been up to. Do you have an extra car?”

 

“No, but we can drop you off.” Anders expression was heartbreaking.

 

“Anders, the only way I get out of this safely, is if it appears I escaped. It’ll be bad if you drop me off, and I haven’t recovered from my last punishment yet.” I gave him a sad smile as he started crying again.

 

Zevran and Fenris came in, and Anders explained the new course of action. 

 

“Fenris, or Zev, I need one of you to hit me. As in, leave bruises on my face. It has to look like I put up a fight to get free.” I was trying to come up with a plan to extricate myself from what looked like me running off willingly.

 

“I can do it.” Fenris replied since Zevran hesitated. “Vael knows I dislike Anders. I can drive her back to Starkhaven under the guise of having tailed both of you and finding Hawke as she was fighting to escape. I am going to tell the Lord I shot Zev, and knocked you out Anders. It would be best if I could blacken your eyes.”

 

“What the fuck?” Anders wasn’t pleased.

 

“Listen, Fenris is right. If it appears Noire fought to get free, and Fenris rescued her, he might be able to get hired by Vael. If he is, then Noire will have some protection.” Zevran tried to reason with the Chancellor.

 

I stood, and walked toward the room I had been sleeping in. I retrieved my purse. Anders had followed me, and stopped me in the doorway.

 

“Noire, I can’t let you do this. I couldn’t take it if something ripped you out of my life.” Anders voice was soft, and full of fear.

 

“If you mean that, then you should understand why I refuse to risk your life. I have lost too many people this past year. Someday, I swear to you I will be free of Phillip. When that time comes, I will remain at your side no matter what.” I leaned up and gave Anders a chaste kiss.

 

Anders stepped back, but refused to watch as Fenris smacked me around. Zevran couldn’t even look. He stared at the floor. I ended up with a split lip, a swollen eye, and bruised cheek. I ripped my gown for good measure. Fenris raked his nails across my arms, and neck to make it seem I had engaged in a violent battle to leave. 

 

Fenris followed Zevran outside and watched the darkening sky. The Tevinter knew what it was like to love someone who was an abuser. He also realized I was as strong as he was. Fenris opened the door and told me we needed to leave. I hugged Zevran, and kissed Anders goodbye. I refused to watch Fenris punch Anders so I got in the car and deleted the recording on my phone.

 

After Fenris had driven us about thirty minutes away from the little house, he called my husband. I tuned out the conversation, dozed off, and before I knew it we were pulling into the garage to the penthouse. I sat up and tried to shrug off the exhaustion I felt.


	42. Renewel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris gets a new job. Noire gets some unwelcome news.

Chapter 42  
Renewal

 

Fenris helped me out of the car, and we headed to the elevator. I swayed on my feet, so the body guard decided to carry me. I was so tired, and I felt sick from the emotional and physical stress I had been under for almost a week. As the doors opened to the penthouse, I was barely conscious. 

 

Phillip rushed to take me from Fenris. “Baby girl? Are you ok, sweetie?”

 

“Phil-Phillip, I’m ok. I just need to lay down.” My voice sounded weak.

 

I heard Logain offer Fenris a drink as Phillip took me into our bedroom. My husband told me to rest until the Doctor arrived. He exited the room and I relaxed as he began to question Fenris.

 

“What the fuck happened to Noire?” Phillip’s voice was shaking from anger.

 

“The Chancellor drugged your wife, and tried to spirit her away. I was told to stand guard on the dais, but, as I have stated before, I don’t like Anders. I knew he was up to something, so I ignored my orders. I was lucky enough to see Anders and Zevran carrying your wife’s limp body out a side exit. I stole a car and followed them.” As Fenris paused to down a drink, I was struck by his deep, gravelly voice. 

 

Phillip refilled his glass and gestured for him to continue. “I lost them in traffic, but I put a GPS tracking app on the Chancellor’s phone. Something I created for my former Boss in Tevinter. I tracked them to a remote country shack.”

 

“How many people did Anders have with him, and why does my wife look like she was beaten?” Phillip was barely containing his rage.

 

“It was only that Zevran character, who is a Crow in case you didn’t know, and the Chancellor. I parked away from the shack, and was sneaking up when I heard a physical fight going on. When I slammed the door open, the Crow had Lady Vael pinned to the floor by her shoulders. Anders was straddling her. He back handed your wife, and then attempted the rip her gown off. I yanked him up, and got in two good blows to his face that knocked him out. Zevran rushed me, and we wrestled. I yelled at your wife to get outside. When she had cleared the door, I threw the Crow off me, and shot him.” Fenris paused again to down his fresh drink.

 

Logain refilled Fenris’ drink this time. “I didn’t bother to check if Zevran was dead. Unfortunately, your wife was so traumatized I had to get her back to you so I couldn’t dispose of the two of them. I apologize for not being able to bury them.”

 

“Phil, are you thinking what I am?” Logain sounded almost happy.

 

“If what you’re thinking is use this to cause Anders to resign, then yes. Fenris, I appreciate you saving my wife tonight. Since it is obvious you will no longer be employed by Anders, would you be willing to partner with Logain and guard Noire?” Phillip’s voice was calmer, but I knew he was still murderously angry.

 

“I would. May I say, I was impressed at how she was holding the two men off. Lady Vael was kicking, trying to bite, basically doing everything she could to stop Anders from raping her. Oh, you may want to make use of these. I think Anders had them on hand to drug the drinks he made when your wife visited him.” Fenris tossed something to my husband.

 

Logain asked Phillip what Fenris had tossed him. “You were right, my friend. It’s the drug you told me about the other night. Seems Anders had been dosing Noire when she visited him. Fenris, do you know what drug was used tonight?”

 

“No. There is an injection mark on her neck. I assume it was a sedative of some sort. I don’t think those two fuckers thought she would come to so quickly. Forgive my crassness, but, Maker, I hate the Chancellor.” Fenris paused, and then spoke carefully. “Anders is a self-centered ass. Whines about the Chantry’s influence, yet seeks power for himself. Tries to interfere in things that aren’t any of his business. Pardon my bluntness, but your marriage comes to mind. He has been obsessed with your wife for some time now. If Anders comes near her again, I will put two bullets in his brain.”

 

Before another word was said, the Doctor arrived to treat me. Phillip excused himself and led Orsino into the bedroom. I was sore, emotionally spent and barely holding onto consciousness. The kindly Doctor had Phillip help him remove my gown.

 

My husband’s tone was kind as he told me everything that was going to be done to me. His body language was tense, and I knew he was burying a murderous rage. The Doctor gave me a shot, after cleansing the scratches. Phillip followed him to the doorway, and despite the low tones they spoke in, I could hear everything.

 

“My Lord, your wife has some deep contusions. The scrapes should heal quickly, but her mental health is what concerns me. This was an extremely violent incident. She did well to keep from being raped. But, considering her last suicide attempt was so recent, I fear she will slip back into a deep depression. I believe she is with child again. I will have an answer for you within the hour. The stress of this attack, if not dealt with properly, could cause another miscarriage. I will text you the names of some discrete Psychiatrists. Maker go with you my Lord.” Orsino bowed and left.

 

Phillip called to Logain and Fenris that we were retiring, and Fenris was welcomed to use the guest bedroom. I heard the door shut, and felt Phillip lay next to me.

 

“Baby girl, get some sleep. We need to talk in the morning, but I want you to rest now. I love you, Noire. I promise nothing like this will happen to you again.” Phillip kissed my forehead, and gathered me in his arms.

 

I was out in a matter of seconds.

 

I slept very late the next morning. When I got up, I was unsteady as I started my morning routine. Before I could start the shower, I was on my knees throwing up in the commode. Phillip rushed in and comforted me.

 

“Phil-Phillip, I think I’m sick.” I was unable to stand due to dizziness.

Phillip propped me against the tub, and started filling it with water. “I promise, you’ll be fine. Let me bathe you, sweetie. Once you’re dressed I’ll explain everything I’ve found out.”

 

I was too exhausted to ask any questions. The bath revived me somewhat. My husband dried me off, and dressed me. Phillip carried me out to the sofa, and I noticed Fenris was sitting at the dining table reading something on a tablet.

 

Fenris jumped up when he noticed me being situated with a blanket wrapped around me. “Good morning, my Lady. My Lord, is there anything I can get you?”

 

“No, thank you, Fenris. Please, no need for formalities when were at home. Call me Phillip, and you may call Lady Vael, Noire. Here, I got a you a credit card. Downstairs, across from my office, is your new apartment. Take this card, and get a selection of black suits. The store owner knows you’re coming, he’ll show you the required dress code. I won’t need you to start guarding Noire for two days. Thank you for saving her. Logain will call you.” Phillip was all business as he directed Fenris.

 

Fenris bowed and left without a word. Phillip pulled me into his lap and caressed my hair. Tears flowed down my face. I had to snuggle against my husband, even though I was thinking of Anders. How was I going to survive? Phillip disgusted me, and I had to hide that emotion. I was adrift, I couldn’t see how I would hide my feelings.

 

“Baby girl, you’re going to be fine. Sweetie, look at me.” Phillip tilted my face up, and I saw a soft, loving look in his eyes.

I battled with my mind. Part of me wanted to melt into his affections, and part of me wanted to kill my husband. The words Zevran spoke hit me. The Crows had trained Zev for years to handle mental abuse and not crack. I was a novice, and now I knew how much danger I was in. Live, live to fight another day. My last thought before I gave into Phillip’s kindness.

 

“Yes, love?” My voice trembled and new tears formed in my eyes.

 

Phillip wiped them away, and gently touched my face. “Baby, I am so sorry. I had no idea what Anders had been doing to you. Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me he had been forcing himself on you?”

 

“I-I, my body reacted to his touch. I knew it was my fault. If I hadn’t been aroused, then he wouldn’t have touched me. I’m sorry, Phillip. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” I buried my face in his chest, and shook.

 

“Baby girl, none of it was your fault. I was wrong about you. Fenris found proof Anders had been drugging you when you went to his house. There are no words I can use to express how sorry I am. Can you ever forgive my jealousy?” Phillip was being so kind, it was difficult to believe he was a murderer.

 

I peeped up at my husband, and saw he was in tears as well, “I should’ve trusted you, husband. I lied, and for that I am sorry. Of course I forgive you. Can you forgive me believing the falsehoods Anders told about you?”

 

“Yes, baby girl. I am so proud of you for fighting Anders off last night. Fenris is going to teach you some self-defense moves so you have a better chance at getting away from anyone that attempts to kidnap you again.” Phillip gave me a quick kiss before continuing. “Not that there is going to be much opportunity for anyone to get at you after our reception. Dr. Orsino texted me the results of your blood test. You’re with child again, baby girl. I want to keep you from public events after the party. I swear nothing will happen to make you lose the child again.”

 

My heart fluttered in excitement, and then dread set in. There would be no way I could leave Phillip now. I closed my eyes as I started sobbing. Fortunately, my husband thought my tears were from joy, not sadness. I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. Phillip’s countenance was humble, and loving. I melted as I gazed in his beautiful blue orbs. 

 

“Phil-Phillip, are you certain I can be a good Mother? I’m so scared.” I was afraid of what damage my erratic behavior may have on my unborn child.

 

Phillip gave me a kind smile, “You are so loving, sweetie. I know you are going to be a great parent. I swear I will help you in every way I can. I made an appointment for counseling tomorrow, baby. I think we both need it. When I think of what I have done to you, I am mortified. It is a miracle you didn’t leave me. I am also going to have private sessions to learn how to prevent my temper from becoming violent. If I cause you to miscarry again, it would kill me.” Phillip kissed me gently after he spoke.

 

I looked up at my husband when the kiss ended, “Love? Are you alright? I know why you punished me. I betrayed you, an-and got what I deserved.”

 

“No, baby girl, you didn’t deserve any of the things I have done. I was cruel, and violent. Anders was right about me being a monster. There are no excuses that can cover the way I degraded and humiliated you. It may surprise you, but you are only the second woman I have ever slept with. I am inexperienced in the relationship department. If it takes me the rest of my life, I will earn your trust back. I swear I will never touch you in anger again.” Phillip’s eyes turned red as he started to cry.

 

I hugged him, as he sobbed into my hair. It was difficult not to be moved by Phillip’s words. I didn’t want to be moved. I didn’t want to accept his apology. Yet, my husband sounded so sincere. In that moment something struck me. Zevran, Anders and Fenris had no proof to offer that Phillip had killed my loved ones.

 

The picture of my Aunt, Anders claimed not to know how his dead lover had gotten it. Phillip said the Chancellor had been stalking me. I didn’t ask to see the documents Anders said he had, that proved Phillip was a stalker. Then the conflicting story of how my Aunt had died. Away from Anders, things seemed more clear. My Father had never lied. I trusted him more than a man I just met. 

 

I started to shake, and tears sprang to my eyes. Anders not only was trying to ruin my marriage, he had me doubt the man that had raised me. Malcomb Hawke was kind, loving and I trusted my Father’s words. I was so damn stupid. Fenris may have recognized Phillip as an abuser, but it was obvious he didn’t care for his former boss. He had tried to keep Anders away from me. 

 

“Phil-Phillip, I know you love me. I love you too, so very much. I let Anders get into my head and doubt everything. Thank you for apologizing to me. I knew, deep down I knew, you didn’t really want to hurt me. This year hasn’t been easy for either of us. You lost two of your children, and the Divine. I have been an immature, self-centered brat. I hope you can forgive me for not being there for you emotionally. I think counseling will help us both. I hope you will forgive my selfishness.” My voice cracked as I faced the truth of how much I had hurt my husband.

 

Phillip met my eyes, and he looked so vulnerable. “Noire, my baby girl, thank you. You have no need to ask to be forgiven. I guess neither of us is very adept at dealing with grief. I have neglected my spirituality, and yours. We need to start attending Wednesday evening Mass, in addition to Sunday. The Maker and Andraste will guide us. I look forward to starting fresh. The Doctor that has agreed to treat us, is considered to be the best in his field. I am excited about our relationship becoming stronger.”

 

When my husband leaned down to kiss me, it felt like the first night I was with him. So soft and gentle. I cherished this moment. I believed things were finally going to be normal. I said a prayer of thanks while the kiss ended.

 

“Baby girl, would you like some fruit and toast? I can get you tea or ginger ale.” Phillip’s voice was soft and hesitant.

 

“I’d love some fruit and toast. Would it be ok if I have both drinks?” I smiled at Phillip and felt almost giddy.

 

“Sure, baby. I’ll be right back.” Phillip looked like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

 

After I ate, Phillip carried me back to bed. He held me, and stroked my hair until I fell into a blissful sleep.

 

I was cold, so cold. I could barely move my feet forward. With each passing second, I felt like my body was freezing up. I wanted to lay down and sleep. Somehow I remained upright. A blood curdling scream gave me a shock, and a dose of adrenaline. 

 

I paused and looked around, and I saw my salvation. A tiny cabin nestled in the woods, with a single lit candle in the window. As I forced my sluggish body forward, I heard another terrified screech. I tried to run, but all I could manage was an unsteady trot.

 

Just as I was about to drop, I hit the door. It was cracked open. I hurried inside and shut the cold out. The candle flickered, making strange shapes jump across the walls.

 

As my eyes slowly adjusted to the low light, an odor caused me to retch. It was then I saw the source of the smell. Aunt D, my family and some doppelgangers were dead and in various states of decay strewn around the shack like garbage. I slowly crept forward, and was mortified to see none of them had died a natural death. 

 

There were some glowing embers in a small fireplace. I rested my hands on the mantle, and turned my back to the carnage. Tears streamed down my face, as I tried to block out what I had just seen. 

 

A gust of wind nearly blew out the candle, as the door swung open and then slammed shut. Anders was in front of me. He wrapped me in a warm embrace, and I sobbed.

 

“My heart, Phillip lies. You can’t trust his change in attitude. Noire, you must leave. Your husband will break you if you stay. I love you, and I am waiting for you.” Anders pulled away from me, and walked into the night.

 

I opened the door and called to Anders. The candle flickered and went out. I became hysterical. I was alone, in the dark, with the corpses of my loved ones, and other innocent victims. I screamed for help. Cursing the Maker, Andraste and myself.

 

“NOIRE! Wake up, baby girl, please wake up!” Phillip was straddling me, and holding my arms above my head. 

 

I stopped struggling, and tried to catch my breath. I promptly burst into tears. Phillip rolled off me, and gathered me close. He stroked my hair, and made soothing sounds to try and calm me. I couldn’t stop shaking. My husband started to get worried. My tremors were getting worse, and I couldn’t speak. 

 

“Baby? Can you say something?” Phillip was trying to make eye contact. “Noire? Please, baby girl, talk to me! Oh Maker, please, no! Andraste, please, show her mercy.”

 

I felt awful when I heard the panic in my husband’s voice. But, I couldn’t respond. I tried to open my eyes, but it was too hard. I heard Phillip calling someone, just before I blacked out.


	43. The New Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is back in the Psych ward. Has a new Doctor.

Chapter 43  
The New Doctor

 

I heard low voices, as I started to wake up. My brain felt like it had a fog settled over it. I tried to move, but I was restrained. As my eyes focused, I saw I was in the Psych ward again. No straight jacket this time. But, being tied down made me start panicking.

 

“Phil-Phillip? Please! Someone, help me!” I yanked on my bonds, but they were too tight to budge. 

 

Phillip rushed in, followed by a man I didn’t recognize. My husband grasped my left hand, and caressed my face.

 

“I’m here, baby girl, I’m here. This is Dr. Uldred, he has been treating you.” Phillip’s face showed fatigue and worry.

 

“Wha-what happened? How long have I been here? Why am I tied down?” My brain was sluggish, and I feared what I might have done.

 

Phillip released my hand and pulled a chair next to my bed. Once settled, he stroked my hair.

 

“Baby girl, I, I am going to let the Doctor explain. I’m sorry I broke my promise about not bringing you here again. Just know, I wouldn’t have if there were any other way to help you.” Phillip’s voice cracked, and tears formed in his eyes.

 

“Lady Vael, you were brought here six days ago. You were catatonic the first two days. Then, you had a psychotic break and became agitated and violent towards myself and your husband. This is the first time you have been lucid. What do you remember from the day you came here?” The Doctor sat on my other side and pulled out a pen and notebook.

 

I closed my eyes, and tried to think. The drugs in my system were clouding my mind. Slowly, I sifted through the cobwebs and memories surfaced.

 

“I, I woke up and was ill. Phillip helped me bathe and then carried me out to the front room. Fen-Fenris was there. Phillip told me he would be my personal body guard.” I paused and took an unsteady breath. “He left. Phillip told me I am pregnant again.”

 

I stop talking as I heard my husband take a deep breath. I looked at him, and Phillip was staring at the floor. Tears were forming in his eyes. As I watched his reaction, I feared what I might be told.

 

The Doctor cleared his throat to draw my attention back to him. “Do you remember anything past that?”

 

“Yes, um, Phillip and I talked. He, he told me we were going to start counseling. That he was going to have private sessions, f-for something he needs to deal with.” I was reluctant to call Phillip violent to a Doctor I didn’t know.

 

I felt Phillip squeeze my hand, “It’s ok, baby girl. Uldred knows about my violent outbursts. He has already started working with me. I don’t want you to be afraid to be open.”

 

I gave him a weak smile and continued, “I was so happy when Phillip apologized to me. I felt peaceful, like we had gone through a dark tunnel and were coming out the other side. I remember being angry I had believed t-th-the Chancellor’s lies about my husband. He had used me.”

 

As I thought of Anders, I burst into tears. Phillip pulled out a hankie and wiped them away. The Doctor reached over and unshackled my hands. I clung to Phillip and shook. Phillip rocked me in his arms and let me cry myself out.

 

“My Lady, do you remember what happened when the Chancellor kidnapped you?” The Doctor was watching me intently.

 

The memories came to me, and I tried to sift through them. My rescue had been staged. Should I tell them? The thought of Fenris gave me pause. He knew what it was like to love a violent partner. I may be pissed at Zevran, but Dorothea had trusted him. Anders, he was the one who had the file. It was on his words that Phillip had been condemned. I shuddered, and decided I wouldn’t betray Fenris or Zev. 

 

“Y-yes, sort of. Anders stuck me with a needle in my neck. I woke up in a shack with no idea how I got there. The Chancellor had my friend Zevran with him. They forced me to look at a-a file. They tried to convince me Phillip was a serial killer. That my husband has been stalking me since I was fifteen. I was terrified. Anders, he had a photo of my Aunt Fiona. It was a photo that had been in my family home.” I paused to gather my thoughts.

 

I sighed and continued, “Anders couldn’t tell me how that photograph was taken from my house. The Chancellor claimed Phillip had killed my Aunt, over thirty women, and my entire family. I-I refused to believe him. Anders and Zevran wouldn’t let me leave. I fought, but I knew I couldn’t over power them. Fen-Fenris, he, he burst in and hit Anders. He told me to get outside. I heard a gunshot, and then Fenris walked out. He helped me into a car, and I passed out. Everything is hazy until I woke up the next morning.”

 

I closed my eyes, and tried to remain calm. The Doctor and Phillip gave me time to recover before asking me more questions. I had the sick feeling in my gut that came from me telling a lie. My mind was whispering I couldn’t trust the Doctor, or Phillip. I shoved down the feelings and looked at my husband.

 

Phillip gave me a kind smile, and kissed my cheek, “You’re safe now, sweetie. Can you tell us what happened after breakfast?”

 

“Um, you took me to lay down. I fell asleep. And, and, oh Maker! The dream, the dream! No! I ca-can’t, please, I can’t!” The feelings from the nightmare slammed into me.

 

I covered my face and tried to forget the images. I could barely breathe. I heard Phillip call to me, but I couldn’t respond. I started shaking uncontrollably. I felt a prick in my arm, and my shaking slowly subsided. My breath was still shallow, and the drug made it difficult to think. Phillip grasped my hand, and said a heartfelt prayer. My tears stopped, and my breathing returned to normal. 

 

“Baby girl? Can you tell us about the dream?” Phillip was being so kind.

 

I blinked and tried to concentrate, “I was in the woods. It was cold, and windy. I found a little house. When I entered, I saw, saw, please, I can’t!” New tears ran down my face, but the drug was preventing me from having a full panic attack.

 

“My Lady, I understand talking about this dream is painful, but I want to help you. Lord Vael has informed me this wasn’t your first incident. I am deeply concerned about the after affects these nightmares are having on you. Can you tell me what was in the house?” Doctor Uldred’s voice was almost hypnotic.

 

“M-my family, Justinia and some women, that looked like me, were all dead. The cabin reeked of death. Ev-every one of them had been murdered. The Chancellor, he-he came in. Anders told me Phillip had killed them all, and that I was next.” I softly started to cry and couldn’t continue.

 

“Thank you, my Lady. I just have a few more questions, and then we’ll talk about your release.” The Doctor paused, and then carefully questioned me. “Do you always see your loved ones murdered in your dreams?”

 

“Y-yes.” I choked out.

 

“The Chancellor, was the other day the only time he appeared in your nightmares?” Uldred was intently studying me, his dark eyes piercing into mine.

 

“N-no. He always shows up and says Phillip will kill me. Anders tells me Phillip killed all the people in every dream. I get s-so scared. What’s wrong with me?” Phillip had been stroking my hair, and I reached for his hand.

 

“Lord Vael explained your interactions with the Chancellor. That he has drugged you when you visited him. I think your dreams are the result of attempted mind control. The accusations Anders has made towards your husband were vile enough that you couldn’t process them on a conscious level. With all that has happened to you this year, it’s not surprising. With therapy, we can remove the fear over time. For now, though, I am going to give you a mild anti-depressant. It will keep you balanced, and hopefully allow you restful sleep.” This Doctor was different than Sampson, kind and knowledgeable. 

 

‘Wh-what about my baby? Isn’t it dangerous for me to take medication?” I was worried I would hurt my unborn child

 

I heard Phillip’s sharp intake of breath and looked at him. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. I started to get scared. 

 

“Please, what are you not telling me?” In my heart I knew, but I needed to hear the words.

 

Uldred leaned over and patted my shoulder, “Lady Vael, when you passed out from your dream, you were admitted here. The first night, you miscarried. I am so sorry. Your body wasn’t able to handle the stress of the pregnancy. I am reluctant to say this, but you have a right to know. My Lady, you may never be able to have a child. Even if you carried it to term, you might not live through the birth. Your body has been too traumatized by the stress of the past year to risk a pregnancy. Lord Vael had us perform a tubal ligation. Before you ask, it’s not permanent. After we finish your counseling, and get your brain chemistry evened out, then we can see if you having a child is safe.”

 

“I, I am so sorry, baby girl. We didn’t choose birth control, because of your depression. Birth control could interfere with that medication. I didn’t want a vasectomy, as they are usually permanent. I got lucky once. I didn’t want to remove the option to give you a child, when your healthier.” Phillip’s tone sounded sad.

 

I closed my eyes, and took a shuddering breath. I had failed a second time with carrying a baby. I felt a hole in my heart at the loss. Someday, I may be able to carry a child, but not now. The Maker surely was allowing this to happen for a reason. I swallowed my grief, and finally made eye contact with my husband.

 

“It’s probably for the best, love. When can I go home?” I was getting sleepy.

 

“My Lord, I think you can take her home tonight. She’s groggy from the shot, but otherwise lucid. Make sure she takes the anti-depressant at bedtime. Hopefully your wife will be free from any scary dreams soon. I’ll leave you to help her get dressed.” Uldred stood and exited the room.

 

Phillip lifted me out of bed, and took me into the bathroom. He stripped us both, and started the shower. I was almost asleep on my feet. It was hard to focus on what was happening. Phillip bathed me tenderly, yet quickly. He dried me off, and dressed me. Doctor Uldred had a nurse bring in a wheel chair, and I didn’t argue about having to use it. Fenris took me to a waiting SUV, and lifted me inside. 

 

While we waited for Phillip to finish getting directions from the Doctor, Fenris turned in the driver’s seat to look at me.

 

“Hawke, are you ok? Your husband was vague about what was wrong.” Fenris had lowered his formal, guard persona, and worry was evident in his gaze.

 

I looked down, as I didn’t want Fenris to see my tears, “Sort of. I h-had a miscarriage due to stress. Phillip had the Doctor perform a procedure to prevent pregnancy. The meds I am taking would not work with birth control. The Doctor says I may never be able to have children.”

 

I glanced up and saw Fenris give me an empathetic look. “I’m sorry. But, why were you sent to the psych ward?”

 

“I-I had a horrible nightmare. After it was over, I couldn’t speak or even open my eyes. I was catatonic, again. I was sent here to be treated. I had a delusional episode, and attacked the Doctor four days ago. They kept me here until the right meds calmed me down.” I looked away, and allowed some tears to fall.

 

“Hawk, did Vael abuse you again?” Fenris kept his tone soft and soothing.

 

I looked into his green eyes and smiled, “No, in fact he had a long talk with me, before I had my episode. He admitted he had been wrong. Phillip told me Anders had been right in calling him a monster. He has started anger management counseling.”

 

Fenris looked startled at that information. “Do the Doctors here know what he’s done?”

 

“Yes. Phillip told Doctor Uldred how he punished me. The Doctor is counseling my husband.” I felt myself smile as I thought of the change in my marriage.

 

“Hmmm, that is a very rare occurrence, Hawke. Abusers almost never admit to their bad behavior. I hope, for your sake, Lord Vael is sincere. If he isn’t, please, let me know and I can get you to safety. Agreed?” Fenris gave me a small smile.

 

“Agreed. Thank you, Fenris.” I smiled back, and felt like things were going to change for the better.


	44. The Chancellor's Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders steps down. Hawke gets fed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC ABUSE, DUBIOUS CONSENT, VIOLENCE

I had been home from the hospital for a few days, when Phillip rushed in from his office downstairs. I was puzzled at his demeanor. Fenris and Logain followed my husband into the living room. I had been reading a book on the couch. I looked at Fenris and he shrugged.

 

“Everyone, sit. Baby girl, you don’t have to fear Anders, ever again.” Phillip switched in the television.

 

I watched with trepidation as the Chancellor walked up to a podium for an emergency press conference.

 

Anders looked like the Void as he started speaking, “A few months ago the good people of Starkhaven placed their trust in me and elected me as Chancellor. I swore I would do my best to serve all of you. That is what makes my decision very difficult.”

 

Anders paused briefly, “Due to an unforeseen illness, I must resign my position as Chancellor, effective immediately. If I felt I could serve the people of Starkhaven at full capacity while receiving treatment, I would stay. Sadly, my condition is too debilitating to be able to perform my duties. I am grateful for the trust that was placed in me. May the Maker watch over you all.”

 

Anders turned and left without answering any questions. It struck me, Phillip had made him resign because of my abduction. My husband’s glee at Anders predicament was a tad sadistic. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me.

 

“Baby girl! Would you like to go out for a romantic dinner to celebrate?” Phillip looked so happy, I just smiled and nodded yes.

 

When I looked at Fenris, he looked almost sad. It was then I realized, Anders had stepped aside to keep me safe. The fear in his voice the night I left the cabin rang inside my head. A shadow passed over my heart. Would Phillip have stepped down from his Chantry position to save me? Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t. I faked excitement as I followed Phillip into our room to change.

 

My husband had me dress like a high priced whore. Phillip dressed like a man with his influence was expected to. Again, the nagging in my mind returned. Dressing sexy for my man at home was one thing. But going out for a romantic dinner looking like a tramp felt demeaning. 

 

Logain and Fenris escorted us to the restaurant, but ate at a table near us. I had a hard time keeping up a cheery façade. I kept seeing the sadness in Anders’ eyes when he resigned. My heart was heavy with guilt. The sacrifice he had made for me, showed how much he cared about my safety. 

 

I was conflicted. Phillip was sincere in his effort to change. We had been to one counseling session, and it had been wonderful to see my husband admit his issues. I had already seen him use a coping technique to keep from having an angry outburst. Phillip was working very hard to make our marriage work. He was also having us read from the Chant of Light each night before we went to bed. 

 

I decided I needed to see Anders. I knew he must be heart broken. I’d have Fenris take me shopping, and set up a meeting for me. I’d forget my phone at home so Logain couldn’t track it. I was roused from my thoughts as our dinner was delivered.

 

It was a very romantic dinner. Phillip was light hearted and flirtatious. I couldn’t help but respond to his loving affections. As we left, I felt more at ease, and a bit tipsy. I snuggled against my husband the whole ride home. Phillip stroked my hair, while telling me how thankful he was for how things were going. I felt almost giddy as we arrived back in our penthouse.

 

Phillip led me into the bedroom, and asked me to put on one of my sexy numbers. He changed into just a pair of silk boxers, and went out by the fireplace. I put on an Orlesian maid type outfit, but it really didn’t leave anything to the imagination. I stepped into a pair of my stripper heels, and sashayed out to my husband.

 

Phillip gave me an adoring smile as I walked out into the living room. I paused when I saw Logain was sitting across from the sofa in silk lounge pants and nothing else. I turned toward my husband, and his countenance had changed. His eyes burned through me. 

 

“Husband? Please, you said I wouldn’t have to play this kind of game again.” I was trying, yet failing, to keep the panicked edge out of my voice.

 

“You agreed to work on our marriage, wife. We discussed in therapy that you being open to my sexual needs will help me not explode in anger. I want to watch Logain touch you, and I expect you to obey me!” Phillip’s voice was chilling as he reached out. 

 

I started to back away when Phillip grabbed my arm. I twisted and broke his hold. I ran to the bedroom and got the door locked before Phillip caught me. I quickly looked for anything I could use as a weapon. I finally settled on a bedside lamp. It was heavy, and could cause a lot of pain if I could get close enough to swing it. 

 

The door slammed open, and Phillip stormed in with Logain. I backed my way into the closet. I may be trapped, but in close quarters I had a better shot at landing a hit. Both men advanced on me, and I almost fainted from fear. 

 

When Phillip lunged at me, I swung the lamp at his head. Half way to hitting my target, Logain ripped the weapon away from me. Phillip shoved me until I slammed into the wall. Reaching up, my husband started to choke me. I clawed at his hands, tried to kick him. Nothing could move him. My arms went limp as I started to pass out. The pressure was removed.

 

I slid to the floor, gasping for air. My reprieve didn’t last long. Logain drug me to my feet, and forced me back to the living room. I was made to kneel in front of the sofa. Logain poured drinks for he and Phillip, then sat in the chair he had occupied before. Phillip sat and wrapped a fist in my hair.

 

“Now, baby girl, we are going to have a chat. We both promised to be open with each other. I agreed to work on my temper, and you agreed to be more compliant in regards to sex. Did you not pledge that to me the other day in front of Doctor Uldred?” Phillip gave my hair a yank as he finished.

 

“I, I did, but, not this. Please, not this! I only want you to touch me. I love you! Please, don’t ask me this, love!” My voice shook but I kept my eyes on my husband.

 

Phillip gave me an opened handed slap as soon as I was done speaking. My husband then yanked me across his lap. He pulled up the little, frilly skirt and ran his hand over my arse. I was trembling, but I was scared to defy him again. 

 

I cried out as soon as Phillip landed the first hit. He used his bare hand to spank me. It didn’t hurt that bad. I just closed my eyes and hoped his anger would dissipate quickly. 

 

“Hmmm, I don’t think she is getting the point, Phil. She isn’t begging for mercy; you may need to use something that causes more pain.” Logain’s voice sounded huskier than normal.

 

“N-no! Phillip, stop! The Doctor said to call him if you lash out and physically abuse me. Please, husband, don’t do this! I love you, why do you want to hurt me?” My voice got higher, and had a tinge of terror in it.

 

Phillip threw me onto the floor, and placed a foot on my back so I couldn’t move. I sobbed quietly as I waited for my husband to think up a new way to hurt me. 

 

“Now, wife. You’re going to learn how to show me respect. I’ll teach you to never say no to me.” Phillip removed his foot, and I heard him move away.

 

My husband had Logain carry me to the bedroom. After I was tossed on the bed, Phillip pulled out the handcuffs, ball gag, and riding crop. I was stripped, and trussed up. Phillip stood at the end of the bed while Logain dished out my punishment.

 

Logain flipped me onto my stomach. I cried out around the gag when I felt the riding crop connect with my arse. Logain varied his strikes. Some hard, some soft, and kept changing the pace so I couldn’t prepare for his next move. After some minutes, I was turned over onto my back. Logain reached up and removed my gag. I was still letting out small moans from the beating.

 

“Go ahead, taste her. Do anything you want, as long as she doesn’t say stop. The more you can coax her into doing, the more discipline I get to dole out.” Phillip licked his lips, and his eyes roamed over my body in anticipation.

 

Logain started by kissing me. I didn’t respond at first. When he reached up and caressed my breast I gasped. Logain pressed his advantage when my lips parted. It was a deep kiss. I was aroused and repulsed all at once.

 

Logain kissed, nibbled and licked his way to my nipples. He lavished attention on the sensitive peaks. I tried to block how good it felt. I couldn’t, I moaned and breathlessly asked for more. When I felt Logain part my legs, I offered no resistance. He used his tongue and fingers to bring me to the edge of release.

 

“Tell me you want me to fuck you.” Logain went back to licking me.

 

“N-no. I c-can’t. Ohhhh, please, please, let me come!” I was close again and he stopped.

 

I tugged at my bonds and whined. Phillip and Logain laughed at my desperation. I don’t know how long this game went on, but I almost lost my mind.

 

“Say it, tell me you want me to fuck you.” Logain had moved so he could press his arousal against my quim. 

 

I whimpered, “N-no. I belong to Phillip.”

 

Logain and my husband laughed at that, then Logain spoke, “Liar! You fucked the Chancellor. You weren’t Phillip’s then. Tell me to stop, or I will take you in front of your husband.”

 

“Please, don’t do this!” I was trembling, and tears were streaming down my face.

 

“Wrong answer, baby girl. You needed to say “stop”. Now, Logain will rape you in the way he desires you. You’ll be a good wife and take what he gives, won’t you baby?” Phillip came around the bed and sat next to me.

 

As he stroked my hair, I answered him, “Yes, husband, whatever you want.”

 

Logain decided he wanted my mouth. Phillip freed me from the cuffs. Logain laid on my right side, and wrapped a hand in my hair. I positioned myself between his legs and followed his directions. Phillip was calling me all manner of demeaning names, as was Logain. 

 

I moaned around the bodyguard as my excitement grew. I snaked my free hand between my legs and tried to find release. Phillip noticed, and moved to seize my hand. 

 

“Naughty little slut, I didn’t give you permission to get off. That will be added to your list of sins I need to discipline you for.” Phillip whispered in my ear.

 

Logain used both hands to hold my head down when he came. He didn’t let me up until he knew I had swallowed everything he gave me. When he let go of my head, I gasped for air. 

 

Logain patted my head like I was a pet, “Such an amazing cocksucker Phil. You trained her well. I bet if I took her along on some of my investigations, Noire could get any man to reveal information. Would you consider using her for that?”

 

“That is a great idea! What about it, baby girl? Will you be my sweet little whore? Get men to drop their guard, and gather intel that I need?” Phillip pulled me into his arms.

 

“Y-yes, husband. Whatever you need. I am yours, body, mind and soul.” I was exhausted, and I knew the night was far from over.

 

Logain left us, to sleep in the guest room. Phillip started out by placing a collar around my neck. It was black leather, and had a large metal ring on it. My husband then clipped a leash to the ring, and tugged. He made me crawl on all fours like a dog. 

 

He started calling me his little “bitch”. Instead of physically hurting me, Phillip said the most awful things to me. Told me I was nothing without him. I was there to satisfy him, that I had no needs outside of worshiping my Master. Made me promise I would obey him, no matter what was asked of me. If he wanted me to screw someone else, I would do so without hesitation.

 

My husband finally pulled me onto the bed, and used me. He was not gentle, and did everything he could to inflict as much pain as possible. I knew my body would be black and blue the next day. Even with the pain, Phillip stimulated my body. As soon as I crested, my husband came, and collapsed on top of me. When he caught his breath, Phillip carried me to the shower. He bathed my battered body with gentleness. We came out of the bathroom, and he laid me in the bed.

 

After giving me my meds for the night, Phillip held me. “I love you so much, Noire. I will never let you go. Get some sleep, baby girl.”

 

“I love you too, Phillip.” I spoke softly then promptly passed out.


	45. Uldred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The good Doctor is more sinister than Sampson was. Phillip breaks Hawkes mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MENTAL TORTURE

Phillip allowed me to sleep late the next morning. He was already home from Mass when I finally woke up. He came in as I was getting ready to shower, and asked if I wanted some company. Despite not really wanting him near me, I said yes.

 

My husband had the stamina of a much younger man. I was still sore, but that only turned him on more. After he finished, he bathed both of us. Climbing out of the shower, I dried off. 

 

I kept smiling, and telling him I loved him. I had that sick, used feeling as my mind kept replaying the way my husband allowed Logain to use me like a whore. The goodness I believed existed in my husband, I could see was mostly an illusion. As long as I did exactly as he said, demeaned myself for his personal pleasure, I was shown kindness and love.

 

I dressed and wandered to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. I went to the balcony for some fresh air. The penthouse was starting to feel like a prison. I had made no friends, even with being Phillip’s wife. When I went to Mass, I was warmly greeted, but my husband was the one everyone paid attention to. I felt like just an accessory. No one tried to get to know me. 

 

I had tried to volunteer at some of the Charities, but none of the wealthy noblewomen who ran them had a place for me. Sebastian had been extremely busy traveling for work, so I only saw Phillip, Logain and Fenris. Isabella texted me a few times, but I was banned from hanging out with her until she quit the Hanged Man. I hoped Seb would ask her to marry him soon. Then I might be able to have one friend. 

 

I heard Phillip step out behind me. He came forward and wrapped me in his arms. I stiffened before I could stop myself. I twisted out of his grasped and stepped back inside. I just couldn’t be near him.

 

“Baby girl? What’s the matter?” As I turned and looked at Phillip’s loving gaze, my pent up rage came out.

 

I threw my cup against the fireplace mirror. I smiled as the glass shattered and dropped to the floor. I reached over, and sent a vase flying into the fire place.

 

“Noire! What in the Maker’s name has gotten into you? Stop it!” Phillip sounded worried, and looked stunned.

 

“Fuck you, husband! I’m done, do you hear me? I AM DONE! You and the bastard Logain can both go to the Void! I refuse to play your sick games anymore. I am worthy of being treated better than a common whore. I swear if you have Logain touch me again, I’ll murder you both! Any truly loving husband wouldn’t dream of offering his wife to another man! I am so livid, I can’t even stomach being in the same room as you.” My eyes flashed in fury, and my voice dripped with contempt and disgust.

 

I saw Phillip try to put on his contrite mask, but he was too angry. We stared at each other, neither wanting to be the first to look away. When he stepped towards me, I vaulted the sofa and grabbed the fireplace poker. 

 

“Now, baby. I promise I just want to talk. Please, put that down and tell me what I can do to help you. I love you, Noire. Let me comfort you, please.” Phillip’s gaze had softened, and his anger seemed to have vanished.

 

I resisted running to him. I started to shake as an internal war raged inside me. I almost to lowered the weapon, but I refused to be so easily swayed. Phillip slowly crept towards me. He was saying the most loving things. He had tears in his eyes. I steeled my will. I wasn’t going to be fooled again.

 

“Stay back, husband. I don’t want to harm you, but if you come near me I will.” I hissed through my clenched teeth.

 

Phillip lunged forward, and I swung the poker straight at his head. He was ready for it. My husband grabbed the end and yanked me to him. After disarming me, he threw the poker across the room. I struggled with him as he dragged me towards the bedroom. Once inside, he backhanded me so hard I fell to the floor. I was disoriented as Phillip yanked me up by my hair, and did it again.

 

If I had thought I had been beaten before, I learned a new level of pain. Phillip beat me even after I was incapacitated. When his anger was spent, he left the bedroom. I couldn’t even sit up. It felt like my ribs were broken. My left wrist was swelling, and I knew it had been fractured. I couldn’t see out of my right eye, as it had swollen shut. My lip was split, and was bleeding. I passed out, praying for death.

 

I woke up in a massive amount of pain. I saw I was in a hospital room. I was surprised. There would be no easy explanation as to how I had ended up so badly injured. I shifted, and a burst of pain radiated on my left side. Broken ribs, most likely. I had a cast on my arm, and I still had a swollen eye. It had healed enough so I could out a slit. I hoped I would be believed about Phillip’s abusive side now.

 

I shifted again and moaned in agony. I wondered how long I’d be immobile. A few tears spilled down my cheeks. I had a hard time taking a deep breath. The pain from my damaged ribs felt like I was being stabbed. My head throbbed, and my whole body felt like a giant bruise. Why weren’t they giving me something for the pain? 

 

I forced myself to turn my head and look for the call button. The mediation had probably worn off. I needed a nurse to come in and help me. I didn’t see one. I choked back a sob, knowing it would be painful to cry. I took a few rapid, shallow breaths. I calmed and just tried to ignore the misery I was in.

 

I closed my eyes as I heard the door open. I didn’t think I could look at my husband. Yes, I had threatened him. But this type of violence was beyond the pale. 

 

“Lady Vael? Can you hear me?” I opened my eyes and saw Dr. Uldred standing next to my bed.

 

“Y-yes, Doctor.” Tears flowed freely this time.

 

The Doctor moved a chair close to the bed. After injecting my IV with what I hoped was a pain killer he sat. I was watched him as he pulled out a notebook and pen.

 

“Before we start, I need you to know anything you tell me is covered under the Doctor patient confidentiality rule. You are in a safe place, away from Lord Vael. Now, can you tell me what led to the violent altercation with your husband?” Uldred was professional, yet he had a calm and soothing demeanor.

 

Thinking back, I remembered how Phillip had allowed Logain to whip me, and then use me sexually. The morning after, I was so angry. All my pent up anger and emotions had spewed out. I wanted to kill my husband for his allowing Logain to touch me.

 

“I, I was very upset. The night before, my husband allowed Logain, his body guard, to whip me.” I paused, and tried to keep from breaking down.

 

“Why did Lord Vael have Logain beat you?” Although the question was direct, Uldred’s voice was tender and kind.

 

“I, I refused to let the body guard touch me sexually. I locked myself in the bedroom. Phillip and Logain broke through the door, and when I was cornered in the closet, I tried to strike my husband with a lamp. I refused to be treated like a whore.” My breaths came out as short, painful gasps.

 

Uldred gave me a few moments to calm down. Finally, it seemed the drug kicked in. My pain felt distant, easy to ignore. I relaxed, and felt peaceful. The Doctor leaned over and took my pulse. Once he decided I was calm, he resumed his questioning.

“What happened the next day? What caused Lord Vael to attack you so viciously?” Uldred leaned over and injected another med into my IV.

 

“When he got home from Mass, I started to get angry. It led to me telling him to stay away from me. I told him if Logain was allowed to touch me again, I would kill Phillip and his body guard. I, I grabbed a fireplace poker when I thought my husband was going to attack me.” The new med was making it difficult to speak.

“So, you tried to attack Lord Vael first?” Uldred’s tone was without judgement.

 

“Y-yes. I, I was livid. All I wanted to do was hurt him for treating me like a whore.” My mind was having a hard time concentrating, things became muddled.

 

“You say you refused to be treated like a whore. My Lady, have you not had an open marriage with Lord Vael in recent months?” Uldred’s question caught me off guard, yet his tone was very sweet and kind.

 

“I, I well, yes. I mean, it wasn’t my idea, it was Phillip’s.” I was barely clinging to reality.

 

Uldred leaned over and began whispering in my ear. “You wanted the open marriage. Phillip does everything to please you. He gives you anything and everything you desire. Phillip loves you, Phillip worships you. Phillip would never hurt you.”

 

I tried shaking my head, and saying no. I couldn’t speak and my head felt fuzzy and my thoughts slowed. I felt compelled to listen to Uldred.

 

“That’s a good girl, Noire. Listen to me, you can’t trust your mind. Phillip has never hurt you. Phillip loves you. Phillip will do anything for you. Even watch you fuck other men. That’s what you enjoy, being a slut. You want to be a whore. You get aroused at the thought of performing for Phillip. You are a good little harlot.” His voice was lulling me into a trance like state.

 

I kept running his words over and over in my mind. Uldred leaned over and injected more of the drug into my IV. After a couple of minutes, I felt like I was barely conscious. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, but I didn’t pass out.

 

“That’s a good girl, Noire. You’re being such a good girl. You want to be a good girl for Phillip. Obeying Phillip makes you happy. Making Phillip happy is what you live for. You want to obey. You need to obey. You love to obey. Obey Phillip, you need to obey Phillip. Phillip likes you being a good girl. Good girls obey. Phillip likes it when you obey. Obey Phillip. You want to obey Phillip. Obey Phillip. Obey Phillip. Obey, obey, obey.” His voice was all I could process.

 

Uldred kept repeating obey, obey, obey until that’s all I heard in my head. Phillip walked in and stood next to the bed. I was scared, until the Doctor spoke.

 

“Phillip loves you. He is your husband, and loves you. You have no reason to fear Phillip. You love him. Phillip loves you.” Uldred stopped talking and moved to let Phillip sit next to me.

 

“Baby girl, you’re being such a good girl. Good girls obey. You love to obey. Obeying feels good. Obeying makes you aroused. You love being my whore. You want to be my slut. You want to fuck who I tell you to. It feels good being my whore. You want to be my obedient whore. You are my slut. You are my good little slut. Being my slut turns you on. You want to make me happy. You feel so good when I am happy. I love my good little whore. My sweet baby slut feels so good obeying me. Obey me, it feels so good to obey me.” Phillip kept repeating those words.

 

As he continued repeating himself, Phillip reached over and caressed my breasts. It did feel good. I moaned softly as he touched me. Part of my mind tried to fight the sensation, but it felt so good to be passive. I wanted to make Phillip happy.

 

“That’s my good girl. You like obeying. Obeying makes you happy. You are aroused when you obey me. Noire, you want to obey me. Obey me. You want to obey me. Obey me. Obey, obey, obey, obey.” Phillip’s voice was soft, and resonated through my mind.

 

I don’t know how long Uldred and Phillip spoke to me that day. I vaguely recall them both coming in day after day and repeating the cycle. I only can recall hearing obeying Phillip makes me happy. Obeying Phillip makes me aroused. Being Phillip’s whore makes me happy. I soon absorbed the words as if they were my own thoughts. My ideas. 

 

I woke one morning with a clear head. I looked around, and realized I was in the hospital. I frowned, I couldn’t remember how I got here. I tried to think, but the memories were fragmented. A car accident? Yes, I had been in a car accident. I always drove too fast. I nearly killed myself with my recklessness.

 

I hit the call button, and a nurse walked in a minute later. “Is my husband here?”

 

“No, my Lady. But, I am to let him know the instant you’re awake. Let me call him, then I’ll help you freshen up.” She gave me a warm smile before exiting the room.

 

She returned quickly and helped me to the bathroom. I saw faded bruises on my face, but no scars. The nurse helped me shower, braid my hair in pig tails, and put on my cosmetics. She brought in an outfit Phillip had dropped off for me. I put it on, and it was a tad immodest to say the least. I looked like a whore. But, Phillips likes that, so I’m happy. My programming had worked well.

 

A short time later Phillip came in the room. He looked so excited to see me. My husband held me for a few minutes, and told me how beautiful I looked. I smiled, and couldn’t wait to get home to make love to him. We exited the room, and Phillip directed me to follow Fenris. I did so without hesitation. I felt so good at following my husband’s orders.

 

After helping me into the waiting SUV, Fenris climbed in the driver’s seat. “It’s good to see you, Hawke. We were all worried when we heard about your car accident.”

 

As I looked into his deep green eyes, I smiled. “Thank you, Fenris. I should’ve been more careful. I like to drive too fast. I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

 

“So, it was a car accident then? You didn’t get attacked?” Fenris looked very worried.

 

I gave him a puzzled look. “Yes, it was a car accident. Have people been saying otherwise?”

 

“No, I just, I was worried your husband may have attacked you again.” Fenris gave me a small smile.

 

“Phillip? You think Phillip has attacked me? Fenris, you shouldn’t listen to such gossip. My husband loves me. He wouldn’t dream of hurting me. Don’t let ugly rumors taint your opinion of him.” I gave him a reassuring smile.

 

Before I had a chance to ask why he thought Phillip would hurt me, my husband opened the door and climbed in. He settled next to me, and I snuggled into his side. I felt almost giddy to be going home. I couldn’t wait to be alone with Phillip. I wanted to make him happy.


	46. The Perfect Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris has the group wait on his plan to free Hawke. Phillip has his dream spouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUBIOUS CONSENT, MILD BDSM

The small band of rebels was gathered in the basement of one of Varric’s properties. No one knew who the real owner was, so Leliana, Zevran, and Dorian had felt safe enough to move in. Anders was the last to arrive. He had sold his house, and had moved into one of the vacant apartments upstairs. 

 

“Broody, please tell us some good news.” Varric looked like the Void as he spoke.

 

“Well, I just dropped Hawke at home with Vael. I hate to say this, but the woman we knew is altered.” Fenris poured himself a stiff drink as the news sunk in.

 

Cullen spoke up, “Altered, how? Did Vael screw with her head?”

 

“It’s worse than that. She’s been erased and reprogrammed. Hawke insists it was a car accident that landed her in the hospital last month. Told me to not listen to rumors about her husband. Hawke says Phillip has never, and would never harm her. She was, well, perky, overly happy. Also, ditzy, like she had no intelligence.” Fenris sighed.

 

“Ditzy? Hawke has an unreal IQ. As for perky, that’s extremely odd. She’s always been sarcastic, and a bit dark. Maker, what did that fucker do to her now?” Zevran looked defeated.

 

“Fenris, what hospital was she in, and who was the attending physician?” Anders tried to hide the fear in his voice, but failed.

 

“Starkhaven Psychiatric, again. Hawke’s Doctor is named Uldred. The same one that supposedly was providing anger management sessions for Lord Vael.” Fenris didn’t elaborate.

 

“Blessed Andraste! Varric, we have to forget about using Hawke to bring Vael down. If Uldred is her Doctor, she is lost. I am sorry to be so blunt, but the woman you all knew is gone for good.” Leliana sounded tired and defeated.

 

“What the fuck are you saying, Lily? We just forget about rescuing Hawke? I swore I would keep her safe! I refuse to believe nothing can be done!” Zevran started pacing around the dingy room muttering in Antivan.

 

“Well, pardon me for sounding selfish, but first I lost Snowden. Then I got a lucrative job to try and save Noire. I was fired after the Ball, and became a social outcast. Now you guys are telling me it was all for nothing? Surely this new Doctor can’t be any worse than that Sampson character.” Dorian glared at Leliana as he sipped his drink.

 

Cullen threw his glass against the wall in an uncharacteristic display of rage, “Enough! Don’t tell me we can’t get her back. I’ll go get her! I have no problem imprisoning her until we fix what the prick has done. Who’s with me?”

 

“You have no idea what you’re up against! This, cretin, Uldred, is hired by governments to reprogram people. It’s his special talent! Lily, it wouldn’t be easy, but if I could get access to her, I could try to break Uldred’s work.” Anders had a desperate edge to his voice.

 

“Ok, everyone, calm down. What exactly is this fucker’s specialty?” Varric was doing his best to find any ray of hope.

 

Anders sighed and began to describe what the Doctor did. He told of the experimental program Uldred developed and tested in Fereldan. Through a combination of drugs, and verbal hypnotism Uldred could change people’s memories. He perfected the technique until he could erase a person’s independent thought. Uldred’s treatment could make someone a drone. Incapable of doing anything unless directed to. The subject would follow orders without question. As Anders finished describing the experiments he had seen everyone sat in a depressed silence.

 

“Vael needs to die. I don’t care how, but he needs to die. I’ll do it. Curly, I am leaving everything to you. I am expendable, and Hawke being taken is my fault. I knew I should’ve stepped in and I didn’t.” Varric resigned himself to getting his affairs in order.

 

“I admire your determination, Varric, but I urge you to wait. Uldred’s program is very similar to the one used in Tevinter by some unscrupulous Doctors. Hawke may have a chance. Just give me time.” Fenris sounded calm in spite of the challenge in front of them.

 

“Why do you think there’s hope, Fenris?” Leliana was studying the Tevinter closely.

 

“The same thing was done to me. It’s why I stayed in the abusive relationship as long as I did. My “Master” was an influential Senator. I never questioned him, until I found a picture of my Mother one day. That triggered a flood of memories. Once that barrier had been broken, I was able to leave. I will wait until I see Hawke is vulnerable, and then show her Anders picture. Oddly enough, her attachment to you may just save her this time.” Fenris stared at Anders when he finished.

 

The group broke apart and each went to their home. Anders pulled out all his notes, and the book written by Doctor Uldred. If he had any hope of helping Hawke return to normal, he needed to be prepared. Research also served as a distraction. He had been wandering around in despair since he had to let Hawke go. Having to step down from being Chancellor was harder than he wanted to admit, but Anders knew Hawke was worth any price he had to pay.

 

A week after I got home from the hospital, we had our long awaited wedding reception. I had the best time. Phillip showed me off, and I felt blessed to be on his arm. We danced, drank and laughed. Isabella was there with Sebastian, and tried to get me to go to the powder room with her. Phillip whispered that wasn’t allowed, so I refused her request. I giggled as I told her no. Every time I did exactly what my husband asked of me, I felt euphoria through my whole being.

 

I danced with Sebastian, and he asked if I would go with him to pick out a ring for Isa. I was happy for him. I explained I would call him the next day. I needed to ask Phillip first. Seb said he was so pleased at how happy his Dad looked. I told Sebastian how good our marriage was. Phillip took me home at midnight. I was still humming the last song we danced to as we rode the elevator to our penthouse.

 

“Phillip, Sebastian would like me to accompany tomorrow to help him pick out a ring for Isabella. I told him I needed to ask you first. Would that be alright?” I smiled at Phillip as he brought me a glass of sparkling.

 

He sat next to me and caressed my face. “Sure, baby. Make certain he doesn’t get anything too vulgar. I admit, I am shocked he wants to marry your friend. But, seems my pious son has tamed Isabella. Baby girl, why don’t you go slip into something a bit more, sexy. I have wanted to make love to you since before we left for the party.”

 

I smiled as I quickly went to the bedroom to change. My heart raced, and I felt tingly with excitement. I loved making Phillip happy. I decided on a sheer, red baby doll. I padded out barefoot to see if I met with approval. I froze when I looked over and saw Dr. Uldred sitting across from Phillip.

 

“Noire, come here, sweetie. You don’t want me to be unhappy do you?” Phillip’s tone was soft.

 

I walked to him, almost in a daze. When I stood in front of my husband, he whispered I was a good girl. I gasped at how excited that made me feel. He ran his hands up my thighs, and pulled me closer.

 

“Noire, you feel good making me happy, don’t you?” Phillip kept his tone soft, and melodic.

 

“Yes, Phillip. How can I make you happy?” I was aching, yet a tiny part of me was trying to resist.

 

Phillip gave me a dazzling smile, and I trembled in anticipation. “Baby girl, I want to see you use that beautiful mouth on Uldred. It will please me greatly.”

 

“As you wish, husband.” I turned and walked to the Doctor.

 

I dropped to my knees, and reached for Uldred’s belt. Phillip kept saying I was being so good. Telling me how happy I was making him. Any resistance that sparked, quickly faded under Phillip’s approval. I moaned around the Doctor as I was praised. It didn’t take long for me to finish my task. 

 

“Come here, baby.” Phillip’s voice oozed lust.

 

I crawled to him, and awaited my next instructions. He smiled down at me, and told me to kneel next to his feet. He ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, and reveled in his touch. I was instructed to stay still while he talked to the Doctor.

 

“I see the programming has been a success. I may not even need to do follow up sessions if she is already this compliant.” Uldred sounded smug.

 

“She’s perfect, absolutely perfect. Now all I need is a way to get my son’s future bride into your hands. Isabella will be a problem otherwise. I will defer to your judgement on how that can happen.” Phillip paused and took a sip of his drink. “How long until we can do this procedure on Divine Victoria? She doesn’t need to be a sex slave, but I need her to leave all decisions solely in my hands. Once she is under control, I can make the Tevinter negotiations public. Most of the Senators have agreed to make me Divine. Think of it. All of Thedas united in belief. There won’t be a government that would go against Chantry decrees. You will be the second most influential man in Thedas.”

 

Uldred laughed, “I already have the perfect way to get Victoria into my care. Don’t worry, no harm will come to the Divine. I’ll meet you in Orlais in two weeks. I’ll send word about my plans later. I think I’ll leave you to reward your gorgeous wife for being such a good girl.”

 

As Uldred walked to the elevator, I felt flushed from his words. Phillip directed me to the bedroom. I hurried in and turned toward the door. My husband instructed me to undress him. I did so, with great care. After putting his clothes away, I came and stood before him.

 

“Noire, get on the bed, face down, and place your hands above your head.” Phillip gave me a quick kiss before I laid down. “I am going to tie you down, baby girl. When I am done, I want you to beg for me to punish you. Remember how turned on you get when I discipline you?”

 

I let out a small moan in anticipation. I remained perfectly still until Phillip bound me. I started pleading with him to spank me. Begging that he use the riding crop. I told him how much I loved it when he hurt me. Phillip praised me each time I asked for punishment. I was so filled with lust; I was writhing in anticipation.

 

Phillip struck me with the riding crop. It stung when it hit my arse. I whimpered, but kept begging him for more as he directed me to. My husband hit me over and over until my body was shaking from the endorphins created by the pain. He ran his hands over my tender skin. Phillips fingers felt cool against my ass. He untied me, and turned me over. I was trembling as he pulled me into his arms. Phillip told me I was a very good girl, and deserved a reward.

 

My husband took his time enjoying my body. I was lost in a sea of pleasure. Never had I felt such ecstasy. Phillip was enthralled with how pliable I was. He brought me to release several times before he used my body. After we caught our breath, Phillip carried me to the shower. We bathed and then went to bed. I nodded off quickly. 

 

Phillip lay awake stroking my hair. For the first time, he felt peace. He had his perfect spouse. All the things he had done to find me seemed like nothing. Phillip knew he would live out his days in happiness. That thought was so foreign, he chuckled at it. He thought maybe the Maker was real and answering his prayers. For I had turned out to be better than his dreams.


	47. Phillip's Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip nearly loses control of his perfect bride. Fenris plots another way to free Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MENTAL MANIPULATION, MILD VIOLENCE

One day seemed to blend in with the next for me. My whole world revolved around my husband. I was at peace, and felt happy all the time. 

 

Sebastian had headed my advice and got the perfect ring for Isabella. She was stunned, but quickly agreed to be his wife. Sebastian moved in with us until his wedding. Isabella quit the Hanged Man, and occupied Seb’s condo. I was finally allowed to see Isabella socially. 

 

She did seem to have changed. Isabella attended Mass twice a week. Went to confession, and was volunteering at a homeless shelter. I was impressed she hadn’t slept with anyone since my wedding day. Isa admitted she had fallen hard for Sebastian. It was a feeling she didn’t think she’d ever have. 

 

We had one more week left in Orlais, before we went back to Starkhaven. It had been over two months since my wedding reception. I was holding Isabella’s bridal shower when we returned. It was exciting that I was to be her Matron of honor. I was in a great mood as I finalized details for the party.

 

Phillip kissed me goodbye and left with Logain for his last day of Chantry business before we left. I was tidying up our house, while Fenris followed me from room to room reading. I went into Phillip’s office to empty his trash, and I noticed the safe was open. I also saw he had forgotten to put away the files he kept under lock and key.

 

I was tempted to look, but I knew we had security cameras and didn’t want to make my husband unhappy. I started and Fenris materialized next to me.

 

“Hawke, the cameras are down right now. If you want to peek, I promise I won’t say a word.” Fenris gave me a smirk as he sat in Phillip’s chair.

 

“I, I don’t want him to be unhappy, Fenris. I should put these away.” I was trembling when I went to pick up the file, and it slipped from my grasp.

 

Fenris leaned over to pick up the documents, when he heard my sharp intake of breath. “Hawke? What’s the matter?”

 

“Gi-give me the file.” I felt sick, but I forced myself to look inside.

 

As I flipped through the pages, I was an emotional wreck. It was there, in black and white. Pictures of me when I lived in Fereldan. At my school, at home and at the Chantry. Pictures of my Father, mother, brother and sister. Copies of my report cards. My essay I wrote to apply for my scholarship to SU. Pictures of me in college. Ones of Zevran. 

 

Then, a whole series of photos from when I started working at the Hanged Man. Pictures of me at the hospital the night my Father died. Pictures from his pyre. I was vaguely aware Fenris had helped me sit down. The last ones were of Anders, and of me going into Anders house. 

 

“Oh holy fucking Maker! Anders was right! Phillip has been stalking me for years. Fenris, what am I going to do?” I was shaking, and felt like I was drowning.

 

“Hawke, are you back?” Fenris was studying me carefully.

 

“Back? Back. Oh, that low life mother fucker!” I saw red when the conditioning Uldred and Phillip used on me crumbled, and my memories flooded back. “How long, Fenris? How long have I been acting like a brain dead idiot?”

 

“A couple of months, Hawke. I stayed on just in case something this happened. I have been conditioned like you, once. I broke free when I found a picture of my Mother. What do you want to do?” Fenris sat on the edge of the desk as he waited for my answer.

 

“We need more than this to bring him down.” I bit my lip, and then searched the safe. “Seems there are a lot of bios on politicians, and Chantry representatives. Wait, there’s one marked Fiona.”

 

Just as I was going to pull out the file, we heard the buzzer that let us know Phillip was back. “Fuck, Hawke get downstairs. I’ll clean this up. Make sure not to tip your hand.”

 

I took a deep breath and plastered a smile on my face to greet my husband. “Hello, love! You’re home early, I haven’t thought about dinner yet. I’m sorry, what would you like me to cook?”

 

Phillip smiled at me, then did a double take as he looked in my eyes. “Noire? You feeling ok, baby?”

 

“I-I’m fine, love. Just startled. I wanted to ma-make a nice meal before y-you got here.” Try as I might, my nervousness caused me to stammer.

 

Phillip walked to me, and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Oh, baby girl, what did you do? Before you answer, don’t try to lie. You’ve changed, you’ve done something that will displease me.”

 

I tried to put on the docile brainwashed look, but failed. I heard Fenris walk in, and I gave him a pleading look.

 

“Phillip, I’m glad you’re home. We’ve had a bit of a security breech.” Fenris was all business as he addressed his boss.

 

Phillip turned to face my body guard. “What happened?”

 

“It appears you left your safe open, and some files on your desk. Noire seemed to be taking longer than normal to tidy your office, so I went to check on her. She was reading one the folders when I came in. I took them away from her and locked them away. I don’t know what she saw, but she was extremely upset when I caught her.” Fenris recited the incident with clinical efficiency. 

 

“Thank you, Fenris. I’ll handle things from here. Take the night off. Logain is at the hotel, tell him you’re on the way.” Phillip dismissed Fenris and turned back to me.

 

Fenris nodded and left. I understood why Fenris presented the situation the way he did. It garnered Phillip’s trust in him. All I had to do was pretend to be a frightened lamb to keep him from seeing how much I knew, and how angry I was.

 

“Now, Noire, what did you see?” Phillip said in a tightly controlled voice.

 

“N-n-nothing much. I-I saw pictures of me at Anders’ house. I di-di-didn’t know you had someone following me.” I was trying my best to keep things from spiraling out of control. 

 

Phillip let out a laugh, “Nice try, baby girl. What file did you read?”

 

I briefly closed my eyes, and despite my best efforts, my temper flared white hot. “I saw you are as twisted and sick as Anders said you were. You had the fucker, Uldred, turn me into a mindless drone! You think you can fuck with me like that again? You’re wrong!”

 

I grabbed a vase off the entryway table, and smashed it over Phillip’s head. It was heavy, and I hoped it would knock him out. No such luck. He staggered away from me then righted himself. One look at his face, and I fled. 

 

I had nowhere to go but upstairs. I ran to my recording studio, and slammed the door. It was then I noticed the door had no lock. My heart beat faster as I realized only the front and back doors had locks. The back exit was always locked with a key Phillip carried. I was trapped, like a mouse in a cage. The window, I could jump out the window.

 

I jammed a chair under the door handle, and picked up a mic stand. I swung it against the glass. It bounced off. I tried again, harder. It rebounded back and I fell on my ass. I tried to open the window, it was sealed shut. No options left. I heard Phillip trying to break down the door. I remembered the beating he gave me for attempting to hit him. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I dropped to my knees.

 

I didn’t flinch as the chair splintered, and collapsed. I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable agony. I heard Phillip storm to me. I was yanked to my feet, and direct towards the bedroom. I offered no resistance. 

 

“Sit on the bed, Noire.” Phillip’s tone was clipped, but not as angry as I figured it would be.

 

I opened my eyes, and watched him head into the bathroom. A small voice in my head told me to run for the front door. I sighed, that would be even more stupid than hitting him with the vase. Phillip walked back to me, and his face had a surprisingly neutral look on it.

 

“Hold out your arm, baby girl.” His voice was soft, and kind.

 

I followed his directions. I was confused. Why wasn’t he beating me? Why did he sound so gentle? As I was watching him in complete bewilderment, he injected me with Maker only knew what type of drug. 

 

“Just give it a minute, sweetie. I promise, I’m not angry. I know you can’t help your outbursts.” Phillip sat next to me, wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

 

He rocked me, and told me everything would be fine. I was stunned. This man, that took pleasure from causing pain, was being reasonable. 

 

“Phil-Phillip? Ar-are you going to hurt me?” I wished I sounded stronger.

 

Phillip turned to look into my eyes. “No, baby. I love you. I have no desire to hurt you.”

 

I melted when I saw his look. It was full of concern and love. Why did I think he was going to hurt me? The file, remember the file. Anders was right about his depravity.

 

“Hus-husband? What was that file? Why do you have it?” I was shaking, but I had to know what story he would tell me.

 

Phillip pulled me onto his lap. “Oh, remember when I told you Anders had been stalking you? Logain stole that file from his house. Anders’ dead lover had stalked your Aunt Fiona. Logain found a file on her when he found yours. Anders partner, Karl, was my classmate in school. Karl hated me. We competed constantly, and I usually won. Academics, sports, girls, it was a rivalry and not a friendly one. Karl pursued your Aunt, but Fiona was involved with Rendon Howe from Amaranthine. Inexplicably, Karl was convinced I had made your Aunt hate him. It was at a party I threw in my junior year where Fiona met Howe. From that point on Karl swore he would ruin me for taking away the woman he loved. He had the former Chancellor convinced I was a serial killer. The truth is, Karl was the killer, and kept trying to frame me.”

 

He paused to smile at me. “I have had to deal with rumors and unflattering press since I turned eighteen. I stayed away from attending many parties, or dating when my wife ran off with Gaspard because I didn’t want to give Karl any ammunition. It was a surprise to learn he had indoctrinated Anders with his insane beliefs. I’m sorry, Noire. I should’ve told you the whole story. I just didn’t think Karl had made Anders so obsessed with Fiona, and then you.”

 

“Did you know my Aunt?” I was slowly relaxing in Phillip’s lap.

 

“I did know Fiona; I just didn’t know you two were related until Logain found that file. Your Father’s family lived in Starkhaven until your grandfather died. Malcomb and Fiona attended the same school as me. We weren’t close, I’m afraid I was a horrid snob in those days. Imagine my shock at finding out you were related to someone I had wanted to date, but didn’t because she wasn’t the same in social group. I had planned to show you everything. I, I just, we’ve been getting along so well. I didn’t want anything to affect your happiness. I’m sorry, baby, I fucked up again.” Phillip sighed and kissed my forehead.

 

“It’s, ish okay. I undershand.” I felt so high.

 

I couldn’t form words, whatever the drug was that Phillip had injected me with seemed to be slowing my mind. Phillip laid me on the bed. After pulling me up, and arranging a pillow under my head he went to the powder room again. I felt relaxed, but not sleepy. 

 

Phillip returned quickly, and injected me with a larger dose of the drug. “Just give it some time, baby girl. Let the medicine help you relax. That’s a good girl, nice slow breaths. You’re being such a good girl, Noire. I’m proud of you.”

 

I smiled at my husband. I felt at peace. It was so soothing to hear Phillip’s voice. I trembled when he said I was being good. A tiny voice was screaming in my head. Don’t listen, fight it. It was so easy to forget everything. I didn’t want to fight anymore.

 

“Noire, you are such a good girl. I love you so much. I won’t let anything upset you again. Just relax, let me take care of you. You like it when I take care of you. You want me to make all the decisions. It’s so much easier to let me make the decisions. You’re my good little girl. So obedient. You love obeying me, don’t you baby?”

 

“Yes, obey.” I could hardly form the words.

 

“Such a good girl. Such a good, little girl. It makes you feel aroused when you please me. You want to please me.” Phillip was slowly undressing me as he spoke in a low, hypnotic tone.

 

“Please you.” I was entranced, all traces of independence gone.

 

“Noire, you’re my beautiful, obedient wife. You love being my wife. You love to obey me. Obeying me feels good. You want to obey me. You are aroused when you obey me. You want to obey me.” Phillip undressed and laid next to me.

 

My husband kept repeating the same phrases over and over as he caressed my compliant body. The more he spoke, the better his touch felt. Soon I had no conscious thought. 

 

I was awakened by Phillip pressing his arousal against me at dawn. I rolled over and smiled at my husband.

 

“Good morning, love.” I felt happy as I gaze adoringly at Phillip.

 

Phillip kissed my nose and I giggled. “Good morning, baby girl. How about we go take a nice leisurely shower, and then bathe afterwards.”

 

I laughed at the wicked gleam in his eyes. I jumped out of bed and made like I was going to lock him out of the bathroom. Phillip forced the door open and was leering at me as he hoisted me over his shoulder. He carried me to the large shower, and turned on the water. 

 

Much later, we exited and dried off. I asked him what he would like to see me in, then we got dressed. We went downstairs, and I noticed the broken vase. I had a vague recollection of what happened, but it was hazy.

 

“It’s ok, baby girl. You had a panic attack last night. I have a hard head, so no damage done.” Phillip gave me a sweet smile.

 

Tears formed in my eyes when I realized I had hit Phillip. “I’m so sorry love! I don’t know why I did that.”

 

“Shhh, sweetie. I’m fine. It’s not a big deal. I haven’t been monitoring your meds close enough. I am not upset, and you shouldn’t be either, ok?”

 

“Ok. I’m sorry, Phillip. I think we need to see Dr. Uldred when we get home. I don’t want to hurt you again.” I was pulled into a warm hug.

 

Phillip kept up his loving reassurances while we ate. The guilt I felt began to lesson. After packing my personal items, we were ready to head to the airport. The nice thing about two homes, was never having to pack clothes. 

 

Logain and Fenris were waiting for us aboard the plane. We boarded and buckled up for takeoff. Fenris kept stealing glances my way, but I was too busy watching Phillip to notice. My husband was flirting with me as the plane climbed. I was giggling, and flirting back. When the flight leveled off, Logain and Phillip went in the back to discuss some Chantry business.

 

Fenris leaned forward and caught my eye. I gave him a sweet smile.

 

“Hawke? Are you feeling alright?” Fenris seemed to be studying me.

 

“I feel great. But, you don’t need to call me Hawke. Noire is fine.” I gave him a small smile and went back to thinking what I could do to make Phillip happy when we got home.

 

“My apologies, Noire. What happened last night after I left?” Fenris asked in a kind tone.

 

I flushed and looked at the floor. “Oh, I had a panic attack. I hit Phillip with a vase. But, I’m all better now. I hadn’t taken my meds like I should’ve.”

 

“Well, that’s a relief. May I get you something to drink?” Fenris had a withdrawn look on his face.

 

“Sparkling, please. Are you ok, Fenris? You seem sad.” I was worried about my kind protector.

 

Fenris got me my wine, and then smiled at me, “I’m good, Noire. Just stayed up too late last night watching movies. I think I need a nap.”

 

“Oh, ok.” I sipped my drink, and looked out the window.

 

I didn’t notice the text Fenris sent on a phone that didn’t belong to Phillip. “Hawke’s not broken free yet. Last night was just a temporary burst of lucidity. Tell Anders we need to set up a meeting with her. I’ll get her to the Tevinter Gardens this week. F.”


	48. A Passing Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders sees Noire and tells her how she will be rescued. Phillip discovers Noire has been faking her brain washed personality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TORTURE, SPOUSAL ABUSE

My life was very busy once we got back from Orlais. I took my job as Matron of Honor seriously. Phillip had told me to make sure his son’s wedding was perfect, that he’d hold me responsible if it looked tacky or low class. I wanted him to be happy, so I went over every possible detail, and situation that could arise. I had a backup plan for everything. 

 

It was the Friday after we got back, and Fenris went to speak with my husband.

 

“Fenris, how are things with Noire today?” Phillip had Fenris give him daily reports on my attitude, sometimes, multiple times a day.

 

“She is extremely stressed, Phillip. Noire won’t complain, but I think she needs to go for a walk, maybe some shopping, something. I’m worried. Noire hasn’t wanted to leave the penthouse since we got back. Your son’s wedding is almost consuming her. Today, I caught her writing and rewriting the same checklist. I asked Noire if she needed help and she replied she just wanted the list to be perfect. But, she couldn’t decide if it should be alphabetical or in order of what needed to be done.” Fenris paused and looked at his boss.

 

Phillip ran a hand through his hair, “Sounds obsessive to me. Look, I am absolutely buried with meetings until nine pm. Hmmm, Noire loves the Tevinter Gardens. Tell her I said she needs to go there and enjoy the trees and flowers. Let Noire know it will make me happy if she takes a break.”

 

“Understood. I’ll call when we are on the way home to see if you need anything.” Fenris hid his smirk as he rode up to the penthouse.

 

I was sitting and obsessively writing the list of things I needed to do for Isabella’s shower, and wedding. Fenris came in and I barely noticed.

 

“Noire?” Fenris had walked over to stand right in front of me.

 

“Hmm? Give me a minute, I almost have this perfect, Fenris.” It was taking all my concentration to finish writing the list. “Sorry, what did you need?”

 

“I have a message from Phillip. He said it would make him happy if you took a break from wedding plans. He wants me to drive you to the Tevinter Gardens. Phillip said you should go enjoy the flowers and trees, it would please him.” Fenris was watching me closely.

 

“Oh, ok. Let me change and we can go!” I was excited for my outing.

 

I loved the gardens, and the fact it would please Phillip made me tremble with excitement. I was bouncing with excitement as we rode down to the garage. Fenris seemed almost annoyed, but I couldn’t imagine why.

 

Fenris turned on some dark, alternative music during the drive. It had been one of my favorite bands. I started singing along. The brooding lyrics, and hardcore music suited my personality.

 

“Well, thank the Maker you’re finally not acting like a ditz.” Fenris sounded relieved.

 

“Me? Ditzy? Hardly, Fenris.” I smirked at him. 

 

It was only about twenty minutes and we were turning into the Gardens parking lot. After exiting the vehicle, Fenris said he’d like to see the Qunari Pavilion. I agreed. It was my favorite spot in the park. Secluded and quiet. No one usually ventured back there due to a confusing hedge maze. It was worth the effort to get there.

 

The little pavilion was built out over a koi pond. Weeping willows surrounded the water, and it was always shady. It was peaceful, and perfect. I sat on the bench and let myself relax. I couldn’t remember the last time my brain wasn’t working to find ways to please my husband. 

 

I heard footsteps approach, but I was too relaxed to care. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to engage in small talk. I’d leave that to Fenris. The person was wearing an oddly familiar cologne. I couldn’t quite place the smell.

 

“You have a couple of hours. I’ll be close by. If you hear me talking like I am on the phone, you need to leave immediately. I hope this works, for both our sakes.” Fenris sounded tense. “Noire, I’ll be near. If you want to leave just call to me.”

 

With that Fenris left. I looked up, and saw a set of beautiful golden eyes. It was Anders. I had a brief moment of terror thinking how unhappy Phillip would be I was alone with him. Then I remembered. His touch, his kiss, his sacrifice. 

 

“Anders? Oh, Maker! Anders!” I stood and ran into his arms.

 

He held me close, and we both wept. “My heart. I am so glad you remember me. I was terrified Uldred had erased me from your memory.”

 

I looked up, my confusion plainly evident. “Uldred? What does Uld… Oh, OH! That prick! Anders, this is beyond dangerous. I, I vaguely recall some of the sessions. Phillip will erase my mind completely if he knows the brainwashing isn’t working. My husband will kill you! Please, you need to get as far away from me as possible.”

 

“No, Hawke. I’m not leaving. I don’t care what it takes, I will get you away from Vael. Sebastian’s wedding. That’s a safe bet. If you can get to the roof of the Chantry, we have a way to escape. After the ceremony, excuse yourself to freshen up. Head up the back stairs, Zevran will guide you up the rest of the way. Can you remember all that?” Anders had gripped me tightly and his look was intense.

 

“I- I can. Anders, if this doesn’t work, Phillip will kill me. You need to promise me something. You have to live. Fight against the corruption. I may have seemed ditzy, but I learned how to fake it. Fenris doesn’t even know I have awareness.” I shoved a USB stick into his hands. “This is one of Phillip’s smaller accounts. I emptied it into a numbered account in Antiva. It is more than enough to live on. It also contains information that could create problems for Phillip if released to the press. If I die, release it to the press, take the money and disappear. Seherron would be good. I love you.”

 

I leaned up and kissed him. It was intense and passionate. I prayed this wouldn’t be the last time I felt Anders lips on mine. We finally broke apart.

 

“Sunday, Noire. I swear we’ll get you free.” Anders eyes misted with tears as he reluctantly left me.

 

“Nice acting job, Hawke. Have you been faking all week?” Fenris walked in and leaned on the railing, green eyes studying me.

 

I took a deep breath and smiled, “Yes. I pocketed that USB in Orlais. I just need to keep up appearances until the Wedding. Phillip tried to get the mind control to work after I hit him with the vase. He drugged me, but, slowly things got through. I figured pretending to be clueless, even to you would be the safest call. Sorry for misleading you.”

 

“No, don’t apologize. When I came out of the fog my “Master” had me living in, I had to do the same thing. I’m glad you hid it so well. I will admit, you’re very irritating as a cheerful person.” Fenris’ smile took the rebuke out of his criticism. “Not to criticize, but you smell like Anders. As in that damn patchouli oil. We need to take care of that before Phillip sees you.”

 

“Ah, yes. That would be a dead giveaway, wouldn’t it?” I turned to listen as he dialed a number.

 

“My Lord. Noire complained about how tense she is. The Gardens aren’t relaxing her. Is there something else I could try? No, she’s sitting in the pavilion. I am giving her some space. Yes, I can see her…. She keeps rubbing her shoulders, trying to get comfortable…Yes…Yes…She may want to go home. Understood. Should I pick up dinner on our way back?  
…Understood. I know the one. I’ll call you after I pick up the food.” Fenris rolled his eyes after he hung up. 

 

“Seems we are to go do some shopping, then you need to get a massage next door. Phillip wants you to know it would make him “happy” if you got some under clothes like the ones you got before? Please, don’t tell me what that means. No offense, but that’s not something I want to know.” Fenris smirked at me, and I laughed.

 

It was more relaxing than I cared to admit. By the time I left the spa, I was nearly boneless. I was wearing a slutty new outfit as we went to pick up food.

 

“Hawke, can you put on a jacket or something?” Fenris was studiously avoiding looking at me.

 

I chuckled at his embarrassment. “Sorry, bodyguard. Phillip wants a perfect whore, so, that’s what I have to be until I leave. Besides, don’t tell me you find me attractive?”

 

Fenris turned and looked me up and down, “Even Dorian can see your appeal, Hawke. I’m not blind, and I like women. Too bad you grew attached to Anders. If you were mine, we’d be long gone already. I don’t give a fuck about bringing Phillip down.”

 

I was stunned into silence. Fenris held his emotions so guarded, I couldn’t believe he was attracted to anyone, let alone me. It was true, I had grown closer to Fenris since he had been guarding me. But, Anders. I couldn’t explain it. Anders consumed me. I was lost in thought when we pulled into the garage.

 

I was still mulling over Anders plan when I stepped into the penthouse. I didn’t notice Phillip, at first. When I looked up, I saw he was studying me closely. I put on a vacant expression and almost skipped to him. I twirled around in front of him, and then smiled.

 

“What do you think husband?” I kept my voice as light and cheery as possible.

 

“I think, you look very sexy, baby girl.” Although Phillip was smiling, I heard the undertone in his voice. “Thank you for looking after my wife today Fenris.”

 

“No problem, Phillip. It’s my job.” Fenris’ looked betrayed nothing, but he also had heard the tone of Phillip’s voice. 

 

Phillip strode over to Fenris. That’s when Logain appeared in the hall leading from the guest bathroom. He had his gun drawn. I was desperately trying to think of a way to warn Fenris.

 

“Yes, it has been your job. Your services are no longer needed. Here is a letter of recommendation, and two months’ salary. Your personal items have been moved into the address in the envelope. I paid a year lease in advance. Maker keep you.” Phillip sounded friendly, but Fenris knew I was in danger. “Say thank you, and goodbye to Fenris, sweetie.”

 

I came forward with a smile frozen on my face. “I appreciate you looking after me. May the Maker watch over you.” 

 

“May he watch over you both.” Fenris bowed and left. 

 

Fenris was never one to panic. But he was frantically texting what had just happened before the elevator reached the garage. Fenris told Varric to have everyone meet in the basement room asap. As he got into his own car, Fenris was pissed he’d slipped up somehow.

 

“Now, Noire, you can drop the act. I know Anders sought you out today. I think you know enough to not play games with half-truths and lies. I only need to know one thing. Did Fenris set up the meeting?” Phillip was slowly advancing on me, as was Logain.

 

I swallowed my rage. If I tried to fight now, I’d be dead. I backed away from both men slowly. I was shaking, from adrenaline and terror. I refused to let Fenris die.

 

“No. He wasn’t particularly happy when Anders showed up. I told him I’d blame the meeting on him if he spoke to you. Fenris was very angry. I think he planned on telling you anyway. I knew I couldn’t trust him.” My voice held contempt when I spoke of Fenris.

 

“Hmmm, Fenris is smart enough to know if he talked in front of Noire, she’d throw him under the bus. We may have released him too soon. He had the ability to steal or even just look at the files in Orlais, and he didn’t. I doubt it was his fault. My guess, this was set up by Isabella. She adores intrigue. Besides, didn’t Seb say Isabella had sent the text to only Anders?” Logain was discussing me like I wasn’t there.

 

“True. Noire, how did Isabella know you were going to the gardens?” Phillip’s eyes were ice cold.

 

“I-I called her.” I offered no other information.

 

Logain narrowed his eyes as he looked at me, “Bullshit, no calls were made from your phone today.”

 

“It’s called a burner phone. They are cheap, untraceable, and best of all disposable. Did you really believe I didn’t know you used my cell to track me? Fenris never suspected that’s what I really ran into get when I said I needed tampons. After all, would you really want to follow me around while I bought items for my period?” I smirked at Logain.

 

“Why you cunning little whore! I almost killed the Tevinter, Noire.” Phillip was enraged.

 

I laughed at him, “Oh, did I cost you a perfect little minion? That makes me so sad. I might need to go to confession and beg the Maker’s forgiveness.”

 

I was pushing him, intentionally. If it kept Fenris safe, then I was willing to pay the price. It became a staring contest. I wouldn’t be intimidated, even as I heard his two calls.

 

“Uldred, Noire has been pretending. Since last weekend…No drugs yet? Understood…*chuckle* That’s not an issue. How painful… Excellent. I’ll call when she’s broken.” Phillip gave me a twisted smile as he handed his phone to Logain.

 

My husband started to stalk toward me. I backed up and gave a surprised yelp when I hit the sofa. Logain was waiting near the elevator. I could see where this encounter was headed. I knew if I wanted to survive, I needed to give Phillip something else to focus on.

 

“Husband, please, listen to me!” I was desperately trying to come up with a reason to stay alive. “Y-you can’t risk doing anything to me before Sebastian’s wedding. After the wedding, I-I’ll pay with my life, if that is what you want. But, please, don’t let this to detract from Seb’s wedding day.”

 

My husband placed a hand around my throat, and his eyes went cold as he spoke, “Enough. You lied, again. Tonight, you will learn what real pain is. So, wife, you will either tell me everything or by the time I grant the mercy of death, you will be unrecognizable.”

 

Phillip released me, and I swayed on my feet. Logain rushed forward and steadied me. The bodyguard wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to his body. I started shaking when he pressed his arousal against me.

 

“I’ll be honest, please, love, you don’t need to torture me!” I was terrified.

 

My words earned me a backhand. My husband grabbed my hair to hold my head in place, and backhanded my other cheek. I did my best to stay silent. I steeled my will to not beg for mercy.

 

“Logain, carry this bitch into the bedroom, and strip her. I need to get some things for tonight’s game.” Phillip’s voice was completely devoid of emotion.

 

Logain was not gentle as he forced me to the bed. He pulled out a knife, and cut my clothes off. I closed my eyes, and tried to block everything out. I felt the blade at my throat. I whimpered, but refused to look at the man guarding me.

 

“Now, Noire, be a good, little girl. Open your eyes. If you fail to cooperate, I’ll be forced to tell Phil how unruly you’re being.” Logain whispered those words in my ear.

 

I followed Logain’s orders. Even though his eyes were ice blue, they looked like blue flames. It unnerved me how dangerous he seemed. I tried my best to keep calm, but failed. A sob escaped, and then the damn broke. I wept. Logain smiled at my fear, and pressed the knife down, harder. Logain used his free hand to squeeze my throat. I didn’t know what he was going to do. 

 

“Please, please, I’ll do anything! Don’t kill me!” I was shaking and hysterical.

 

Phillip strode in and smirked at my position. “If I wanted you dead, wife, I would already be disposing of your body. Now, baby girl, you are going to stop crying, pleading, and begging or I will murder you. You are going to only respond to directions with “Yes, Sir” if Logain orders you to do something. When I command you, it’s “Yes, My Lord”. If I ask a question, you will answer quickly and honestly. Do you comprehend that?”

 

“Yes, My Lord.” I whispered.

 

Phillip set up a video camera, and I nearly lost it again. Logain got up and took the bag my husband handed him.

 

“M-m-my, My Lord? Pl-p-ple-please forgive me, why do you need the camera?” I could barely speak from fear.

 

Phillip walked to me, and pinched my breasts. “If you dare speak out of turn again, I will rip out your tongue, cut out your eyes and carve a lovely message on your stomach. Do you understand?” The tone of my husband’s voice was almost other worldly, dangerous and full of malice.

 

“Y-y-yes, My Lord.” I maintained eye contact, even as I held back my sobs.

 

After Logain had emptied the bag, he handed something to Phillip. It was a leather hood. It covered the top half of my face, and my ears. It had a strap on one side that wrapped around my neck, and attacked to the other side. If I moved my head too much, I would choke myself. Sound was muffled, and I felt trapped.

 

One of the men forced the ball gag into my mouth. It was almost a relief that I wouldn’t be able to accidentally talk when I wasn’t supposed to. I did realize that the gag meant my body would soon be hurting from what Maker only knew what torture Phillip had planned. 

 

I was drug to the floor and made to sit up on my knees. I felt Logain pull my arms behind me. Some sort of strap was buckled between my arms just above my elbows. It was painful the second it was attached to me. I tried to stop myself from panicking. Once I was suitably uncomfortable, Phillip directed the body guard to handcuff my wrists together. 

 

My husband leaned down and snarled at me, “I will only say this once, Noire. If you pull away, or try to avoid what is going to be extremely painful, I will let Logain rape you, I will rape you and then slit your throat. Nod and show me you understand what is required until I remove the gag and question you.”

 

I nodded, and managed to keep from making a sound. I felt Phillip kneel next to me and caress my cheek.

 

“That’s my good, baby girl. Hold very still, what I am going to do will be agonizing.” My husband’s tone was caught between excitement and anger.

 

I felt something cold and metallic rub across my breasts. I didn’t pull away, but my body shivered. I heard two clicks, and then a sharp pain shot through my nipples. I gasped, started to tremble, but I didn’t move away. Phillip had attached serrated clamps to my chest. 

 

“Good girl, such a good little girl.” Phillip sounded like he was getting aroused. “Now, don’t move, baby. This is when the real pain begins.”

 

Tears started to creep down my face, my breathing became heavy, but I remained silent. My body was quaking from the strain of staying still. I nearly screamed, and I jolted when a burning shot of electricity slammed into my chest. I was gulping in deep breaths of air to keep from falling over. Before I could calm myself, Phillip shocked me again. I tried to retreat far into my mind to keep from antagonizing my husband. I held my body as immobile as I could. Over and over he kept shocking me. I remained nearly motionless until I passed out.

 

I have no idea how long I was unconscious. When I came around, my hands were bound to the bed, the hood and gag were gone, as were the nipple clamps. Phillip smiled at me when I looked at him.

 

“Oh my darling girl, you did so well. I am proud of you. Now, let’s see if you can keep in my good graces. Logain has a series of questions to ask. If you hesitate in answering, or if we know you’re lying, I am going to cut into your flesh. Please, baby, don’t make me scar your beautiful face and body.” Phillip stroked my hair, and showed me the knife he had ready.

 

“Yes, my Lord.” I rasped out.


	49. Sebastian's Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is brought into the group trying to rescue Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of torture and spousal abuse.

Sebastian was puzzled his Father told him to stay at a hotel until his Wedding. The text also informed Sebastian, Fenris was no longer Noire’s body guard. The last text sent said “I won’t be available to talk until the morning of your Wedding. Noire is very ill, and she may not be able to be Matron of Honor. Please inform Isabella.”

 

The young Vael was bothered. Something wasn’t right. Why had his fiancé texted Anders he could talk to Noire at the Gardens that afternoon? If Noire had been on an outing, why did his Father say she was violently ill? He had to know some answers. Sebastian drove to his condo hoping Isabella would be honest with him. He loved her dearly, but he couldn’t marry a woman if she were helping his Dad’s wife have an affair.

 

As he slowed to turn into the garage, he saw a car exit. Fenris was driving, and his woman was in the passenger seat. Sebastian’s temper flared. How dare that, low life, drive his fiancé anywhere! He had learned enough from Logain to be able to tail a car, in addition to outrunning a tail. Potential kidnappings were one of the drawbacks to being the son of a powerful man.

 

Parking down the street from where Fenris had parked, Sebastian watched he and Isabella go into the side basement entrance of an apartment building. Sebastian took off his tie, and suit jacket. Reaching into the back seat, he grabbed a gym bag. Seb quickly changed into a black t-shirt, black sweats, black sneakers and a black baseball cap. Another tip from his father’s loyal body guard. Always carry a change of dark, workout clothes. Clipping his nine millimeter on his waistband, he donned a black hoodie and exited his vehicle.

 

Sebastian quietly went to the door and listened. He heard muffled voices, but no one near. Seb slowly opened the door and crept towards the voices. He was able to stand just outside the room and eavesdrop.

 

“Broody, what the fuck happened? Why in the Maker’s name did you get fired?” A voice Seb didn’t recognized asked. 

 

Fenris cleared his throat, then spoke. “I have no idea. We weren’t followed. Noire never used her phone. Vael was fine when I talked to him after I got Hawke to the salon.”

 

“Are you certain no one followed you? Maker, if Noire dies because Vael found out I talked to her, I couldn’t take it. We need to do something! He’s already scarred her three times, had Logain rape her multiple times, fed her lyrium, nearly beat her to death and did extensive brain washing. What’s next? That twister fucker will ruin her!” It was clearly the former Chancellor talking.

 

“Rivani, you certain you didn’t let something slip in front of Sebastian?” The first voice asked.

 

Sebastian held his breath as his bride to be answered. “No. I sent the text you asked me to, Varric. Oh, oh! Oh Maker, strike me dead for being a moron! I was in Seb’s office when I sent the text. I had to use the loo before I left. I left my purse and phone on his desk. I thought it was odd my screen still had the text showing when I came out. It was me! I trust Seb to never look at my things. Maker how could I be so careless! My idiocy just got Hawke killed, and cost me the man I love.”

Sebastian smiled at her admission. Relieved she wasn’t cheating on him, he was trying to puzzle out why everyone thought Noire was going to die. Anders had to of listen to gossip, his Father would never do any of those thing, would he? Sebastian said a quick prayer and decided he needed to know everything.

 

Eight pairs of eyes turned and looked at Sebastian in shock. Seb looked just as surprised seeing who all was gathered. He pulled his gun, before anyone even thought to.

 

“Isabella, please tell me you haven’t been conspiring with that murderess this whole time. I love you, but I can’t condone this. Now, someone tell me why I shouldn’t shoot Leliana, and why you all think Noire is going to die.” Sebastian showed a backbone no one imagined he had.

 

“I can answer about Noire, Sebastian. I was hired by Divine Justinia to look after Noire when she came to Starkhaven. Leliana was who I reported to. Your Father has watched Noire since she was fifteen. We do have proof, or rather did. Fenris has seen the file, as has Noire. I understand we are all considered enemies, but our only concern is getting our friend back safe.” Zevran was using his smooth, calm demeanor to reason with Sebastian. “Did you know Phillip took Noire home on her eighteenth name day, and she’s never left? That her items were moved out of her dorm before they even left Varric’s club? Phillip Vael waited until the day Noire was legal, then he just took her home.”

 

“She’s, she’s eighteen? Maker, I thought she was only a year or so younger than me. Why in the Void would my Father want, a, a, someone who is so young?” Sebastian had lowered his gun, and looked sick at what his Father had done.

 

“The Divine sent me a note to watch the relationship between Noire and your Father. He asked Justinia for her blessing to marry her three days after she was of age. I can assure you, Justinia was pissed. I also believe it’s why she was murdered. Phillip didn’t want Noire to have anyone left to turn to for help. Leliana had nothing to do with all the deaths that have occurred.” Zevran sat back and studied Sebastian, while bringing his gun up under the table to shoot Seb if necessary.

 

“Seb, love, I am sorry you found out this way. I was planning on letting you know everything in time.” Isabella watched her fiancé with suspicion.

 

The young Vael gazed at the woman he adored. “Bella, did you date me just to get closer to Noire?”

 

“Maker, no! I dated Logain to try and get information on what was happening with Noire. But, I ended up falling for you. It actually was more difficult to be dating you. I know I was selfish, but I am in love with you. Sadly, that also meant I couldn’t openly inquire about Noire.” Isabella showed raw emotion that surprised everyone.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I had to ask. I hope you still want to marry me.” Sebastian walked over and smiled at his bride to be.

 

“Of course I do!” Seb allowed his fiancé to pull him into a chair next to her.

 

“Sebastian, I know this isn’t easy, but how well do you know your Father?” Anders asked in a kind manner.

 

“We weren’t all that close until I took over the company. He has always worked very long hours, and I lived with my Mother after they separated, until I went to University. He is difficult to please, and has a quick, temper, but why in the Maker’s name do you think Noire is going to die?” Seb watched the former politician suspiciously.

 

“Because, that asshole has branded his initials on her body, and nearly beat her to death! She wasn’t in a car accident, your Father caused those injuries!” Cullen was done with being polite.

 

“Cullen, please!” Anders tried to restore order. “Sebastian, I know you think little of me, but just listen. I never meant to fall for Noire. It was the worst thing I could’ve done. Varric and Zev contacted me after Noire had been out of contact for too long. She wasn’t even allowed to attend her family’s pyre. I specialize in dealing with brain washed individuals.”

 

Anders paused and took a sip of his drink, “The first time she visited my house, I noticed she was hurt. I asked her to show me why she was in pain. It, it was awful. She had bruising around her neck, all down her abdomen, and thighs. Noire had a bandage under her navel, and I had her let me check the wound to make sure it had been treated properly. It was a burn. Deep, so it would heal into a brand. It was your Father’s initials surrounded by a Chantry sunburst. She had a large brand on her low back of his initials as well.”

 

Sebastian rested his head in his hands, “Maker have mercy! I saw her neck, and believed the story Noire told me. My Mother once told me she would rather go to the Void, than be under my Father’s control. I assumed she was being overly dramatic. Blessed Andraste, how did I not know my Father was an abuser!”

 

Varric passed Sebastian a drink, “You love your Dad, you had no reason to suspect he had such a sadistic streak.”

 

Just as Fenris was going to speak his phone rang. “This is Fenris…Yes my Lord? No…*slight chuckle* I have, um, found an interesting diversion…Understood…Will you have need of me tonight? Understood…She did…I see…No, that won’t be necessary…Really…May I take you up on that offer if this happens again? Excellent…See you tomorrow afternoon…”

 

“Fenris, was that Vael?” Leliana was watching him intently.

 

“Yes, and we have a problem. At this point Phillip says Noire will not be attending your wedding Isabella. I was fired because Hawke made a false accusation against me. Or so he says. If Hawke has tipped her hand and Phillip knows she’s lucid, she’s dead.” Fenris’ eyebrows were drawn together in frustration.

 

“Oh, Andraste! Now my Father’s texts make sense. I called him and informed him about Isabella telling Anders where he could find Hawke. I was going to question you, Bella, because I thought you were acting as go between so Noire could continue cheating on my Dad.” Sebastian downed his whiskey in one go before continuing. “He texted me I wasn’t allowed back in the penthouse. That Fenris was fired, and Noire was too sick to attend my wedding. Do you think my Dad is hurting Noire now?”

 

“Yes, Sebastian. He has always taken Hawke to other locations, which leads me to believe he is trying to reprogram her again. Phillip couldn’t do that with you hanging around. Fenris, did Vael say anything we could use?” Leliana was taking the lead.

 

“He asked me if I wanted to “punish” Hawke for lying about me. Do you think I should’ve said yes?” Fenris watched everyone’s reactions around the table.

 

“No, Broody. If you see what he’s doing to Hawke, would you be able to stay your hand? My guess is no. Just let us know how she is tomorrow. Do your best to get her to the Chantry on Sunday.” Varric was trying to give them some hope.

 

“I’ll go get her. I have no fear of my Father. If he is hurting Noire, I’ll kill him.” Sebastian made like he was going to storm the penthouse.

 

“Seb, please, he’ll kill you, just like he did your brothers! I am not letting you go.” Isabella had gripped her fiancé’s arm, tightly.

 

“My brothers? Wait, Leliana, my Father maintains you set up the contracts to murder the Divine, and my whole family. Did you do that?” Sebastian stared intently at the supposed assassin.

 

“No. It is true, when I was young I was an assassin for Empress Celene. When I was betrayed by my mentor, I fled to Fereldan. Divine Justinia helped me re-enter society. I became a lay sister, and then I was sent to Orlais to guard the previous Divine. When Justinia was made Divine, she asked me to be her Right Hand. I loved her, she saved me. If not for her, I’d either be dead, or a remorseless killer.” Leliana laid the facts out for Sebastian to see she wasn’t at fault.

 

“Sebastian, I know you didn’t approve of me and Snowden’s relationship, but I loved your brother. I wouldn’t be sitting at this table if I had any doubt who really arranged for him to die. Leliana is as much of a victim as all the people who have died recently. You’ve spent time with Noire. You know what a genuinely kind person she is. She is also extremely devout. Hawke wouldn’t have slept with Anders unless something was very off in her relationship. I have seen her scars. Sebastian, what your Father has done is nothing short of pure evil.” Dorian had revealed the emotions he held close to his heart.

 

Zevran pulled Dorian into his arms so he could hold him while the tears fell. Sebastian looked around the table and felt helpless, useless and his eyes misted with tears.

 

Sebastian couldn’t help the tears running down his cheeks. “Blessed Andraste, I can’t believe I didn’t see my Father’s treachery! Anders, are you really in love with Noire?”

 

“I am. It doesn’t make any sense, but from the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Noire.” Anders sighed and continued. “I am not ill. I stepped down from being Chancellor because of the Inaugural Ball. We managed to get Noire out to a small cabin I own. I showed her how dangerous your Father really is. Noire realized her husband had set up the murders of her loved ones, your brothers and mother, Justinia and the innocents at the Senators Ball. She chose to return to try and get information to bring Phillip to justice. Fenris made it appear I attempted to kidnap, and rape her. It allowed Fenris to get hired as her body guard. It also gave your Father what he needed to force me out of government.”

 

Anders collected himself, and his voice was husky as he told the rest of the story. “Hawke was treated with kindness when she was brought back, as far as Fenris saw. We don’t know what happened the next day. But, she was back in the Psych Ward. Six days later she had been released, and Fenris said she was doing better. Phillip had started anger management counseling. We have no idea, and I don’t think Noire remembers, but somehow she almost died. Supposedly due to a car accident.”

 

“I saw her, Sebastian. Her injuries were not consistent with being in a car accident. She had nearly been beaten to death. When she was released a month later, Hawke was different. Like her mind had been erased, and replaced with a ditzy, compliant servant personality. Last weekend she finally came out of it. We had hoped to rescue her tomorrow. Now, I don’t know. Hawke’s mind has been broken before, it will be easier to do it a second time. It also means, the woman we know, could be scrubbed out of her consciousness for good. I guess I’ll see tomorrow. If I get the chance, I am getting her out of there.” Fenris’ eyes showed his mind working out the best way for escape.

 

“I am going to kill him. Maker forgive me, but I am going to kill him. I am sick I am related to that evil, bastard.” Sebastian was shaking from anger.

 

Isabella began rubbing his neck, “Sweetness, no. You aren’t a killer. We will rescue Hawke, and then handle your Father. Normally I would cheer the idea of killing someone like the Lord. But, being stripped of his standing and shamed would be worse than death for him.”

 

“I’m sorry, everyone. I have been an ass. Just tell me what you want me to do and it’s done.” Sebastian was clinging to Isabella like he was going to drown.

 

“I’m sorry, Sebastian. I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier. I feel like I failed Hawke. I didn’t trust your Dad, but I was too timid to step in the night she left. Then we failed in our abduction. Turned out to be a giant mistake. Sunday, after your wedding we had an almost full proof plan to help Noire escape. If Vael is breaking her now, I don’t know when we’ll get the chance again.” Cullen was doing his best to show empathy.

 

“For now, Choir Boy, we wait. We wait for Fenris to tell us what condition she’s in tomorrow.” Varric tried to sound positive, but failed.

A depressed silence descended over the group. No one had a good way to get Hawke without bloodshed, or risking her life.


	50. Noire's Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire faces dire consequences when Phillip finds out she met with Anders. Sebastian's big wedding gets canceled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TORTURE, NON-CON, MENTAL TRAUMA, DRUG USE

Chapter 50  
Noire’s Pain

 

While Phillip made himself comfortable next to me on the bed, Logain moved a chair near me and sat. The bodyguard pulled out a specialized Taser, one that could just be held against someone and showed it to me.

 

I bit my lip to keep from begging for mercy, while Logain leered at my fear. “Now, Noire. I will only use this if you take too long in answering my questions. Phillip is the one who will cut you if we know you’re lying.”

 

“You can cry now, baby girl. Just don’t plead for mercy. Noire, remember, you brought this on yourself. The past two months have been wonderful. Why did you want to ruin it? Just to fuck that low class, bastard, Anders? If that is what you want, you can start by letting Logain take you. Actually, I want to watch that, just as soon as you answer our questions.” Phillip was stroking my hair as he whispered in my ear. “Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, my Lord.” I let tears pour from eyes, but refused to make a sound.

 

Logain was relentless as he questioned me. I had to answer instantly, or I would writhe in pain. Both he and Phillip got more excited each time I was hurt. I didn’t betray Fenris, but I admitted to being attracted to Anders. I had to describe every intimate detail of my sexual encounters with the former Chancellor. 

In desperation, I said the only reason I resisted Anders the night of his Inaugural Ball, was because I knew Phillip would find us. I told my husband I never said anything to Fenris, I let him believe my rough sex was rape, so I wouldn’t be punished. I told him Zevran got lucky and was just shot in the shoulder. 

 

Logain asked me if my finding the safe open was true, or if I had tried it and found it unlocked. I said I tried it and found it hadn’t latched so I took the files out and read them. I confessed to faking my happiness the whole week. Sometimes Logain would Taser me, just so he and Phillip could laugh at my writhing. 

 

“Now, Noire. I want to know what you did with Anders today. Did you fuck him?” Phillip took his turn at questioning me, and his tone made me quake in horror.

 

“No, my Lord.” My voice was barely a squeak.

 

Phillip laid next to me, and began caressing my neck. “Did you kiss him?”

 

“Yes, my Lord.” I could barely make a sound, afraid of my husband’s reaction.

 

“Good girl, Noire. You are answering quickly and honestly. What did you two talk about, or did you just make out with him the whole time?” Phillip rested a hand on my throat in warning.

 

A sob escaped my lips when I felt the cool blade of the knife placed on my stomach. I glanced at Logain, and saw he was ready to slice into my flesh believing I would lie.

 

I took a shuddering breath as I answered. “Anders said he was working on a plan for me to leave with him.”

 

“Did you agree to this plot, Noire?” Phillip was sitting up, and had grabbed the knife from Logain.

 

“Yes, my Lord. I told Anders I would leave with him.” I didn’t care anymore what my husband would do to me, I just wanted to stop being afraid.

 

“Does Fenris know of this plan?” Phillip’s eyes smoldered in anger.

 

I choked back a plea for mercy, “No, my Lord. I refused to tell him anything. It’s why he got so angry.”

 

Phillip rose and went into the living room with Logain. I heard him call someone, but couldn’t hear what he was saying. I let my tears fall. I was tired, and only wanted the pain to end. I began praying to the Maker for the release of death. I couldn’t stand the thought of living one more day in this gilded prison. 

 

As short time later, the two men came back to me. Phillip had me beg over and over again to be punished. When he felt I was suitably hysterical, he obliged. He had Logain alternate between using the riding crop, and shocking me. I screamed in pain until I had no voice. Phillip finally un cuffed me from the bed. 

 

“Now, sweetie, you don’t need to cry anymore. We’ll make you feel good.” Phillip climbed off the bed, and carried me to the shower. 

 

After washing the sweat, and tears away. My husband dried me off. Phillip then rubbed numbing cream into my welts and bruises. As the pain started to fade I was taken back to the bed.

 

“Phillip, she looks nice and broken. Don’t worry, we’ll get your perfect wife back. I have a special cocktail, made just for Noire.” I looked in terror as Dr. Uldred approached with a needle.

 

“Phil-Phillip, please! I-I promise, I’ll be better. I don’t want to take anymore drugs. I love you, husband, please, leave my mind intact.” I could only whisper as my voice was raw.

 

Phillip’s eyes shone with lust, and cruelty as he held out my arm to receive the new elixir. I whimpered as I was injected. I felt the effects immediately. I couldn’t concentrate. I can vaguely recall Logain claiming me while Phillip whispered I was a whore meant for his pleasure. I was filmed doing every debasing sexual act my husband could think of. All three men abused my body, as Uldred kept breaking my fragile mind further. 

 

As dawn broke, I was not even a shadow of my former self. Phillip bathed me again, then shot more of the drug mixture into my arm. I felt a pair of earbuds placed in my ears, and a soothing voice started speaking. It was the voice of my husband, saying the most wonderful things. I fell into darkness with a smile.

 

Fenris may have looked his usual calm self, but inside he was full of fear, and anger. He didn’t think he could hold it together if I was seriously injured. It was repulsive for Fenris to have to be in Phillip’s presence. Squaring his shoulders, he stepped into the penthouse with a confident swagger. He almost sighed in relief. I was dressed and watching television. No visible signs of abuse. He looked at Phillip, and was greeted warmly.

 

“Fenris, right on time. Thank you for coming back. I apologize for the misunderstanding.” Phillip smiled and shook the body guard’s hand.

 

“Not a problem. What can I help with today?” Fenris kept his tone professional, yet warm.

 

“I won’t need you to guard her until tomorrow at the wedding. Noire? Do you have something you want to say to Fenris?” Phillip turned toward me.

 

I turned to gaze at Fenris, my voice was soft and almost monotone. “Hello. I apologize for putting you in an awkward situation yesterday. I won’t do that again.”

 

“No problem, Noire. Phillip, I’ll see you in the morning.” Fenris shook my husband’s hand and left.

 

Fenris entered his apartment, and called Varric. “She’s gone. No trace of her personality is left. Hawke is coming to the wedding; I say we still go ahead with the plan.”

 

“Well, fuck. I’ll let everyone know. Thanks, Broody.” Varric couldn’t hide his despair.

 

I stared at the television not really processing what was on, when Phillip switched it off. I looked up and watched my husband. He sat next to me and held my hand.

 

“Noire, can you answer some questions?” Phillip watched me carefully.

 

“Yes, husband.” I was too broken to care what he asked.

 

Phillip smiled at me, and proceeded. “Baby girl, when did Anders tell you he was planning on running off with you? Please be honest, it makes me happy when your truthful.”

 

I hesitated, my brain having an internal war, but my conditioning won out. “I am supposed to excuse myself after the ceremony to use the loo. Zevran will be waiting for me on the back stairs leading to the roof. From there, Anders was planning on getting me away from you unseen.”

 

My admission earned me a kiss, and I quivered when Phillip touched me. “Now, was Fenris recruited to help you?”

 

“No, love. But he is easy for me to ditch. Anders said nothing will prevent them from taking me away from you tomorrow.” As I spoke, and my husband smiled, I felt peaceful, calm and happy.

 

“Noire, as much as I want to be supportive of my son, I think it would be best if we didn’t attend the wedding. I have made arrangements for us to take the honeymoon trip we never had.” Phillip gave me a beautiful smile, then continued, “I have a Villa in Tevinter. It overlooks a pristine lake, and is surrounded by wineries. Does that sound romantic?”

 

“Yes! Thank you, husband!” I crawled into my husband’s lap and got lost in his kisses.

 

Phillip carried me into the bedroom, and we packed. Just overnight bags. We were stopping in Minrathous and I was going to be treated to a shopping trip. We both took a long nap until, Logain arrived, and the three of us went to the airport. My husband was being so loving, I didn’t think about how it would look, us missing Sebastian’s wedding.

 

We landed in Minrathous around three in the morning. Phillip had rented a honeymoon suite for two days. Logain went on ahead to prepare the Chateau. I was exhausted by the time we got to the room, I fell asleep almost instantly.

 

While I was still resting, Phillip woke around eight am and texted Sebastian. “Son, I apologize, but Noire and I won’t be able to attend your wedding today. Logain learned of a plot to assassinate me, so we have left Starkhaven and are headed to Antiva. Congratulations, and may the Maker and his Bride bless and keep both of you.”

 

My husband had guessed correctly that Sebastian had been turned against him. What none of us knew, was how petty Phillip was going to be to his last remaining child. Fenris was to tell Seb he was fired as CEO, and he would have to start living off his trust fund. Phillip had already trained his nephew Goran, to take Seb’s place as head of the company. It would be quite some time before I saw Seb or anyone else.

 

“Choir Boy, you ok? You look like you’ve been punched in the gut.” Varric asked over the final meeting before the wedding/rescue.

 

“Maker have mercy. My Father has taken Noire to Antiva. He claims Logain uncovered an assassination plot. For “safety” reasons they won’t be here today.” Just as Sebastian finished speaking, Fenris stormed into Seb’s condo.

 

Everyone turned to stare at the body guard. “So, you’ve heard. I checked the security footage. Phillip, Noire and Logain left about midnight.”

 

“Fuck! What are we supposed to do now?” Anders was flush with rage.

 

“I’m calling him, calm down.” Fenris replied.

 

“My Lord. Do you still need me this morning? I understand…Yes… I’ll make sure Zevran is arrested if he comes near the Chantry… I see… I’ll inform the other guards about Anders, Varric and Cullen. Let me know if I am needed in Antiva… Understood…See you in two weeks…” Fenris threw his phone against the wall in frustration.

 

“Broody calm down. It’s no big deal we aren’t welcome at the Chantry. There doesn’t seem to be much point if Hawke is gone.” Varric poured a shot of whiskey from a flask into his coffee. 

 

Sebastian could see Fenris was more than just angry, “Fenris, what did my Father say to you?”

 

“They aren’t in Antiva; they are in Minrathous. The one place none of us can go. I can’t go back as my former “Master” has a warrant out for my arrest. All of you, yes, you too Seb, are on a terror watch list. Go near Tevinter, and you’ll be thrown in prison. Oh, and by the way. Sebastian, you’re fired. Your access to Vael Enterprises has been terminated. You are to be escorted off property if you attempt to go there. Seems Phillip thinks Isabella is manipulating you into trying to take his wife away. Dammit! Trying to outguess your Father, is like trying to find footing on quicksand. He is the single most evil, cunning and intelligent predator I have come across.” Fenris flopped onto Seb’s sofa and rubbed his temples.

 

“Baby, I think we should elope. I didn’t want a big Chantry wedding anyway. Besides, it sticks your Dad with the bill. Let’s head to Kirkwall and regroup. Starkhaven is going to become too toxic soon. Varric, you still own the Hanged Man 2 in Kirkwall, right?” Isabella asked.

 

“Yup. Rivani’s right. Staying here is too dangerous. We regroup in Kirkwall, away from Vael’s spies. Fenris, can you handle guarding Hawke? If not, we could use you.” Varric was taking control of the group.

 

“I’ll go to Kirkwall. I can’t guard Noire the way she is. I want to kill Phillip, but if I do that in front of her, I run the risk of ruining her completely. Besides, I am certain Logain wouldn’t let me get a shot off.” Fenris sounded defeated.

 

Anders sighed, “Good thing I didn’t sell Karl’s estate in Hightown. It’s large enough for all of us.”

 

The group left to gather what they needed for the move to Kirkwall. As Sebastian locked up his condo, he wondered if and when he’d be able to come back to his home. He also prayed for Phillip’s soul, even though he figured his Father was beyond redemption.


	51. A New Occupation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip and Noire both have new occupations three years after Sebastian left Starkhaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MURDER, TORTURE, SEX

Empress Celene looked over the elite gathered to celebrate her twentieth year on the throne, and felt at peace. It was three years since Gaspard had been murdered. The ruler smiled at how efficient Lord Vael had been in removing the only person that threatened her rule. Since then, two new Divines had been crowned. Phillip Vael ended up replacing Victoria to become the first Male Divine in the south. 

 

Celene chuckled to herself that once Phillip had been elected, he untied the Tevinter and Southern Thedas Chantries. The old Divine served in a back water Chantry as a revered Mother. His new name, Divine Bienveillance, was a joke. Phillip was the most ruthless person she had ever met, taking a name meaning “goodwill” was beyond blasphemy.

 

“At least he’s on my side.” The Monarch thought to herself.

 

I watched my husband stand next to the Empress, and waited for his signal. When Phillip raised his glass and began making a toast to Celene, I carefully aimed. The first shot hit my husband in the shoulder. The second caught Celene in the back of her skull.

 

While pandemonium broke out inside the Winter Palace, I calmly broke down my rifle. Tossing the pieces into a burlap sack, I stood up and followed Logain through our escape route. We hopped on a motorcycle, and after I tossed the sack into the sewer a few blocks away, we sped off into the night. 

 

I was lying in bed when I heard the phone ring. I answered it groggily. It was the local Hospital saying my husband had been shot. I gasped into the phone, and began screaming for Logain. He spoke to the caller, then turned and smiled at me.

 

When I entered the emergency room, I looked like the Void itself. My eyes were red and swollen from tears. I had my mink over the top of a pair of pajamas. I was still wearing my slippers, obviously I had been in bed when the assassination took place. 

 

I was treated with kid gloves. It was a well-known fact that Lady Vael was emotionally fragile. While no one would openly say I was mentally ill, it was whispered I fought suicidal depression. The Doctor was gentle as he explained Phillip had come through surgery, safely. He allowed me to cry on his shoulder, before Logain helped me into a recovery room to see Phillip.

 

When I was escorted into Phillip’s room, I burst into a fresh round of tears, and fainted. The Doctor and Logain barely caught me before I hit the floor. I was set on the sofa near Phillip’s bed. I came around slowly, and the Nurse took my vital signs. 

 

I was allowed a few minutes to tell my husband I loved him. Logain escorted me out, and sat me in the waiting room. I heard him speaking in low tones that I was in the midst of one of my “episodes” and he was worried about me spending too much time in the Hospital. The Doctor agreed. Arrangements were made for Phillip to be transferred to our estate. 

 

I leaned on Logain as he took me back to the car. After he drove away from the parking lot, we both starting laughing. The delicate flower, married to the Divine, couldn’t handle seeing her husband injured. I was in a happy mood. Celene was my twentieth political assassination. She was the last person who knew Phillip’s true nature, besides my former friends. 

 

I never thought of them. Varric, Cullen, Dorian, Anders, Fenris, Isabella and Sebastian. Everyone had been disgraced, and lived in the dump, Kirkwall. I had been turned into a deadly weapon. I took pride in the fact I had a knack for killing people, hacking computer systems, and framing anyone that stood in my husband’s way. Logain had told Phillip I was the best assassin he had ever seen or heard of. 

 

My friends in Kirkwall had no idea who the mysterious killer that worked for Phillip was. They assumed my husband was behind all the deaths of powerful leaders, since he was the most powerful man in Thedas. 

 

Varric lived above his club, and had gotten very wealthy off illegal trade. Sebastian volunteered at the Chantry, and most people forgot he was even related to Phillip. Isabella tended bar for Varric, but didn’t strip anymore. Her and Sebastian had a happy marriage. Leliana and Fenris had a private security firm, Dorian was the accountant, and Zevran handled any assassination requests. 

 

Anders, he ran a donation only clinic to provide counseling. He helped abuse victims escape from their circumstances. The kind Doctor had nurses volunteer to help the physically ill. It kept him busy, and he could put me out of his mind while helping the less fortunate. But, at night, I haunted his dreams. The love he had for me never faded. Anders would lay awake at night wondering if I were hurt. Did I think about him? Did I miss him or any of my friends?

 

The only thing my friends knew, was that I couldn’t appear in public too often, due to illness. They assumed it was because Phillip beat me. In truth, we had a great marriage. I never questioned my husband’s decisions. I happily entertained his violent urges in the bedroom. Phillip even had me watch Logain kidnap, and murder a dark haired beauty to see if I reacted. I didn’t. I was more than a drone, but to call me human would be inaccurate. 

 

After almost a year under Uldred’s care, I no longer had a conscience. Phillip was my whole world. I was loyal, and would kill anyone I felt was a threat. To keep my skills sharp, I sometimes carried out jobs for the Crows, and the House of Repose. I went by the name Fleur Mortelle, the Deadly Flower. Most assumed I was from Tevinter. It was an easy accent to imitate. I always wore big sunglasses, a long blond wig, bronzer to look like I had darker skin, and a lavender colored body suit. I looked far different than my normal self.

 

About a week after Celene’s murder, I was surfing the net while Phillip napped. I read an article about increased animosity between the Nobles of Kirkwall, and the common folk. I wondered if the Viscount would ask Phillip to intervene. I was antsy, and needed a new job for a distraction. My husband was out of commission, and I was bored to tears.

 

I went outside for a walk. I wandered down to the hidden Gazebo to smell the roses. It was secluded, and relaxing. I heard footsteps follow me in. I turned and looked at Logain. I knew what he wanted. It had been awhile since Phillip had invited him into our bedroom. I watched him walk to me with bated breath. 

 

As he caressed my lips, I felt a shiver run down my spine. I needed to leave, Phillip’s rule was never let anyone touch me without his permission, and unless it was for a job, he had to watch. My husband hadn’t made love to me for over a month. Between several important jobs, and me having to shoot him to cover up that Celene was the real target, we hadn’t had a chance.

 

Logain leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. I gasped, and let him kiss me deeply. I trembled as he ran his hands over my aching body. The stern bodyguard had never attempted anything like this. I wanted to let him take me, even though I knew Phillip would be furious if he found out. 

 

When Logain nibbled on my ear, I moaned. That was taken as a sign he could continue. His hands were everywhere. I was backed into a beam, and my legs were hoisted around his waist. I ground myself against him, and wished I were feeling his naked body against me. As if on que, Logain set me on my feet, and started pulling my sundress over my head. I wasn’t wearing a bra. As he stroked my breasts, I whimpered. 

 

“Do you want me inside you, Noire?” Logain’s hot breath tickled my ear.

 

“Yes, please.” I was almost whining.

 

In seconds, his tore my thong off my body. Logain pushed me down onto the padded bench. He undid his pants, but remained clothed. The fabric rubbing against my sensitive skin was driving me wild. He covered my mouth with his, and slammed into me. My breathed stopped, and I clinched around his body. Just him claiming me, caused me to orgasm. 

 

Logain took his time using my body. I crested two more times before I felt him start to pant. He was close, I could tell. Phillip always made him pull out, and I knew I should remind him to, but I didn’t care. I cried out when he released inside me. It felt so good, but wrong. After a few minutes, when our breathing calmed, Logain helped me up. 

 

I was a little unsteady as he handed me my dress. Logain zipped himself up, and watched me try to make myself presentable. I smiled at him when I was situated. Logain smirked at me, and pulled out his phone. 

 

“Phil, did you hear everything?” Logain said into the speaker.

 

“I did. Noire, Logain is going to escort you back inside, and we’re going to have a chat.” I heard Phillip end the call

 

I was frozen in fear. This had been a test. I failed, Maker take me, I betrayed Phillip. My legs refused to move. I hadn’t felt emotions this strong in months. I was terrified. I turned and vaulted over the railing. I began to run, it was an exercise in futility as I was wearing sandals and I kept slipping.

 

Logain easily caught me, and I fought back. It was more difficult to subdue me since I had hand to hand training. However, Logain was more experienced, and much stronger. After I was wrestled to the ground, Logain cuffed me. I was sobbing by the time we reached the house. I stopped when I saw Phillip leaning in the open doorway to the kitchen. I refused to move. Logain hoisted me over his shoulder and took me inside.

 

I tried to stop crying, I knew it handed Phillip the advantage if I was too emotional. I was set down, and ordered to follow my husband upstairs. Part of me was hoping this was a new bondage game. I could handle a spanking. I had hope, until Phillip turned the opposite direction from our bedroom. I went limp, I knew where he was headed. It was the torture room. I hadn’t been in there for over a year.

 

I dropped to my knees and tried to plead my case. Phillip grabbed my hair with his good arm, and started yanking me down the hallway. I was forced to stand or risk him pulling my hair by the roots. Logain unlocked the door and shoved me inside. I stopped fighting. I stood still as Logain ripped off my dress.

 

When Phillip saw I was naked underneath my garment, he punched me in the gut. I doubled over as the wind got knocked out of me. Logain forced me into a standing position, and this time my husband hit me in the jaw. I saw stars, and Logain’s grip was the only reason I was still standing.

 

“Put her on the rack.” Phillip took a seat in his “Master’s” chair, which resembled an ornate throne. 

 

“Phillip, please! I, I’m sorry! Don’t do this to me!” I was nearly hysterical.

 

The rack was an actual ancient, torture device. My husband was ecstatic when he acquired it. I had only been on it once. Not for punishment, but to test it. Phillip didn’t keep me on it for long, as it was too painful. Now, though, it seems I would be granted no mercy. Logain whistled while he strapped me in. I was cursing my stupidity. Why didn’t I walk away!

 

My begging was quieted when the familiar ball gag was shoved in my mouth. I knew I was at risk of dying. I hadn’t angered Phillip in so long, I had almost forgotten how inhuman he could be. When Logain covered my eyes with a blindfold, it became obvious Phillip was going to treat me like he didn’t know me. My husband admitted to me that when he looked in my green eyes, his heart would melt. 

 

Even now, I can’t repeat what happened in that room. I had developed a high tolerance for pain, but it served no purpose that night. When dawn finally came, I felt lucky I was clinging to life. Logain had reported to police I had been abducted while having an early morning walk. Since it was so near the attempted assassination of the Divine, law enforcement assumed the two events were related. The Doctors said the Maker must have preserved my life. Logain had thrown my body on the front porch before contacting the police. It seemed the “kidnappers” wanted my corpse to be found by Philip.

 

I spent six weeks recovering from the attack. Three in the hospital, and three convalescing at home. Doctor Uldred watched me at the estate. He used his special drug cocktail, and verbal reinforcement to make sure I would still be under Phillip’s control.

 

Seven weeks after the attack, Phillip set up a romantic evening for us. I was ecstatic he had forgiven my awful lapse in judgement. I still believed it was my fault every time my husband abused me. We made love, and I was consumed by his passion. I fell asleep feeling like the luckiest woman in all of Thedas.


	52. Kirkwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire has a job in Kirkwall, and the story comes full circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIOLENCE

Eight weeks after my discipline, the Viscount of Kirkwall contacted Phillip. He begged for my husband to visit the City to help stop the rioting by the cities poor. It was felt if the Divine appeared, he could broker an accord between the classes. Phillip decided he would fund the free Clinic in Darktown, after I assassinated its founder.

 

I agreed without hesitation. We packed our bags, and arrived secretly in Kirkwall a week before the official visit was to start. I donned a peasants’ garb and did some reconnaissance work. I found out the head of the Darktown Clinic had recently moved into rooms above it to be able to give more funds to the poor. 

 

I scoped out the building, and saw the best option was to use the roof of the abandoned factory next door to break in upstairs. I decided I would execute the Clinic head two days before it was announced that myself and the Divine had arrived. Logain had decided it would be too risky for him to accompany me. I wasn’t concerned, I had killed many men on solo missions. 

 

The planning being done, Phillip and I took the next few days for ourselves. We watched movies, made love, and just reveled in each other’s company. It was a rarity that we had so much time alone. 

 

The day of my job dawned, rainy and cold. I hoped the rain would subside, as it made climbing over roof tops more dangerous. Phillip asked me if I were sure I’d be safe. I smiled and told him not to worry. It was odd though, I hadn’t been given a picture of the man I would be killing. When I asked why, Logain said he was a recluse and there weren’t any. But, I was to go in and strangle him while he slept. I knew he didn’t have any one living with him, so I dismissed any worry about killing the wrong person. 

 

I took a long nap to make sure I was fresh that evening. I wasn’t heading to Darktown until midnight. Phillip fussed over me as I dressed, and packed my gear. When I kissed him goodbye, he clung to me and whispered he was worried I would get hurt. I thought it was odd, but I knew he was going to be stressed until I solved this problem for him.

 

I blended into the seedy underworld of Kirkwall without a second glance. If any of the prostitutes, or drug dealers had looked closely, they would’ve noticed the quality of my leather jacket. They could’ve seen that despite my drunken walk, my eyes remained focused. I was relieved when I finally made into the abandoned building. After ten minutes, I exited onto the roof.

 

I crept to the buildings edge, and peered at the windows of the man who I was to kill. There was only a small light on, and it appeared he had fallen asleep reading. I smiled in the dark. His back would be facing away from me. Perfect setting to strangle him. I carefully climbed onto his roof, and tiptoed to the door. 

 

It was locked, but I had it opened in a few seconds. I had no idea Varric had installed an alarm of sorts to protect Anders. If an assassin, like me, used that door, Anders would be alerted. I had no way of knowing my former lover would be waiting for me. As I crept toward his room, I noticed the light was out.

 

Hearing no movement, I assumed it was on a timer and gone out by itself. I felt the familiar thrill the closer I got to my goal. I took pride in my abilities, and soon, I knew Phillip would reward my success. I paused in the doorway to make sure the target was still facing away from me. It was difficult to tell, but I couldn’t risk hesitating. I pulled out my garrote wire and knew it was now or never. 

 

A few feet from my prey, I was caught completely off guard. The lights came on, and I was grabbed from behind. I fought viciously, but the man was very strong. I felt a gun placed to my temple. A gruff voice ordered me to my knees with my hands raised above my head. I had no choice but to comply and wait for an opening.

 

As the figure stepped in front of me, he ripped off my mask. “Now, who are you!”

 

I looked up ready to sneer in contempt, and nearly choked. “Anders!?! Why in the Void are you here?”

 

“Noire? For the Maker’s sake, are you an assassin?” Anders looked as shocked as I felt.

 

Throwing his gun on the bed, he helped me up. We stared at each other in confusion. It was then I started to remember things. I remembered everything. I had trouble breathing, and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. Anders knew what was happening. He gathered me in his arms, and laid me on his bed. Climbing in next to me, he stroked my hair and let me cry myself out.

“My heart, I never dreamed of seeing you again! What has Phillip done to you?” I shivered at the concern in his voice.

 

I snuggled closer to him and answered, “I, I was sent here to remove the threat to the Viscounts’ rule. Logain and Phillip said they had no picture to give me. I was to strangle you in the dark, then leave. You have an alarm on the roof door, don’t you?”

 

Anders tilted my head up to look me in the eye. “Varric’s doing. He’s been worried that an assassin named Fleur Mortelle, would have me on her list.”

 

“Ah, I guess I should’ve done a bit more homework. I am Fleur, Anders. My husband turned me into a mindless killing machine.” The guilt I had buried spilled forth.

 

Anders held me close, and whispered he would help me. As it grew later, I knew Phillip would send Logain to check on me if I didn’t return soon.

 

“Anders, if I don’t get back to Phillip, he will send someone after me. I need to go.” I sat up, and tried to leave.

 

Anders gripped my wrist almost painfully. “Absolutely not! I swore I would never let you go if I found you again, you’re staying here!”

 

“No! You don’t understand! Logain and Phillip knew it was you they sent me to kill. If I don’t get back, you’ll be arrested for kidnapping and treason. Let me say I had to abandon the hit because you weren’t here, and it grew too late for me to risk staying. I’ll be able to grab some files that will keep Phillip from chasing us. Please, Anders see reason.” I caressed his face and hoped he’d listen.

 

Anders sighed, and took my hand in his. “Noire, the last time we spoke you ended up brainwashed and taken to another country. Do you think Phillip will believe I wasn’t here, when everyone knows I never leave the clinic except for Wednesday nights? I have never touched the money you stole; we can use it to escape. Please, let me call Varric, and everyone. We can leave now. I am begging you, if you have ever cared for me, don’t risk our future!”

 

I reluctantly agreed. Anders didn’t need to call Varric, as my triggering of the alarm alerted everyone else. It was just a few more minutes and all the Starkhaven conspirators arrived. There were many tears, and a ton of questions. Zevran was livid, but impressed I was a better assassin than him. Sebastian apologized for not seeing the danger I was in. Fenris said he knew Anders would be the key to breaking Phillip’s hold over me.

 

It was decided Anders and I would follow Fenris, Varric and Zevran to the roof, and leave the way I came in. As the rest were deciding what to do, an alarm was triggered downstairs. I knew it was Logain and Phillip. The five of us ran to the roof. We needn’t have bothered. Phillip and Logain were there waiting for us.

 

The alarm had been triggered by the Kirkwall Police. The next part felt like it happened in slow motion. I saw Phillip aim his gun squarely at Anders, as the former politician shoved me away. Logain, and a couple of other guards made sure Varric, Fenris and Zevran wouldn’t interfere.

 

It didn’t matter what insults Phillip hurled at Anders, I just knew I couldn’t live if he died. I dove, an instant later I heard the shot. And now we arrive at the end. 

 

Anders caught me as I fell. I knew the shot was fatal. I thought the other three men tackled Logain and Phillip, but they didn’t. My husband and Logain escaped the same way I was going to use. Varric had to tear Anders away from me, knowing he’d be blamed for my death. I whispered his name as darkness took me. My last thought was what a short and meaningless life I had led. Death was my reward for falling for a killer, and becoming one myself.

 

A former Tevinter, with white hair, was kind enough to take my corpse with him. Fenris couldn’t stand the thought of Phillip using my dead body to light my pyre. It was a small act of defiance knowing Phillip would be denied seeing me again. If Phillip had any humanity, then he would be shattered over my death. Since the new Divine was a heartless bastard, he saw it as a way to garner sympathy.

 

The police questioned, and then released Seb, Isabella, Dorian, and Cullen. Leliana had fled when everyone heard the shot. The day dawned in Kirkwall with the Viscount announcing Dr. Anders had murdered the Divine’s wife. The whole of Thedas mourned with Phillip. He played his role perfectly.

 

Varric got Anders to Seherron, and a small Chateaux I had purchased. It had been my hope I would get my happy ending with the kind, and loving Doctor. Anders was inconsolable. Varric feared he would take his own life, so he stayed, hoping Anders would get better. The business man that gave me my first job, felt he owed it to my memory to see the man I really loved through his mourning period.


	53. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders recovers with Varric's help

Anders gazed out over the beautiful lake from his balcony. The sunset was his favorite time of day. The colors danced across the water like a thousand gems. He would smile, and pretend it was me giving him a gift full of love. Although Anders missed me, he had come through the initial stages of grief and found the will to live. He had promised me he would. It was that vow that got him up and moving each day. 

 

Anders spent his days working in his garden, and fishing. Varric had helped him over his despair, and it was time for him to head back to Kirkwall. Isabella had kept Varric’s business going, but he needed to go. He reluctantly hugged Anders goodbye, and left. 

 

Sipping some excellent wine, Anders watched the light fade from the sky. He heard the door open, and figured Varric had forgotten something.

 

“What did you misplace now, Varric?” Anders asked with a chuckle.

 

Anders figured he hadn’t been heard as Varric didn’t answer. So he waited for his friend to come say his goodbyes again. He was relaxed, and didn’t want to move. His brows came together in confusion as he heard softer footsteps than Varric’s normal clomping. The smell of patchouli oil tickled his nose, and he was afraid he was losing his mind.

 

Standing quickly, he turned and saw a ghost. Anders flinched as he realized his wine glass had slipped from his grasp onto the tiles and shattered. He broke out into a cold sweat, fearing he had actually lost his mind.

 

“Are you going to ask me to join you? Or shall I leave you in peace?” The words fell from familiar ruby lips, and the voice was one Anders ached to hear again.

 

Anders closed his eyes, shook his head, and tried to focus again. “You, you’re dead. Maker have mercy, you’re either a ghost, or I’ve lost my mind.”

 

I walked to my true love, and assured him I was no apparition. This time when the sunset, Anders heart sang with happiness. I wanted to tell him how I survived, but that could wait. In that moment, having his arms around me was all that mattered. Who says fairy tales can’t come true?


End file.
